Alone vs. Cohabitate

Indian Princess · Post by **Indian Princess** » Tue Sep 18, 2007 8:05 pm

I have lived alone for almost 8 years, and I have had to recently move in with my ex to get some money together to rent this very nice house. Well I will be moving soon, and it will feel wierd, but I think that I know by now, I can not live with other people besides my child and mom(I wish I did live with mom) anyways, have any of you reached that conclusion, would you rather live alone with your kids, or have a person of the opposite sex live with you.

Lon · Post by **Lon** » Tue Sep 18, 2007 8:16 pm

Indian Princess;696524 wrote: I have lived alone for almost 8 years, and I have had to recently move in with my ex to get some money together to rent this very nice house. Well I will be moving soon, and it will feel wierd, but I think that I know by now, I can not live with other people besides my child and mom(I wish I did live with mom) anyways, have any of you reached that conclusion, would you rather live alone with your kids, or have a person of the opposite sex live with you.

That's kinda of a strange question Princess. Are you saying that you could not love someone of the opposite sex and live with them?

Indian Princess · Post by **Indian Princess** » Tue Sep 18, 2007 8:25 pm

No, Lon, woah! Back the train up. I can love someone of the opposite sex, it's just I dont think I want to ever live with them. Maybe it is different for a women.

Minks, do you live alone

I have to have somewhere to go that is all mine. Its hard to explain

ThreeStents · Post by **ThreeStents** » Tue Sep 18, 2007 8:48 pm

One of the basics is having a safe place you can call home. It doesn't matter so much whether or not you are sharing it with someone or not. Your kids probably need it as much or more than you do. I always hated living in apartments and so did my kids when they lived with me. Everybody felt so much better when I finally moved into a house, even though I had gotten divorced, it wasn't 6 months until they both showed up at my front door, and, uh...they've been here ever since! No, actually they moved out to live with their mates a few years later.

Another thing is location. It does matter where you live. My goal is to move out of this town and back to the country as soon as possible. I hate living this close to other people. To hell with the convenience. I don't know the people who live directly across the street from me, nor the people next door. I see them going in and out, but I don't know them. I grew up in the country, and being out in nature was important to me. Nature for my grandson is going to the zoo or the park.

I played with Indian kids, we hunted and fished and played stickball. There was an old medicine man who lived about three miles from us in an old run down shack in the woods. I used to walk over there in the winter and sit in his living room and listen to him tell stories. He had somewhere around 15 dogs and they slept on his front porch and under the house. They followed him everywhere he went. On the weekends we'd go to stickball games. My grandson goes to movies and plays video games. He hasn't been on a horse since he was 6 years old. This is a big concrete and asphalt prison, not a community.

WonderWendy3 · Post by **WonderWendy3** » Tue Sep 18, 2007 8:59 pm

I've lived alone with my kids almost all of thier lives, (the ex was a truck driver and gone 5 days a week) and it would take a very special man to live with me and my boys....its been 4 years since the ex left, and I really like my space....I understand what you are saying IP....doesn't mean that a wonderful man couldn't come along and I'd want to share my space....

Lon · Post by **Lon** » Tue Sep 18, 2007 9:26 pm

Indian Princess;696539 wrote: No, Lon, woah! Back the train up. I can love someone of the opposite sex, it's just I dont think I want to ever live with them. Maybe it is different for a women.

Minks, do you live alone

I have to have somewhere to go that is all mine. Its hard to explain

I can certainly understand needing your own space, but do you need it 24/7?

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Tue Sep 18, 2007 9:35 pm

If you want to have alone time, get a garage like men do. Mine becomes my "studio" in the winter and I paint and create things in it.

Or lock the bathroom door and take a bubble bath. Go to the library and wrap yourself up in knowledge and history. Or romance books if that's your thing.

Everyone's different and as much as I value my alone time, I don't choose to live alone because I like having someone to greet when I get up and to talk with throughout the day.

But I have no children which makes my situation different from yours. If I had kids, I might want to live with them only at least until they were of a more mature age, simply because I wouldn't allow a man who wasn't their father to assist me in bringing them up.

I hope I understood your question.

neffy · Post by **neffy** » Wed Sep 19, 2007 12:41 am

i think i understand IP i am married but i love being on my own,this is something hubby cannot understand.

I think you can love someone but still have alot of time on your own,i think crowds of people breeds lonelness,i agree also with red to you can me time which i take myself off in town and maybe have a nice cuo of tea.I think me and hubby get on much better because we are not always under each others skin.

ummm i hope IP you get that :-3:-3

Tater Tazz · Post by **Tater Tazz** » Wed Sep 19, 2007 2:09 am

I would love to live alone with my child. (Might be coming soon) This way, I could see who I wanted when I wanted!

minks · Post by **minks** » Wed Sep 19, 2007 9:05 am

Hey IP yes I live alone with Jr Minks.

I have been living alone for coming up to 4 years now, and yes like it. I feel like you do, I am happy to be on my own and don't think I could have my SO (if I had a real one) live with me. I believe I have grown difficult to live with hehehehe Sounds bad at times cause i think often... "my way only" hahaha I suppose maybe it's because we have not found that special mate?? I dunno, when I was dating I found it a great arrangement that we both had our own homes to go to at the end of the weekends.

