Mental Health Issue

uv_lightmyway · Post by **uv_lightmyway** » Tue Mar 27, 2007 11:22 pm

I am going to be completely honest here, because I started seeing a mental health professional last week, and I just need to open up about what I have been suffering through...

I am 27 years old and I have never been in one relationship with a member of the opposite sex my entire life. I don't know if it's that I am ugly or not. I totally avoid cameras and I hate seeing my reflection in the mirror, yet at the same time I spend hours in front of it. I obsess over flaws that either are not there or are small (at least that's what people tell me). I constantly think I am fat, even though I have trouble finding my size jeans anymore because many stores stopped carrying 28 inch waist pants. I can see my ribs with my shirt off, but when I put the shirt on I still look fat. I have just been recently diagnosed with a condition called Body Dismorphic Disorder, though I have been suffering from it since before high school. It sounds like sheer vanity, but I swear it isn't. I honestly believe (or just assume naturally) that I am far too ugly to be talking to women. So I don't.

And I have hit a major breaking point this past year. I am trying to get help but I feel like I will be alone forever...and I can't figure out if I am ugly or not...

I mean, worst case scenerio I am hideous right? So I have to figure out how to cope...how can I stand to be alone forever if that is the case...I am not sure how to do that...

Post by **spot** » Wed Mar 28, 2007 12:32 am

If you're talking to professionals about your perception of your looks then let's assume none of us here can get a true impression of whether you're ugly or not, to start with. Whatever we say isn't a reflection on your body, it can't be because you're not capable of describing it objectively at the moment.

Maybe you can accept that how you look's only one influence on how desirable you are. You're somewhere above average intellectually, that's clear from your post. Presumably you have a moral code that keeps you from a life of crime. There's women who would take a list of what bothers them, "does he look good", "is he a crook" and "can he think" and put looks third in priority.

What do you enjoy doing? Are your days busy or empty? Can you play chess?

uv_lightmyway · Post by **uv_lightmyway** » Wed Mar 28, 2007 5:05 am

Practicing piano. Aside from work, I mainly stay home and practice or read. That's about it. I don't like to show my face in public unless I feel good that day - like I have some semblance of an answer to my question. Otherwise, I get super paranoid - when I walk into a bar and hear people laughing, I am afraid they are perhaps laughing at me...

Elvira · Post by **Elvira** » Wed Mar 28, 2007 5:27 am

uv_lightmyway;583978 wrote: Practicing piano. Aside from work, I mainly stay home and practice or read. That's about it. I don't like to show my face in public unless I feel good that day - like I have some semblance of an answer to my question. Otherwise, I get super paranoid - when I walk into a bar and hear people laughing, I am afraid they are perhaps laughing at me...

You've told us nothing about your personality!!!

That's what attracts women, in the long term. Looks may attract a woman to him, personality will keep her!

I'm with my partner because he challenges me intellectually... oh yeah, and I love him!

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Wed Mar 28, 2007 10:42 am

uv_lightmyway;583937 wrote: I have just been recently diagnosed with a condition called Body Dismorphic Disorder, though I have been suffering from it since before high school.

Hi There

Body Dysmorphic Disorder is a real condition. I've worked for nutritionists before and now I work for psychiatrists -- and believe me, this is not as rare as some people may think. And it affects members of both sexes.

GOOD FOR YOU!!!! for seeking therapeutic help for this. You're on the way to feeling better about yourself -- and I commend you for confronting this issue, as it has gotten in the way of your enjoyment of life.

Please let us know how your treatment is going. Best of luck to you! :-6

Sweet Tooth · Post by **Sweet Tooth** » Wed Mar 28, 2007 11:57 am

I agree with Elvira- personality is everything! I remember when I went through a time in high school and found every one just so ugly even myself. And one thing that helped me was that everytime I looked at someone I would try to find something beautiful about them! Something as small as the shape of someones eyes! And it really help me put into perspective that everyone is beautiful in their own way. I grew up in the dance world so I understand the struggles of self image. But GOOD FOR YOU! Getting help like that is an awesome way to enjoy life to the fullest!!!! I play piano too! What is your favorite piece to play??:D

minks · Post by **minks** » Wed Mar 28, 2007 12:18 pm

I am with the others, good for you for seeking help. I hope this works for you. Please understand one thing, what one person calls beauty is not necessarily beauty to another, and what one person calls ugly is not necessarily ugly to another. All people like all different things/traits/features etc. I hope in all this you will learn to love yourself first, after that, you just watch you will be far more comfortable out there in the big bad world.

I do wish you luck.

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Wed Mar 28, 2007 12:20 pm

spot;583944 wrote:

There's women who would take a list of what bothers them, "does he look good", "is he a crook" and "can he think" and put looks third in priority.

A *very* true statement.

I find my husband wildly attractive and honestly, his looks have very little to do with it.

His brain, his personality and his inate goodness hold much more value to me :-6

minks · Post by **minks** » Wed Mar 28, 2007 12:28 pm

cherandbuster;584217 wrote: A *very* true statement.

I find my husband wildly attractive and honestly, his looks have very little to do with it.

