Need some wedding advice!

laneybug · Post by **laneybug** » Mon Sep 03, 2007 7:25 pm

So... my fiance and I are getting married June 7 of next year. And, I being the organized party planner that I am, I'm already starting to design save-the-date cards and invitations which means I've been working on our guest list as well. He and I have agreed to have a small wedding, with just close family and friends invited and then a larger reception with more people invited for that. Okay, so that's the basics.

So here's my problem. A lot of our friends are also co-workers. No issue there. However, he's good friends with a woman that works on my unit (she used to work with him on his unit) and I've grown to really, really hate working with her. She's miserable to work with. Not only is she mean and condescending to me, she's always negative and quite nasty and mean at times to the residents. (We work in a nursing home.) I'm not the only one who sees this in her. Seeing her at the wedding would really put me in a shi**y mood. But, still, he's been good friends with her for years, long before we've been together. Here's my dilemma. I want to invite her to the reception only, but he'd like to invite her to the wedding as well. I can't stand the thought of that evil woman being at the wedding, but I want to respect his friendship.

So, what do you think? How do I have this woman at our wedding without fuming that she's there? Or should I even invite her to the wedding at all, and just invite her for the reception? What should I do?

Sorry for the long-winded explanation. Any advice would be so great!!

Patsy Warnick · Post by **Patsy Warnick** » Mon Sep 03, 2007 8:20 pm

Many times several people/friends are invited to a reception only.

Your having a small wedding - family and very close friends only.

You make a list and invitations for the wedding and you make invitations for the reception.

Reception is for all friends, you'll find by the time you make your list you'll probably have to cut back on invites to the wedding.

Invitating reception only is very exceptable.

Does your fiancee have alot of contact & interaction with this woman at this time?

When this woman shows up to congratulate you - be cordgial - thank her and move on - there will be plenty to distract you.

Patsy

laneybug · Post by **laneybug** » Mon Sep 03, 2007 8:42 pm

Thanks for your reply!

No, he doesn't have much contact and interaction with her currently. They used to work together. He's an RN and she used to work on his unit, which is where they met and became friends. Now, she and I work on the same unit and she and my fiance never see each other at work since they work separate days, which was pretty much the only place he ever saw her anyway. Occasionally out of work at gatherings and things like that.

So, no, they aren't what I would consider very friendly at this point. I've talked to him about putting her on the reception only list because of how I feel about her and how miserable she's been to me lately, but he'd like to see her at the wedding. Not because he'd just die if she wasn't there because they're such good friends, but mostly because he knows she'd be insulted if she wasn't invited to the wedding (and would make it a living hell for both of us) and he doesn't want to burn any bridges. I can understand that. If she does end up going to our wedding, I'll be civil and friendly, like I am at work, I just know how often her negative attitude can bring me down and I don't want that to happen on our big day.

Ugh... I hate these etiquette dilemmas.

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Mon Sep 03, 2007 9:22 pm

Nice to see you again Laney.

Give her the benefit of the doubt and invite her if thats what he wants. Most people are big enough to mind their manners at a public event.

Patsy Warnick · Post by **Patsy Warnick** » Mon Sep 03, 2007 9:22 pm

Well if your having a rather small wedding some not so close people will be invited to reception only. thats no offense to anyone, you have to draw a line somewhere.

There's nothing wrong with friend/coworker being invited to a reception only invite. He doesn't work with her now - so he won't have to put up with any feed back or attitude. You work with her and she already has a attitude.

I'd invite her to a reception only along with all other co-workers.

Attitude - its the gift that keeps giving....

Patsy

Imladris · Post by **Imladris** » Tue Sep 04, 2007 4:18 am

When I got married we invited a woman that I now detest, at the time it was just mild dislike but, and here's the rub, she was married to hubby's best man and she was his first wife's so-called best friend and had been 'supportive' after she died (he didn't realise her true motives which I won't go into here but suffice it to say I have good reason to detest her)

The only thing I could do was grin and bear it. Which I did, it didn't take anything away from our wedding. I made a point of being polite to her but didn't seek her company during the day and at the end of the day I could look back and be glad for other people's sake that I hadn't made a fuss or excluded her.

