Acceptance

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Thu Jun 21, 2007 3:59 am

Over the years, Ive spoken here, many times about wishing I could find " Inner Peace" Yesterday, I had an encounter with an issue that has been upsetting to me, for years. It involves my eldest son. There are problems between us that resurface every 6 months or so. We try to avoid acknowleding things, but eventually ugly stuff rears its head. I went to bed last night wondering why I wasnt feeling sad, or upset, or stressed. The answer hit me like a bolt of lightning, this morning.

Its ACCEPTANCE. After struggling for a very long time to change circumstances, or trying to make believe things are not what they really are.

You accept things for what they are, and you have peace. No more pain, no more struggling, no more denial. And I know I simply have to apply this magic

solution to any area of my life, that I struggle with.

I will apply it to:

Knowing that my son, has a cruel streak

Knowing that I will never be a size 8

Knowing that I will more than likely never be wealthy

Knowing that people can let you down.

Its not giving up hope, or having a positive attitude. But it is not living your life obsessed with hoping. Then when something good happens, you can be thrilled and surprised. It is like icing, on a very good cake. And I have never been someone who enjoys licking the icing off..... I like a little bit of icing, with my cake. Today will be a good day, I am at peace.

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Thu Jun 21, 2007 5:16 am

Good for you weeder

Mystery · Post by **Mystery** » Thu Jun 21, 2007 5:51 am

I'm happy for you. Acceptance of those things which we cannot control is the key to living life to the fullest, or at least one of them. It is a struggle, however once you master it, the small things begin to become important again. I always refer back to the Serenity Prayer, because acceptance is what it is all about.

SuzyB · Post by **SuzyB** » Thu Jun 21, 2007 5:57 am

I wish I could stay there, I have been there a couple of times but always revert back to expecting more from people, then take it to heart when things dont work out. Well done Weeder :-4

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Thu Jun 21, 2007 1:04 pm

Thank you all. I know reverting back to the old ways of thinking happens. But to me, its like a stripped screw. You can only hurt so deeply, so many times, or for so long. Then you have to drill a new hole. I think I am there, because I feel nothing and it feels good to feel nothing. Its a relief, actually.

SouthAPT · Post by **SouthAPT** » Thu Jun 21, 2007 1:15 pm

Good for you!!! Are you a religous person??? I always liked this prayer:

"God grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Thu Jun 21, 2007 1:19 pm

SouthAPT;642749 wrote: Good for you!!! Are you a religous person??? I always liked this prayer:

"God grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

Good one, SouthAPT. The Serenity Prayer is a big deal in my family. It has seen us through a lot.

Weeder, you sure have been going through a lot of self searching this year. I'm recalling your post about giving up and then finding (your) God and our PMs and stuff. Acceptance can be a really good thing. I'm glad it's helping you now. :-4

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Thu Jun 21, 2007 1:49 pm

This is the low down, and it is revolting. Im not complaining, as I said I am at the point of accepting. Briefly, I was a single mom. Divorced their alcholic father when my sons were 5 and 9. Worked 2 jobs for years. Managed to keep the boys in private school, braces, nice clothes and a decent home.

They were the love of my life. Our home was always filled with laughter, music, books, good food and friends. I am definately a liberal. Always ready to listen, slow to get angry. No, I am not religious in the traditional sense.

I do have the gifts of word of knowledge, and word of wisdom... When I listen. I am what you would call out of the ordinary. A bit eccentric I suppose. I am a landscape designer. Self employed. But anyway.....

My older son is an over achiever. Very good looking, smart, unbelievably talented. He is a husband and a father. He has some sort of adversion to me. Hes either angry, or dissapointed, or ashamed of me. Ive tried for years to get to the root of his problem. Things seem ok for a while, and then he will turn mean again. The latest is a party he is having on July 4th. 50 people are invited, I am not invited. He enjoys hurting me, and then he defies me to take the bait, and respond. He also goes out of his way to maintain a relationship with the alcoholic father who abandoned he and his brother after I divorced him. He also never paid his child support money. My son likes telling me about his " relationship" with his dad.

Needless to say, I have spent years suffering over this state of affairs.

As I said this morning.... I am DONE. No guilt. No shame, no pain, no anything. Ive done my best. I know how much Ive always loved him. I am not his whipping post For years I tried to be the best mom.

I have now decided that since that formula did not entitle me to love, respect, or kindness..... I can now smoke pot, drink, be selfish, even be a slut if I want to....... I have nothing more to prove. Im Just kidding, but I am certain you get my meaning.

minks · Post by **minks** » Wed Jun 27, 2007 10:54 am

weeder;642774 wrote: This is the low down, and it is revolting. Im not complaining, as I said I am at the point of accepting. Briefly, I was a single mom. Divorced their alcholic father when my sons were 5 and 9. Worked 2 jobs for years. Managed to keep the boys in private school, braces, nice clothes and a decent home.

They were the love of my life. Our home was always filled with laughter, music, books, good food and friends. I am definately a liberal. Always ready to listen, slow to get angry. No, I am not religious in the traditional sense.

I do have the gifts of word of knowledge, and word of wisdom... When I listen. I am what you would call out of the ordinary. A bit eccentric I suppose. I am a landscape designer. Self employed. But anyway.....