His brain, his personality and his inate goodness hold much more value to me :-6

I am with Cher as well, looks don't make the person. Sure we kid about here when we toss around beefcake pictures but there is far more out there that is more attractive than looks.

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Wed Mar 28, 2007 12:35 pm

minks;584220 wrote: I am with Cher as well, looks don't make the person. Sure we kid about here when we toss around beefcake pictures but there is far more out there that is more attractive than looks.

Minxsy :-6

One good thing about getting older

is definitely getting wiser

. . . isn't it?

minks · Post by **minks** » Wed Mar 28, 2007 12:58 pm

cherandbuster;584224 wrote: Minxsy :-6

One good thing about getting older

is definitely getting wiser

. . . isn't it?

yes so true and to think we doubted our parents tsk tsk tsk

WonderWendy3 · Post by **WonderWendy3** » Wed Mar 28, 2007 1:47 pm

I'm on the band-wagon!! Good for you for seeking help. And I am one that never judges a book by its cover, sometimes that cover is beautiful and the book is just CRAPPY!!

I sure do wish you all the best that life has to offer, and look forward to hearing about your progress..

Blessings:-4

uv_lightmyway · Post by **uv_lightmyway** » Sat Mar 31, 2007 1:35 pm

This is what I look like...sorry the picture is crappy, but I hate photographs and the only one I have of myself was required by the government (drivers license). I can't get my foot in the door on the dating scene because I just think I am so hideous...

be honest, should I even try?

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Sat Mar 31, 2007 1:57 pm

uv_lightmyway;585847 wrote: This is what I look like...sorry the picture is crappy, but I hate photographs and the only one I have of myself was required by the government (drivers license). I can't get my foot in the door on the dating scene because I just think I am so hideous...

be honest, should I even try?

buddy this has got to be a wind up your about a million times better looking than jimbo , but some people say that i'm ok ,i never really understood it but some people must fancy bald ugly guys ,all you gotta do is find someone that goes for your type , have you met soberano yet ?????

he will have some good advice :-6 :-6

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Sat Mar 31, 2007 6:47 pm

Firstly, If that is your picture... you are quite adorable. But I was going to say what Minx told you... one persons ugly, is anothers attractive and vice versa. I cant really offer you too much advice about self esteem, because youve given us an actual name for the problem you suffer from, and Im not a physician. I do know that I have been loved and desired at times in my life, and it wasnt because Im model material. My lovers were all friends first, who loved things about me, not only my package. And I wouldnt have it any other way.

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Sun Apr 01, 2007 1:12 pm

spot;583944 wrote: If you're talking to professionals about your perception of your looks then let's assume none of us here can get a true impression of whether you're ugly or not, to start with. Whatever we say isn't a reflection on your body, it can't be because you're not capable of describing it objectively at the moment.

Maybe you can accept that how you look's only one influence on how desirable you are. You're somewhere above average intellectually, that's clear from your post. Presumably you have a moral code that keeps you from a life of crime. There's women who would take a list of what bothers them, "does he look good", "is he a crook" and "can he think" and put looks third in priority.

What do you enjoy doing? Are your days busy or empty? Can you play chess?

I retract my sincere statement. Whats his face is being a jerk off.

koan · Post by **koan** » Sun Apr 01, 2007 1:22 pm

I'm a little confused.

uv's intro thread seems nothing like the person he describes here... but I'll assume the intro was just playing around.

Then I'm left with the big grin on his face in the photo, to which I'll just say:

Congratulations, uv, you did very well appearing comfortable in front of a camera. Much better than I feel in the same situation.

uv_lightmyway · Post by **uv_lightmyway** » Sun Apr 01, 2007 2:10 pm

No I am not joking around...that routine I do was actually developed as a kind of confidence builder a while back...my doctor suggested I do something that would normally make me feel embarrased so that I can work past social anxiety...that's why I do it (sometimes).

I think the picture is awful. And I think I look horrible. I have gone through every measurement as to why I fall short...and the reason I smiled is because if I didn't I look even worse.

Here are the things that I sometimes do:

1. facial measurements...worrying about proportions - ie. eyes too big, to round, my nose extends at an improper angle above the perpendicular (I measured with a protractor once). My cheeks are too big, as is my forehead. My hair doesn't match my skin tone. the list goes on and on.

2. too young looking...

3. hair is a mess...just can't get it to go the way I want.

4. Dumbo ears.

Photos are a real trigger for me...I once had a 5 day attack because my ******* brother took a photo of me and framed it. Attacks are the worst, and they seem to hit at the worst time...one glance in the rearview mirror could do it...

Imladris · Post by **Imladris** » Mon Apr 02, 2007 1:35 am

Nothing I say will make you believe that you are a good looking young man but I'm going to say it anyway!

Put it this way - when I was your age I would have fancied you! Being slightly built wouldn't have counted against you either - I've always had a thing for skinny blokes. We all like different things, thank goodness my hubby likes me! Amazingly Suzy likes Jimbo (:sneaky: )!!!

I hope that with help one day you will remember this and say 'Blimey, Immy was right - I'm not hideous after all!'

