FG jokes
FG jokes
A doctor says to Spot, "You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles a day." Two weeks later, Spot called the doctor. The doctor says, "How is your love life since you have been running?" "I don't know, I'm 140 miles away!"
FG jokes
jimbo;727967 wrote: mr immy was sunbathing naked in the garden and ended up getting bad sunburn on his penis,his doctor tells him to ease the pain bath it in a suacer of cold milk
immy comes home and finds him with his willy in the saucer of cold milk
good heavens she cries i always wondered how you reloaded those things
:D
:wah::wah::wah:
immy comes home and finds him with his willy in the saucer of cold milk
good heavens she cries i always wondered how you reloaded those things
:D:wah::wah::wah:
FG jokes
I can see thi is gonna be my favourite thread, nice one Jimbo:)
The doctor says to Wonderwendy "Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window". "What will that do?" asks WonderWendy. The doctor says, "I'm mad at my neighbor!"
The doctor says to Wonderwendy "Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window". "What will that do?" asks WonderWendy. The doctor says, "I'm mad at my neighbor!"
FG jokes
:yh_rotfljimbo;727967 wrote: mr immy was sunbathing naked in the garden and ended up getting bad sunburn on his penis,his doctor tells him to ease the pain bath it in a suacer of cold milk
immy comes home and finds him with his willy in the saucer of cold milk
good heavens she cries i always wondered how you reloaded those things:D
:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl excellent
immy comes home and finds him with his willy in the saucer of cold milk
good heavens she cries i always wondered how you reloaded those things
:D:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl excellent
FG jokes
El Guapo is at the bar, drunk. Jimbo picks him up off the floor, and offers to take him home. On the way to his car, he falls down three times. When they get to his house, Jimbo helps him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. Jimbo rings the bell and says, "Here's your husband!" Mrs E Guapo says, "Where's his wheelchair?"
FG jokes
Mr Immy sent me this..
My frustrated wife Immy decided our sex life needed alittle spicing up. So, after work she went shopping and picked up a fancy pair of crotchless panties. She went home and slid the new garment on and selected a short skirt to go with it.
Immy greeted me when I came home from work and sat down on the couch across from me. She slowly spread her legs¦ then said “Honey would you like some of this? I took a moment, then said “Hell no, look what it’s done to your underwear!
My frustrated wife Immy decided our sex life needed alittle spicing up. So, after work she went shopping and picked up a fancy pair of crotchless panties. She went home and slid the new garment on and selected a short skirt to go with it.
Immy greeted me when I came home from work and sat down on the couch across from me. She slowly spread her legs¦ then said “Honey would you like some of this? I took a moment, then said “Hell no, look what it’s done to your underwear!
FG jokes
Joe took his blind date to the carnival. "What would you like to do first, Indian Princess?" asked Joe. "I want to get weighed," she said. They ambled over to the weight guesser. He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize.
Next the couple went on the ferris wheel. When the ride was over, Joe again asked Indian Princess what she would like to do. "I want to get weighed," she said. Back to the weight guesser they went. Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight, and Joe lost his dollar.
The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to next. "I want to get weighed," she responded. By this time, Joe figured she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake.
Her roommate, Laura, asked Indian Princess about the blind date, "How'd it go?"
Indian Princess responded, "Oh, Waura, it was wousy."
Next the couple went on the ferris wheel. When the ride was over, Joe again asked Indian Princess what she would like to do. "I want to get weighed," she said. Back to the weight guesser they went. Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight, and Joe lost his dollar.
The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to next. "I want to get weighed," she responded. By this time, Joe figured she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake.
Her roommate, Laura, asked Indian Princess about the blind date, "How'd it go?"
Indian Princess responded, "Oh, Waura, it was wousy."
FG jokes
Gawd I could spend all day in here :wah::wah:
Red Glitter saved a fairy's life. To repay this, the fairy promised to grant Red Glitter three wishes. For the first wish, Red Glitter asked to become young and beautiful. Poof! She became young and beautiful.
For the second wish, she asked to be the richest woman in the world. Poof! She was the richest woman in the world.
For the last wish, she pointed at the cat she had kept for years. She asked that he be turned into the most handsome man on earth. After all, he had been her best friend for so many ears. Poof!
