Free Medical Advice

Lon · Post by **Lon** » Wed May 30, 2007 3:50 pm

I am not a physician, but feel free to ask any medical questions and I guarantee that I will give you totally erroneous information, after all, the advice is free.

menso · Post by **menso** » Wed May 30, 2007 3:52 pm

what is the best way to clear the ear canal of excess wax?

JayDee · Post by **JayDee** » Wed May 30, 2007 3:55 pm

menso;625291 wrote: what is the best way to clear the ear canal of excess wax?

I find flossing works.

Pheasy · Post by **Pheasy** » Wed May 30, 2007 4:01 pm

Lon;625288 wrote: I am not a physician, but feel free to ask any medical questions and I guarantee that I will give you totally erroneous information, after all, the advice is free.

removed serious question - thought it was serious thread.

Lon · Post by **Lon** » Wed May 30, 2007 4:44 pm

menso;625291 wrote: what is the best way to clear the ear canal of excess wax?

Some people have found that warm drops of olive oil or bicarbonate of soda will soften the wax which can then be readily removed. .

sunny104 · Post by **sunny104** » Thu May 31, 2007 7:20 am

I experience feelings of sadness when I find out that there is no beer left in the fridge. Do you think this is a chronic condition and what do you think is the best way to treat it?

YZGI · Post by **YZGI** » Thu May 31, 2007 8:37 am

Why am I so horny when I have a hangover?

Lon · Post by **Lon** » Thu May 31, 2007 8:46 am

sunny104;625605 wrote: I experience feelings of sadness when I find out that there is no beer left in the fridge. Do you think this is a chronic condition and what do you think is the best way to treat it?

I can certainly understand your concerns. You are simply suffering "Beer Withdrawal Symptoms". This is easily cured by purchasing and consuming in a 24 hr. period, one each of the following. One pint of Guiness, Steinlager Ale,

Moosehead Lager & Heinekin.

Lon · Post by **Lon** » Thu May 31, 2007 8:51 am

YZGI;625711 wrote: Why am I so horny when I have a hangover?

Hornitis is quite common for those that over indulge. It is best taken care of my eating one half pound of dried prunes, washed down with one pint of prune juice. This will take care of the hangover and should relieve the symptoms of hornitis as you quickly seek out a toilet.

YZGI · Post by **YZGI** » Thu May 31, 2007 8:57 am

Lon;625722 wrote: Hornitis is quite common for those that over indulge. It is best taken care of my eating one half pound of dried prunes, washed down with one pint of prune juice. This will take care of the hangover and should relieve the symptoms of hornitis as you quickly seek out a toilet.
erm, this post took care of it.:wah:

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Thu May 31, 2007 9:01 am

YZGI;625729 wrote: erm, this post took care of it.:wah:

wize guy

gets a hold of the problem :wah: :wah:

zinkyusa · Post by **zinkyusa** » Thu May 31, 2007 9:24 am

bend over, we're here to help.

WonderWendy3 · Post by **WonderWendy3** » Thu May 31, 2007 9:32 am

Dear Non-Doctor Lon,

Why do I howl at the Moon when it is full???

Lon · Post by **Lon** » Thu May 31, 2007 12:15 pm

WonderWendy3;625756 wrote: Dear Non-Doctor Lon,

Why do I howl at the Moon when it is full???

This could be related to the female menstrual cycle, but more likely has to do with the gravatational pull of the moon as it effects the cerebral cortex of the brain and medula oblongata. A full eclipse of the moon can can cause similar symptoms. The problem is best resolved by by drinking 2 oz of "Glenlivet Scotch" prior to the moon's appearance. Continue with an additional 2 oz. if symptoms persist. In no case should you drive a vehicle or operate machinery.

Continue with the Scotch every four hours until howling becomes slurred.

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Thu May 31, 2007 12:27 pm

Lon;625847 wrote: This could be related to the female menstrual cycle, but more likely has to do with the gravatational pull of the moon as it effects the cerebral cortex of the brain and medula oblongata. A full eclipse of the moon can can cause similar symptoms. The problem is best resolved by by drinking 2 oz of "Glenlivet Scotch" prior to the moon's appearance. Continue with an additional 2 oz. if symptoms persist. In no case should you drive a vehicle or operate machinery.

Continue with the Scotch every four hours until howling becomes slurred.

your a funny guy lon:wah: :wah:

crazygal · Post by **crazygal** » Thu May 31, 2007 12:35 pm

Why does it take around 6 weeks to stop getting that pink goo in my pants after having a baby? Also, why do I now have a snot like substance instead?

SuzyB · Post by **SuzyB** » Thu May 31, 2007 12:36 pm

crazygal;625858 wrote: Why does it take around 6 weeks to stop getting that pink goo in my pants after having a baby? Also, why do I now have a snot like substance instead?

