Have you got the Right (2)

Pheasy · Post by **Pheasy** » Tue Jun 26, 2007 5:47 am

Buttercups thread got me thinking......

Do you think you have the right to read your childs emails/myspace messages or anything where they are talking to people on the net?

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Tue Jun 26, 2007 5:50 am

No I don't think one has a "right' to do that but in the case of a young child I could bend a little and would understand the reasoning behind it. I don't know what the cutoff age would be but after a point, I'd say it goes too far.

Post by **spot** » Tue Jun 26, 2007 5:58 am

You absolutely must up to a certain age, imo. What that age is depends on you and the child. The child has to know that you've set the computer up so you can check it retrospectively, too. I didn't let Eleanor loose from my oversight with any comms package until she was ten.

Pheasy · Post by **Pheasy** » Tue Jun 26, 2007 5:59 am

My son is 12. He wanted to keep in contact with friends during the summer break, and a few who have moved away from the area. I said he could as long as I was allowed to check - after all he is still very young.

Some of the girls from his class, have some very 'sexy' looking pictures of themselves. I was horrified when I saw them! There are also things being said in messages (by others, not my son - he is sensible), that I believe to be inappropraite.

Trouble is there are alot of on-line games (Runescape springs to mind) where these kids are talking about whatever they like with people all over the world.

I keep the PC in our dining room, which is open plan, so at any point I can appear behind him and see whats going on.

Am I being un-fair/overly protective?

CrazyCruizChick · Post by **CrazyCruizChick** » Tue Jun 26, 2007 6:00 am

That's a hard one as I'm very protective and there are so many things to worry about like online bullying and pedophiles out there just glad my eldest isn't interested in the net at the moment.

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Tue Jun 26, 2007 6:10 am

Isn't 12 old enough to explain net safety and how to handle things that may pop up, letting them deal with it on their own? I would think if the child knows to not give out contact info and location and personal details that 12 would be old enough to loosen up a bit.

At 12 you usually start getting a better appreciation for privacy and I know I would resent it very much if my parent was checking over my shoulder or going into my email. It would cause a lot of problems.

CrazyCruizChick · Post by **CrazyCruizChick** » Tue Jun 26, 2007 6:20 am

There's always news about kids meeting up with people they don't know over the net and that's a big danger being easily mislead is what usually happens, I think taking an interest with what your child is doing and explaining to them that everything in life isn't always what it seems to be in real life.

They must educated in the dangers.

WonderWendy3 · Post by **WonderWendy3** » Tue Jun 26, 2007 6:47 am

Pheasy...I check on my 18 year old....and I know he's 18...but I look to see what is going on, I don't medle...but it is MY computer and he won't be looking at porn on it...and a lot of myspace is nasty stuff too. I told him when I first allowed him on when he was about 15 or so...that I will lock him out in an instant.

I am very protective, and there was a time when a stranger was talking to him on instant messenger and he was talking to Jed about what Jed liked and I got on there and then he changed his age and how he was just being "nice" to my son...I FREAKED OUT!! It was a good learning experience...he doesn't talk to anyone he doesn't know.

I have family members that girls are only 10 and they are wearing make-up and have sexy clothes on and say they are 15 on myspace and it makes me want to do this....--------->>>>:-5 :-5 :-5

Call me a Prude or old fashioned, but I believe in children innocence and keep it as long as you can, and do whatever it takes to keep it!

YZGI · Post by **YZGI** » Tue Jun 26, 2007 7:05 am

RedGlitter;646291 wrote: Isn't 12 old enough to explain net safety and how to handle things that may pop up, letting them deal with it on their own? I would think if the child knows to not give out contact info and location and personal details that 12 would be old enough to loosen up a bit.

At 12 you usually start getting a better appreciation for privacy and I know I would resent it very much if my parent was checking over my shoulder or going into my email. It would cause a lot of problems.
We are talking 12 yr old boys here Red. I keep my Comp on the bar between kitchen and living room. I also can walk up behind and check at any time. He is 16 and I know he is sensible but he is still a 16 yr old boy with hormones.

Sheryl · Post by **Sheryl** » Tue Jun 26, 2007 7:15 am

My children are still young enough, where the only thing on the net they are interested in are the games on Noggin. However as they age and branch out, you bet your arse I'm gonna keep an eye on what they are doing.

crazygal · Post by **crazygal** » Tue Jun 26, 2007 7:22 am

Ryan has been using my PC for a couple of years. He has his own account which he has no address bar, I go to the site he wants, ie games or school sites then make the address bar disappear again. May sound mean as I am in the room when he is on it but it only takes a second for them to type in something inappropriate in search and a load of sick sites or porn images will come up.

sunny104 · Post by **sunny104** » Tue Jun 26, 2007 7:33 am

we've already decided that we will be super strict with the computer because there's all kinds of trouble kids can get into on there.

and if that is a problem for them then there will be no computer access for them. kids don't *need* computers.

in my day...........

:wah:

Pheasy · Post by **Pheasy** » Tue Jun 26, 2007 7:38 am

RedGlitter;646291 wrote: Isn't 12 old enough to explain net safety and how to handle things that may pop up, letting them deal with it on their own? I would think if the child knows to not give out contact info and location and personal details that 12 would be old enough to loosen up a bit.

At 12 you usually start getting a better appreciation for privacy and I know I would resent it very much if my parent was checking over my shoulder or going into my email. It would cause a lot of problems.

It is old enough, however I remember myself at 12 - I would of been tempted to look at stuff I shouldn't :wah: But back then I would never has access to it.

I understand the need for privacy and trust, not sure though at 12 how far you can let that go or what age is ok to say go for it Mums not looking anymore.