Best wishes to you. x

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Mon Apr 02, 2007 9:14 am

Imladris;586260 wrote: Nothing I say will make you believe that you are a good looking young man but I'm going to say it anyway!

Put it this way - when I was your age I would have fancied you! Being slightly built wouldn't have counted against you either - I've always had a thing for skinny blokes. We all like different things, thank goodness my hubby likes me! Amazingly Suzy likes Jimbo (:sneaky: )!!!

I hope that with help one day you will remember this and say 'Blimey, Immy was right - I'm not hideous after all!'

Best wishes to you. x

oi you talk about immy ture :-6 :-4 how are you dowin ,people say love is blind ,i say thank feck for that :wah:

alobar51 · Post by **alobar51** » Thu Apr 05, 2007 4:30 am

[QUOTE=cherandbuster;584142]Hi There

>>>Body Dysmorphic Disorder is a real condition.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It sure is. And not one to be taken lightly.

The first step towards solving a problem is admitting that you have one. Kudos to you for that.

The things that you are describing here are the symptoms, not the problem. Hopefully, the therapist you've chosen understands this condition well enough to help you get to the core issues.

As a nutritionist, I can tell you that there are biochemical anomolies that must be addressed along with the behavior modification that will be part of the therapeutic process. There are neurotransmitter imbalances in virtually every case like this that create a perceptual alteration that causes what you think you see to appear as if you were looking at yourself through a funhouse mirror. This condition is very similar to what anorexics(sp) report what they see when they view themselves.

Your success in solving this is very dependant on addressing both halves of the equation, the emotional/spiritual, and the biochemical.

I recommend the work of Dr. Alexander Schauss from Bastyr University.

Good luck.

laneybug · Post by **laneybug** » Tue May 01, 2007 8:45 am

uv_lightmyway;586129 wrote: No I am not joking around...that routine I do was actually developed as a kind of confidence builder a while back...my doctor suggested I do something that would normally make me feel embarrased so that I can work past social anxiety...that's why I do it (sometimes).

I think the picture is awful. And I think I look horrible. I have gone through every measurement as to why I fall short...and the reason I smiled is because if I didn't I look even worse.

Here are the things that I sometimes do:

1. facial measurements...worrying about proportions - ie. eyes too big, to round, my nose extends at an improper angle above the perpendicular (I measured with a protractor once). My cheeks are too big, as is my forehead. My hair doesn't match my skin tone. the list goes on and on.

2. too young looking...

3. hair is a mess...just can't get it to go the way I want.

4. Dumbo ears.

Photos are a real trigger for me...I once had a 5 day attack because my ******* brother took a photo of me and framed it. Attacks are the worst, and they seem to hit at the worst time...one glance in the rearview mirror could do it...

While reading your first post I got a few sentences in and it just screamed Body Dysmorphic Disorder, and I'm glad to know you've been diagnosed. It's a very real condition, and I'm glad you're getting help for it.

Although... I think you're therapist would be very upset with you for this kind of posting you've done. Usually, in therapy, one works on trying to ignore or redirect the type of self-degrading you are doing here, and that's all you are doing!! Although you have a sincere condition, you do not need sympathy or others to build you up. That is entirely self-defeating for you, so I'm not even going to try. People with your condition could hear all day long that they look fine, but it's never enough. You need to do the work your therapist is giving you, you need to make a list of the qualities about yourself that you really like and post it here even, you need to fight this illness head on and stop letting it smack you around.

On another note... you mentioned your ribs showing and your waist being 28" and still thinking your fat. Do you have an eating disorder as well? Anorexia, perhaps? How about paranoid thoughts? The Body Dysmorphic Disorder could be a symptom of something else, so I would definitely continue on the track you're on with therapy, and really get into the meat of the issue, really talk about everything.

As for your list. Let me give you one of mine.

1. Proportions.... nobody is symmetrical. Nobody. One ear is sometimes higher than another, eyes are never perfectly in line, noses come in a full range of sizes, shapes, etc. So forget proportions. You are not a sculpture. And hair matching skin tone? I've never heard of this being a complaint. How does hair match skin tone anyway? This just sounds ridiculous.

2. Too young looking. Please. I'm 21 and I get mistaken for my boyfriend's daughter all the time. Just forget this silly complaint altogether. Youth is not a sin. And all the while you're complaining about looking young, pretty soon life will pass you by and you'll be complaining about looking too old. So enjoy your "youngness."

3. Hair is a mess.... uh, hello... have you seen the hairstyles men are wearing these days?? Messy = good. For some reason, the just-rolled-out-of-bed look is sticking around, so go with it.

And who really cares about hair anyway? As a man, you should be grateful you have any.

4. Dumbo ears.... let me tell you about Will Smith. He was made fun of all through school for having dumbo ears, and you know what? Women absolutely love his ears, not because they're any smaller, but because he has CONFIDENCE and the ears are just a charming little extra, so to speak.

Basically, you need to work on your personality and your confidence. Do you really want to look like a freakin' Ken doll? I really hope that one day you'll realize that all your so-called "weaknesses" are actually unique and individual and can be quite sexy if you just have the confidence and pride to call them YOURS.

Eh, sorry for the long-winded post.