Attention female readers! Are you sick and tired of those stupid old pick-up lines that men continue to use? Here are some great comebacks!
Man: “Haven’t we met before?
Woman: “Perhaps. I’m the receptionist at the VD Clinic.
Man: “Haven’t I seen you someplace before?
Woman: “Yeah, that’s why I don’t go there anymore.
Man: “Is this seat empty?
Woman: “Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.
Man: “So, wanna go back to my place ?
Woman: “Well, I don’t know. Will two people fit under a rock?
Man: “Your place or mine?
Woman: “Both. You go to yours and I’ll go to mine.
Man: “I’d like to call you. What’s your number?
Woman: “It’s in the phone book.
Man: “But I don’t know your name.
Woman: “That’s in the phone book too.
Man: “So what do you do for a living?
Woman: “I’m a female impersonator.
Man: “Hey, baby, what’s your sign?
Woman: “Do not Enter
Man: “How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: “Unfertilized !
Man: “Hey, come on, we’re both here at this bar for the same reason
Woman: “Yeah! Let’s pick up some girls!
Man: “I know how to please a woman.
Woman: “Then please leave me alone.
Man: “I want to give myself to you.
Woman: “Sorry, I don’t accept cheap gifts.
Man: “If I could see you naked, I’d die happy:
Woman: “Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I’d probably die laughing.
Man: “Your body is like a temple.
Woman: “Sorry, there are no services today.
Man: “I’d go through anything for you.
Woman: “Good! Let’s start with your bank account.
Man: “I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: “Yes, but would you stay there?
jokes just to cheer the place up
jokes just to cheer the place up
"To be foolish and to recognize that one is foolish, is better than to be foolish and imagine that one is wise."
-
RedGlitter
- Posts: 15777
- Joined: Thu Dec 22, 2005 3:51 am
jokes just to cheer the place up
Man: “Haven’t we met before?
Woman: “Perhaps. I’m the receptionist at the VD Clinic.
:wah: That's great!
So's the one about the unfertilized eggs!
Woman: “Perhaps. I’m the receptionist at the VD Clinic.
:wah: That's great!
So's the one about the unfertilized eggs!
jokes just to cheer the place up
Things NOT to say in bed
1. But everybody looks funny naked!
2. You woke me up for that?
3. Did I mention the video camera?
4. Do you smell something burning?
5. Can you please try breathing through your nose.
6. A little rug burn never hurt anyone.
7. Darling, did you lock the back door?
8. But whipped cream makes me break out in a rash.
9. person 1: This is your first time...right? person 2: It is....... today
10. Can you pass me the remote control?
11. Do you accept Visa?
12. On second thoughts, let's turn off the lights.
13. And to think- I was really trying to pick up your friend.
14. So much for mouth-to-mouth
15. Hope you're as good looking when I'm sober...
16. Try not to smear my make-up, will you'?
17. But I just brushed my teeth... 18. Smile, you're on candid camera!
19. I thought you had the keys to the handcuffs?!
20. I want a baby!
21. So much for the fulfilment of sexual fantasies!
22. (in a menage a trois) Why am I doing all the work?
23. Did you know the ceiling needs painting?
24. When is this supposed to feel good?
25. Did I remember to take my pill?
26. Are you sure I don't know you from somewhere?
27. But my cat always sleeps on that pillow.
28. Did I tell you my aunt Martha died in this bed?
29. If you quit smoking you might have more endurance.
30. No, really.. I do this part better myself.
31. This would be more fun with a few more people.
32. You're almost as good as my ex!
33. You look younger than you feel.
34. Perhaps you're just out of practice.
35. Now I know why she dumped you...
36. Does your husband own a sawn off shot-gun?
37. Have you ever considered liposuction?
38. And to think, I didn't even have to buy you dinner!
39. What are you planning to make for breakfast?
40. I'll tell you I'm fantasizing about if you tell me who you're fantasizing about..
41. Does this count as a date?
42. I think biting is romantic- don't you?
42. When would you like to meet my parents?
43. Have you seen "fatal attraction"?
44. Sorry about the name tags, I'm not to good with names.
45. Don't mind me... I always file my nails in bed.
46. Don't worry, my dog's really friendly for a doberman.
47. Sorry but I don't do toes.
48. You could at least act like you're enjoying it!
49. Keep the noise down, my mother is a light sleeper.
50. I've slept with more women than Casanova!
1. But everybody looks funny naked!
2. You woke me up for that?
3. Did I mention the video camera?
4. Do you smell something burning?
5. Can you please try breathing through your nose.
6. A little rug burn never hurt anyone.
7. Darling, did you lock the back door?
8. But whipped cream makes me break out in a rash.
9. person 1: This is your first time...right? person 2: It is....... today
10. Can you pass me the remote control?
11. Do you accept Visa?
12. On second thoughts, let's turn off the lights.
13. And to think- I was really trying to pick up your friend.
14. So much for mouth-to-mouth
15. Hope you're as good looking when I'm sober...
16. Try not to smear my make-up, will you'?
17. But I just brushed my teeth... 18. Smile, you're on candid camera!
19. I thought you had the keys to the handcuffs?!
20. I want a baby!
21. So much for the fulfilment of sexual fantasies!
22. (in a menage a trois) Why am I doing all the work?
23. Did you know the ceiling needs painting?
24. When is this supposed to feel good?
25. Did I remember to take my pill?
26. Are you sure I don't know you from somewhere?
27. But my cat always sleeps on that pillow.
28. Did I tell you my aunt Martha died in this bed?
29. If you quit smoking you might have more endurance.
30. No, really.. I do this part better myself.
31. This would be more fun with a few more people.
32. You're almost as good as my ex!
33. You look younger than you feel.
34. Perhaps you're just out of practice.
35. Now I know why she dumped you...
36. Does your husband own a sawn off shot-gun?
37. Have you ever considered liposuction?
38. And to think, I didn't even have to buy you dinner!
39. What are you planning to make for breakfast?
40. I'll tell you I'm fantasizing about if you tell me who you're fantasizing about..
41. Does this count as a date?
42. I think biting is romantic- don't you?
42. When would you like to meet my parents?
43. Have you seen "fatal attraction"?
44. Sorry about the name tags, I'm not to good with names.
45. Don't mind me... I always file my nails in bed.
46. Don't worry, my dog's really friendly for a doberman.
47. Sorry but I don't do toes.
48. You could at least act like you're enjoying it!
49. Keep the noise down, my mother is a light sleeper.
50. I've slept with more women than Casanova!
"To be foolish and to recognize that one is foolish, is better than to be foolish and imagine that one is wise."
jokes just to cheer the place up
that is awesome!! haha :wah:
"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax, and get used to the idea." - Robert A. Heinlein
-
littlemissgiggle
- Posts: 2345
- Joined: Fri May 04, 2007 1:27 pm
jokes just to cheer the place up
:wah: loved them both thanks el guapo 
jokes just to cheer the place up
I've used 49 of those lines.
What a slut!:-3
What a slut!:-3
jokes just to cheer the place up
JacksDad;674340 wrote: I've used 49 of those lines.
What a slut!:-3
witch one didnt ya use
What a slut!:-3
witch one didnt ya use
"To be foolish and to recognize that one is foolish, is better than to be foolish and imagine that one is wise."
jokes just to cheer the place up
el guapo;674342 wrote: witch one didnt ya use
I've never had a Doberman.
:D
I've never had a Doberman.
:D
-
RedGlitter
- Posts: 15777
- Joined: Thu Dec 22, 2005 3:51 am
jokes just to cheer the place up
47. Sorry but I don't do toes.
Eww.
Eww.