The fairy turned the cat into the most handsome man on earth. Red Glitter and the fairy said their goodbyes.
After the fairy left, the handsome man strolled over to here and asked: "Now aren't you sorry you had me neutered?"
Red Glitter saved a fairy's life. To repay this, the fairy promised to grant Red Glitter three wishes. For the first wish, Red Glitter asked to become young and beautiful. Poof! She became young and beautiful.
For the second wish, she asked to be the richest woman in the world. Poof! She was the richest woman in the world.
For the last wish, she pointed at the cat she had kept for years. She asked that he be turned into the most handsome man on earth. After all, he had been her best friend for so many ears. Poof!
The fairy turned the cat into the most handsome man on earth. Red Glitter and the fairy said their goodbyes.
After the fairy left, the handsome man strolled over to here and asked: "Now aren't you sorry you had me neutered?"
FG jokes
A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach. He had no arms and no legs. Wonderwendy, Chezzie and Red Glitter were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man.
As wonderwendy walked by she said, “Have you ever had a hug? The man said “No, so she gave him a hug and walked on.
When Chezzie walked by she said, “Have you ever had a kiss? The man said, “No, so she gave him a kiss and walked on.
Then Redglitter walked by him and said, “Have you ever been screwed? The fellow said, “No. She said, “You will be when the tide comes in.
As wonderwendy walked by she said, “Have you ever had a hug? The man said “No, so she gave him a hug and walked on.
When Chezzie walked by she said, “Have you ever had a kiss? The man said, “No, so she gave him a kiss and walked on.
Then Redglitter walked by him and said, “Have you ever been screwed? The fellow said, “No. She said, “You will be when the tide comes in.
FG jokes
YZGI;727998 wrote: A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach. He had no arms and no legs. Wonderwendy, Chezzie and Red Glitter were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man.
As wonderwendy walked by she said, “Have you ever had a hug? The man said “No, so she gave him a hug and walked on.
When Chezzie walked by she said, “Have you ever had a kiss? The man said, “No, so she gave him a kiss and walked on.
Then Redglitter walked by him and said, “Have you ever been screwed? The fellow said, “No. She said, “You will be when the tide comes in.
:wah::wah::wah:
As wonderwendy walked by she said, “Have you ever had a hug? The man said “No, so she gave him a hug and walked on.
When Chezzie walked by she said, “Have you ever had a kiss? The man said, “No, so she gave him a kiss and walked on.
Then Redglitter walked by him and said, “Have you ever been screwed? The fellow said, “No. She said, “You will be when the tide comes in.
:wah::wah::wah:
FG jokes
McDONALD'S JOB APPLICATION
This is an actual job application that Nomad submitted to McDonald's in Florida... and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!
NAME: Nomad.
SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.
DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
SALARY: Less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.
SIGN HERE: Aries.
This is an actual job application that Nomad submitted to McDonald's in Florida... and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!
NAME: Nomad.
SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.
DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
SALARY: Less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.
SIGN HERE: Aries.
-
WonderWendy3
- Posts: 12412
- Joined: Thu Nov 09, 2006 7:44 am
FG jokes
Chezzie;727973 wrote: I can see thi is gonna be my favourite thread, nice one Jimbo
The doctor says to Wonderwendy "Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window". "What will that do?" asks WonderWendy. The doctor says, "I'm mad at my neighbor!"That sounds like ME too!!:wah:--I would probably say oh okay and continue sticking my tongue out....and me bein' naked would probably be enough to scare anyone :yh_tong2
jimbo;727977 wrote: a coastguard recieves a mayday over the radio el guapo says help we are all in the water
coastguard says..... capsize
el guapo says i dont know wise guy never sent me one :wah::wah::wah:
sorry jes THAT WAS GREAT!!!
Chezzie;727987 wrote: Joe took his blind date to the carnival. "What would you like to do first, Indian Princess?" asked Joe. "I want to get weighed," she said. They ambled over to the weight guesser. He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize.
Next the couple went on the ferris wheel. When the ride was over, Joe again asked Indian Princess what she would like to do. "I want to get weighed," she said. Back to the weight guesser they went. Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight, and Joe lost his dollar.