My older son is an over achiever. Very good looking, smart, unbelievably talented. He is a husband and a father. He has some sort of adversion to me. Hes either angry, or dissapointed, or ashamed of me. Ive tried for years to get to the root of his problem. Things seem ok for a while, and then he will turn mean again. The latest is a party he is having on July 4th. 50 people are invited, I am not invited. He enjoys hurting me, and then he defies me to take the bait, and respond. He also goes out of his way to maintain a relationship with the alcoholic father who abandoned he and his brother after I divorced him. He also never paid his child support money. My son likes telling me about his " relationship" with his dad.

Needless to say, I have spent years suffering over this state of affairs.

As I said this morning.... I am DONE. No guilt. No shame, no pain, no anything. Ive done my best. I know how much Ive always loved him. I am not his whipping post For years I tried to be the best mom.

I have now decided that since that formula did not entitle me to love, respect, or kindness..... I can now smoke pot, drink, be selfish, even be a slut if I want to....... I have nothing more to prove. Im Just kidding, but I am certain you get my meaning.

Wow weeder that is a lot you are going through. I feel for you in regards to your son and his relations with his dad

Tough business that is and we parents/mothers think of them as ungracious (this kids that is) for "ditching us" for their no good other parents. I have been there too with my oldest but then like you stated acceptance is theraputic. I did also realize, that every child needs some kind of relationship with their parents, and children need to gleen something or anything from both of them. I suppose as the "good" parents we have to accept the fact that it is their right (the child) to take from each parent what they can get. There has to be some good coming to your son from his dad.

Weeder hunny Nomad gave me some very valuable words last nite, very simple but very valuable....

"don't forget to look after yourself" I too reached that stage this week. We can give and give till we break then what good are we to anyone after we break.

I salute your decision, I am so there too.

Huggs

M

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Wed Jun 27, 2007 11:18 am

Thanks M...... I fully accept and understand his need to have whatever with his worthless dad. I am fine with that. I just hope someday, he will explain his anomosity towards me. But, as I said.... I am not going to hold my breath waiting. Love, Weeder

minks · Post by **minks** » Wed Jun 27, 2007 11:24 am

weeder;647019 wrote: Thanks M...... I fully accept and understand his need to have whatever with his worthless dad. I am fine with that. I just hope someday, he will explain his anomosity towards me. But, as I said.... I am not going to hold my breath waiting. Love, Weeder

don't blame you one bit, he is an adult now I spose he has to live with his decisions and consequences.

KB. · Post by **KB.** » Wed Jun 27, 2007 11:42 am

I'm not having a party, if I was I wouldn't invite 50 people, but I would invite you.

:yh_hugs

minks · Post by **minks** » Wed Jun 27, 2007 1:00 pm

KB.;647050 wrote: I'm not having a party, if I was I wouldn't invite 50 people, but I would invite you.

:yh_hugs

^he's cute can we keep him ???

along-for-the-ride · Post by **along-for-the-ride** » Wed Jun 27, 2007 2:17 pm

Be easy......"Easy like Sunday Morning."

Being human, ofcourse we have feelings.....and memories. But somethings you do have to just accept and live with.

We only have this one life..............let's make the best of it. We do deserve it.

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Wed Jun 27, 2007 3:52 pm

KB.;647050 wrote: I'm not having a party, if I was I wouldn't invite 50 people, but I would invite you.

:yh_hugs

:-4 :-4 :-4 :

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Wed Jun 27, 2007 3:55 pm

i learned that sometimes its easier just to float with the river than try and swim up that waterfall ,the little things i can change for the better i change the bigger things i cant change i try not to worry about

DelicateDominatrix · Post by **DelicateDominatrix** » Wed Jun 27, 2007 3:57 pm

Good for you on finding some inner peace.Acceptance is a hard thing,especially self acceptance. I hope you continue to grow and learn more about yourself.

As we all need to do

hugs

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Thu Jun 28, 2007 3:34 am

Gee, I am almost embbarassed to tell you this.... But, I havent spoken to my mother in over a year, and she lives 5 minutes from me. I am from a very dysfunctional family. There are all kinds of unhealthy dynamics going on.

A very bad thing happened to my family around 25 years ago, and it pretty much destroyed everything, and everyone. Mother is split up from father. I wound up divorced. The only member who sort of has a traditional kind of life style, is my youngest sister. She is 600 miles away, and manages to stay out of all of this heart break. The mother situation is simply intolerable, and unsolvable. She is pretty much a recluse, eaten up by bitterness, anger, and unhappiness. Its weird, but I dont even think about the situation with her. I have never, ever, said this before.... it is a relief to be away from her.I guess its selfish of me, but I only care about my relationship with my sons.

And as I said, right now, there are issues there also.

I saw this movie many years ago... wish I knew the name. It had one of my all time favorite actresses in it. Gena Rowlands. She was kind of in my situation. She was a good woman. Good wife, and mother. She was being walked on by the grown kids. She struggled trying to get them to see her as a person. She really loved them. In the last scene... she is at the airport, waiting to board a plane. Her two grown children are there. As she walks towards the gate, her daughter says" Arent you going to tell us where you atre going? You HAVE TO tell us where you are going!!!!! She doesnt answer, and she just keeps walking to get on the plane. I could feel that feeling in me, of her just letting go... just giving up. But also, her exhillaration of setting herself free. I think that being misunderstood is one of the most frustrating situations there is. Trying to make someone understand who you are. They either cant see, or they dont care. It is very tiring. There has to be a time in life where we get to focus on who we are, no obligation to be anything to anyone. No pressure, no dissapointment, no heartache. Hopefully, I am walking towards that place.