as Wonder Woman, I feel like I just can't do it anymore....My son has major anger problems, I'm very close to losing my house, and I've tapped out all my resources....I know that God hears my cries and I'm trusting in him, I just need to reach out to my FG family for some love and hugs at this time and any advice that you are willing to give to me....
I want to Thank Magenta who has already helped me a lot with this issue...
lost my powers
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WonderWendy3
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chonsigirl
- Posts: 33633
- Joined: Mon Mar 07, 2005 8:28 am
lost my powers
*hugs* for you, Wendy.
lost my powers
:-4 Sending love and hugs to you Wendy :-4
Has your son always had anger issues? Is he the one with ADHD? Because if he is, we can share understanding on this one. Or has the anger appeared since you have been going through troubled times?
I'm not sure what else I can say to you other than, you have hit bad times before and always managed to bounce back. As you are single Mum, I realise it has been a struggle for you, but you have always continued to provide for your boys, with love and determination.
I don't think you have lost your powers - they have been drained from you, and you need time to recharge. I have no doubt that we will see WonderWendy flying high again soon. :-4
Love and Hugs to my wonderful friend.
Pheasy :-4
Has your son always had anger issues? Is he the one with ADHD? Because if he is, we can share understanding on this one. Or has the anger appeared since you have been going through troubled times?
I'm not sure what else I can say to you other than, you have hit bad times before and always managed to bounce back. As you are single Mum, I realise it has been a struggle for you, but you have always continued to provide for your boys, with love and determination.
I don't think you have lost your powers - they have been drained from you, and you need time to recharge. I have no doubt that we will see WonderWendy flying high again soon. :-4
Love and Hugs to my wonderful friend.
Pheasy :-4
lost my powers
Sorry you having so much trouble lately Wendy. I'm sure you have mentioned it before...but how old is your son?
I really hope you don't loose your house.that would be terrible.
HUGS!! & XXXX'S
:yh_hugs :yh_kiss
You can be sure,I am here if you need someone to talk to.
I really hope you don't loose your house.that would be terrible.
HUGS!! & XXXX'S
:yh_hugs :yh_kiss
You can be sure,I am here if you need someone to talk to.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
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WonderWendy3
- Posts: 12412
- Joined: Thu Nov 09, 2006 7:44 am
lost my powers
chonsigirl;703059 wrote: *hugs* for you, Wendy. Thank You Chonsi:-4
ThePheasant;703063 wrote: Sending love and hugs to you Wendy
Has your son always had anger issues? Is he the one with ADHD? Because if he is, we can share understanding on this one. Or has the anger appeared since you have been going through troubled times?
I'm not sure what else I can say to you other than, you have hit bad times before and always managed to bounce back. As you are single Mum, I realise it has been a struggle for you, but you have always continued to provide for your boys, with love and determination.
I don't think you have lost your powers - they have been drained from you, and you need time to recharge. I have no doubt that we will see WonderWendy flying high again soon.
Love and Hugs to my wonderful friend.
Pheasy :-4 Yes, it is my oldest....we are just having really bad times right now...he has blown up almost on a daily basis lately....and it results in him storming out of the house or driving recklessly.
Lisa;703064 wrote: Sorry you having so much trouble lately Wendy. I'm sure you have mentioned it before...but how old is your son?
I really hope you don't loose your house.that would be terrible.
HUGS!! & XXXX'S
You can be sure,I am here if you need someone to talk to.
Thank you Lisa, you changed from Fuzzy????
He is 18, I have 2 younger boys that are almost 13 and 11 also.
ThePheasant;703063 wrote: Sending love and hugs to you Wendy
Has your son always had anger issues? Is he the one with ADHD? Because if he is, we can share understanding on this one. Or has the anger appeared since you have been going through troubled times?
I'm not sure what else I can say to you other than, you have hit bad times before and always managed to bounce back. As you are single Mum, I realise it has been a struggle for you, but you have always continued to provide for your boys, with love and determination.
I don't think you have lost your powers - they have been drained from you, and you need time to recharge. I have no doubt that we will see WonderWendy flying high again soon.
Love and Hugs to my wonderful friend.
Pheasy :-4 Yes, it is my oldest....we are just having really bad times right now...he has blown up almost on a daily basis lately....and it results in him storming out of the house or driving recklessly.
Lisa;703064 wrote: Sorry you having so much trouble lately Wendy. I'm sure you have mentioned it before...but how old is your son?
I really hope you don't loose your house.that would be terrible.
HUGS!! & XXXX'S
You can be sure,I am here if you need someone to talk to.
Thank you Lisa, you changed from Fuzzy????
He is 18, I have 2 younger boys that are almost 13 and 11 also.
lost my powers
WonderWendy3;703065 wrote:
Yes, it is my oldest....we are just having really bad times right now...he has blown up almost on a daily basis lately....and it results in him storming out of the house or driving recklessly.
Thank you Lisa, you changed from Fuzzy????
He is 18, I have 2 younger boys that are almost 13 and 11 also.
Yes I changed it again,:rolleyes: I was mollysmom once too. This is the last time I change it,for sure. The name FuzzyNavel was starting to irritate me. The Fuzzy part was ok,but the Navel part:p. I was affraid I would have to live with it. Thankfuly not.
18 is a hard year,for both parents and teen. I remember the feelings of being 18. you want to be grown up,do you own thing. Not have anyone tell you what to do. But still have all the comforts of home with mommy.
I feel for ya sweetie. wish I new some magic words to make it better.
Hopefuly your younger boys will see what heartache this has caused you,and not do the same.
Lisa
.
Yes, it is my oldest....we are just having really bad times right now...he has blown up almost on a daily basis lately....and it results in him storming out of the house or driving recklessly.
Thank you Lisa, you changed from Fuzzy????
He is 18, I have 2 younger boys that are almost 13 and 11 also.
Yes I changed it again,:rolleyes: I was mollysmom once too. This is the last time I change it,for sure. The name FuzzyNavel was starting to irritate me. The Fuzzy part was ok,but the Navel part:p. I was affraid I would have to live with it. Thankfuly not.
18 is a hard year,for both parents and teen. I remember the feelings of being 18. you want to be grown up,do you own thing. Not have anyone tell you what to do. But still have all the comforts of home with mommy.
I feel for ya sweetie. wish I new some magic words to make it better.
Hopefuly your younger boys will see what heartache this has caused you,and not do the same.
Lisa
.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
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WonderWendy3
- Posts: 12412
- Joined: Thu Nov 09, 2006 7:44 am
lost my powers
Lisa;703066 wrote: Yes I changed it again,:rolleyes: I was mollysmom once too. This is the last time I change it,for sure. The name FuzzyNavel was starting to irritate me. The Fuzzy part was ok,but the Navel part. I was affraid I would have to live with it. Thankfuly not.
18 is a hard year,for both parents and teen. I remember the feelings of being 18. you want to be grown up,do you own thing. Not have anyone tell you what to do. But still have all the comforts of home with mommy.
I feel for ya sweetie. wish I new some magic words to make it better.
Hopefuly your younger boys will see what heartache this has caused you,and not do the same.
Lisa
.
They are the ones that try not to get him upset, we all walk around on egg-shells and then when the blow up occurs...and he leaves or slams his bedroom door and I'm crying, they come to rescue me, and that isn't right....I should be protecting them from that....not them comforting me!!:-1
18 is a hard year,for both parents and teen. I remember the feelings of being 18. you want to be grown up,do you own thing. Not have anyone tell you what to do. But still have all the comforts of home with mommy.
I feel for ya sweetie. wish I new some magic words to make it better.
Hopefuly your younger boys will see what heartache this has caused you,and not do the same.
Lisa
.
They are the ones that try not to get him upset, we all walk around on egg-shells and then when the blow up occurs...and he leaves or slams his bedroom door and I'm crying, they come to rescue me, and that isn't right....I should be protecting them from that....not them comforting me!!:-1
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Patsy Warnick
- Posts: 4567
- Joined: Fri Feb 03, 2006 12:53 am
lost my powers
WW
Are you a single mother?
Are you a single mother?
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WonderWendy3
- Posts: 12412
- Joined: Thu Nov 09, 2006 7:44 am
lost my powers
Patsy Warnick;703072 wrote: WW
Are you a single mother?
Yes, I am...have been on my own for the last 4 years, their father was a truck driver and gone alot while I stayed home to raise them
Are you a single mother?
