Did I show you my sinister grin?

[KB.]

Abe walked into his bar, looked around for a place to sit, and picked the table in the corner next to the window. The bar itself was full and that irritated him. He sat down and told the waitress he would have iced tea and a chicken sandwich. He grabbed the paper from the table next to him, and read his horoscope "Today you will meet an old friend for lunch. Take time to catch up on the past; and explore new opportunities." He hated those things; they were always so damned ambiguous. Abe tried to neatly fold the paper back the way it had been, but failed miserably and just threw it back on the other table. The waitress came by with his tea and sandwich. He started to take a bit, but the door opening caught his attention; who was this dude walking in? He looked familiar in a weird way. The guy looked around the bar, stopped his gaze on Abe, walked over and sat down with him. Abe didn't really know what the hell to think about this. Folks just didn't walk up and sit down with complete strangers.



Who are you?



You.



I asked first, hell you are the one that sat down with a stranger, who are you?





It wasn't a question, I'm you.



Huh?



I'm your other side, your evil twin; watch me make a sinister face. I'm what they call a doppelganger.



A doppelganger, what the hell are you talking about?





A doppelganger is an old myth about a persons "evil twin", it's a German word, means double walker..



I know what the hell it is; I read, I just don't think you understand the fact that I don't believe you. Either I am dreaming, in which case this tea should taste better, or someone put something in my drink. If that is the case then I want more.



Didn't you read your horoscope; it said you would meet an old friend for lunch today.



That is yesterdays paper you big dummy.



Well, um, that isn't the point.



Alright, I'll play along. I'm bored anyway. So are you the opposite of me, or just the "evil" version?



Both, did I show you my sinister grin?



Yeah, it's pretty weak; I can beat that without trying. So, the whole opposite thing, how is that working out for you. I'm prone to a mood swing now and then, and if you are the opposite of me that must get a little tiresome. I know it does for me.



What do you mean weak; what do I need to do to make it better? I thought I was doing a pretty fair job of it to be honest. The opposite thing, yeah, you need to calm down a bit; maybe look into some Prozac or something. It gets a little addled sometimes. It is like you take your moods, put them in a bar shaker and try to make a summer drink special out of them.



It's just weak, forced. You need to lose the grin and put more of your eyes into it; here watch.





Damn man; quit looking at me like that. I'm the evil twin here. How the hell did you learn to do that?



You don't learn it son, you just do it. As far as the moods go, kiss my ass. I refuse to be monotone. Keep up or quit. Let me ask you another question; you are supposed to be a harbinger of bad luck, an omen of death, all of that ****. What is the pay for something like that; seems like a lot of work.



Pay, huh? I don't get paid; that is just what I do. It is a lot of work though; I get tired, I haven't had a vacation in 30 years, almost 31.





You don't get paid? Screw that then. I was going to see if I could get a reference from you, but I think I'll keep my day job. You work for free; what the hell kind of deal is that? Take a vacation chief; I can cover for you a week or two. I have enough of myself to handle it. What kind of music do you like?





Pop, it's great; I love American idol and MTV. I just bought Justin Timberlake's new CD. Did you hear he brought sexy back?



Sexy never went no damn where; it's been right here all along. Pop and American Idol; I guess you really are evil. Listen to some Coltrane and Johnny Cash.





Nah, I like Kanye West and Big & Rich. Coltrane is old; get with the in thing. What do you mean, "Sexy never went any damn where". It was right where all along?



Right here, look in front of you, open those eyes! Just cause Justin had to go looking for it, don't mean the rest of us lost it. Brought sexy back my skinny white ass; what about movies, what are your favorites?





Oh, I love The Titanic, I've watched it a hundred times, Leonardo is so dreamy.



Ok, alright, if you ever say that out loud again I will punch you in your teeth; got it? Cool Hand Luke, Tombstone, High Fidelity; maybe even Pale Rider. How the hell are you going to be evil watching Titanic and talking about how dreamy that scrawny punk DiCaprio is?



You're just jealous. Cool hand Luke, wasn't that a movie about some guys playing pool?





