Communication

[koan]

What do you think are the main blocks to communication? Is it in the expression of a thought or difficulty in listening? Why do you think people fail to communicate? How do you think this could be improved?

[WonderWendy3]

I don't understand the question.................:-3:wah:



Sorry, a bit of humor there....to answer the question, I think it is a little of both the failure to express ourselves for someone to understand us fully, and of course there are times that yes means no, so its really hard to pin point to one reason why there are communication glitches in our society.

[spot]

A sense of guilt, an inability to surmount or sidestep history, more guilt, and a bit more forgiveness in the world in that order. Ignore me, I just thought I'd register my opinion.

[YZGI]

koan;686808 wrote: What do you think are the main blocks to communication? Is it in the expression of a thought or difficulty in listening? Why do you think people fail to communicate? How do you think this could be improved?
All the different accents and languages.

[minks]

Failure to listen, how many times have you engaged in conversation with someone and blamo they have to talk up over top of you.... ummm oh does this only happen to me....

Seriously in my experience it's failure to listen. I watched a family last nite that was nattering at the dinner table and it became a 2 on 1 and 1 got pissed off and left the dinner table. As an outsider I realized the 2 failed to listen to the 1 and it appears that happens a lot among these 3 and poor number 1 is grossly missunderstood.

I think often children are not listened too. We grow impatient with them and presto communications are broken.

JMO

[henrychalder]

koan;686808 wrote: What do you think are the main blocks to communication? Is it in the expression of a thought or difficulty in listening? Why do you think people fail to communicate? How do you think this could be improved?


I have to admit, I'm accused of not being a good listener, sometimes when my partner goes into telling me something I often get so tediously bored that I find it difficult to keep my eyes open and myself nodding off, sometimes when I have to answer a question I even slur my words as I try to stay awake out of politeness on whatever subject she wants me to discuss. At work I'm terrible at listening especially when a subject is on work matters as I have no interest in my work at all only that I get paid. Trying to listen to someone at a bar is even worse, they usually want to talk about some poxy football team and about some foreign new signing or a Prima Donna.

I either dominate a conversation or I'll walk away and I cant stand women talking about their poxy offspring or sprogs

[koan]

minks;686826 wrote: Failure to listen, how many times have you engaged in conversation with someone and blamo they have to talk up over top of you.... ummm oh does this only happen to me....

Seriously in my experience it's failure to listen. I watched a family last nite that was nattering at the dinner table and it became a 2 on 1 and 1 got pissed off and left the dinner table. As an outsider I realized the 2 failed to listen to the 1 and it appears that happens a lot among these 3 and poor number 1 is grossly missunderstood.

I think often children are not listened too. We grow impatient with them and presto communications are broken.

JMO


very interesting observing other people it's a lot easier to keep perspective. Reveals so much more.

[Indian Princess]

I just went through this with my ex-husband a few days ago, and I am embarrassed to say it was me who wasnt communicating, anger and frustration got in the way, and when I was done being two, he wasnt in the mood to talk, so I totally screwed that up.

[RedGlitter]

Possibly we are too busy shielding ourselves from presumed or anticipated arrows (insults, putdowns. criticisms) so that we are in better concentration of protecting ourselves than we are in listening.

[minks]

koan;686862 wrote: very interesting observing other people it's a lot easier to keep perspective. Reveals so much more.


I will always be "the listener" in a group.

[minks]

RedGlitter;686915 wrote: Possibly we are too busy shielding ourselves from presumed or anticipated arrows (insults, putdowns. criticisms) so that we are in better concentration of protecting ourselves than we are in listening.


Oiy really do you think so, then we go back to Spots post about guilt, why would we always feel that way when engaging in conversation, that would be a whole lot of negative conversation if we were always protecting ourselves.

I know of people who blow them selves up in almost every conversation they engage in, (that one up manship thing)

[RedGlitter]

minks;686925 wrote: Oiy really do you think so, then we go back to Spots post about guilt, why would we always feel that way when engaging in conversation, that would be a whole lot of negative conversation if we were always protecting ourselves.

I know of people who blow them selves up in almost every conversation they engage in, (that one up manship thing)


Often I think so and some of that is from personal experience. It depends of course on who you're talking with. I know I see it done here sometimes and have done it myself here and in offline life.

I also know some of those people you mentioned- the blowfishes :wah: and they're annoying.

[mikeinie]

I have years of management experience and I would defiantly say listening skill are the most poorly developed. So often people hear what they want to hear, or they are so busy thinking up their next thought, that they do not pay attention to what is being said at the time.

As a part of that, there is then the issue of accepting what is being said, and being open to change an opinion based on information. So many people are so unwilling to change an opinion, it is like they feel they can’t loose and it is a battle rather than listening to facts and formulating an opinion based on information. Instead they will dig their heals in on a point and not listen to any other reasoning.

[minks]

RedGlitter;686935 wrote: Often I think so and some of that is from personal experience. It depends of course on who you're talking with. I know I see it done here sometimes and have done it myself here and in offline life.