Yes, I am...have been on my own for the last 4 years, their father was a truck driver and gone alot while I stayed home to raise them
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Patsy Warnick
- Posts: 4567
- Joined: Fri Feb 03, 2006 12:53 am
lost my powers
WW
I thought I knew that. You do realise the temper/rage from your son could very well stem from the no father syndrome.
Have you ever sat him down eye to eye or with a counselor to help with this anger?
Does your son work? or still in school?
Does your son realise what he's putting you & the family thru?
and are there any signs of drug use by your son?
If your would rather PM me or its ok if you'd rather not answer.
I'm just trying to understand the situation..
Patsy
I thought I knew that. You do realise the temper/rage from your son could very well stem from the no father syndrome.
Have you ever sat him down eye to eye or with a counselor to help with this anger?
Does your son work? or still in school?
Does your son realise what he's putting you & the family thru?
and are there any signs of drug use by your son?
If your would rather PM me or its ok if you'd rather not answer.
I'm just trying to understand the situation..
Patsy
lost my powers
Wendy.. My initial reaction re your oldest son was the same as Patsys.
Plwase dont be offended by anything I say... I have walked in your shoes.
There are anger issues that emerge because of dad being out of the house.
But do educate yourself on the possible signs of drug use. ( Ive walked in those shoes too. The number one issue before you can handle anything else, or anything more.... Is to give yourself a break. This role of single, and single working mother is the most difficult role anyone can be asked to play. It is, really, almost impossible. Mother, father. and bread winner? Its almost inhuman. I wish someone had said that to me, when I was trying to do it.
If losing your house means being strapped financially... then I hate to say this to you... but it might have to just go. I know that it will be heart breaking to give it up, but you have to console yourself with a few things.
Stepping down in terms of monthly stress, might be a good thing. You will have a house again. Hanging on. at the cost of your sanity, is not being a quitter. Borrowing is just a band aid, it doesnt solve anything long term. Once you make the consious decision to give up a " thing" that is very important to you, it cant make you feel bad anymore. I just caught on with this thread, why you call yourself Wonder Wendy. I should have realized.
She was make believe, and she was created for us to believe, that such a human could exist. She was beautiful and sexy as well as being strong. But we never saw her after the show when she was just human, and just exhausted. I hope so much that you have a strong support system/ Cut yourself a break. get up tomorrow morning, list your issues that are breaking you down, and make some decisions. One at a time, keeping in mind that its also ok to make a mistake. You are only human.
Plwase dont be offended by anything I say... I have walked in your shoes.
There are anger issues that emerge because of dad being out of the house.
But do educate yourself on the possible signs of drug use. ( Ive walked in those shoes too. The number one issue before you can handle anything else, or anything more.... Is to give yourself a break. This role of single, and single working mother is the most difficult role anyone can be asked to play. It is, really, almost impossible. Mother, father. and bread winner? Its almost inhuman. I wish someone had said that to me, when I was trying to do it.
If losing your house means being strapped financially... then I hate to say this to you... but it might have to just go. I know that it will be heart breaking to give it up, but you have to console yourself with a few things.
Stepping down in terms of monthly stress, might be a good thing. You will have a house again. Hanging on. at the cost of your sanity, is not being a quitter. Borrowing is just a band aid, it doesnt solve anything long term. Once you make the consious decision to give up a " thing" that is very important to you, it cant make you feel bad anymore. I just caught on with this thread, why you call yourself Wonder Wendy. I should have realized.
She was make believe, and she was created for us to believe, that such a human could exist. She was beautiful and sexy as well as being strong. But we never saw her after the show when she was just human, and just exhausted. I hope so much that you have a strong support system/ Cut yourself a break. get up tomorrow morning, list your issues that are breaking you down, and make some decisions. One at a time, keeping in mind that its also ok to make a mistake. You are only human.
[FONT=Microsoft Sans Serif][/FONT]
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WonderWendy3
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lost my powers
weeder;703084 wrote: Wendy.. My initial reaction re your oldest son was the same as Patsys.
Plwase dont be offended by anything I say... I have walked in your shoes.
There are anger issues that emerge because of dad being out of the house.
But do educate yourself on the possible signs of drug use. ( Ive walked in those shoes too. The number one issue before you can handle anything else, or anything more.... Is to give yourself a break. This role of single, and single working mother is the most difficult role anyone can be asked to play. It is, really, almost impossible. Mother, father. and bread winner? Its almost inhuman. I wish someone had said that to me, when I was trying to do it.
If losing your house means being strapped financially... then I hate to say this to you... but it might have to just go. I know that it will be heart breaking to give it up, but you have to console yourself with a few things.
Stepping down in terms of monthly stress, might be a good thing. You will have a house again. Hanging on. at the cost of your sanity, is not being a quitter. Borrowing is just a band aid, it doesnt solve anything long term. Once you make the consious decision to give up a " thing" that is very important to you, it cant make you feel bad anymore. I just caught on with this thread, why you call yourself Wonder Wendy. I should have realized.
She was make believe, and she was created for us to believe, that such a human could exist. She was beautiful and sexy as well as being strong. But we never saw her after the show when she was just human, and just exhausted. I hope so much that you have a strong support system/ Cut yourself a break. get up tomorrow morning, list your issues that are breaking you down, and make some decisions. One at a time, keeping in mind that its also ok to make a mistake. You are only human.
Thank you for that Weeder, once again, you truly amaze me!
I appreciate everything you said, and you are right...no such thing as wonder woman...and on top of single working mom, I'm taking college courses, so I have that stress also!:-5
I've considered losing the house, to let it go, and just renting somewhere, a friend of mine just went through that and it got me to thinking that I should consider it also...as painful as it is, its possibly in my future....
Plwase dont be offended by anything I say... I have walked in your shoes.
There are anger issues that emerge because of dad being out of the house.
But do educate yourself on the possible signs of drug use. ( Ive walked in those shoes too. The number one issue before you can handle anything else, or anything more.... Is to give yourself a break. This role of single, and single working mother is the most difficult role anyone can be asked to play. It is, really, almost impossible. Mother, father. and bread winner? Its almost inhuman. I wish someone had said that to me, when I was trying to do it.
If losing your house means being strapped financially... then I hate to say this to you... but it might have to just go. I know that it will be heart breaking to give it up, but you have to console yourself with a few things.
Stepping down in terms of monthly stress, might be a good thing. You will have a house again. Hanging on. at the cost of your sanity, is not being a quitter. Borrowing is just a band aid, it doesnt solve anything long term. Once you make the consious decision to give up a " thing" that is very important to you, it cant make you feel bad anymore. I just caught on with this thread, why you call yourself Wonder Wendy. I should have realized.
She was make believe, and she was created for us to believe, that such a human could exist. She was beautiful and sexy as well as being strong. But we never saw her after the show when she was just human, and just exhausted. I hope so much that you have a strong support system/ Cut yourself a break. get up tomorrow morning, list your issues that are breaking you down, and make some decisions. One at a time, keeping in mind that its also ok to make a mistake. You are only human.
Thank you for that Weeder, once again, you truly amaze me!
I appreciate everything you said, and you are right...no such thing as wonder woman...and on top of single working mom, I'm taking college courses, so I have that stress also!:-5
I've considered losing the house, to let it go, and just renting somewhere, a friend of mine just went through that and it got me to thinking that I should consider it also...as painful as it is, its possibly in my future....
lost my powers
Idont know what to say WW3 except i luv ya..and here is a fishy hug..
((((((((((((((((Wonderwendy3)))))))))))))))))))))))))):-4
((((((((((((((((Wonderwendy3)))))))))))))))))))))))))):-4
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WonderWendy3
- Posts: 12412
- Joined: Thu Nov 09, 2006 7:44 am
lost my powers
guppy;703097 wrote: Idont know what to say WW3 except i luv ya..and here is a fishy hug..
((((((((((((((((Wonderwendy3)))))))))))))))))))))))))):-4
AWWW, here fishy fishy fishy!!!! thanks!! I needed that too!!!
((((((((((((((((Wonderwendy3)))))))))))))))))))))))))):-4
AWWW, here fishy fishy fishy!!!! thanks!! I needed that too!!!
lost my powers
WonderWendy3;703068 wrote: They are the ones that try not to get him upset, we all walk around on egg-shells and then when the blow up occurs...and he leaves or slams his bedroom door and I'm crying, they come to rescue me, and that isn't right....I should be protecting them from that....not them comforting me!!:-1
Thats what a family is, you portect and comfort them and sometimes they protect and comfort you. :-4
I think your oldest boy needs a good talking to. and maybe even a few threats of tough love. He is probably alittle scared of being an adult,and is taking it out on you and your other sons,because he feels it is safe to do so.
