How To Translate Womenspeak
When She Says She Really Means
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No...................................... Yes.
Of course I'm not upset................. Of course I'm upset, you moron!
I might as well tell you
Bob and I are seeing each other......... Bob and I are having sex.
I feel I've known you my whole life..... I'm drunk.
Will you respect me in the morning?..... You won't tell your friends, will you?
I never do this on my first date........ I always do this on my first date.
Don't touch me there.................... Touch me there, but I'm going to stop you
the first few times.
You're...so manly....................... You need to shave and you sweat a lot.
Hello? Oh yes. Didn't we meet at the
bar Friday night?.... I've been waiting by the phone for thre days
Let's not talk "commitment". Let's
just see what happens...... I'm not taking any birth control pills.
You're certainly lovely tonight......... Is sex all you ever think about?
I can't believe you're here.It must
be fate...... I've been following you all day.
I'm particular who I have sex with...... I draw the line at barnyard animals.
I'm not emotional and
I'm not over-reacting...... I'm having my period.
I hope you're not disappointed.......... I'm flat chested.
Want to come upstairs for a nightcap?... Want to come upstairs and have sex?
Just come upstairs for a drink.......... Maybe if I get you drunk you'll have sex with me.
I love a man who takes charge........... You're picking up the bill, aren't you?
Be romantic...turn out the lights....... I have flabby thighs.
Guide To Women Speak
Guide To Women Speak
"To be foolish and to recognize that one is foolish, is better than to be foolish and imagine that one is wise."
Guide To Women Speak
:yh_rotfl Nice comeback BB :wah: :wah:
Guide To Women Speak
What is the difference between a pitbull dog and a PMS woman?
Lipstick.
Lipstick.
"To be foolish and to recognize that one is foolish, is better than to be foolish and imagine that one is wise."
Guide To Women Speak
bornbad;609435 wrote: What is the difference between a pitbull dog and a PMS woman?
Lipstick.
I read that earlier, how weird. I still son't get it. (feels blonde)
Lipstick.
I read that earlier, how weird. I still son't get it. (feels blonde)
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Sweet Tooth
- Posts: 589
- Joined: Tue Jan 23, 2007 1:03 pm
Guide To Women Speak
I think this is funny-
Why do they call it PMS? Because Mad Cow was taken!
Why do they call it PMS? Because Mad Cow was taken!
Guide To Women Speak
PMS= Poor men suffer
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WonderWendy3
- Posts: 12412
- Joined: Thu Nov 09, 2006 7:44 am
Guide To Women Speak
I'm particular who I have sex with...... I draw the line at barnyard animals
Okay ^^ That one made me:yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl !!
All of them were great!!
Okay ^^ That one made me:yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl !!
All of them were great!!
Guide To Women Speak
time for this to make a come back
"To be foolish and to recognize that one is foolish, is better than to be foolish and imagine that one is wise."
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CrazyCruizChick
- Posts: 646
- Joined: Wed Apr 26, 2006 2:43 am
Guide To Women Speak
el guapo;644982 wrote: time for this to make a come back
A new release.
See it here first. :wah:
A new release.
See it here first. :wah:
Guide To Women Speak
time to give this one a second read
"To be foolish and to recognize that one is foolish, is better than to be foolish and imagine that one is wise."
Guide To Women Speak
I didn't understand a lot of what you were complaining about. It seems to me you have met a certain type of woman that predisposes you to some attitude about us. I'm not saying you are wrong in your generalisations. I'm saying your generalisations are based on a woman who plays these games that you know. My recommendations are to branch out and meet new people :-6. Oh, I forgot to mention that for every spoken message there is a presupposition. Sometimes women know this presupposition just like you may know what follows. All part of the pattern of men and woman 'speak'.
Erin
Erin
Guide To Women Speak
I just Googled "What men really mean" and this collection came up as number one offering. I think it's probably as serious, and as true, as the other lot posted. Grin.
-----------------------------
What Men REALLY Mean ...
"I'm going fishing."
Really means... "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."
"Let's take your car."
Really means...."Mine is full of beer cans, burger wrappers and completely out of gas."
"Woman driver."
Really means...."Someone who doesn't speed, tailgate, swear, make obscene gestures, and has a better driving record than I have."
"I don't care what color you paint the kitchen."
Really means...."As long as you don't expect me to paint it. In which case I like the color it is NOW nust fine."
"It's a guy thing."
Really means...."There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."
"Can I help with dinner?"
Really means...."Why isn't it already on the table?"
"Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear."
Really mean....Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response like Pavlov's dog drooling.
"Good idea."
Really means...."It'll never work. And I'll spend the rest of the day gloating."
"Have you lost weight?"
Really means.... "I've just spent our last $30 on a cordless drill."
"My wife doesn't understand me."
Really means...."She's heard all my stories before, and is tired of them."
"It would take too long to explain."
Really means...."I have no idea how it works."
"I'm getting more exercise lately."
Really means...."The batteries in the remote are dead."
"I got a lot done."
Really means...."I found 'Waldo' in almost every picture."
"We're going to be late."
Really means...."Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."
"Hey, I've read all the classics."
Really means...."I've been subscribing to Playboy since 1972."
"You cook just like my mother used to."
Really means...."She used the smoke detector as a meal timer, too."
"I was listening to you. It's just that I have things on my mind."
Really means...."I was wondering if that red-head over there is wearing a bra."
"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."
Really means.... "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
"That's interesting, dear."
Really means...."Are you still talking?"
"Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love."
Really means...."I forgot our anniversary again."
"You expect too much of me."
Really means...."You want me to stay awake."
"It's a really good movie."
Really means...."It's got guns, knives, blood, fast cars, and Heather Locklear."
"That's women's work."
Really means...."It's difficult, dirty, and thankless."
"Will you marry me?"
Really means...."Both my roommates have moved out, I can't find the washer, and there is no more peanut butter."
"Go ask your mother."
Really means.... "I am incapable of making a decision."
"You know how bad my memory is."
Really means...."I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address and eye color of the first girl I ever kissed and the Vehicle Identification Numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."
"I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses."
Really means...."The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."
"Football is a man's game."
Really means...."Women are generally too smart to play it."
"Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal."
Really means...."I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt."
"I do help around the house."
Really means...."I once put a dirty towel in the laundry basket."
"Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing."
Really means.... "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."
"I can't find it."
Really means...."It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely cueless."
"What did I do this time?"
Really means.... "What did you catch me at?"
"What do you mean, you need new clothes?"
Really means...."You just bought new clothes 3 years ago."
"She's one of those rabid feminists."
Really means...."She refused to make my coffee."
"But I hate to go shopping."
Really means...."I always wind up outside the dressing room holding your purse."
"No, I left plenty of gas in the car."
Really means...."You may actually get it to start."
"I'm going to stop off for a quick one with the guys."
Really means...."I am planning on drinking myself into a vegetative stupor with my chest pounding, mouth breathing, pre-evolutionary companions."
"I heard you."
Really means...."I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."
"You know I could never love anyone else."
Really means...."I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."
"You look terrific."
Really means...."Oh, God, please don't let her try on one more outfit. I'm starving."
"I brought you a present."
Really means...."It was free ice scraper night at the ball game."
"I missed you."
Really means...."I can't find any clean socks, the kids are hungry, and we are out of toilet paper."
"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are."
Really means...."No one will ever see us alive again."
"We share the housework."
Really means...."I make the messes, she cleans them up."
"This relationship is getting too serious."
Really means...."I'm starting to like you more than my truck."
"I recycle."
Really means.... "We could pay the rent with the money from my empties."
"Of course I like it, honey, you look beautiful."
Really means...."Oh, man, what have you done to yourself?"
"It sure snowed last night."
Really means...."I suppose you're going to nag me about shoveling the walk now."
"It's good beer."
Really means...."It was on sale."
"I don't need to read the instructions."
Really means...."I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help."
"I'll fix the garbage disposal later."
Really means...."If I wait long enough you'll get frustrated and buy a new one."
"I broke up with her." s
Really means.... "She dumped me."
"I'll take you to a fancy restaurant."
Really means...."Let's go someplace that doesn't have a drive-thru window."
-----------------------------
What Men REALLY Mean ...
"I'm going fishing."
Really means... "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."
"Let's take your car."
Really means...."Mine is full of beer cans, burger wrappers and completely out of gas."
"Woman driver."
Really means...."Someone who doesn't speed, tailgate, swear, make obscene gestures, and has a better driving record than I have."
"I don't care what color you paint the kitchen."
