What is the best for your children??

SuzyB · Post by **SuzyB** » Tue Sep 11, 2007 1:08 pm

Sam and Jenna both went to a Church Primary School, Sam left to go to High School last year and Jenna has just started where Sam goes.

The Church School was a lovely family type school, one class per year only 168 in the whole school, all the children knew each other and there was rarely any nastiness. I sent them there not only for the education but because it was so small and friendly, I am now having serious doubts as to whether that was the best thing for them.

They are both finding things particularly difficult, Sam was the only child to go to his Secondary from his Primary, he made 2-3 good friends, these friends have now fallen out with him, it seems that if you fall out with one person then the others stop talking to you. I have tried to tell him that they are not true friends and not to waste any time and energy trying to make people like you, he is worth so much more than trying to beg for a persons friendship.

Jenna is finding it hard going from a school of 168 pupils to one with 860.

I thought that by sending them to a loving small church school I was doing the best thing for them, I am now starting to wonder if I did do the right thing, all the other kids seem so much more street wise and less compassionate.

Lon · Post by **Lon** » Tue Sep 11, 2007 1:19 pm

The small church school would have a tendency I believe to insulate the children from the interactions of many different personalities that are found in a larger school, where one learns certain survival skills.

SuzyB · Post by **SuzyB** » Tue Sep 11, 2007 1:22 pm

Lon;693253 wrote: The small church school would have a tendency I believe to insulate the children from the interactions of many different personalities that are found in a larger school, where one learns certain survival skills.

That most definately seems to be the case Lon, I just don't know how to advise them to be stronger and not allow themselves to be treated this way. Any advise?

YZGI · Post by **YZGI** » Tue Sep 11, 2007 1:33 pm

SuzyB;693260 wrote: That most definately seems to be the case Lon, I just don't know how to advise them to be stronger and not allow themselves to be treated this way. Any advise?
I'm sure they probably got a better education in the small church school also. I wouldn't fret much, kids are pretty resiliant and will figure out for themselves how to interact. I would say just give it ome time.

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Tue Sep 11, 2007 1:34 pm

Tell them to select a small group of friends, you do not have to know everyone in a large school. It will be very difficult for them-I went to a private Christian school until college, graduating class numbered 24.

along-for-the-ride · Post by **along-for-the-ride** » Tue Sep 11, 2007 1:39 pm

It sounds to me.Suzy, that this is a period of adjustment for your children. new school, new classmates, new routine, etc. If you really like this school and its curriculum and the teachers, have faith. Children lose friends and make new ones in a large public school as well.

I am a mother also, so I know how it is to want to protect you children from any kind of pain. But this is life; the joys and the disappointments. This is part of growing up.

Here's a hug for you.

SuzyB · Post by **SuzyB** » Tue Sep 11, 2007 1:41 pm

YZGI;693267 wrote: I'm sure they probably got a better education in the small church school also. I wouldn't fret much, kids are pretty resiliant and will figure out for themselves how to interact. I would say just give it ome time.

Thing is Sam is just withdrawing into himself, but I am sure that you are right oh YZ one

chonsigirl;693269 wrote: Tell them to select a small group of friends, you do not have to know everyone in a large school. It will be very difficult for them-I went to a private Christian school until college, graduating class numbered 24.

That is the problem he selected a small set of friends but he really is not used to a pack turning, I can honestly say that the church school was so friendly and near on all the kids were really nice good children.

He has been crying tonight as he is just so upset, I never would but I feel like going to their parents and telling them what their kids are up to, one of them the ring leader, wrote on the white board 'Sam sucks C***s' and has told other kids in the year that Sam is Gay.

SuzyB · Post by **SuzyB** » Tue Sep 11, 2007 1:43 pm

along-for-the-ride;693272 wrote: It sounds to me.Suzy, that this is a period of adjustment for your children. new school, new classmates, new routine, etc. If you really like this school and its curriculum and the teachers, have faith. Children lose friends and make new ones in a large public school as well.

I am a mother also, so I know how it is to want to protect you children from any kind of pain. But this is life; the joys and the disappointments. This is part of growing up.

Here's a hug for you.

Thank you, hug gratefully appreciated :-4 I know that everyone is right but I just worry as they are such good kids and have been through so much with me and their Nan being sick.

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Tue Sep 11, 2007 1:56 pm

Oh, a mean bunch of kids there. That is so hard to give advice, I don't know if telling their parents will do a thing.

SuzyB · Post by **SuzyB** » Tue Sep 11, 2007 2:03 pm

chonsigirl;693283 wrote: Oh, a mean bunch of kids there. That is so hard to give advice, I don't know if telling their parents will do a thing.

I honestly don't believe it would improve a thing, I have said to Sam that if one of them hits him he is to hit them back, but it really isn't him at all, he's the joker of the family, like a mini me of Jim, he has always got on with everyone and quite a sensitive soul. Now Jenna, although she is finding it hard due to the amount of children and the size of the school, I have no doubt that she would be able to look after herself and she would not put up with people that were nasty to her.

booradley · Post by **booradley** » Tue Sep 11, 2007 2:24 pm

kids are cruel. All mine have been through a church primary before being shunted into high school...talk about culture shock.