Make him think you are ready to push him out of the nest,even if your not.
A reality check,if you know what I mean.
.
Thats what a family is, you portect and comfort them and sometimes they protect and comfort you. :-4
I think your oldest boy needs a good talking to. and maybe even a few threats of tough love. He is probably alittle scared of being an adult,and is taking it out on you and your other sons,because he feels it is safe to do so.
Make him think you are ready to push him out of the nest,even if your not.
A reality check,if you know what I mean.
.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
lost my powers
Wow, sorry to hear of your situation WW! weeder gave some pretty down to earth sound advise! Your son is 18, means he should (if he's not already) be contributing some $$$ to help with the overall household expenses. Working a PT job, if he's still in school, & FT job if he's not in school. "Tough love" (very hard to do, easier said then done) sounds like what is needed here. If your son wants to live under your roof, he needs to follow your rules!!! And he needs to take on some responsibilities off your shoulders. He may have a hissy-fit, but you have tell him that's just the way things are. It won't be easy, these things never are. But you need to take control of the situation, for your own sake, & well being! Best wishes & good luck!
(Of course, this is just a man's viewpoint/opinion, & is only offered/intended with your concern in mind.)
(Of course, this is just a man's viewpoint/opinion, & is only offered/intended with your concern in mind.)
Cars
lost my powers
stay healthy.
please make decisions based on that alone. if the stress of the struggle feels like it's killing you it might end up doing that.
It sounds like your eldest might need some tough love. I remember a friend of mine saying that his life changed the day his mother waited up for him and said "Dave, you're my son and I love you, but I don't like you right now." Said he became a better person and it's the best thing she could have done. No nagging, no telling him what to do. Just telling him that he was not a nice person. The decision is his to make. Who does he want to be.
please make decisions based on that alone. if the stress of the struggle feels like it's killing you it might end up doing that.
It sounds like your eldest might need some tough love. I remember a friend of mine saying that his life changed the day his mother waited up for him and said "Dave, you're my son and I love you, but I don't like you right now." Said he became a better person and it's the best thing she could have done. No nagging, no telling him what to do. Just telling him that he was not a nice person. The decision is his to make. Who does he want to be.
lost my powers
Are we talking about my future son-in-law here WW? He sounds like my son a lot lately. My son doesn't drive yet, but unless he is paying his own insurance, on his own vehicle, and willing to find his own ride when he wrecks again, I'd be damned if he'd see the keys to the car. Have you tried a financial counselor? I sooo wish I had some answers for you. All I have is a shoulder to cry on and ears to listen if you ever need them. ((((((((((((((HUGGSSSSS))))))))))))) :-4
lost my powers
I am aware that I sound hard nosed. But living the way Wendy is. Trying to handle all that she is, will make you that way. But then again, getting tough is the only way she will succeed at every thing she is trying to do. Ill tell you though Wendy... when you succeed.. You will be Wonder Woman. And only the strong survive this most difficult of lifes situations. College too?
See, whatever you may have to give up now, to make life more manageable, you will have everything you want back again someday. Despite every sacrifice I made for my sons, and no matter how hard I tried to play that role of mother father and bread winner.. they both wound up with many anger related issues. But as life shows us over and over again, another day can make things so different. Last night at almost 27 and 23 years old, they went off together to go to a counseling session. The one major thing that has always pissed me off is how womens magazines and stupid lifetime movies portray the life of a single mom. They make it seem so easy, and so doable. Theres mom in the kitchen, warming up pizza for the boys who are lounging on the 3,00.00 sofa,watching a big screen TV. Mom is in a black cocktail dress and high heeled shoes, waiting for Mr. wonderful to pick her up for a date. The ex just stopped by that afternoon with his checkbook and said " How much do you need? " Yeah, sure. The ONLY thing that gets us through these times ( was for me, anyway) is a sound mind, a constitution made of steel and VERY GOOD AND LOYAL FRIENDS. Supportive family... if your lucky. And some women who have walked through this fire before you, and are willing to share their experiences and help you through.
And you will get through. But again anything you have to throw overboard along the way. do it. It will make your life easier. The secret of the main reason I am in Virginia is that 12 years ago( in Wendys situation) coming here from New York cut my living expenses to about 1/3 of what they were up there. House?? big deal. I gave up disco nights, Patricks pub, The museum of Natural History, Greenich Village, great itallian bread, the New York subway system, and Lord and Taylors.... hahahaha in order to survive.
And the boys were ANGRY. But since I was at the helm of the ship, and knew we were sinking, I had to make a huge decision. The bonuses were I put 600 miles between us, and their dad ( I use the term loosley) The Blue Ridge Mountains and a lifestyle that alleviated much of the pressure. Its all a question of navigating water that is over your head Wendy, concentrating mainly on not drowning, and keeping your eyes on the approaching shore.
Which we all know you can do.. your doing it!! Youve just hit a storm.
See, whatever you may have to give up now, to make life more manageable, you will have everything you want back again someday. Despite every sacrifice I made for my sons, and no matter how hard I tried to play that role of mother father and bread winner.. they both wound up with many anger related issues. But as life shows us over and over again, another day can make things so different. Last night at almost 27 and 23 years old, they went off together to go to a counseling session. The one major thing that has always pissed me off is how womens magazines and stupid lifetime movies portray the life of a single mom. They make it seem so easy, and so doable. Theres mom in the kitchen, warming up pizza for the boys who are lounging on the 3,00.00 sofa,watching a big screen TV. Mom is in a black cocktail dress and high heeled shoes, waiting for Mr. wonderful to pick her up for a date. The ex just stopped by that afternoon with his checkbook and said " How much do you need? " Yeah, sure. The ONLY thing that gets us through these times ( was for me, anyway) is a sound mind, a constitution made of steel and VERY GOOD AND LOYAL FRIENDS. Supportive family... if your lucky. And some women who have walked through this fire before you, and are willing to share their experiences and help you through.
And you will get through. But again anything you have to throw overboard along the way. do it. It will make your life easier. The secret of the main reason I am in Virginia is that 12 years ago( in Wendys situation) coming here from New York cut my living expenses to about 1/3 of what they were up there. House?? big deal. I gave up disco nights, Patricks pub, The museum of Natural History, Greenich Village, great itallian bread, the New York subway system, and Lord and Taylors.... hahahaha in order to survive.
And the boys were ANGRY. But since I was at the helm of the ship, and knew we were sinking, I had to make a huge decision. The bonuses were I put 600 miles between us, and their dad ( I use the term loosley) The Blue Ridge Mountains and a lifestyle that alleviated much of the pressure. Its all a question of navigating water that is over your head Wendy, concentrating mainly on not drowning, and keeping your eyes on the approaching shore.
Which we all know you can do.. your doing it!! Youve just hit a storm.
[FONT=Microsoft Sans Serif][/FONT]
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chrisb84uk
- Posts: 11634
- Joined: Wed Aug 10, 2005 6:29 am
lost my powers
I'm really sorry to hear that things aren't going well for ya Wendy, I'm sure it really can't be easy. I'm afraid the only advice I can offer is to try and have a conversation with your son regarding these issues that you both have.
Failing that, I do think as hard as it may be you are going to have to be really strong and make some big decisions for not only you, but your whole family, as you don't won't to live your life feeling sad, worried or lost - no-one wants that!
I know you are a strong person, and even though I know this is very hard for you, I am positive that you and your family will come through this. I truly wish you all the very best in the upcoming days and weeks! :-4:-6:yh_hugs
Failing that, I do think as hard as it may be you are going to have to be really strong and make some big decisions for not only you, but your whole family, as you don't won't to live your life feeling sad, worried or lost - no-one wants that!
I know you are a strong person, and even though I know this is very hard for you, I am positive that you and your family will come through this. I truly wish you all the very best in the upcoming days and weeks! :-4:-6:yh_hugs
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Kathy Ellen
- Posts: 10569
- Joined: Wed Mar 15, 2006 4:04 pm
lost my powers
Hi (((((Wendy))))):-4
I'm so sorry you're going through all of this. I know you're going through such a rough time right now. When my nephew became 18 he was just so unhappy and unbearable....couldn't live with him. Finally, his mother told him that she loved him, but he couldn't disrupt the family anymore. She gave him 3 months to organize his ideas and move out. She even helped set up his small apartment in town and found 2 roommates for him to share the bills. The family got together and helped him get a job and pay for some things. But, he had to do the work on his own. I know that's hard for a mom to do, but she had no other choice. He's still struggling but it's his own fault and he'll have to live with it. He's become a better man living on his own.