IP are you a Taurus? :wah:

ThreeStents · Post by **ThreeStents** » Wed Sep 19, 2007 9:20 am

Indian Princess, suppose you join one of those online dating club places, then you'd be getting e-mails from all kinds of guys from all over the world. My daughter did this one time, only she used my credit card and then after two months, she stopped responding to any of the inquiries, but they kept charging her (me) the monthly fee. She got all kinds of e-mails from guys...some thought they were God's answer to every lonely woman's dreams.

Another woman I know here did that, and she started a relationship with a guy in California. She ended up paying his roundtrip airline fare for a weekend visit (a clue in my opinion) and then she never heard from him again. The next guy she communicated with lived within 50 miles and they got married, and then 2 years later were divorced. Another woman I knew e-mailed a guy for 9 months before finally meeting and then moving in with him. He spent around $75,000 of her money and then kicked her out of the house. Still another woman I know met a guy online and they've been married for 6 years and seem happy as can be. It's a gamble I suppose.

minks · Post by **minks** » Wed Sep 19, 2007 9:27 am

RedGlitter;696554 wrote: If you want to have alone time, get a garage like men do. Mine becomes my "studio" in the winter and I paint and create things in it.

Or lock the bathroom door and take a bubble bath. Go to the library and wrap yourself up in knowledge and history. Or romance books if that's your thing.

Everyone's different and as much as I value my alone time, I don't choose to live alone because I like having someone to greet when I get up and to talk with throughout the day.

But I have no children which makes my situation different from yours. If I had kids, I might want to live with them only at least until they were of a more mature age, simply because I wouldn't allow a man who wasn't their father to assist me in bringing them up.

I hope I understood your question.

I find this is what drives me the most to live alone... why you ask, because Jr Minks is a teen and I would take a very long time to get to accept a male under our roof comfortably not that all men are untrustworthy or have any bad intents but it's a comfort thing for me, and her.

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Wed Sep 19, 2007 10:13 am

minks;696746 wrote: I find this is what drives me the most to live alone... why you ask, because Jr Minks is a teen and I would take a very long time to get to accept a male under our roof comfortably not that all men are untrustworthy or have any bad intents but it's a comfort thing for me, and her.

I can understand that. And you're right thats not to say all men are leches. But its hard enough growing up around one's natural father, to have to do it in front of some guy who *may* be watching too close is...nuh uh.

minks · Post by **minks** » Wed Sep 19, 2007 10:16 am

RedGlitter;696779 wrote: I can understand that. And you're right thats not to say all men are leches. But its hard enough growing up around one's natural father, to have to do it in front of some guy who *may* be watching too close is...nuh uh.

yep a tough call but in my eyes the right one for me and the kid.

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Wed Sep 19, 2007 1:01 pm

I love living alone 99% of the time. The 1% is when I feel lonely. I have had everykind of living arrangement. Alone, Husband and wife, husband wife and children, Me and children, Me children and live in boyfriend, Me and female room mate. I love my little apartment. No grass to mow. Warm in winter cool in summer. I love my little kitchen, and I love my big bed. I love getting into my bed alone at night 99% of the time, The other 1% is when I wish someone was in it, But I would definately want them to get up and go home.

along-for-the-ride · Post by **along-for-the-ride** » Wed Sep 19, 2007 2:18 pm

There are still people out there who incorrectly assume that just because you live alone, you are lonely. I value my time alone as much as I value my time with my husband. Both times I am relaxed and can be myself (thank goodness) but I can be a little more relaxed when I am alone. You know what I mean?

Chris516 · Post by **Chris516** » Mon Sep 24, 2007 4:59 pm

Indian Princess;696524 wrote: I have lived alone for almost 8 years, and I have had to recently move in with my ex to get some money together to rent this very nice house. Well I will be moving soon, and it will feel wierd, but I think that I know by now, I can not live with other people besides my child and mom(I wish I did live with mom) anyways, have any of you reached that conclusion, would you rather live alone with your kids, or have a person of the opposite sex live with you.

For me, the way things are playing out, it will be 'cohabitate' and, I don't like that. The reason I don't like it, is because of the U.S. Government. My girlfriend is on SSI and, I am on SSDI. While she can't work, I feel I can go back to work.

The screwy part of it is, while the IRS 'champions' marriage through, tax breaks for married couples, the Social Security Administration penalizes people on SSI/SSDI from getting married at all because, they drastically adjust your income till it is next to nothing, like taking a machete' to, a wheel of cheese.

I apologize for my rant but, living alone is not a feasible option for me, due to my severe physical health.

Christopher

laneybug · Post by **laneybug** » Mon Sep 24, 2007 6:12 pm

Indian Princess;696524 wrote: anyways, have any of you reached that conclusion, would you rather live alone with your kids, or have a person of the opposite sex live with you.

I'd much rather live with the man I'm in love with, as I do now, than live alone. We have our occasional disagreements, but that's to be expected when two different personalities are together.

I've learned the key to happy cohabitation is not to avoid conflicts altogether but to get through them fairly and without them blowing up into a huge, and often useless, fight!

Peg · Post by **Peg** » Mon Sep 24, 2007 8:33 pm

Lon;696550 wrote: I can certainly understand needing your own space, but do you need it 24/7?

I'd say yes until she meets the right one.

Indian Princess · Post by **Indian Princess** » Fri Sep 28, 2007 5:27 am

No, I am a Virgo, and I love my new house

Indian Princess · Post by **Indian Princess** » Wed Oct 24, 2007 10:00 am

No, I am a virgo.