Saying Goodbye

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Sat Jun 23, 2007 4:18 pm

How many times have you had to say good bye to loved ones?

I have had to say good bye so many times, that I do it without nary shedding a tear. It isnt a good thing. It started when I was 17, and Ilost the love of my life in a motorcycle accident. It got easier and easier, as the years went by. I know you all must loathe my threads. It seems I dont know how to contribute anything fluffy. I move on, and just file those who I have loved and lost in my memory banks......

JacksDad · Post by **JacksDad** » Sat Jun 23, 2007 4:34 pm

Too many. Far too many goodbyes.

I said goodbye to a friend just yesterday.

Shock, anger, loss, Chivas.

Gotta keep moving on.

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Sat Jun 23, 2007 4:38 pm

Its an unbelievable journey, isnt it? Love to you Jacks Dad.......... We all have to hold each other dear........

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Sat Jun 23, 2007 4:39 pm

Weeder, sometimes there's a thing as too much "fluff," so I for one appreciate your threads.

When I read this I wasn't sure if you meant goodbye at the plane terminal or if you meant death. Perhaps both kinds.

Sometimes I'm okay with goodbye and I can do it without making a mess. Other times I am the mess.

For my age I've seen too much death. I've been taking care of and burying loved ones since I was about 14. In a way I am used to it and it's not as hard as it once was but then again...not really.

I'm not sure what it is with me. I can handle funerals and accept the facts but when it comes to saying goodbye to someone at a bus station or an airport, it tears out my heart. What's that about?

I have a very good friend up in northeastern Arizona who I see about once or twice a year and we are two blubbering fools when it's time to part.

I don't know anyone who likes goodbyes.

Certainly not I.

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Sat Jun 23, 2007 4:44 pm

I dont like them either red, and I know how deeply you feel, without even knowing you. It is sad that it gets easier for those of us, who have had our hearts ripped out so many times.... Evidently I am in a very lonely mood tonite.... cooking alone... listening to music I have avoided for a long while.

Plan on making it to the meet up in Kathy Ellens neck of the woods next spring.. ( It is about 8 hours from me ) I will meet you, and give you a big Weeder squeeze...:-4

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Sat Jun 23, 2007 4:48 pm

I'm planning on being there somehow and I will happily accept that special Weeder Squeeze! :-4

What has brought on this introspective mood tonight? Is this a bad night or just a thinking night? The two aren't necessarily the same.

I think maybe we have to get used to goodbyes just a little bit or else we'd all be walking heaps of scar tissue.

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Sat Jun 23, 2007 5:00 pm

I live in a breathtakingly beautiful place Red.. It is also incredibly lonely.

I work very hard during the day. I am up at around 4am. Am very lonely, at night. I have learned to embrace the lonlieness. But some nights are worse than others. I have loved and lost, over and over again. Find it hard to believe that someone who has always been as outgoing as me is going to listen to this silence forever........

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Sat Jun 23, 2007 5:03 pm

Weeder, do you get out and meet people? Mingle?

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Sat Jun 23, 2007 5:09 pm

*hug*

You never know where life may lead you next, weeder. That is the uncertainty, and thrill, of life.

You can have somewhere there with you, and still be lonely, if it's not the right one.

Loved ones-we loose them as we grow older and older. I sat here all afternoon with my husband, he spoke maybe 2-3 broken sentences. I will never have an adult conversation with him, or hear my name, or all the other things that go with a happily married lifestyle. Ghads, in the middle of this post I had to get up and walk him back in the room, he was chasing the cat in the walker. At nights he is a four year old. A former life is gone forever for me. I walk the path alone, with a child by the hand. But he is my beloved, and I will make sure he is happy and well ared for and loved, in the capacities I am allowed.

We learn to adjust.

Loved ones go, but they remain forever in your heart.

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Sat Jun 23, 2007 5:14 pm

Its so weird Red.... I say I want to, but maybe I dont really want to anymore. I like to refer to that line in Fried Green Tomatoes. I am too young to be old, but too old to be young. I am attracted to men who usually turn out to be about 36 years old. I did join the Y a couple of weeks ago. Havent gone yet, but I will. Life here is pretty much church orientated. I cant go to church... because I have " My own religion" Deep in my heart, I know that i have to leave here.. if I want to have a life. That dilemma is that I have two sons here, and grand children. I know I am coming close to an answer.....