Have you looked into refinancing your mortgage with a new company....sometimes you can organize your bills into one smaller payment until you get on your feet again.
Lots of luck and hugs Wendy.
Luv, Kathy
I'm so sorry you're going through all of this. I know you're going through such a rough time right now. When my nephew became 18 he was just so unhappy and unbearable....couldn't live with him. Finally, his mother told him that she loved him, but he couldn't disrupt the family anymore. She gave him 3 months to organize his ideas and move out. She even helped set up his small apartment in town and found 2 roommates for him to share the bills. The family got together and helped him get a job and pay for some things. But, he had to do the work on his own. I know that's hard for a mom to do, but she had no other choice. He's still struggling but it's his own fault and he'll have to live with it. He's become a better man living on his own.
Have you looked into refinancing your mortgage with a new company....sometimes you can organize your bills into one smaller payment until you get on your feet again.
Lots of luck and hugs Wendy.
Luv, Kathy
lost my powers
Yup, angry children. What to do eh! imean come on, you do everything in your power to make their lives good and you do your best (which btw is never good enough, hehehe) and then for no real reason, they fling up all over the place, angry and dented and tantrumed up to the hilt, being rude and ignoring your every request showing ZERO appreciation toward you UNLESS of course your hand is digging inside your pocket to miraculously pull out some money (from God knows where) to give them for this that and the other.
I am sick of it to be honest with you all, totally fed up to the back teeth of it. I used to give my eldest son money to shut him up and keep him away from the younger girls. I had to stop as the amount started getting higher and higher and he would still behave like a pig towards everyone. Now that I have lowered his money and also cut it completely at times, and I send him to his room, I wont justify myself anyore and basically taken a bit more control, I am finding it easier to deal with.
My daughters are also tantrum throwers, we all scream in my home, we are all VERY impatient (learnt from me I am afraid) and it is a daily struggle from morning to night. I work full time and their father is about as useful as matches in a pool.
Am unsure as to why I am telling you all this, but I think my point is that WE, mothers, parents, carers have to set limits, must be consistant and most importantly we MUST remember that our children are not unusual in the way they behave and that WE are the ones who mould them into what they are and how they behave, one way or another.
Also remeber that as single parents we are, do and always will be classed as Super Women (maybe not appreciated as that, but still classed as such), and I think we need to give ourelves credit for our acheivements and strength.
Anyways, as far as debt is concerned, dont even get me started but all I can say is I have 4 years left before my money is mine and what comes around goes around to those who put me in debts that some ppl dont even earn in a lifetime, your time will come, trust me on that.
:-5
Pull socks up, keep your heads high, deep breath, smile and walk proud. There is NOTHING thrown at us that we cannot cope with.
I am sick of it to be honest with you all, totally fed up to the back teeth of it. I used to give my eldest son money to shut him up and keep him away from the younger girls. I had to stop as the amount started getting higher and higher and he would still behave like a pig towards everyone. Now that I have lowered his money and also cut it completely at times, and I send him to his room, I wont justify myself anyore and basically taken a bit more control, I am finding it easier to deal with.
My daughters are also tantrum throwers, we all scream in my home, we are all VERY impatient (learnt from me I am afraid) and it is a daily struggle from morning to night. I work full time and their father is about as useful as matches in a pool.
Am unsure as to why I am telling you all this, but I think my point is that WE, mothers, parents, carers have to set limits, must be consistant and most importantly we MUST remember that our children are not unusual in the way they behave and that WE are the ones who mould them into what they are and how they behave, one way or another.
Also remeber that as single parents we are, do and always will be classed as Super Women (maybe not appreciated as that, but still classed as such), and I think we need to give ourelves credit for our acheivements and strength.
Anyways, as far as debt is concerned, dont even get me started but all I can say is I have 4 years left before my money is mine and what comes around goes around to those who put me in debts that some ppl dont even earn in a lifetime, your time will come, trust me on that.
:-5Pull socks up, keep your heads high, deep breath, smile and walk proud. There is NOTHING thrown at us that we cannot cope with.
lost my powers
Hey my evil twin - you've just been promoted to my wonderful, hard-working, inspirational, amazing, strong twin!!
I don't know how you cope with all that life throws at you but you do - like most single parents, because you have to.
Sod hanging on to the house, renting is easier sometimes. Let your son know that he's not a nice person to be around and that he is damaging the relationships he has with his brothers. If their father is still on the scene can he have a word with him? Or possibly could he go and live with his dad for a while.
Above all look after yourself, if it means backing off from him a bit and perhaps encouraging him to start thinking of leaving home then do it. My eldest step-daughter put us through hell for a few years, I couldn't wait for her to leave home and nor could she. Eventually she came through it but our relationship never really worked until she became a mother (and now a single mother) and she finally appreciates what her dad and I did for her.
Just remember that you are loved and cherished by your friends :-4
I don't know how you cope with all that life throws at you but you do - like most single parents, because you have to.
Sod hanging on to the house, renting is easier sometimes. Let your son know that he's not a nice person to be around and that he is damaging the relationships he has with his brothers. If their father is still on the scene can he have a word with him? Or possibly could he go and live with his dad for a while.
Above all look after yourself, if it means backing off from him a bit and perhaps encouraging him to start thinking of leaving home then do it. My eldest step-daughter put us through hell for a few years, I couldn't wait for her to leave home and nor could she. Eventually she came through it but our relationship never really worked until she became a mother (and now a single mother) and she finally appreciates what her dad and I did for her.
Just remember that you are loved and cherished by your friends :-4
Originally Posted by spot
She is one fit bitch innit, that Immy
Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time
She is one fit bitch innit, that Immy
Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time
-
WonderWendy3
- Posts: 12412
- Joined: Thu Nov 09, 2006 7:44 am
lost my powers
Imladris;703234 wrote: Hey my evil twin - you've just been promoted to my wonderful, hard-working, inspirational, amazing, strong twin!!
I don't know how you cope with all that life throws at you but you do - like most single parents, because you have to.
Sod hanging on to the house, renting is easier sometimes. Let your son know that he's not a nice person to be around and that he is damaging the relationships he has with his brothers. If their father is still on the scene can he have a word with him? Or possibly could he go and live with his dad for a while.
Above all look after yourself, if it means backing off from him a bit and perhaps encouraging him to start thinking of leaving home then do it. My eldest step-daughter put us through hell for a few years, I couldn't wait for her to leave home and nor could she. Eventually she came through it but our relationship never really worked until she became a mother (and now a single mother) and she finally appreciates what her dad and I did for her.
Just remember that you are loved and cherished by your friends
:-4:-4 to you and Everyone, I so appreciate all of you!! Thanks so much!
As to his dad....I liked how Lady G put it, he's as useful as matches in a pool....sums it all up. He hardly talks to the boys and if he talks to the oldest one, he either yells at him for not talking to him (which the phone works both ways) or he gives him a guilt trip because he doesn't call or come see him. He only helped with one of the 5 vehicles that my son has had in the last year, and made my son pay him back the 200.00 in 50 incriments within 4 months.:-5:-5:
I don't know how you cope with all that life throws at you but you do - like most single parents, because you have to.
Sod hanging on to the house, renting is easier sometimes. Let your son know that he's not a nice person to be around and that he is damaging the relationships he has with his brothers. If their father is still on the scene can he have a word with him? Or possibly could he go and live with his dad for a while.
Above all look after yourself, if it means backing off from him a bit and perhaps encouraging him to start thinking of leaving home then do it. My eldest step-daughter put us through hell for a few years, I couldn't wait for her to leave home and nor could she. Eventually she came through it but our relationship never really worked until she became a mother (and now a single mother) and she finally appreciates what her dad and I did for her.
Just remember that you are loved and cherished by your friends
:-4:-4 to you and Everyone, I so appreciate all of you!! Thanks so much!
As to his dad....I liked how Lady G put it, he's as useful as matches in a pool....sums it all up. He hardly talks to the boys and if he talks to the oldest one, he either yells at him for not talking to him (which the phone works both ways) or he gives him a guilt trip because he doesn't call or come see him. He only helped with one of the 5 vehicles that my son has had in the last year, and made my son pay him back the 200.00 in 50 incriments within 4 months.:-5:-5:
lost my powers
WonderWendy3;703248 wrote: :-4:-4 to you and Everyone, I so appreciate all of you!! Thanks so much!
