that kinda sucked

Peg · Post by **Peg** » Fri Sep 07, 2007 5:10 pm

I doubt that I could've said much at all.

WonderWendy3 · Post by **WonderWendy3** » Fri Sep 07, 2007 5:13 pm

awww, I'm so sorry Jimbo!

Yes, I'm one of those that get tongue tied, want to say so much and all that comes out is what sounds rehearsed "call if you need something, anything"....ugh....

When I lost Mason, our Pastor warned me of "well meaning people" that would say things that would make you shake your head, but its a natural thing and people understand, sometimes just sitting and bein' quiet or someone to hug is all they need too....:-4:-4

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Fri Sep 07, 2007 5:13 pm

Yes. Sometimes though your time to shine comes at a better time than what you expected.

Suzy said the right things today, you'll say them tomorrow. And you'll be very helpful I am sure.

I'm sorry to hear this very sad news.

SuzyB · Post by **SuzyB** » Fri Sep 07, 2007 5:27 pm

I dont feel that I said the right things, I was crying so badly at what she was going through, she is only 21 her Dad called to tell her she had to identify the body on Sat morning and that was me gone :-1

Brought back memories of the baby Jim and I lost:(

Bruv · Post by **Bruv** » Fri Sep 07, 2007 5:27 pm

Jimbo.....I only know you from a few posts on here....and the tone you set is one of full on funny.

Believe me your silence and feeling of inadequacy spoke more than all the words you might have muttered.

RedGlitter is right......when it is time to lift spirits....not yet.....I am sure you will do just that.

Nothing you could have said would really matter, but your presence and a hand on a shoulder meant more than any words.

Who is "adequate" to handle such a horrific situation ?

Dont beat yourself up....you cant fix it......just be your own caring self....thats all you can do right now

Indian Princess · Post by **Indian Princess** » Fri Sep 07, 2007 5:38 pm

-Unless you have been through it, what could you say! My prayers go up to them for peace . How awful

SuzyB · Post by **SuzyB** » Fri Sep 07, 2007 5:48 pm

She said to me 'How can there be a God' and I have to agree, that poor girl and her two remaining children that don't understand why their Baby Sister has gone

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Fri Sep 07, 2007 5:51 pm

SuzyB;691720 wrote: I dont feel that I said the right things, I was crying so badly at what she was going through, she is only 21 her Dad called to tell her she had to identify the body on Sat morning and that was me gone :-1

Brought back memories of the baby Jim and I lost:(

Suzy, don't you think maybe that sometimes that's what's needed most? Someone to share their pain. To understand their pain. Sometimes (I think) that's better than words. A person's heart doesn't need words to touch another. Sometimes all you want is for someone to understand.

I'm sorry this caused you and Jimbo more pain. I really am. I don't know what to say except that I'm sorry.

SuzyB · Post by **SuzyB** » Fri Sep 07, 2007 5:57 pm

RedGlitter;691731 wrote: Suzy, don't you think maybe that sometimes that's what's needed most? Someone to share their pain. To understand their pain. Sometimes (I think) that's better than words. A person's heart doesn't need words to touch another. Sometimes all you want is for someone to understand.

I'm sorry this caused you and Jimbo more pain. I really am. I don't know what to say except that I'm sorry.

You are such a sincere and good person Terri :-4

The last thing I wanted to do was break down but you would of had to of had a heart of stone to not feel for her, someone shouted at her that didn't know the circumstances and I lost it big time.

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Fri Sep 07, 2007 6:04 pm

You both did you what you could, under the hardest times possible. The poor girl, we are praying for her.

You sometimes never know what to say. One of my best friends lost her 14 year old daughter last month, it was hard to say anything. Just sitting there and crying with her, that was about all I could do.

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Fri Sep 07, 2007 6:04 pm

I can understand that. You were there for them. That's what matters. I imagine over the next weeks, maybe months, well meaning people (and sometimes idiots) will say all the usual bs and offer your friends platitudes because they don't know what else to say, but you and Jimbo will be there with open hearts and you'll know the right ways to be of help. :-4

koan · Post by **koan** » Fri Sep 07, 2007 6:27 pm

maybe just knowing they aren't the only ones who have had this happen helps too.

that you two have managed to go on must be encouraging to them on some level.

I don't think there is anything you could say that will take any pain away.

Patsy Warnick · Post by **Patsy Warnick** » Fri Sep 07, 2007 7:24 pm

How awful

Jimbo if you had a lump in your throat and at a loss for words thats totally understandable - as Red stated they reached out to you both because you do understand. I'm so sorry

My God, what more can happen? you two bring tears to my eyes

Patsy

Post by **Betty Boop** » Sat Sep 08, 2007 12:55 am

:-4 and :yh_hugs to everyone.

What terrible news, all you can do is be there for the whole family, I doubt words will be enough right now anyway, the acceptance of those comes much later, not right now whilst its all so raw.

Life seems so unfair sometimes. :-1

neffy · Post by **neffy** » Sat Sep 08, 2007 1:21 am

this is very very sad news suzy :-1 for all concernd my freind lost her baby when he was 12 weeks and all i could do is be there for her anytime of the day and night

love to you all xxx

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Sat Sep 08, 2007 5:41 am

Obviously I don't know what it's like to lose a child but when I lost my mother, I found a kind of solace in the emotions shown by others. To know that they were as pained as I was at the loss of her was better than all the words spoken to me by others. It made me feel not as alone and not as isolated as I might have felt otherwise. I don't really remember what people said to me in those earlier days, although I know it was the usual condolence stuff. What I remember are the hugs, the friends who sat with me and held my hands, the ones who shed tears openly and the friends who called me often over the next few months and even the next year to let me know they were still there.

That's why I think you did fine. Just be there.

:-4

kazalala · Post by **kazalala** » Sat Sep 08, 2007 8:49 am

Im so sorry to hear this sad news, but that poor girl cant have any better friends than Suzy and JImbo of that im sure.

Even though i have lost a child myself, i still felt totally inadequate when one of my friends went through the same thing. I think you just have to accept that there is nothing at all you can say to make them feel better, just be there when they need you. I know what you mean JImbo about knowing that a sort of normal life will resume and you wont feel as distraught as you do at this moment. But like you said it will be of no comfort just now. As my son only lived for four hours i still feel bitter, cheated and i think a bit jealous sometimes that i didnt get to have any real memories of him. ( he had already passed away before i got to hold him) I personally always want to tell people to treasure the memories they have, and that in time they will be able to remember them with a smile. But of course, again it just sounds like one the silly things people say when they dont really know what to say.

I know you both will do your very best for her:-4

Imladris · Post by **Imladris** » Sat Sep 08, 2007 11:21 am

You both did the best thing that you could - you showed that she wasn't alone in her grief, by crying you showed that her loss matters not just to her.

Just by keeping in touch and listening you will be doing the best thing possible. So many people don't know how to handle someone who is grieving - all you can do is be a friend.

You know yourselves that sometimes you want to talk about the person you lost and sometimes you don't, often you will want to go over and over the same things - just listening is the biggest and kindest thing to do.

I am so sorry for her loss, as I once heard from a local minister - she will never 'get over' it but with time she will come to terms with it.

:-4:-4 for you all

along-for-the-ride · Post by **along-for-the-ride** » Sat Sep 08, 2007 1:47 pm

Sometimes just being there is enough.

My deepest sympathies to the family.

booradley · Post by **booradley** » Sat Sep 08, 2007 2:30 pm

words are nothing, your support in the future and talking about the little one will be what counts