Pool; no that was The Color of Money.





Oh, yeah; I like Run Away Bride. That was a good movie.



Shut-up, please; just be quiet. Evil, wow, I guess evil went pop too.





What, it is a good movie. Let me try the sinister grin again.



That sucks dude; is there like a refresher course you can take or something?



No, we don't have to get recertified or anything like that. You say thank you too much; did you know that?



I say thank you when someone does something to say thank you for. I say please, yes mam, no sir, and you're welcome also.





I don't, see I'm evil.



That ain't evil; that's just rude. Do you open doors for people, tell a woman her hair looks nice if she changes it, or tell people how cute their kids are?



Nah that is too much trouble. Is that evil?



No, that is lazy. Come on chief; show me something that qualifies as evil. So far all I have is you like pop music American idol, MTV, and Leo. You think Justin is sexy, and you don't open doors for pretty girls, or old men and women. Can you hold your liquor?



Oh no, I get one or two Cosmos in me and I'm a wreck.





Cosmos, you mean Cosmopolitans? Who do I lodge a complaint with, who is your immediate supervisor? Do you like Tupac?





Tupac, who is Tupac?



Awww ****, come on. Me Against the World, I Ain't mad at Cha; Lord Knows?





Why would you be mad at me?



Alright, that's enough of this. Evil twin, whatever. You see the look I have on my face now; that is me looking at a complete and total failure..





Wait; let me try my sinister grin one more time.



Stop, you ain't even ahead any more. Just quit. Listen, I am going to tell you some things to do; when you are done I want you to write me a paper on what you learned.



Write a paper?



You heard me, now listen. First go home and burn Titanic, Run Away Bride, and every Justin Timberlake CD you have. Then get a haircut, for the love of Jeff, you look like a girl. Your hair is so pretty I almost want to kiss you. Never ever have your collar "popped' again, ever. After you learn to dress properly go buy these CDs, "Me Against the World" by Tupac, "The Man in Black" by Johnny Cash, "Porgy and Bess" by Miles Davis, and "Feels Like Home" by Norah Jones. The last really ain't got anything to do with it, but she is so sexy.



After you do that go to the bookstore, buy Moby Dick, Paradise Lost, Heart of Darkness, The Myth of Sisyphus and Animal Farm. Read those¦



Read?



Shut up. Read those, and find someone in there you can identify with. Learn how to cuss right, never say more than Hell, ****, or damn in front of your mom.





Wouldn't that make me evil though?



No, that's just rude again. Quit watching American Idol and MTV, like right now. Watch Tombstone, Brave Heart, Gladiator, and A Love Song for Bobby Long. Travolta is a nasty and mixed up man in that movie; you can learn a few things.



Never order another Cosmo again. Drink Crown and coke, Jack Daniels straight, White Russians, or Johnny Walker and water. No cosmos, that is just sissy. After you do all of that, come find me and we can see how you are doing. Can you take a punch?





I don't know; I've never been punched.



Here



Damn! Why did you do that?



Don't ask questions, just punch back; not this time. Just wait until it happens again.



Is that it?



For now, now get gone. Evil, that is just laughable.

[minks]

Enjoyable reading as always.

[Sheryl]

Great reading! :-6

[KB.]

You paint a far better picture than I do good sir. Thank you for your compliments and your words.

[KB.]

horatio;655248 wrote:

Heck, I was just talking about dogs.


Allusion is a wonderful thing.

[KB.]

horatio;655248 wrote: Oh, I don’t know about that, but your piece also had a bit of a twist to it one wouldn’t expect, at least if I’m reading it right. I mean, at first I thought you were talking about your evil doppelganger, but in the end you are the one who punches him in the nose and makes him look like the mark.

Heck, I was just talking about dogs.


I was begging an old Muse, newer than the first I wrote about, for a jumpstart. She sent me a link to doppelgangers. I was already familiar with the myth. She told me to write a story about a man meeting his doppelganger; so I did. I'd like to see my doppelganger, poor bastard.

I wanted to reply to your post from the dogs point of view, but i don't think I can begin it this late. That was just a great story.