As to his dad....I liked how Lady G put it, he's as useful as matches in a pool....sums it all up. He hardly talks to the boys and if he talks to the oldest one, he either yells at him for not talking to him (which the phone works both ways) or he gives him a guilt trip because he doesn't call or come see him. He only helped with one of the 5 vehicles that my son has had in the last year, and made my son pay him back the 200.00 in 50 incriments within 4 months.:-5:-5:
Then he's an arse who doesn't deserve his sons. His loss in the long term, he'll be missing out big time when the boys are young men and then when they have families of their own.
As to his dad....I liked how Lady G put it, he's as useful as matches in a pool....sums it all up. He hardly talks to the boys and if he talks to the oldest one, he either yells at him for not talking to him (which the phone works both ways) or he gives him a guilt trip because he doesn't call or come see him. He only helped with one of the 5 vehicles that my son has had in the last year, and made my son pay him back the 200.00 in 50 incriments within 4 months.:-5:-5:
Then he's an arse who doesn't deserve his sons. His loss in the long term, he'll be missing out big time when the boys are young men and then when they have families of their own.
Originally Posted by spot
She is one fit bitch innit, that Immy
Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time
She is one fit bitch innit, that Immy
Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time
lost my powers
WonderWendy3;703248 wrote: :-4:-4 to you and Everyone, I so appreciate all of you!! Thanks so much!
As to his dad....I liked how Lady G put it, he's as useful as matches in a pool....sums it all up. He hardly talks to the boys and if he talks to the oldest one, he either yells at him for not talking to him (which the phone works both ways) or he gives him a guilt trip because he doesn't call or come see him. He only helped with one of the 5 vehicles that my son has had in the last year, and made my son pay him back the 200.00 in 50 incriments within 4 months.:-5:-5:
Blimey are you sure he is not the father of my children too? LOLLLLLLL. Took me almost 2 years after we split for me to have the guts to tell him to stop treating the kids badly just coz he is angry with me.
Altho' he has started doing the right thing by at least seeing them, he has never (even when we were together) contributed financially. But guess what? this Superwoman will not be broken by him or anyone for that matter and my priority are my children. He hates that.................
As to his dad....I liked how Lady G put it, he's as useful as matches in a pool....sums it all up. He hardly talks to the boys and if he talks to the oldest one, he either yells at him for not talking to him (which the phone works both ways) or he gives him a guilt trip because he doesn't call or come see him. He only helped with one of the 5 vehicles that my son has had in the last year, and made my son pay him back the 200.00 in 50 incriments within 4 months.:-5:-5:
Blimey are you sure he is not the father of my children too? LOLLLLLLL. Took me almost 2 years after we split for me to have the guts to tell him to stop treating the kids badly just coz he is angry with me.
Altho' he has started doing the right thing by at least seeing them, he has never (even when we were together) contributed financially. But guess what? this Superwoman will not be broken by him or anyone for that matter and my priority are my children. He hates that.................
-
WonderWendy3
- Posts: 12412
- Joined: Thu Nov 09, 2006 7:44 am
lost my powers
Lady G;703261 wrote: Blimey are you sure he is not the father of my children too? LOLLLLLLL. Took me almost 2 years after we split for me to have the guts to tell him to stop treating the kids badly just coz he is angry with me.
Altho' he has started doing the right thing by at least seeing them, he has never (even when we were together) contributed financially. But guess what? this Superwoman will not be broken by him or anyone for that matter and my priority are my children. He hates that.................
Thats what has kept me going....a few months ago when my son had his second accident in within a two week period, I finally broke down and called his dad for assistance, some help, hope that he would be there for his son........half way through the call I realized I made a HORRIBLE mistake....I quickly got off the phone and promised to NEVER do that again....it some-how got turned back to being all about HIM???????????? and then a few days later he called me and asked me what was wrong, and that it shocked him that I called him, since I never do that. My response was...."yeah, ummm it's kinda hard doing everything all alone, there are times a person can only take so much" and the phone was dead and the subject was changed!!:-5:-5
Altho' he has started doing the right thing by at least seeing them, he has never (even when we were together) contributed financially. But guess what? this Superwoman will not be broken by him or anyone for that matter and my priority are my children. He hates that.................
Thats what has kept me going....a few months ago when my son had his second accident in within a two week period, I finally broke down and called his dad for assistance, some help, hope that he would be there for his son........half way through the call I realized I made a HORRIBLE mistake....I quickly got off the phone and promised to NEVER do that again....it some-how got turned back to being all about HIM???????????? and then a few days later he called me and asked me what was wrong, and that it shocked him that I called him, since I never do that. My response was...."yeah, ummm it's kinda hard doing everything all alone, there are times a person can only take so much" and the phone was dead and the subject was changed!!:-5:-5
lost my powers
mikeinie;703263 wrote:
Bleurgh! That thing was banned in my house - can't stand it:wah:
Bleurgh! That thing was banned in my house - can't stand it:wah:
Originally Posted by spot
She is one fit bitch innit, that Immy
Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time
She is one fit bitch innit, that Immy
Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time
lost my powers
Wendy, many people here have offered some good advice and thoughts on possible issues that your son are dealing with right now and the problems you are experiencing financially. Weeder, you have obviously been through a lot in your life and can understand. You look at this with understanding and offer good advice.
Wendy, Having been a child myself in some similar situations to your son, I truly understand some of his issues right now, but could not understand all. As a child I was bought up in a physically violent home (thanks to Daddy dearest), I remember that I heard, and saw far more than my parents ever knew. Once my parents split, and as the years went on, I felt it my job to protect my Mum (much like your son probably feels too). I had a lot of anger towards my Dad (granted he deserved it), but it really wasn't helping me. And for my anger to continue hurting me, then he still had power over me - and he never earn t that right. I also cried a lot wishing that my Daddy was normal - I did not want another Daddy, I wanted to turn back the clock and make him normal.
Something is troubling your son. There could be many reasons. I am not a councilor, and thats what he needs right now. He needs a fair chance at life. You all need a fair chance at life. I really feel you need to see a professional and get him some help. For one, he cannot be driving in that state of mind. :-4
And Weeders right, think of changing houses (I'm not sure what the set-up is here), as a way of getting out of the water (stopping that 'I'm drowning' feeling), and get your feet on solid ground again. Then, if you don't like the soil you are on, you are able to take a breath, recover and look forward to where you want to be. Think of it as a stepping stone to recovery and your ultimate goal.
I hope you don't mind my rambling.
Go get um girl!
Pheasy :-4
Wendy, Having been a child myself in some similar situations to your son, I truly understand some of his issues right now, but could not understand all. As a child I was bought up in a physically violent home (thanks to Daddy dearest), I remember that I heard, and saw far more than my parents ever knew. Once my parents split, and as the years went on, I felt it my job to protect my Mum (much like your son probably feels too). I had a lot of anger towards my Dad (granted he deserved it), but it really wasn't helping me. And for my anger to continue hurting me, then he still had power over me - and he never earn t that right. I also cried a lot wishing that my Daddy was normal - I did not want another Daddy, I wanted to turn back the clock and make him normal.
Something is troubling your son. There could be many reasons. I am not a councilor, and thats what he needs right now. He needs a fair chance at life. You all need a fair chance at life. I really feel you need to see a professional and get him some help. For one, he cannot be driving in that state of mind. :-4
And Weeders right, think of changing houses (I'm not sure what the set-up is here), as a way of getting out of the water (stopping that 'I'm drowning' feeling), and get your feet on solid ground again. Then, if you don't like the soil you are on, you are able to take a breath, recover and look forward to where you want to be. Think of it as a stepping stone to recovery and your ultimate goal.
I hope you don't mind my rambling.
Go get um girl!
Pheasy :-4
lost my powers
WonderWendy3;703276 wrote: Thats what has kept me going....a few months ago when my son had his second accident in within a two week period, I finally broke down and called his dad for assistance, some help, hope that he would be there for his son........half way through the call I realized I made a HORRIBLE mistake....I quickly got off the phone and promised to NEVER do that again....it some-how got turned back to being all about HIM???????????? and then a few days later he called me and asked me what was wrong, and that it shocked him that I called him, since I never do that. My response was...."yeah, ummm it's kinda hard doing everything all alone, there are times a person can only take so much" and the phone was dead and the subject was changed!!:-5:-5
Hehehe, gave him a little food for thought there girl.