It's not so much that the church primary was wrong as that the high schools over here are, for the most part, terrible.

all the Sam is gay stuff etc...my daughter moved high school in year 9 because she was bullied quite badly. she was, and still is, far too nice for her own good. and what did she get as soon as she moved? "Jess had to move school 'cus she got caught frigging herself with a pencil" The school soon nipped it in the bud though (this one has over a thousand pupils) and she made friends with the other quiet girls. The next one down, like your daughter, can look after herself.

school is a cruel and unusual punishment for some kids. If I could afford to quit work, I'd give home education a shot and hire tutors for maths, science and literacy

SuzyB · Post by **SuzyB** » Tue Sep 11, 2007 2:31 pm

booradley;693301 wrote: kids are cruel. All mine have been through a church primary before being shunted into high school...talk about culture shock.

It's not so much that the church primary was wrong as that the high schools over here are, for the most part, terrible.

all the Sam is gay stuff etc...my daughter moved high school in year 9 because she was bullied quite badly. she was, and still is, far too nice for her own good. and what did she get as soon as she moved? "Jess had to move school 'cus she got caught frigging herself with a pencil" The school soon nipped it in the bud though (this one has over a thousand pupils) and she made friends with the other quiet girls. The next one down, like your daughter, can look after herself.

school is a cruel and unusual punishment for some kids. If I could afford to quit work, I'd give home education a shot and hire tutors for maths, science and literacy

He has said that he doesn't want to stay at the school, but s by far the best school around, what happens if I move him and he has problems there?? I just wish he could stick up for himself.

I am glad that your eldest has made friends with some nice kids at the new school.:-6

It's funny how you bring your children up the same way yet their personailty takes over, Jenna is so much more mentally stronger, I don't know why as they have been treated the same way

booradley · Post by **booradley** » Tue Sep 11, 2007 2:45 pm

I think the best thing to do is just bolster his confidence and remind him of what a lovely person he is...would he really want to be like those other kids? I don't think so...plus while they're wasting time on being nasty, Sam is getting his head down and working. He'll end up better off in the end.

SuzyB · Post by **SuzyB** » Tue Sep 11, 2007 2:47 pm

booradley;693318 wrote: I think the best thing to do is just bolster his confidence and remind him of what a lovely person he is...would he really want to be like those other kids? I don't think so...plus while they're wasting time on being nasty, Sam is getting his head down and working. He'll end up better off in the end.

Thank you

Lon · Post by **Lon** » Tue Sep 11, 2007 2:49 pm

SuzyB;693260 wrote: That most definately seems to be the case Lon, I just don't know how to advise them to be stronger and not allow themselves to be treated this way. Any advise?

The children cannot control how others choose to treat them, but they can have control over how they choose to respond to the way they are treated.

SuzyB · Post by **SuzyB** » Tue Sep 11, 2007 2:51 pm

Lon;693320 wrote: The children cannot control how others choose to treat them, but they can have control over how they choose to respond to the way they are treated.

I have told him that but he seems to try even harder to please them, he is upset with me because I wouldn't let him phone or knock for one of them earlier, it will just knock his confidence even more.

Imladris · Post by **Imladris** » Wed Sep 12, 2007 1:50 am

I think a lot of kids go through this sort of thing, my daughter is the over sensitive one who tends to get picked on and not have too many close friends, so I really feel for you.

I think all you can do is keep encouraging him to make new friends and let him know that he is welcome to invite them home for the chance to have some time with one of them and hopefully make a better friendship.

As for the Sam is gay rubbish - I vividly remember the everything and everyone is gay phase that my brother and his friends went through, incredibly tedious but they eventually grew out of it. Although if Sam is being singled out then you may have to speak to his form tutor to try to nip it in the bud.

Good luck!

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Wed Sep 12, 2007 2:22 am

I don't think you did them a disservice by putting them in a closer knit school, Suzy. It sounds they're better people for it.

This behavior toward Sam seems like typical high school garbage to me. I had a hard time my freshman and even sophomore years with people's attitudes toward me but it all evened itself out by junior year. I had a better sense of self by then and could let stuff roll off easier. I bet it will pass and that Sam will find truer friends. That said though, I don't want to be too cavalier about it. I'd keep an eye out and make sure Sam doesn't start getting depressed or disturbed worse by it.

It sounds like high school hasn't changed much in 20 some years. What a disappointment.

YZGI · Post by **YZGI** » Wed Sep 12, 2007 6:40 am

Just buy him a Hummer and let him drive it to school, he will have all the friends he can handle. At least it seems to work over here.

SuzyB · Post by **SuzyB** » Wed Sep 12, 2007 6:44 am

YZGI;693496 wrote: Just buy him a Hummer and let him drive it to school, he will have all the friends he can handle. At least it seems to work over here.

Great plan, but he can't hold a license for another 5 years :wah: