completely stupid and nonsensical

kumininexile · Post by **kumininexile** » Tue May 22, 2007 1:50 am

Good!

koan · Post by **koan** » Tue May 22, 2007 1:50 am

That last sentence, "!" , was the most effective.

If you feel strongly about it, most likely, you shouldn't budge. Hopefully you find a way to agree on the subject. Best wishes for finding the right words.

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Tue May 22, 2007 1:55 am

koan;618710 wrote: That last sentence, "!" , was the most effective.

If you feel strongly about it, most likely, you shouldn't budge. Hopefully you find a way to agree on the subject. Best wishes for finding the right words.

what koanie said ,sometimes if your right your right nothing changes that stick to your guns i do

the most stubborn person i've ever met says i'm by far the most stubborn person they have ever met but i was right and i stood my ground , i would not of done so had i thought there was a chance in hell of me being wrong

Post by **Bryn Mawr** » Tue May 22, 2007 3:00 am

magenta flame;618728 wrote: Don't get me wrong guys I like the "we" in relationship. I love the "we". but he also has the "I" and i don't, I only have the "we". I need an "I" in my life and now is the time to do it.

Everytime I get a little close to the "I" I get guilted back to the "we" and I'm beginning to understand that I'm not being drawn back to the "we" but the "him".

If I don't assert myself now I can say goodbye to my studies and good bye to any furture I may have had as an individual.

So I guess that's where I'm at and it's going to be a hell that I either overcome or go back to the same old same old!

And I can tell you right now I won't survive the "same old"

Sounds good to me.

A relationship is about sharing a life, not living your partners life. Everybody needs their own space within the shared framework of a marriage.

Post by **Bryn Mawr** » Tue May 22, 2007 3:14 am

magenta flame;618736 wrote: Yep sounds really good in theory,:wah: doesn't it . Now try to balance it. Or even just make it happen . I dont' want this to mean the end of my marriage but if talking to you guys ...........**** even knowing you guys is some kind of problem ...then I have a problem. and this coming from a nerd who leaves trails of cables around the house telling me I should be more computer orientated .****!!!!!

Focus on the real problem - don't get side tracked into lots of little arguments that can only obscure what needs to be fixed.

As long as, for example, the cost of your studies is not such that it puts excessive strain of the houshold, you are not being unreasonable. Keep to the core and win the battle that you need to win.

WonderWendy3 · Post by **WonderWendy3** » Tue May 22, 2007 4:03 am

Cheerleader for Magenta reporting for dooty!!:yh_clap

I know it's so hard for you...and only YOU can make this decision for YOU....I understand the "WE", but if part of the "WE" is only concerned for themselves, the relationship doesn't work very well or not at all.

You know I am here for you!!:yh_hugs :-4

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Tue May 22, 2007 4:07 am

I understand and relate to every word you are saying. The rarest relationships bring the joy of we, without having to lose I. Giving up I becomes very uncomfortable. Being expected to do so is.. unfair, unhealthy, and impossible for many.

Imladris · Post by **Imladris** » Tue May 22, 2007 4:15 am

Completely understand and you have my sympathy.

The early years of my marriage were a bit like that, everything was done to keep him happy. His list of priorities seemed to be - him, his business, his children, him a bit more and finally me. Until one day when I decided that I was sick of feeling that I was walking on eggshells all the time and started standing up for myself. it took a few goes of explaining that priorities shift and change according to need and that I am just as important as him in our house. Eventually he got it and things improved but this was after quite a few arguments and I had to be stubborn at times.

I hope you can work this out.:-4

cars · Post by **cars** » Tue May 22, 2007 4:43 am

You got some pretty good sound advice from your friends magenta, best wishes to you (I) & your hubby! Hope you can work things out. Pick & choose your battles, let the insignificant ones slide, & stand up for yourself this time as you're doing. Marriage should/must really be a 50-50 proposition most of the times, for it to be a healthly one.

If he keeps on doing the "I", "I", "I" thing, just slap-him-side-the head!

Good Luck, & again best wishes!:)

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Tue May 22, 2007 4:50 am

magenta flame;618777 wrote: and btw thanks everyone I appreciate it heaps

I've got a shocking head ache I better go to bed

thanks again:-6

sleep well daughter of england :-6

Pheasy · Post by **Pheasy** » Tue May 22, 2007 4:54 am

jimbo;618779 wrote: sleep well daughter of england :-6

I'm on my 3rd coffe trying to wake up . Nighty Night MF - see you later.

Pheasy :-4 :-4

Peg · Post by **Peg** » Tue May 22, 2007 5:00 am

The only one standing in your way of improving yourself is you if you allow him. Be strong; stand your ground. Noone should ever stand in the way when their partner wants to improve his/herself. If for some reason he feels threatened by it, it is HIS problem. Do what you need to do and let him deal with it.

Imladris · Post by **Imladris** » Tue May 22, 2007 5:21 am

MF - stop lurking, take some painkillers and go to bed!!!!:D