My Dad

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Thu Jul 12, 2007 4:48 am

You all might recall my writing about my dad a few months back. Hes the old geezer who is 79, and dating the 51 year old woman. My dad gives the impression of being a really nice man. The reality of it is that my dad really is a mean man. He lures you into speaking with him by laughing and being very easy going, then when you least expect it, he makes insensitive, insulting remarks that sort of get you disorientated, because they are so unexpected, and so hurtful. He is ignorant, judgemental, pompas, and boring all at the same time. He has upset me my entire life. When I am around him, I feel like a fly trapped in a spiders web. He is probably the biggest reason why I am a very defensive person, and why I am prone to always fighting for the underdog. He has tried to belittle me, and beat up my self esteem for my entire life. I guess I love him because he is my dad, but I loathe him also. There have been times too numerous to count, when he actually makes me feel physically sick. He went to visit my sister this past week. Hes generally been pretty careful around her. Shes an attorney so she has managed to command a little more restraint on his part, because he feels she is at least a professional success. This time he was out of controll. He cant even target his victims anymore. Now, he just spews out hurtful comments, all of the time, to anyone around. Its like hes taking one last major stab at leaving as much hurt as he can behind him, before he leaves this world. She called me up after he had boarded his stupid train home, crying. She was so distraught. He stirred up an emmotional tornado inside of her. She was describing his behavior to me in between sobs saying " I cant believe how horrible he is... but hes my dad" Shes my baby sister. She said he is never being invited to her house again. I told her to incorporate the word acceptance into her life ( I wrote about that here, a while back ) and to learn the art of self preservation. Eliminate him from your life. There is no getting through to him. He takes absolutely no responsibility , ever, for the hurt he causes. My mother hates him, He makes me sick, and my sister is through with him now, also. I hope the girlfriend sticks around, She is pretty much all hes got, and I really have to wonder... What the heck is wrong with her?

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Thu Jul 12, 2007 5:22 am

Helefra... I am printing that. Thank You

You know the sad thing is that I wasted years picking men just like my dad.

It is what people tend to do. And I was so unhappy. It wasnt until about 7 years ago. I looked at the man I was living with, walk across the room. And I thought " How can I loathe you so much? When I loved you so much?

AND IT HIT ME.... Oh my God!! Your my dad. And that was enough of that.

I may have to be subjected to daddy now and then. But I certainly am not going to live and sleep with one of his clones. I want that picture of the doves too, Makes you feel free.

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Thu Jul 12, 2007 5:38 am

its a tough one weeder

i have terrible memories of beatings and abuse from my father as a child i have not spoken to him for many years

i have a half brother who is 21 we get on really well ,he is a nice lad though i hardly know him ,anyway my brother keeps asking me to visit my father he has not long left in this world ,my father is now a helpless old man not the monster that used to beat and treat my so badly

the thing is i just dont know what to do ... sometimes i think poor old man make him happy see his oldest son in his dying days ,some times i think evil monster i cant forget or forgive what you did to us children

any thoughts any one

Post by **Betty Boop** » Thu Jul 12, 2007 5:47 am

jimbo;659042 wrote: its a tough one weeder

i have terrible memories of beatings and abuse from my father as a child i have not spoken to him for many years

i have a half brother who is 21 we get on really well ,he is a nice lad though i hardly know him ,anyway my brother keeps asking me to visit my father he has not long left in this world ,my father is now a helpless old man not the monster that used to beat and treat my so badly

the thing is i just dont know what to do ... sometimes i think poor old man make him happy see his oldest son in his dying days ,some times i think evil monster i cant forget or forgive what you did to us children

any thoughts any one

Work on yourself, release the feelings that you have towards him, let them go. Easier said than done but once you've done that you will know in your heart whether you need to see him again.

Patsy Warnick · Post by **Patsy Warnick** » Thu Jul 12, 2007 9:19 am

Jimbo & Weeder

You have to make a decision you can live with, only you can make that decision.

My Mother was a witch to me - we were never close or even friends, kicked me - beat me - even a gun to my head - but I had to do what was best for me to live with.

I figured as a adult my Mother just may like me - and I had to live with myself if I didn't try. We were civil, had serious discussions and then actually laughed alot and enjoyed eachother. Close no, but she died in 1996 and I'm glad for the couple of years we communicated - I can live with that.

Good Luck

Patsy

minks · Post by **minks** » Thu Jul 12, 2007 9:40 am

I am sorry for each and every one of you who's fathers have left you feeling so darn horrible. I have never had such experiences and have a wonderful father. I wish you all could have had the father I had. It's sad to see how many horrible fathers there are out there. My children face an ongoing battle with feelings over their father. It is very sad to hear Jr Minks tell me of how her friends ask her if she has heard from her father, or how does she feel about the fact he never sees her, never bought her her 16th birthday present, etc. I can not believe parents can hurt children so badly.

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Thu Jul 12, 2007 1:12 pm

My issues with my dad are nothing compared to what some have you have described. Mine has never used his fists.. he does damage with his mouth.

I do see him, often. I usually walk away, or hang up the phone feeling like crap.... but I have to deal with those feelings. And recognizing what he is, has been half the battle. For those of you who have been beaten, or hurt in any other way.... I would wish to put my arms around you, and love you. It is incomprehensible that an adult could hurt a child that way. As for being treated with indiffernce like Minks child... my boys went through that also. It is also very painful treatment that can cause scars that last a lifetime.

In the case I described to you with my dad... I did so because it is important to increase our knowledge regarding personality disorders... so that we are able to identify people with hidden agendas whose intent is ever to make others feel small or inferior. It is only through learning to recognize these hurtful character traits that we are able to walk away from, or to ignore the

the tactics utilized to cause discomfort, or pain. It would be a wonderful world if everyone we ever came in contact with throughout our lives nutured us, and had our best intersts at heart. Your a strong group.... you all are. As Ive often stated... it is a pleasure to be here with you.

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Thu Jul 12, 2007 1:56 pm

the pleasure is all mine friend :-6 :-6 :-6 :-6

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Thu Jul 12, 2007 2:43 pm

dunkin · Post by **dunkin** » Thu Jul 12, 2007 8:32 pm

[QUOTE=weeder;659414]My issues with my dad are nothing compared to what some have you have described. Mine has never used his fists.. he does damage with his mouth.

QUOTE]

Some times I would have preferred the fists ,rather than the mouth.

At least the fist is quick,the mouth just goes on & on forever.