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Sat Jun 23, 2007 5:17 pm

chonsigirl;644439 wrote: *hug*

You never know where life may lead you next, weeder. That is the uncertainty, and thrill, of life.

You can have somewhere there with you, and still be lonely, if it's not the right one.

Loved ones-we loose them as we grow older and older. I sat here all afternoon with my husband, he spoke maybe 2-3 broken sentences. I will never have an adult conversation with him, or hear my name, or all the other things that go with a happily married lifestyle. Ghads, in the middle of this post I had to get up and walk him back in the room, he was chasing the cat in the walker. At nights he is a four year old. A former life is gone forever for me. I walk the path alone, with a child by the hand. But he is my beloved, and I will make sure he is happy and well ared for and loved, in the capacities I am allowed.

We learn to adjust.

Loved ones go, but they remain forever in your heart.

Susie, I want you to know, I think of you often. Yours is the ultimate heartbreak, and I admire your strength, your courage, and your never failing positive and loving outlook on life.

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Sat Jun 23, 2007 5:18 pm

I'm sorry Weeder, my question seemed flip but it wasn't intended that way.

I'm just thinking of what people have asked me when I've been in similar situations and they seemed to have been right somewhat.

I seriously doubt you're going to find yourself alone forever. I do understand that it certainly may feel that way especially at these times but I don't think that'll be the case with you. You are far too charming for people not to want to be around you. And that's just what I see on here. Imagine how you are in "real" life!

You once wrote me that PM...remember the one I'm talking about? About reaching out to someone when you yourself are saddened? I really appreciated that. It came at a good time. See? You are a thoughtful Being. Who else would do that?

I wonder if your upset at losing people tends to make you fall back from meeting new ones? Once bitten, twice shy. I wouldn't know of course, I'm just inquiring.

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Sat Jun 23, 2007 5:23 pm

Red, I never find you flippant. And so that you can come to know me better... I am not easily offended. Yes, you are absolutely correct about once bitten.... I am famous for my personal analogy regarding the " stripped screw" A screw that cannott be twisted anymore" Too much hurt, too much dissapointment... too long of being used to " going it alone" it seems sometimes, I may not be able to turn back anymore.

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Sat Jun 23, 2007 5:24 pm

weeder;644442 wrote: Its so weird Red.... I say I want to, but maybe I dont really want to anymore. I like to refer to that line in Fried Green Tomatoes. I am too young to be old, but too old to be young. I am attracted to men who usually turn out to be about 36 years old. I did join the Y a couple of weeks ago. Havent gone yet, but I will. Life here is pretty much church orientated. I cant go to church... because I have " My own religion" Deep in my heart, I know that i have to leave here.. if I want to have a life. That dilemma is that I have two sons here, and grand children. I know I am coming close to an answer.....

Hey! Who cares about the age thing?! I've ALWAYS loved younger men and I've never cared who knew it. Right now I want someone who's 25. And I don't care! So I say toss that out the window and go where your heart leads.

I know about the church thing. Can appreciate that. I've never held that church was the best place for meeting men anyway.

You do have a dilemma. Family or a more personal happiness. That's a hard call and I don't know of anything I could possibly say to help. Except that I imagine your family would want your happiness in the end because they love you.

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Sat Jun 23, 2007 5:25 pm

What a pleasure it is, to be able to come here, and vent. It feels really good. I wish that everyone who needed this... had it available to them.

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Sat Jun 23, 2007 5:27 pm

Soberano;644448 wrote: You know, if a loved one dies they are not really dead as long as there is someone to remember them, when there is no one left to remember them it doesn't matter anyhow cos they are all back together.

YES! Yes Rob, it makes perfect sense! Thank you for saying that. :-6

Does that make sense?

weeder;644450 wrote: Red, I never find you flippant. And so that you can come to know me better... I am not easily offended. Yes, you are absolutely correct about once bitten.... I am famous for my personal analogy regarding the " stripped screw" A screw that cannott be twisted anymore" Too much hurt, too much dissapointment... too long of being used to " going it alone" it seems sometimes, I may not be able to turn back anymore.

Thank you, Weeder. You know how I can say things wrong.

The screw analogy makes sense. I've done that myself. But after a while, I can't stand myself or my life anymore and I have to break the cocoon. Even though it's resulted in heartache sometimes, I have never been sorry for doing it because it means I'm still alive. Does that make any sense?