Pheasy · Post by **Pheasy** » Tue Jun 26, 2007 7:40 am

WonderWendy3;646306 wrote: Pheasy...I check on my 18 year old....and I know he's 18...but I look to see what is going on, I don't medle...but it is MY computer and he won't be looking at porn on it...and a lot of myspace is nasty stuff too. I told him when I first allowed him on when he was about 15 or so...that I will lock him out in an instant.

I am very protective, and there was a time when a stranger was talking to him on instant messenger and he was talking to Jed about what Jed liked and I got on there and then he changed his age and how he was just being "nice" to my son...I FREAKED OUT!! It was a good learning experience...he doesn't talk to anyone he doesn't know.

I have family members that girls are only 10 and they are wearing make-up and have sexy clothes on and say they are 15 on myspace and it makes me want to do this....--------->>>>:-5 :-5 :-5

Call me a Prude or old fashioned, but I believe in children innocence and keep it as long as you can, and do whatever it takes to keep it!

Thats how I feel - they grow up all too quickly as it is these days. They are knowledgable about stuff now that I didn't know about till I was 15/16.

Pheasy · Post by **Pheasy** » Tue Jun 26, 2007 7:41 am

YZGI;646311 wrote: We are talking 12 yr old boys here Red. I keep my Comp on the bar between kitchen and living room. I also can walk up behind and check at any time. He is 16 and I know he is sensible but he is still a 16 yr old boy with hormones.

I think thats a good thing - thats what I do all the time, specially when he is on computer with a friend.

Pheasy · Post by **Pheasy** » Tue Jun 26, 2007 7:43 am

crazygal;646324 wrote: Ryan has been using my PC for a couple of years. He has his own account which he has no address bar, I go to the site he wants, ie games or school sites then make the address bar disappear again. May sound mean as I am in the room when he is on it but it only takes a second for them to type in something inappropriate in search and a load of sick sites or porn images will come up.

There are times when I have accidently found myself on an inappropriate site while looking for something else, it is very easily done.

Pheasy · Post by **Pheasy** » Tue Jun 26, 2007 7:47 am

sunny104;646330 wrote: we've already decided that we will be super strict with the computer because there's all kinds of trouble kids can get into on there.

and if that is a problem for them then there will be no computer access for them. kids don't *need* computers.

in my day...........

:wah:

You joke but its true - we did not have access to this kind of stuff. I learnt from my Mum how to deal with certain situations whilst bringing up kids, but this was never an issue - breaking new ground and trying to decide whats best.

KB. · Post by **KB.** » Tue Jun 26, 2007 7:59 am

Just wait until they turn 30, and you get to read about all the things you didn't know had happened. Not because you are snooping, but because they give you the account info and tell you to go read.

sunny104 · Post by **sunny104** » Tue Jun 26, 2007 8:03 am

KB.;646360 wrote: Just wait until they turn 30, and you get to read about all the things you didn't know had happened. Not because you are snooping, but because they give you the account info and tell you to go read.

:wah:

I wouldn't concern myself much with what they're doing at 30......

I'll be in my condo on the beach, walking my poodle and collecting seashells!

KB. · Post by **KB.** » Tue Jun 26, 2007 8:30 am

sunny104;646365 wrote: :wah:

I wouldn't concern myself much with what they're doing at 30......

I'll be in my condo on the beach, walking my poodle and collecting seashells!

Hah, you just wait. When my Mom found out that a woman had asked me to marry her she was delighted, then pissed when it fell through; when she found out it was the third woman who had asked me I feared for my life. Good times. I've never had too many secrets, so when one does come out it s usually is big one.

SuzyB · Post by **SuzyB** » Tue Jun 26, 2007 10:17 am

I do check both Sam and Jenna's computers, we are constantly being sent letters home from the schools, asking us to check the sites, due to inappropriate behaviour, bullying etc. I had a letter last week asking us to check 'roomscape' as there was a very bad case of bullying, threats being made to kill another child.

I am always worrying about some sicko trying to 'groom' the kids, they of course think that I am going on for nothing, but to be honest I don't care what they think, as long as they are here to think!!

By the way Sob, you are right, I do have to go checking on Jim, but that's to delete certain sites that I don't want the kids to see :sneaky:

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Tue Jun 26, 2007 10:22 am

YZGI;646311 wrote: We are talking 12 yr old boys here Red. I keep my Comp on the bar between kitchen and living room. I also can walk up behind and check at any time. He is 16 and I know he is sensible but he is still a 16 yr old boy with hormones.

ThePheasant;646333 wrote: It is old enough, however I remember myself at 12 - I would of been tempted to look at stuff I shouldn't :wah: But back then I would never has access to it.

I understand the need for privacy and trust, not sure though at 12 how far you can let that go or what age is ok to say go for it Mums not looking anymore.

Point taken. I guess the difference with me is that I was thinking mainly of lecherous adults pulling stuff on kids instead of worrying about porn and stuff considered "inappropriate." I know what's out there, I've seen it myself. I just don't believe in this "keeping them innocent" thing until they're 20 instead of allowing them to grow up. That just flies in the face of what's supposed to occur. And hormones okay, that's fair, we all have them. I'm not going to worry about my 12 or 13 year old boy checking out naked chicks on the web. Or my daughter looking at stuff. That just doesn't faze me. (my opinion)

Bill Sikes · Post by **Bill Sikes** » Tue Jun 26, 2007 11:37 am

ThePheasant;646261 wrote: Do you think you have the right to read your childs emails/myspace messages or anything where they are talking to people on the net?

You have not only the right, you probably have the duty.