Thankful for what we Had/Have - but I'm confused

Pheasy · Post by **Pheasy** » Sat Jul 07, 2007 4:27 pm

My husband and his Mum, never loved each other. She never showed any maternal instincts or love for him, and he in return has no feelings for her. There was no history here, no abuse or anything like that. He was not a bad child, he never got in trouble. She just could not and did not love him, and he does not love her.

Last year we went back to the UK to visit family. She is so sick now that she didn't even realise who he was. I was in tears, thinking of the things they lost and would never be. He did not have any feelings at all.

My hubby is a loving person, he adores me and our family, I just can't see how this happened.

It makes me feel so lucky, although my Mum has now died - I experienced something that my hubby and his Mum never had and never will. :-4

Has anyone else ever seen this - cos I just don't understand this at all :-4

Patsy Warnick · Post by **Patsy Warnick** » Sat Jul 07, 2007 5:40 pm

I experienced something similar with my mother

we weren't close - never - it wasn't until on her death bed that she stated

"theres my pretty girl" I thought I entered the wrong hospital room...

I didn't attend the funeral

I'm ok with whatever we had and didn't have...

I don't think of what I missed out on -

Its she missed out..

Patsy

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Sat Jul 07, 2007 5:42 pm

Has anyone else ever seen this ?

Yes

The Rob · Post by **The Rob** » Sat Jul 07, 2007 5:45 pm

I was fortunate to have attentive and loving parents. One of the ways I understand that now as an adult is that they didn't let me get away with a damned thing. They were great and I owe them a lot.

My wife's parents? Ack. Her father was a user, a liar, and a manipulator. Her mother (an ex-nun!) was a largely humorless alcoholic bigot who's harsh, bleak brand of Catholicism had her convinced she was Hell-bound no matter what she did (this woman's mother was a kindly, cheerful Cajun soul according to my wife, so probably there was some mental illness involved; regardless, she was no fun to be around). My wife cared for both of them dutifully in their last years, but she would never claim to have loved either one.

DelicateDominatrix · Post by **DelicateDominatrix** » Sat Jul 07, 2007 7:16 pm

My parents are loving,but it took me years to get a good relationship with them.They are rather distant people,yet very caring,if that makes sence.

Bored_Wombat · Post by **Bored_Wombat** » Sun Jul 08, 2007 3:27 am

Yeah, I've spoken to a young woman whose maternity-type instincts didn't kick in. It's like it's someone else's child. I really feel for her, it must be the hardest thing in the world to have a little bundle of getting you up in th e middle of the night that isn't a bundle of joy.

She had post-natal depression. I assume (without any knowledge or other stories) that this is the consequence of the PND that doesn't go away by the third day.

Still, they're getting along better now ... I guess that they're friends at least.

Accountable · Post by **Accountable** » Sun Jul 08, 2007 4:25 am

ThePheasant;655428 wrote: [...]

Has anyone else ever seen this - cos I just don't understand this at all
My father and me

neffy · Post by **neffy** » Sun Jul 08, 2007 4:58 am

l loved my dad dearly,but my mum was a hard person she never really showed any feelings.After dad died she changed and 4 days before she died she kept on saying how sorry how she was towards me and that loves me dearly and that she would miss me.

Of course i just said mum come on now pull your self together,what i am really thankful for is that i cupped her face and told her how much i loved her and that she needs not to say say sorry.She is sadly missed.:-1

mikeinie · Post by **mikeinie** » Sun Jul 08, 2007 5:43 am

This is such a difficult topic, that I can't even put thoughts to words. :-5