I also know some of those people you mentioned- the blowfishes :wah: and they're annoying.


Ouch

I suppose our stumbling blocks with communication are wide and varied. Perhaps situation by situation. Experiences, Up Bringing, Confidence levels etc.

[minks]

mikeinie;686938 wrote: I have years of management experience and I would defiantly say listening skill are the most poorly developed. So often people hear what they want to hear, or they are so busy thinking up their next thought, that they do not pay attention to what is being said at the time.

As a part of that, there is then the issue of accepting what is being said, and being open to change an opinion based on information. So many people are so unwilling to change an opinion, it is like they feel they can’t loose and it is a battle rather than listening to facts and formulating an opinion based on information. Instead they will dig their heals in on a point and not listen to any other reasoning.


excellent points Mike. specially the one in red

[Lon]

koan;686808 wrote: What do you think are the main blocks to communication? Is it in the expression of a thought or difficulty in listening? Why do you think people fail to communicate? How do you think this could be improved?


I don't think there is one single reason. Some fail to communicate face to face because they allow themselves to be intimidated by the other persons demeanor, size, profession, or how they are dressed. Or, they just do not have the verbal skills necessary to communicate well.

With written communication it can be a lack of vocabulary and or writing skills.

Reading and listening comprehension are important, particularly if what is being said or written is not clear and concise. The failure to communicate then, lies with the speaker or writer, but not always, because here again the reader or listener may have poor comprehension due to not understanding or misconstruing words.

[WonderWendy3]

this thread is helping me today...thank you!:)

[minks]

Lon;686945 wrote: I don't think there is one single reason. Some fail to communicate face to face because they allow themselves to be intimidated by the other persons demeanor size, profession, or how they are dressed. Or, they just do not have the verbal skills necessary to communicate well.

With written communication it can be a lack of vocabulary and or writing skills.


hah... good points Lon. Give me written communication any day, you can edit it over and over again and then when you are happy with it, you can present it. Saves on hurt feelings often times hehehehe

Plus I am hard of hearing so over the years have forced listening upon myself which isn't always a bad thing.

[koan]

I like that email has replaced telephones to a large extent. I like having a written record of what has been said. Less so with personal convos than with business interactions. I think it keeps people more accountable for what they are saying when they know you have a record of it and can forward it to other people involved in a project or company.

On a personal level, I think emailing makes people commit to more meaningful conversation since it takes more effort to write it than to say it.

I have tried to implement advice I read on listening, suggesting that you repeat back what you think someone said to make sure you heard right and it's amazing how much that does to fix misunderstandings before they go too far.

[minks]

koan;686982 wrote: I like that email has replaced telephones to a large extent. I like having a written record of what has been said. Less so with personal convos than with business interactions. I think it keeps people more accountable for what they are saying when they know you have a record of it and can forward it to other people involved in a project or company.

On a personal level, I think emailing makes people commit to more meaningful conversation since it takes more effort to write it than to say it.

I have tried to implement advice I read on listening, suggesting that you repeat back what you think someone said to make sure you heard right and it's amazing how much that does to fix misunderstandings before they go too far.


i've learned to never walk away from a conversation with questions, always get them answered before you leave the room. You know what they say about assume

:D

[RedGlitter]

Koan makes several good points. All I would say is the flip side to that coin would be that email doesn't necessarily offer the benefit of voice inflection that voice does. I can't tell you how many times I have had it out with people, even friends, because I have misinterpreted their email or else taken it worse than I should have or else they have done the same with mine.

[minks]

RedGlitter;686986 wrote: Koan makes several good points. All I would say is the flip side to that coin would be that email doesn't necessarily offer the benefit of voice inflection that voice does. I can't tell you how many times I have had it out with people, even friends, because I have misinterpreted their email or else taken it worse than I should have or else they have done the same with mine.


and also, we can claim "I did not get the email"

personally I didlike it as a way of communication at work zzzzzzzzzzzzzz I don't always have time to weed through the spam to find legit emails.

Yep you got that right Glitter, try communication with an angry and defensive ex husband by email. He is forever thinking I am attacking him, I always have to type in, this is not to start a fight, I am not angry, this is a friendly post yada phecking yada.

[911]

minks;686925 wrote: Oiy really do you think so, then we go back to Spots post about guilt, why would we always feel that way when engaging in conversation, that would be a whole lot of negative conversation if we were always protecting ourselves.

I know of people who blow them selves up in almost every conversation they engage in, (that one up manship thing)


Lawd, I work with someone like that! :-5 You can't have a decent convo with her because no matter what you say she has something better. A better house, a better car, better furniture, etc.

I used to talk about my dogs all the time, she didn't have one. She went out and got one, a purebred! Of course, hers potties all over the house but it's OK if it's hers. Someone elses she would be talking about what a nasty housekeeper they were. I tried to warn her about that breed and how hard they were to housebreak but she had to have it cuz it was soooo vogue at the time.