:yh_sick :yh_sick :yh_sick

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Thu May 31, 2007 12:36 pm

crazygal;625858 wrote: Why does it take around 6 weeks to stop getting that pink goo in my pants after having a baby? Also, why do I now have a snot like substance instead?

that could be ectoplasm:-3 :-3 :wah:

crazygal · Post by **crazygal** » Thu May 31, 2007 12:37 pm

SuzyB;625861 wrote: :yh_sick :yh_sick :yh_sick
Yes, you've had it then, that's the colour. :wah:

crazygal · Post by **crazygal** » Thu May 31, 2007 12:38 pm

jimbo;625863 wrote: that could be ectoplasm:-3 :-3 :wah:

Oh that doesn't sound good, is it serious?

Lon · Post by **Lon** » Thu May 31, 2007 1:33 pm

crazygal;625858 wrote: Why does it take around 6 weeks to stop getting that pink goo in my pants after having a baby? Also, why do I now have a snot like substance instead?

It depends on which part of your pants the pink goo appears. If in the rear of your pants it could be related to a hemorrhoidal condition. If in the front, a completely normal post delivery occurence. Color change of the snot like substance is also normal as minimal bleeding subsides. In either case, consumption of a daily glass of Port wine with cheese can alleviate any discomfort and worry that you may have regarding this condition.

SuzyB · Post by **SuzyB** » Thu May 31, 2007 1:36 pm

Lon;625928 wrote: It depends on which part of your pants the pink goo appears. If in the rear of your pants it could be related to a hemorrhoidal condition. If in the front, a completely normal post delivery occurence. Color change of the snot like substance is also normal as minimal bleeding subsides. In either case, consumption of a daily glass of Port wine with cheese can alleviate and discomfort and worry that you may have regarding this condition.

:wah: :wah:

YZGI · Post by **YZGI** » Thu May 31, 2007 2:03 pm

Dear Non Doc Lon:

Why is Crazygal obsessed with telling us every single vaginal ailment she has ever had?:D

crazygal · Post by **crazygal** » Thu May 31, 2007 3:13 pm

Lon;625928 wrote: It depends on which part of your pants the pink goo appears. If in the rear of your pants it could be related to a hemorrhoidal condition. If in the front, a completely normal post delivery occurence. Color change of the snot like substance is also normal as minimal bleeding subsides. In either case, consumption of a daily glass of Port wine with cheese can alleviate any discomfort and worry that you may have regarding this condition.
Ooh thank you. I haven't had Port and Lemon for years, love that stuff and I'll have to make sure the fella doesn't clean down there for the cheese. I can always wash my mouth out with the Port.

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Thu May 31, 2007 4:07 pm

WTF?!

NotToday · Post by **NotToday** » Thu May 31, 2007 4:29 pm

Pheasy · Post by **Pheasy** » Thu May 31, 2007 4:31 pm

RedGlitter;626013 wrote: WTF?!

:yh_rotfl

I have this friend, she a friend mind definatley not me, that suffers from major boob pain just before 'her' monthlys'

. I was just wondering (so I can let 'her' know), why does this happen?

You did say that you were knowledgable in that dept. didn't you :-3

CrazyCruizChick · Post by **CrazyCruizChick** » Thu May 31, 2007 4:37 pm

I have herd that taking painkiller pills for any pain ie headache or fever is not really good for you and you should go without taking the medication would you agree with this or not?

Paracetamol or aspirin:-3

Lon · Post by **Lon** » Thu May 31, 2007 5:17 pm

[quote=YZGI;625974]Dear Non Doc Lon:

Why is Crazygal obsessed with telling us every single vaginal ailment she has ever had?:D

[/quote ]

It's called OCGSD (Obsessive Compulsive Genital Stress Disorder). It's somewhat similar to OCPSD (Obsessive Compulsive Penile Stress Disorder), from which some men suffer re: the size of their male member.

Lon · Post by **Lon** » Thu May 31, 2007 5:23 pm

ThePheasant;626020 wrote: :yh_rotfl

I have this friend, she a friend mind definatley not me, that suffers from major boob pain just before 'her' monthlys'

. I was just wondering (so I can let 'her' know), why does this happen?

You did say that you were knowledgable in that dept. didn't you :-3

This is a completely normal occurance that some women have due to hormonal changes that occur during menses. A soothing application of "Tiger Balm" ointment might be applied in conjuction with a glass of buttermilk and cookies.

Pheasy · Post by **Pheasy** » Thu May 31, 2007 5:29 pm

Lon;626041 wrote: This is a completely normal occurance that some women have due to hormonal changes that occur during menses. A soothing application of "Tiger Balm" ointment might be applied in conjuction with a glass of buttermilk and cookies.

Woohoo - this could be a good thing. Tiger Balm, buttermilk and cookies....mamma like

Lon · Post by **Lon** » Thu May 31, 2007 5:30 pm

[quote=CrazyCruizChick;626023]I have herd that taking painkiller pills for any pain ie headache or fever is not really good for you and you should go without taking the medication would you aI gree with this or not?

Paracetamol or aspirin:-3[/quote

Pain killers with a noarcotic base are contraindicated for headache, however can provide considerable relief for severed or crushed limbs as well as gun shot wounds to the abdomen. No harm in using standard Aspirin or Tylenol for routine headache.