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Sat Jun 23, 2007 5:28 pm

RedGlitter;644451 wrote: Hey! Who cares about the age thing?! I've ALWAYS loved younger men and I've never cared who knew it. Right now I want someone who's 25. And I don't care! So I say toss that out the window and go where your heart leads.

I know about the church thing. Can appreciate that. I've never held that church was the best place for meeting men anyway.

You do have a dilemma. Family or a more personal happiness. That's a hard call and I don't know of anything I could possibly say to help. Except that I imagine your family would want your happiness in the end because they love you.

They do.... and Im with you. The young thing really doesnt bother me, as long as they arent so young, that I cant look their mothers in the eye... hahah you are too cute.

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Sat Jun 23, 2007 5:31 pm

weeder;644456 wrote: They do.... and Im with you. The young thing really doesnt bother me, as long as they arent so young, that I cant look their mothers in the eye... hahah you are too cute.

:wah:

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Sat Jun 23, 2007 5:40 pm

Soberano;644448 wrote: You know, if a loved one dies they are not really dead as long as there is someone to remember them, when there is no one left to remember them it doesn't matter anyhow cos they are all back together.

Does that make sense?

Soberano, You are absolutely correct. Monday marks ( June 25th) the 38th

anniversary of the love of my life leaving this earth. I have never forgotten him. And just because i went on to love others after him, it never diminished the way I felt about him. Tonite could be June 5th, 1969, in the blink of MY

eye... we were dancing on the terrace of the Garden City Hotel, and he said, " I want to squeeze you to death" I can hear him saying it, I can feel it, I am grateful for the memory. Its beautiful.

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Sat Jun 23, 2007 5:43 pm

That explains a lot there, Weeder. Those damned anniversary dates will knock you for a loop every time. I have those too. Probably everyone does. Doesn't make it easier I know, but you aren't alone by any means. You're really not.

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Sat Jun 23, 2007 5:52 pm

Oh my God!!! Your right . that is probably it.... my nemisis for almost 40 years, what an incredible thing. I wonder if I will ever see him again? I named my first son for him, and noone even realizes this.

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Sat Jun 23, 2007 5:56 pm

If you're asking me personally, I would say for sure you'll see him again...in time. At least that's how I firmly believe.

But as soon as you said 38 years was coming up, I thought of my "ex" and all those dates that slay me every year...I bet that's half your problem right now.

Sometimes when you know the problem, you can look it in the face better and realize it for what it is.

:-4

KB. · Post by **KB.** » Sat Jun 23, 2007 9:24 pm

weeder;644464 wrote: Soberano, You are absolutely correct. Monday marks ( June 25th) the 38th

anniversary of the love of my life leaving this earth. I have never forgotten him. And just because i went on to love others after him, it never diminished the way I felt about him. Tonite could be June 5th, 1969, in the blink of MY

eye... we were dancing on the terrace of the Garden City Hotel, and he said, " I want to squeeze you to death" I can hear him saying it, I can feel it, I am grateful for the memory. Its beautiful.

Write a story; even make it fiction if you want, but write it about that night, and him. You think I am just being "story oriented" because of who I am and what I do. It is such wonderful therapy, the fiction parts especially. It will hurt, suck, you'll probably shed tears, you will want to cuss, and if you have any bad habits they will flare up like fireworks. It is worth it. Reading just that small paragraph along with the knowledge of your son being named for him, that did something to me; something I am glad happened. You might be a Muse yourself; at least for a story or two.

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Sun Jun 24, 2007 2:43 am

KB My work is seasonal. So every winter, I go out and get a job. I have done many different things during those long cold months, of waiting for the earth to warm again. This season, I am attempting to get my ducks in a row, early, The local newspaper here is looking for a feature writer. Someone to write interesting articles about local people. For the first time ever in my life, I sent samples of my writing to the editor. Im certain you understand that it was a tough chance to take. Opening myself up to the possibility of them thinking my work is lousy. But anyway, I did it. Its done. I am waiting to hear something.......

SlipStream · Post by **SlipStream** » Sun Jun 24, 2007 5:32 am

weeder;644418 wrote: How many times have you had to say good bye to loved ones?

I have had to say good bye so many times, that I do it without nary shedding a tear. It isnt a good thing. It started when I was 17, and Ilost the love of my life in a motorcycle accident. It got easier and easier, as the years went by. I know you all must loathe my threads. It seems I dont know how to contribute anything fluffy. I move on, and just file those who I have loved and lost in my memory banks......

finding good friends is so difficult So it's so heart breaking to say goodbye.