How to Drive in Los Angeles

[Lon]

1. You must first learn to pronounce the

city name, it is L A

2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 am to

noon. The evening

rush hour is from noon to 7:00 pm. Friday's rush

hour starts on Thursday

morning.

3. The minimum acceptable speed on most

freeways is 85 mph. On the

105 or 110, your speed is expected to match the

highway number. Anything

less is considered "Wussy".

4. Forget the traffic rules you learned

elsewhere. L A has its

own version of traffic rules. For example,

cars/trucks with the loudest

muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks

with the biggest tires

go second. However, in Malibu, SUV-driving,

cell phone-talking moms

ALWAYS have the right of way.



5. If you actually stop at a yellow light,

you will be rear ended,

cussed out, and possibly shot

6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously.

It's another offense

that can get you shot.

7. Road construction is permanent and

continuous in all of L A and

Orange counties. Detour barrels are moved around

for your entertainment

pleasure during the middle of the night to make

the next day's driving a

bit more exciting.

8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as

drunks, skunks, dogs,

cats, barrels, cones, celebs, rubberneckers,

shredded tires, cell

phoners, deer and other road kill, and the coyotes

feeding on any of

these items.

9. Map quest does not work here, none of the

> roads are where they

say they are or go where they say they do and all

the freeway off and on

ramps are moved each night.

10. If someone actually has their turn

signal on, wave them to the

shoulder immediately to let them know it has been

"accidentally

activated."

11. If you are in the left lane and only

driving 70 in a 55-65 mph

zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be

"flipped off"

accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be

shot.

12. Do not try to estimate travel time, just

leave Monday

afternoon for Tuesday appointments, by noon

Thursday for Friday and

right after church on Sunday or Temple on

Saturday for anything

on Monday morning

[chonsigirl]

:wah: Most of those are true, gosh, how I miss L.A. freeways! Can't wait for August!

[cinamin]

This is so funny. However, I do honk, a lot.:sneaky:

[Bryn Mawr]

Not something I had a problem with - just had to make sure my wife was sitting comfortably in the back and that her blindfold was tightened properly.

[Sweet Tooth]

haha alot of that is true!! Thats about the only thing I miss about CA though, they merge soooo well! Here in VA, no one can and it backs up traaffic for a mile when a merge is coming on 95- on the 110 in LA there is no back up!

[Uncle Kram]

First time I drove in LA I nearly sh1t myself. I had been travelling for over 24 hours without sleep, then I had to drive up to Lancaster in the rush hour (and all on the WRONG side of the road too, with the steering wheel in front of the passenger seat ) trying to stay awake

[DelicateDominatrix]

I also think you should add pray to God you can do it and survive it lol

I hate large city driving.

[WonderWendy3]

I have never been to CA, and I appreciate these guide-lines, but I'm thinking that I shouldn't drive over there. But taking a cab doesn't calm me down either... DC cabs scare the crap out of me, can't imagine it out in L A !!!

Think I'll stay in my closet...