Once I got the guts to stand up to him he soon backtracked and started being nice to me again. I know he has alterior motives but I am married to someone else and altho he is too, you would think (bythe way he sometimes talks to me) that he wants me back. But I have to remind him what he did to me and what he doesnt do for the children and it is all that which made me leave in the 1st place.
He does eat humble pie now and then but it is not enough to kick him in the rear end and make him be a decent father. What a twat.
Hehehe, gave him a little food for thought there girl.
Once I got the guts to stand up to him he soon backtracked and started being nice to me again. I know he has alterior motives but I am married to someone else and altho he is too, you would think (bythe way he sometimes talks to me) that he wants me back. But I have to remind him what he did to me and what he doesnt do for the children and it is all that which made me leave in the 1st place.
He does eat humble pie now and then but it is not enough to kick him in the rear end and make him be a decent father. What a twat.
lost my powers
Its so hard Wendy for parents especially with the eldest child as whatever age they get to you have never had to deal with that before if you know what i mean? We have no training or experience as parents until we do it for the first time. I am not a single parent and my husband has contributed quite well in the bringing up of our kids, and still its very hard sometimes so i can only imagine the despair you must sometimes feel. Wendy, do you think your son is trying to be the "Father"? as in head of the house? I ask cos my sister divorced a useless man years ago and she had that issue with her eldest son, he wanted to be in charge and acted as though he was. I really hope things get better for you, and i agree with what some others have said, try to have a long and honest talk with your son, tell him how he is making you all feel, and of course how much you love him and want him to be happy( cos he dont sound happy?) Mybe if you tell him you need his help,, for all of you to pull together? Easier said than done i know. All the best of luck Wendy, from what i have learned about you so far on here i know you will never give up.:-4:-4
FOC THREAD PART1
In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
Martin Luther King Jr.
lost my powers
ThePheasant;703283 wrote: Wendy, many people here have offered some good advice and thoughts on possible issues that your son are dealing with right now and the problems you are experiencing financially. Weeder, you have obviously been through a lot in your life and can understand. You look at this with understanding and offer good advice.
Wendy, Having been a child myself in some similar situations to your son, I truly understand some of his issues right now, but could not understand all. As a child I was bought up in a physically violent home (thanks to Daddy dearest), I remember that I heard, and saw far more than my parents ever knew. Once my parents split, and as the years went on, I felt it my job to protect my Mum (much like your son probably feels too). I had a lot of anger towards my Dad (granted he deserved it), but it really wasn't helping me. And for my anger to continue hurting me, then he still had power over me - and he never earn t that right. I also cried a lot wishing that my Daddy was normal - I did not want another Daddy, I wanted to turn back the clock and make him normal.
Something is troubling your son. There could be many reasons. I am not a councilor, and thats what he needs right now. He needs a fair chance at life. You all need a fair chance at life. I really feel you need to see a professional and get him some help. For one, he cannot be driving in that state of mind. :-4
And Weeders right, think of changing houses (I'm not sure what the set-up is here), as a way of getting out of the water (stopping that 'I'm drowning' feeling), and get your feet on solid ground again. Then, if you don't like the soil you are on, you are able to take a breath, recover and look forward to where you want to be. Think of it as a stepping stone to recovery and your ultimate goal.
I hope you don't mind my rambling.
Go get um girl!
Pheasy :-4
Sorry to encroach on your post here, however I would like to say that it amazes me how often ppl are advised to get counselling. Please remember that couselling can be as damaging as none at all and that not everyone needs it.
Sometimes our kids or even us adults just need to know that it is not only happening to them/us, that we love our children no matter what, that no step parent is coming in to Take Over. Also not only saying that you love your children, but also show them affection.
Do not let your children into too much of what is going on iside you, with your personal life, finances etc. Not ony does it share the stress you are going through, it switches on a green light for them to judge you and act like your partner. I made that mistake with my son and boy have I paid for that.
Wendy, Having been a child myself in some similar situations to your son, I truly understand some of his issues right now, but could not understand all. As a child I was bought up in a physically violent home (thanks to Daddy dearest), I remember that I heard, and saw far more than my parents ever knew. Once my parents split, and as the years went on, I felt it my job to protect my Mum (much like your son probably feels too). I had a lot of anger towards my Dad (granted he deserved it), but it really wasn't helping me. And for my anger to continue hurting me, then he still had power over me - and he never earn t that right. I also cried a lot wishing that my Daddy was normal - I did not want another Daddy, I wanted to turn back the clock and make him normal.
Something is troubling your son. There could be many reasons. I am not a councilor, and thats what he needs right now. He needs a fair chance at life. You all need a fair chance at life. I really feel you need to see a professional and get him some help. For one, he cannot be driving in that state of mind. :-4
And Weeders right, think of changing houses (I'm not sure what the set-up is here), as a way of getting out of the water (stopping that 'I'm drowning' feeling), and get your feet on solid ground again. Then, if you don't like the soil you are on, you are able to take a breath, recover and look forward to where you want to be. Think of it as a stepping stone to recovery and your ultimate goal.
I hope you don't mind my rambling.
Go get um girl!
Pheasy :-4
Sorry to encroach on your post here, however I would like to say that it amazes me how often ppl are advised to get counselling. Please remember that couselling can be as damaging as none at all and that not everyone needs it.
Sometimes our kids or even us adults just need to know that it is not only happening to them/us, that we love our children no matter what, that no step parent is coming in to Take Over. Also not only saying that you love your children, but also show them affection.
Do not let your children into too much of what is going on iside you, with your personal life, finances etc. Not ony does it share the stress you are going through, it switches on a green light for them to judge you and act like your partner. I made that mistake with my son and boy have I paid for that.
lost my powers
Ahhhhhhhaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!! Kazalala, nice bit of writting there, couldnt have put it better if I tried.
lost my powers
Lady G;703294 wrote: Ahhhhhhhaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!! Kazalala, nice bit of writting there, couldnt have put it better if I tried.
oh thanks:D I usually wonder if ihave explained myself properly, as im not very articulate:rolleyes:
oh thanks:D I usually wonder if ihave explained myself properly, as im not very articulate:rolleyes:
FOC THREAD PART1
In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
Martin Luther King Jr.
lost my powers
kazalala;703298 wrote: oh thanks:D I usually wonder if ihave explained myself properly, as im not very articulate:rolleyes:
perfectly articulate.
perfectly articulate.
lost my powers
Love and hugs to you
Wish i could say something to help but i have no idea what you're going through and it looks like you have had some good advise off people who know what they're talking about.
Wish i could say something to help but i have no idea what you're going through and it looks like you have had some good advise off people who know what they're talking about.
lost my powers
Good point about the oldest child trying to replace the missing parent.
My husband was a widower with 2 young girls when I met him. I remember him saying to me when it was clear that our relationship was going to be serious that his older girl would have her nose put out of joint as from sheer loneliness he had let her take her mother's role in that she had the front seat of the car and he used to talk things through with her more than he had before.
My friend whose husband left her a while ago has said that her oldest boy has also told her not to worry and that he'd look after her now.
I must also agree that I am a bit ambivalent about counselling - sometimes it doesn't help. Again oldest step daughter put us in a situation that I'd rather have not been in when her behaviour caused our doctor to suggest family counselling. We went, it caused her younger sister some distress, her father and I were bemused more than anything and I was criticised by the counsellor for not taking my 2 year old daughter along and was told that she couldn't help us unless it was the whole family there - what a 2 year old would understand about it all was beyond me. I have never forgotten the look of 'now see what I can do to you' on sd's face - we didn't go back.
WW - you're getting some great advice here from so many people, I just hope that some of it helps :-4
My husband was a widower with 2 young girls when I met him. I remember him saying to me when it was clear that our relationship was going to be serious that his older girl would have her nose put out of joint as from sheer loneliness he had let her take her mother's role in that she had the front seat of the car and he used to talk things through with her more than he had before.
My friend whose husband left her a while ago has said that her oldest boy has also told her not to worry and that he'd look after her now.
I must also agree that I am a bit ambivalent about counselling - sometimes it doesn't help. Again oldest step daughter put us in a situation that I'd rather have not been in when her behaviour caused our doctor to suggest family counselling. We went, it caused her younger sister some distress, her father and I were bemused more than anything and I was criticised by the counsellor for not taking my 2 year old daughter along and was told that she couldn't help us unless it was the whole family there - what a 2 year old would understand about it all was beyond me. I have never forgotten the look of 'now see what I can do to you' on sd's face - we didn't go back.
WW - you're getting some great advice here from so many people, I just hope that some of it helps :-4
Originally Posted by spot
She is one fit bitch innit, that Immy
Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time
She is one fit bitch innit, that Immy
Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time
lost my powers
Lady G;703293 wrote: Sorry to encroach on your post here, however I would like to say that it amazes me how often ppl are advised to get counselling. Please remember that couselling can be as damaging as none at all and that not everyone needs it.
Sometimes our kids or even us adults just need to know that it is not only happening to them/us, that we love our children no matter what, that no step parent is coming in to Take Over. Also not only saying that you love your children, but also show them affection.
Do not let your children into too much of what is going on iside you, with your personal life, finances etc. Not ony does it share the stress you are going through, it switches on a green light for them to judge you and act like your partner. I made that mistake with my son and boy have I paid for that.
As some one who has had to request help from a councillor (or therapist), regarding my son, I know the benefits it can have. I am not a super Mum, I did not have 'Mum' training, in fact, I did not have 'life' training. We do the best we can, but we are not super humans, we do not know all the answers. Sometimes we need to call for help, and the best help we can get is from someone who is qualified. Granted not everyone needs it, but if you are in a situation where you do not know which way to turn or how to deal with a situation or a person, then I suggest maybe you do.
Sometimes our kids or even us adults just need to know that it is not only happening to them/us, that we love our children no matter what, that no step parent is coming in to Take Over. Also not only saying that you love your children, but also show them affection.
Do not let your children into too much of what is going on iside you, with your personal life, finances etc. Not ony does it share the stress you are going through, it switches on a green light for them to judge you and act like your partner. I made that mistake with my son and boy have I paid for that.
As some one who has had to request help from a councillor (or therapist), regarding my son, I know the benefits it can have. I am not a super Mum, I did not have 'Mum' training, in fact, I did not have 'life' training. We do the best we can, but we are not super humans, we do not know all the answers. Sometimes we need to call for help, and the best help we can get is from someone who is qualified. Granted not everyone needs it, but if you are in a situation where you do not know which way to turn or how to deal with a situation or a person, then I suggest maybe you do.
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WonderWendy3
- Posts: 12412
- Joined: Thu Nov 09, 2006 7:44 am
lost my powers
Thank you everyone for the great advice, I really appreciate it.
I realize that there are many questions about the situation....my son doesn't have it easy...he's been the man of the house for a long long time, almost all his life since he was about 9ish...and for sure since he was 14, he's had to grow up quick and in a hurry thanks to his good for nothing father. He has a job, and he is a senior in high school. He has a car that hasn't run for over a month. He was on the golf team and he wasn't working as much, so always got rides to and from school and only worked on the weekend, he's been using my car. Now, he needs to get back to working more since golf season is over, but he has no money and no way to work.
He has been very responsible up to this time. I have always tried to make sure he has an equal balance of fun and responsibilities at home...for instance...he was actually thinking of missing out on his homecoming game to go see his father....that upset me, and I tried not to let it on, but played the---this is your senior year card!!
I have sat down and talked to him, this has been going on for about 4-5 months now, its getting to the place of needing a definate solution. Counseling is a great suggestion and I appreciate it. Unfortunately, #1. Where do I find the time? and 2. It's not free. 3. I had a REALLY bad experience with councelling that keeps me from taking that route. But it doesn't mean that I am not willing to try if that is indeed the route we have to take. I just have a rough time with it.
I realize that there are many questions about the situation....my son doesn't have it easy...he's been the man of the house for a long long time, almost all his life since he was about 9ish...and for sure since he was 14, he's had to grow up quick and in a hurry thanks to his good for nothing father. He has a job, and he is a senior in high school. He has a car that hasn't run for over a month. He was on the golf team and he wasn't working as much, so always got rides to and from school and only worked on the weekend, he's been using my car. Now, he needs to get back to working more since golf season is over, but he has no money and no way to work.
He has been very responsible up to this time. I have always tried to make sure he has an equal balance of fun and responsibilities at home...for instance...he was actually thinking of missing out on his homecoming game to go see his father....that upset me, and I tried not to let it on, but played the---this is your senior year card!!
I have sat down and talked to him, this has been going on for about 4-5 months now, its getting to the place of needing a definate solution. Counseling is a great suggestion and I appreciate it. Unfortunately, #1. Where do I find the time? and 2. It's not free. 3. I had a REALLY bad experience with councelling that keeps me from taking that route. But it doesn't mean that I am not willing to try if that is indeed the route we have to take. I just have a rough time with it.
lost my powers
ThePheasant;703310 wrote: As some one who has had to request help from a councillor (or therapist), regarding my son, I know the benefits it can have. I am not a super Mum, I did not have 'Mum' training, in fact, I did not have 'life' training. We do the best we can, but we are not super humans, we do not know all the answer. Sometimes we need to call for help, and the best help we can get is from someone who is qualified. Granted not everyone needs it, but if you are in a situation where you do not know which way to turn or how to deal with a situation or a person, then I suggest maybe you do.
I totally agree with you, it can work for some and not for others. If it has helped you previously then I am truly pleased for you. When I tried it, I felt raw for days after and it caused mayhem in my family where now my relationship with MY mum is no longer what it was and it was her who pushed me to seek it in the first place. I also seeked counselling for my children and I during an especially hard time in my life and I will NEVER EVER trust family counsellors again. They totally made me feel unsafe and untrusting toward them.
So for me it didnt work and I think it is important to say that we are all different and that my experiences are not necessarily the same as everyone elses.
I totally agree with you, it can work for some and not for others. If it has helped you previously then I am truly pleased for you. When I tried it, I felt raw for days after and it caused mayhem in my family where now my relationship with MY mum is no longer what it was and it was her who pushed me to seek it in the first place. I also seeked counselling for my children and I during an especially hard time in my life and I will NEVER EVER trust family counsellors again. They totally made me feel unsafe and untrusting toward them.
So for me it didnt work and I think it is important to say that we are all different and that my experiences are not necessarily the same as everyone elses.
lost my powers
WonderWendy3;703323 wrote: Thank you everyone for the great advice, I really appreciate it.
I realize that there are many questions about the situation....my son doesn't have it easy...he's been the man of the house for a long long time, almost all his life since he was about 9ish...and for sure since he was 14, he's had to grow up quick and in a hurry thanks to his good for nothing father. He has a job, and he is a senior in high school. He has a car that hasn't run for over a month. He was on the golf team and he wasn't working as much, so always got rides to and from school and only worked on the weekend, he's been using my car. Now, he needs to get back to working more since golf season is over, but he has no money and no way to work.
He has been very responsible up to this time. I have always tried to make sure he has an equal balance of fun and responsibilities at home...for instance...he was actually thinking of missing out on his homecoming game to go see his father....that upset me, and I tried not to let it on, but played the---this is your senior year card!!
I have sat down and talked to him, this has been going on for about 4-5 months now, its getting to the place of needing a definate solution. Counseling is a great suggestion and I appreciate it. Unfortunately, #1. Where do I find the time? and 2. It's not free. 3. I had a REALLY bad experience with councelling that keeps me from taking that route. But it doesn't mean that I am not willing to try if that is indeed the route we have to take. I just have a rough time with it.
WW3, it sounds to me like he is frustrated with the whole no work, no car, growing up, pissed off with dad, pissed off with life. Maybe ask him to write down all the pros and cons to do with his life at the moment. tell him you will try and help him work out the best way forward. Oh god, it is so hard, I know trust me. never mind girl, just keep doing what you are doing, being his mum.
I realize that there are many questions about the situation....my son doesn't have it easy...he's been the man of the house for a long long time, almost all his life since he was about 9ish...and for sure since he was 14, he's had to grow up quick and in a hurry thanks to his good for nothing father. He has a job, and he is a senior in high school. He has a car that hasn't run for over a month. He was on the golf team and he wasn't working as much, so always got rides to and from school and only worked on the weekend, he's been using my car. Now, he needs to get back to working more since golf season is over, but he has no money and no way to work.
He has been very responsible up to this time. I have always tried to make sure he has an equal balance of fun and responsibilities at home...for instance...he was actually thinking of missing out on his homecoming game to go see his father....that upset me, and I tried not to let it on, but played the---this is your senior year card!!