CrazyCruizChick · Post by **CrazyCruizChick** » Thu May 31, 2007 5:33 pm

Lon;626046 wrote: [quote=CrazyCruizChick;626023]I have herd that taking painkiller pills for any pain ie headache or fever is not really good for you and you should go without taking the medication would you aI gree with this or not?

Paracetamol or aspirin:-3[/quote

Pain killers with a noarcotic base are contraindicated for headache, however can provide considerable relief for severed or crushed limbs as well as gun shot wounds to the abdomen. No harm in using standard Aspirin or Tylenol for routine headache.

Can you tell me if Aspirin can course small abrasions in your stomach lining?

Which would lead to internal bleeding.

Lon · Post by **Lon** » Thu May 31, 2007 6:05 pm

CrazyCruizChick;626048 wrote: [quote=Lon;626046]

Can you tell me if Aspirin can course small abrasions in your stomach lining?

Which would lead to internal bleeding.

Excessive use of aspirin can cause harm to the stomach lining, however, occasional use should cause no problem.

CrazyCruizChick · Post by **CrazyCruizChick** » Fri Jun 01, 2007 1:55 pm

Lon;626068 wrote: [quote=CrazyCruizChick;626048]

Excessive use of aspirin can cause harm to the stomach lining, however, occasional use should cause no problem.

Thanks Lon

Was asking because I take Aspirins to fin out my blood and was worried that I may course damage in the long run.

Musiclover89 · Post by **Musiclover89** » Fri Jun 01, 2007 2:58 pm

What is the best way of getting rid of Anal Warts? :-1

Lon · Post by **Lon** » Fri Jun 01, 2007 3:37 pm

Musiclover89;626792 wrote: What is the best way of getting rid of Anal Warts? :-1

Anal warts can certainly be bothersome. They can,in many cases eventually be shrunk or eliminated by using a cotton swab to apply a mixture of soy sauce, vinegar & Grey Poupon mustard in equal amounts. Apply once in the AM and again before going to bed. It's best to refrain from anal sex for best results.

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Fri Jun 01, 2007 3:44 pm

Are any of these options recommended or advisable for those with "outies" ?

somewhere to hang your car keys

you can do the 'there's an alien coming out of my stomach' gag at parties

stretch it and twang it like a guitar

women can have their own penis

makes you more aerodynamic when sprinting

plug yourself into a outy compatible data terminal and upload useful information, city maps etc.

get someone to blow into it and inflate you

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Fri Jun 01, 2007 3:45 pm

Is "my ovaries made me do it" a valid excuse ?

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Fri Jun 01, 2007 3:49 pm

Dear Dr Lon, does sex really work as a substitute for chocolate, or is that just myth???

Lon · Post by **Lon** » Fri Jun 01, 2007 4:01 pm

Pinky;626861 wrote: For some reason, I always have eye bogies in the morning..is this normal Dr Lon? What can I do about it?:D

Ah yes Pinky,it's a completely normal morning thing that many suffer from, both male and female. It's often caused by erotic dreams.

Lon · Post by **Lon** » Fri Jun 01, 2007 4:04 pm

Galbally;626869 wrote: Dear Dr Lon, does sex really work as a substitute for chocolate, or is that just myth???

If the chocolate is shaped like a male phallus, it might.

NotToday · Post by **NotToday** » Fri Jun 01, 2007 8:31 pm

Lon;626856 wrote: Anal warts can certainly be bothersome. They can,in many cases eventually be shrunk or eliminated by using a cotton swab to apply a mixture of soy sauce, vinegar & Grey Poupon mustard in equal amounts. Apply once in the AM and again before going to bed. It's best to refrain from anal sex for best results.

:yh_sick The words anal, warts, soy sauce, vinegar, and mustard should definitely never be this close together ever again.

Lon · Post by **Lon** » Sat Jun 02, 2007 5:10 pm

Kathy Ellen;627508 wrote: Dear Dr. Lon,

Thank goodness we have a doctor in the house. My allergies are bothering me a lot this season. Since we had such warm weather and lots of rain in NJ, the pollen is really abundant. The eye lubricants are just not working for me.

Would it be ok if I just pulled the old eyeballs out and gave them a good washing?? If so, what would be the best soap to use, or should I use something else?

Looking forward to your advice.

Many Thanks,

Kathy Ellen

Dear Kathy, First, never use any kind of soap when removing your eyeballs for washing. I find that washing them gently in a one quart solution of Vodka & Tonic works best. Drink all the remaining solution and you will no longer care about your allergies.

Lon · Post by **Lon** » Sat Jun 02, 2007 5:26 pm

Kathy Ellen;627526 wrote: WOW, Dr. Lon,

Thank you so much for this wonderful advice. Unfortunately, I really hate tonic. Could I possibly use 7 Up or ginger ale? Also, while I have your ear:D , could I use one of those flavored vodkas, like ahhhhh pear flavored? I'll let you know how successful this treatment is when I've finished off a few bottles or so?

Thanks again Doc,

Kathy Ellen

As long as it's diet 7 UP, no problem.