Really means...."As long as you don't expect me to paint it. In which case I like the color it is NOW nust fine."
"It's a guy thing."
Really means...."There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."
"Can I help with dinner?"
Really means...."Why isn't it already on the table?"
"Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear."
Really mean....Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response like Pavlov's dog drooling.
"Good idea."
Really means...."It'll never work. And I'll spend the rest of the day gloating."
"Have you lost weight?"
Really means.... "I've just spent our last $30 on a cordless drill."
"My wife doesn't understand me."
Really means...."She's heard all my stories before, and is tired of them."
"It would take too long to explain."
Really means...."I have no idea how it works."
"I'm getting more exercise lately."
Really means...."The batteries in the remote are dead."
"I got a lot done."
Really means...."I found 'Waldo' in almost every picture."
"We're going to be late."
Really means...."Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."
"Hey, I've read all the classics."
Really means...."I've been subscribing to Playboy since 1972."
"You cook just like my mother used to."
Really means...."She used the smoke detector as a meal timer, too."
"I was listening to you. It's just that I have things on my mind."
Really means...."I was wondering if that red-head over there is wearing a bra."
"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."
Really means.... "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
"That's interesting, dear."
Really means...."Are you still talking?"
"Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love."
Really means...."I forgot our anniversary again."
"You expect too much of me."
Really means...."You want me to stay awake."
"It's a really good movie."
Really means...."It's got guns, knives, blood, fast cars, and Heather Locklear."
"That's women's work."
Really means...."It's difficult, dirty, and thankless."
"Will you marry me?"
Really means...."Both my roommates have moved out, I can't find the washer, and there is no more peanut butter."
"Go ask your mother."
Really means.... "I am incapable of making a decision."
"You know how bad my memory is."
Really means...."I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address and eye color of the first girl I ever kissed and the Vehicle Identification Numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."
"I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses."
Really means...."The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."
"Football is a man's game."
Really means...."Women are generally too smart to play it."
"Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal."
Really means...."I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt."
"I do help around the house."
Really means...."I once put a dirty towel in the laundry basket."
"Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing."
Really means.... "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."
"I can't find it."
Really means...."It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely cueless."
"What did I do this time?"
Really means.... "What did you catch me at?"
"What do you mean, you need new clothes?"
Really means...."You just bought new clothes 3 years ago."
"She's one of those rabid feminists."
Really means...."She refused to make my coffee."
"But I hate to go shopping."
Really means...."I always wind up outside the dressing room holding your purse."
"No, I left plenty of gas in the car."
Really means...."You may actually get it to start."
"I'm going to stop off for a quick one with the guys."
Really means...."I am planning on drinking myself into a vegetative stupor with my chest pounding, mouth breathing, pre-evolutionary companions."
"I heard you."
Really means...."I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."
"You know I could never love anyone else."
Really means...."I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."
"You look terrific."
Really means...."Oh, God, please don't let her try on one more outfit. I'm starving."
"I brought you a present."
Really means...."It was free ice scraper night at the ball game."
"I missed you."
Really means...."I can't find any clean socks, the kids are hungry, and we are out of toilet paper."
"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are."
Really means...."No one will ever see us alive again."
"We share the housework."
Really means...."I make the messes, she cleans them up."
"This relationship is getting too serious."
Really means...."I'm starting to like you more than my truck."
"I recycle."
Really means.... "We could pay the rent with the money from my empties."
"Of course I like it, honey, you look beautiful."
Really means...."Oh, man, what have you done to yourself?"
"It sure snowed last night."
Really means...."I suppose you're going to nag me about shoveling the walk now."
"It's good beer."
Really means...."It was on sale."
"I don't need to read the instructions."
Really means...."I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help."
"I'll fix the garbage disposal later."
Really means...."If I wait long enough you'll get frustrated and buy a new one."
"I broke up with her." s
Really means.... "She dumped me."
"I'll take you to a fancy restaurant."
Really means...."Let's go someplace that doesn't have a drive-thru window."
"Life is too short to ski with ugly men"
Guide To Women Speak
jimbo;698360 wrote: dont be silly how can jess fit in a little phone 
:wah::wah:
:wah::wah:
The rottie queen
Guide To Women Speak
jimbo;698360 wrote: dont be silly how can jess fit in a little phone
:wah::wah:
:wah::wah:
Very nearly perfect ... 