I have sat down and talked to him, this has been going on for about 4-5 months now, its getting to the place of needing a definate solution. Counseling is a great suggestion and I appreciate it. Unfortunately, #1. Where do I find the time? and 2. It's not free. 3. I had a REALLY bad experience with councelling that keeps me from taking that route. But it doesn't mean that I am not willing to try if that is indeed the route we have to take. I just have a rough time with it.
WW3, it sounds to me like he is frustrated with the whole no work, no car, growing up, pissed off with dad, pissed off with life. Maybe ask him to write down all the pros and cons to do with his life at the moment. tell him you will try and help him work out the best way forward. Oh god, it is so hard, I know trust me. never mind girl, just keep doing what you are doing, being his mum.
lost my powers
Lady G;703327 wrote: I totally agree with you, it can work for some and not for others. If it has helped you previously then I am truly pleased for you. When I tried it, I felt raw for days after and it caused mayhem in my family where now my relationship with MY mum is no longer what it was and it was her who pushed me to seek it in the first place. I also seeked counselling for my children and I during an especially hard time in my life and I will NEVER EVER trust family counsellors again. They totally made me feel unsafe and untrusting toward them.
So for me it didnt work and I think it is important to say that we are all different and that my experiences are not necessarily the same as everyone elses.
I'm sorry that this did not work out for, in fact caused further problems. I agree, and as with any medical treatment/advice great care has to be taken when choosing the right person and evaluating the need. :-6
So for me it didnt work and I think it is important to say that we are all different and that my experiences are not necessarily the same as everyone elses.
I'm sorry that this did not work out for, in fact caused further problems. I agree, and as with any medical treatment/advice great care has to be taken when choosing the right person and evaluating the need. :-6
lost my powers
:yh_hugs WW :yh_hugs
lost my powers
aw sweets I dunno what to tell ya, kids are a pain in the arse. I can understand your situation completely. Try to weigh your battles with your son, learn to recognize what is a small incident and weight if it is worth a blow out over and if not... let it go. Teens/young adults get their backs up easy and perceive us as always being on their backs when we take issue with so many things.
Ensure you and your younger boys are safe WW3 I hope your oldest is not being physical in anyway.
Lastly if he is not following rules anymore send him packing, yes tough as hell to do, but some kids just need that push out into the real world to realize they have to work at life as much as the rest of us do.
Hun can ya get a room mate to help out with payments?
Huge Huggs to ya girl.
M
Ensure you and your younger boys are safe WW3 I hope your oldest is not being physical in anyway.
Lastly if he is not following rules anymore send him packing, yes tough as hell to do, but some kids just need that push out into the real world to realize they have to work at life as much as the rest of us do.
Hun can ya get a room mate to help out with payments?
Huge Huggs to ya girl.
M
�You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.�
• Mae West
• Mae West
lost my powers
so sorry ww that you are having a real hardtime at the moment.My daughter has got really bad anger probs,i find myself at a lost to how to deal with her.she know she has got a prob but it is only herself that can deal with it.
I really hope ww this get better for you hun my love and hugs go to you.xxxx
I really hope ww this get better for you hun my love and hugs go to you.xxxx
The rottie queen
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WonderWendy3
- Posts: 12412
- Joined: Thu Nov 09, 2006 7:44 am
lost my powers
minks;703381 wrote: aw sweets I dunno what to tell ya, kids are a pain in the arse. I can understand your situation completely. Try to weigh your battles with your son, learn to recognize what is a small incident and weight if it is worth a blow out over and if not... let it go. Teens/young adults get their backs up easy and perceive us as always being on their backs when we take issue with so many things.
Ensure you and your younger boys are safe WW3 I hope your oldest is not being physical in anyway.
Lastly if he is not following rules anymore send him packing, yes tough as hell to do, but some kids just need that push out into the real world to realize they have to work at life as much as the rest of us do.
Hun can ya get a room mate to help out with payments?
Huge Huggs to ya girl.
M
No, he's not been physical, and actually has done better recently. I have been a pro at patchin' up holes through the years, he hasn't done that lately. He does throw things and slam doors and usually leaves the house, yesterday it was on foot, due to no car.
I know he's frustrated and I told him that, and it's not working by us fussing at each other, that we need to work together instead against each other....that didn't work either. He wants to scream at me for not helping him, and my response is.....HOW? What do you want from me??? I can't....so we are both frustrated and its just really hard.
I can't get a room mate Minksy, there is no room for anyone else in my house, we have a small home and we have the space maxed out! Plus, I don't want anyone else around my kids that I don't know and everyone I know has a home to live in.
Thanks to EVERYONE for your love and support, it really means so so much to me!!:-4
Ensure you and your younger boys are safe WW3 I hope your oldest is not being physical in anyway.
Lastly if he is not following rules anymore send him packing, yes tough as hell to do, but some kids just need that push out into the real world to realize they have to work at life as much as the rest of us do.
Hun can ya get a room mate to help out with payments?
Huge Huggs to ya girl.
M
No, he's not been physical, and actually has done better recently. I have been a pro at patchin' up holes through the years, he hasn't done that lately. He does throw things and slam doors and usually leaves the house, yesterday it was on foot, due to no car.
I know he's frustrated and I told him that, and it's not working by us fussing at each other, that we need to work together instead against each other....that didn't work either. He wants to scream at me for not helping him, and my response is.....HOW? What do you want from me??? I can't....so we are both frustrated and its just really hard.
I can't get a room mate Minksy, there is no room for anyone else in my house, we have a small home and we have the space maxed out! Plus, I don't want anyone else around my kids that I don't know and everyone I know has a home to live in.
Thanks to EVERYONE for your love and support, it really means so so much to me!!:-4
lost my powers
Firstly, we have all made the very dissapointing mistake of calling the dead beat dad ex, in a crisis or emergency. Its like we still have hope that these bums could have a flicker of love, compassion, concern or guilt in their lousy ball less souls. Forget it. We usually only have to make that mistake once.
The renewed dissapointment is quite devastating and sobering.
Counselling? I have very mixed feelings on it. I have had good experiences and bad. And as Wendy says... the good counselors arent free. Having taken part in all types of counselling, I do have one area I feel strongly about. Or two actually. A person has to be able to SHOP for the right counselor. A bad fit is a waste of time, and so the first consultation visit MUST BE FREE.
Secondly, I have had more worthwhile and valuable experiences being part of a group, than I have had one on one. There is so much more to be learned by listening than there is by talking. The support of a good group. led by the right counselor can be priceless. The result of my being part of a group for 2 years called an SOA ( spouse of alcoholic group ) is what slowly provided me with the time and the tools I needed to throw the abusive, sick puppy that I married right back to his mothers ( which is where most of them go) Afterall, they musnt be denied anything now, should they? ( Remnants of a little bitterness there, after all these years. thats ok.. a little keeps you on your toes.. Prevents one from even considering taking on another loser.
AHem...... which leads me to this conclusion. If a group is so good ( which it is) but costs money..... There is great potential for help and support from a group we can put together ourselves. Women love to get together, talk, laugh, give advise, share stories and support one an other. Not only do these groups improve mental health.... they sometimes are the source of a new life long friend or two. ( Obviously, Ive got those too ) Think about it Wendy. Consider some of the options.
The renewed dissapointment is quite devastating and sobering.
Counselling? I have very mixed feelings on it. I have had good experiences and bad. And as Wendy says... the good counselors arent free. Having taken part in all types of counselling, I do have one area I feel strongly about. Or two actually. A person has to be able to SHOP for the right counselor. A bad fit is a waste of time, and so the first consultation visit MUST BE FREE.
Secondly, I have had more worthwhile and valuable experiences being part of a group, than I have had one on one. There is so much more to be learned by listening than there is by talking. The support of a good group. led by the right counselor can be priceless. The result of my being part of a group for 2 years called an SOA ( spouse of alcoholic group ) is what slowly provided me with the time and the tools I needed to throw the abusive, sick puppy that I married right back to his mothers ( which is where most of them go) Afterall, they musnt be denied anything now, should they? ( Remnants of a little bitterness there, after all these years. thats ok.. a little keeps you on your toes.. Prevents one from even considering taking on another loser.
AHem...... which leads me to this conclusion. If a group is so good ( which it is) but costs money..... There is great potential for help and support from a group we can put together ourselves. Women love to get together, talk, laugh, give advise, share stories and support one an other. Not only do these groups improve mental health.... they sometimes are the source of a new life long friend or two. ( Obviously, Ive got those too ) Think about it Wendy. Consider some of the options.
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