[Kathy Ellen]

I'm having a tought time lately not listening to some of my friends and neighbors. If I don't get my thoughts out quickly they will just go on and on and on.

I had a lot of time to think about my life during my long trip to Florida. One of the skills I need to work on is to become a better listener to adults around me. I just find myself thinking of some thoughts I want to share and just blurt it out when they take a breath. I'm going to change that and just try to become a better listener. I think that we all want center stage:-5 I do have quite a few good friends who are good listeners ,and we have great conversations....but they are few and far between.

I am a good listener to my school kids though....they are always front and center to me.

[AussiePam]

The theory's great, but in the passion of the moment I usually end up blurting everything out, wearing my heart on my sleeve and I'd be a hopeless poker player. So when there's something on my mind, my friends usually just pour the coffee, shut up and let me let it all hang out. I'm sure at least half if not more of the time, it's me shutting up and pouring the wine and they're raving on..... chaotic, but it's certainly functional communication.

(Perhaps this is the necessary flipside for people who make their living through precise, carefully crafted, written communication)

[Kathy Ellen]

Yeehaaaa Pam,

Let me go first, and I'll blather on as you keep pouring the wine. Just don't interrupt me, ok??:yh_rotfl

[along-for-the-ride]

I work in Personnel. I have taught myself to stop what I am doing, make eye contact with the employee, and listen. I make that employee feel, at that moment, that he/she is the only one in the office besides me. Then I assist that employee the best I can.

[Kathy Ellen]

along-for-the-ride;687190 wrote: I work in Personnel. I have taught myself to stop what I am doing, make eye contact with the employee, and listen. I make that employee feel, at that moment, that he/she is the only one in the office besides me. Then I assist that employee the best I can.


WOW, can I work for you....PLEASE:-5

[along-for-the-ride]

Kathy Ellen;687221 wrote: WOW, can I work for you....PLEASE:-5


:wah: I'd hire ya. But...you must have a social security card and a valid state Id with a picture......or a passport. Wait a minute.....I'm not on the clock, I'm home...............I'll hire ya anyways. You can check and answer my e-mails here on the Forum Garden.

[Kathy Ellen]

along-for-the-ride;687229 wrote: :wah: I'd hire ya. But...you must have a social security card and a valid state Id with a picture......or a passport. Wait a minute.....I'm not on the clock, I'm home...............I'll hire ya anyways. You can check and answer my e-mails here on the Forum Garden.


Yes, yes, yes...I have everything you need. I just need someone to listen to me.:-6

[AussiePam]

Let it all hang out, Girlfriend!!!!!!

:sneaky:

[koan]

Just came across something I wrote about a year ago.

It is an honour to be,

a privilege to see,

and a practiced art to hear.

[JacksDad]

"So little pains do the vulgar take in the investigation of truth, accepting readily the first story that comes to hand." --Thucydides i.20

[venus]

many of us hear , but listening to what is behind the words..now that is an art..

how many times have we been asked or asked how are you and we are cra***, but we say fine!!

listen with everything you head ears heart and senses

for the past 10/11 months l have been working with clients with mental health difficulties, many cannot express themselves well, and boy have l learnt to communicate and listen

[watermark]

Hello-

For me listening depends on the situation or the felt need of the person I'm communicating with. I do love to listen to people who have things to say whether they want to get something off their chest or they are excited about something or they have some seriously great ability to expound on their beliefs (like Ted and Far on the Christianity thread, for example-- I could listen forever to those kinds of discussions I think because they are precise in a way I find fascinating and rare, and I'm learning something), but sometimes I'm inclined to interupt or interject my own lame thoughts and feelings on a whim for many reasons, some in order to keep me active in the conversation, some due to lack of attention/bad listening skills, some for selfish reasons, like gawdang why does this always have to be about 'you' (which is my ego talking I know, but still My personal bias on the subject is that in general most people do not listen very well for a variety of reasons. I have thought that the more people listened the less people would talk and maybe that would be a very good thing--unless of course you wanted to get crazy and forget about the troubles of the world and hang out and not be concerned about imparting some deep or troubling thing on your mind--then I say hell talk talk talk and listen little, haha. I do think if people listened more carefully to each other then more understanding would take place. Great topic!

Erin

[double helix]

henrychalder;686841 wrote: I have to admit, I'm accused of not being a good listener, sometimes when my partner goes into telling me something I often get so tediously bored that I find it difficult to keep my eyes open and myself nodding off, sometimes when I have to answer a question I even slur my words as I try to stay awake out of politeness on whatever subject she wants me to discuss. At work I'm terrible at listening especially when a subject is on work matters as I have no interest in my work at all only that I get paid. Trying to listen to someone at a bar is even worse, they usually want to talk about some poxy football team and about some foreign new signing or a Prima Donna.

I either dominate a conversation or I'll walk away and I cant stand women talking about their poxy offspring or sprogs


Whoa! That whole post is like saying, "talk to the HAND!" in English speak.