I think for the sake of your fiance and your future working relations with this woman you may have to invite her. Maybe the best way to cope with the thought of her being there is to concentrate on the thought that all attention will be focused on you and him - not her, be polite but think nasty thoughts!:sneaky:

Indian Princess · Post by **Indian Princess** » Tue Sep 04, 2007 4:27 am

-Question, if she is that nast of a person, why is he friends with her, and if it were me I wouldnt invite her, if she asks why, simply tell her the truth.

rkdian · Post by **rkdian** » Tue Sep 04, 2007 4:35 am

I think this is where the most important and difficult aspect of a marriage comes to play...compromise. There will be MANY larger issues for you and your "hubby" to work out. If you can't come to terms with this, I can only wish you luck on the REALLY important things in the future. (Sorry to be a neigh-sayer, but that is my opinion. Just for the record, we will celebrate our 25th this month.)

laneybug · Post by **laneybug** » Tue Sep 04, 2007 1:13 pm

You all have really great points.

RedGlitter-- It's nice to see you too! I've been away for quite a while, I know. It's been terribly hectic around here and I don't get to do half the things I'd like to. Like cruise around on FG! Anyway, yes, she deserves the benefit of the doubt. And I know she'll be nice. That's not my issue. She has brains enough to not cause a scene at a wedding. It's more of a personal issue with me. She's one of those people who just makes your skin crawl. So, more than likely, I'll end up growing up and inviting her to the wedding.

Patsy Warnick-- True. Either way she'll always have her attitude. Whether she comes to the wedding or just the reception, she'll find something that she was left out of and be offended. So looking at it that way, knowing that nothing will satisfy her and something will always be wrong, helps me realize that if my fiance wants her at the wedding, then so be it. Her attitude isn't my problem.

Imladris-- Yes, nasty thoughts!!

Which is actually what I wanted to avoid during our ceremony, but I can live with it. And, honestly, that's the main reason why my fiance thinks we should invite her. He knows how much heck he'll catch from her if we don't. I really do want to respect my fiance's feelings. It's his big day too.

Indian Princess-- Good question. I'm a very picky person when it comes to people I call friends. My fiance, Jim, on the other hand, can easily make friends with anyone. He sees through her terrible attitude and sees a nice person. I don't. I don't think anyone should have to look that far to see the good in someone, people should just wise up and act nice to begin with. And, like I said above, it's less of a question of how good of friends they are and more about not insulting her and getting a bunch of crap because of it. That's why it's an kind of an icky situation.

rkdian-- You're right. This is a small issue. And I really haven't made a big deal of it to Jim. I've asked him what he thinks and expressed what I think. It hasn't turned into a huge argument or anything, and I was wondering what other people would do in the same situation, hence this thread. We've worked on many, many large and challenging issues and come out on the other side together. I know we're solid. This little thing just popped up for me when I was planning our guest list. And, like I said, it's more of a personal issue for me to deal with than anything else.

Anyway.... thanks everyone for your input! :-6

neffy · Post by **neffy** » Tue Sep 04, 2007 1:36 pm

congrats great news xx

Patsy Warnick · Post by **Patsy Warnick** » Tue Sep 04, 2007 2:58 pm

So now you'll have to tell us your plans - where - dress- colors etc..

Congrats

Patsy

laneybug · Post by **laneybug** » Wed Sep 05, 2007 5:57 pm

Patsy Warnick;690111 wrote: So now you'll have to tell us your plans - where - dress- colors etc..

Congrats

Patsy

Thanks Patsy! Well..... I've been planning a lot lately. I've currently been designing save-the-dates and wedding invitations. It's going to be outside on a rocky shore in Maine (which is the state I live in.) June 7, 2008. Colors are going to be red wine, black & white. My dress is going to be handmade and I'm thinking of it being like the one in this link..... http://www.dresses.com/wedding7.html but I'd like the long neck ties that go in back to be the red wine color, if you can picture that. Also, there's an ongoing theme of celtic love knots which will be on our wedding bands like here..... http://www.metalsmiths.com/tutone5.jpg . There are love knots on the invitations I've recently designed as well. That's what I've been working on so far!! Hope you like!

Patsy Warnick · Post by **Patsy Warnick** » Wed Sep 05, 2007 6:08 pm

Love the dress - and having the red wine color for the back scarf section will be beautiful draping down the back - love it

With the rings & invitations with love knots, you've even this alot of thought, very nice tie in - good details.

You might be able to find some ribbon at a material store with your love knots, I was thinking simple ribbon around the napkins and tokens etc. - simple & inexpensive way to tie your theme together. Being close to the Holidays, stores will have your red wine color.

I sew alot - this was just a suggestion for your theme, and I love red - this will be beautiful.

Patsy

laneybug · Post by **laneybug** » Thu Sep 06, 2007 4:55 pm

Thanks Patsy! I love all your suggestions. I've been getting inspiration from people and places everywhere. I really like the ribbon with love knots idea. I'll do some browsing at craft and sewing shops and see what I can find. Great idea, thanks! I'm trying to think about what to do for small gifts and such with love knots. I'm pretty crafty, so I can make a lot myself, etc. Any good ideas on favors/gifts? I'm accepting of all suggestions! :-6

SuzyB · Post by **SuzyB** » Thu Sep 06, 2007 4:58 pm

laneybug;690610 wrote: Thanks Patsy! Well..... I've been planning a lot lately. I've currently been designing save-the-dates and wedding invitations. It's going to be outside on a rocky shore in Maine (which is the state I live in.) June 7, 2008. Colors are going to be red wine, black & white. My dress is going to be handmade and I'm thinking of it being like the one in this link..... http://www.dresses.com/wedding7.html but I'd like the long neck ties that go in back to be the red wine color, if you can picture that. Also, there's an ongoing theme of celtic love knots which will be on our wedding bands like here..... http://www.metalsmiths.com/tutone5.jpg . There are love knots on the invitations I've recently designed as well. That's what I've been working on so far!! Hope you like!

Love the dress :-4

Patsy Warnick · Post by **Patsy Warnick** » Thu Sep 06, 2007 5:42 pm

Craft stores have those small bottles - bubble bottles, small containers, lift the lid and blow bubbles - you could wrap a small piece of ribbon around the bottles for each place setting with or without tags attached with guests names - for seating arrangements.

they also have small silver baskets for the same purpose - seating arrangements or just placed at each setting. or just make a large basket of them for your guests to grab as they enter.

Its amazing all the wedding stuff craft stores have

Another good idea is to place disposable cameras on the tables and the guests can take random picture for you.

What ideas or are you giving gifts to you wedding party?

Patsy

laneybug · Post by **laneybug** » Fri Sep 07, 2007 6:21 pm

As always, great ideas Patsy!

I did a little searching online and here are a few ideas of some neat wedding favors that carry on the celtic love knot theme:

http://www.giftfavors.com/wedding-favor ... ins_sm.jpg I could put these in a little satin bag with a personal thank you note for joining us at the wedding. I kinda like that idea.

http://www.keepsakefavors.com/favors/im ... ductid=380 I think these chocolates are really cute!

http://www.celticattic.com/treasures/we ... edding.jpg I absolutely love these candles!

Thanks for being so interested and helpful with all your wonderful ideas. They're always welcome! :-6

Patsy Warnick · Post by **Patsy Warnick** » Fri Sep 07, 2007 7:06 pm

I like the chocolates - great idea

I also like the candles - now were you planing to give candles to all guests of the wedding party?

Patsy