The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to next. "I want to get weighed," she responded. By this time, Joe figured she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake.
Her roommate, Laura, asked Indian Princess about the blind date, "How'd it go?"
Indian Princess responded, "Oh, Waura, it was wousy."PMSL!!
YZGI;727998 wrote: A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach. He had no arms and no legs. Wonderwendy, Chezzie and Red Glitter were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man.
As wonderwendy walked by she said, “Have you ever had a hug? The man said “No, so she gave him a hug and walked on.
When Chezzie walked by she said, “Have you ever had a kiss? The man said, “No, so she gave him a kiss and walked on.
Then Redglitter walked by him and said, “Have you ever been screwed? The fellow said, “No. She said, “You will be when the tide comes in.
:wah: I am thankful I was the one not screwing him....
The doctor says to Wonderwendy "Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window". "What will that do?" asks WonderWendy. The doctor says, "I'm mad at my neighbor!"That sounds like ME too!!:wah:--I would probably say oh okay and continue sticking my tongue out....and me bein' naked would probably be enough to scare anyone :yh_tong2
jimbo;727977 wrote: a coastguard recieves a mayday over the radio el guapo says help we are all in the water
coastguard says..... capsize
el guapo says i dont know wise guy never sent me one :wah::wah::wah:
sorry jes THAT WAS GREAT!!!
Chezzie;727987 wrote: Joe took his blind date to the carnival. "What would you like to do first, Indian Princess?" asked Joe. "I want to get weighed," she said. They ambled over to the weight guesser. He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize.
Next the couple went on the ferris wheel. When the ride was over, Joe again asked Indian Princess what she would like to do. "I want to get weighed," she said. Back to the weight guesser they went. Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight, and Joe lost his dollar.
The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to next. "I want to get weighed," she responded. By this time, Joe figured she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake.
Her roommate, Laura, asked Indian Princess about the blind date, "How'd it go?"
Indian Princess responded, "Oh, Waura, it was wousy."PMSL!!
YZGI;727998 wrote: A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach. He had no arms and no legs. Wonderwendy, Chezzie and Red Glitter were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man.
As wonderwendy walked by she said, “Have you ever had a hug? The man said “No, so she gave him a hug and walked on.
When Chezzie walked by she said, “Have you ever had a kiss? The man said, “No, so she gave him a kiss and walked on.
Then Redglitter walked by him and said, “Have you ever been screwed? The fellow said, “No. She said, “You will be when the tide comes in.
:wah: I am thankful I was the one not screwing him....
FG jokes
A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question.
As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into aussie pam beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast.
They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says,
"Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me." She replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 436."
As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into aussie pam beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast.
They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says,
"Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me." She replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 436."
FG jokes
A blond goes into the dry cleaners to have her sweater cleaned.
She asks the clerk, “How much?
He doesn’t hear her correctly and says “Come again?
SuzyB giggles and says “No¦it’s just mustard this time.
She asks the clerk, “How much?
He doesn’t hear her correctly and says “Come again?
SuzyB giggles and says “No¦it’s just mustard this time.
FG jokes
Dubs hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me wife!" That won him the top prize for the best toast of the night.
He went home and told his wife, Mrs Dubs, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night." She said, "Aye, Dubs, what was your toast?" Dubs Said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life sitting in church beside me wife." "Oh, that is very nice indeed, Dubs" Mrs Dubs said.
The next day, Mrs Dubs ran into one of Dub's toasting buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "Dubs won the prize, the other night, with a toast about you, Mrs."
She said, "Aye and I was a bit surprised myself! You know, he's only been there twice. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come".
He went home and told his wife, Mrs Dubs, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night." She said, "Aye, Dubs, what was your toast?" Dubs Said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life sitting in church beside me wife." "Oh, that is very nice indeed, Dubs" Mrs Dubs said.
The next day, Mrs Dubs ran into one of Dub's toasting buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "Dubs won the prize, the other night, with a toast about you, Mrs."
She said, "Aye and I was a bit surprised myself! You know, he's only been there twice. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come".
FG jokes
Jimbo, Yzgi and El Guapo go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, Yzgi on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" El Taco on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then Jimbo in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!" 
My dog's a cross between a Shihtzu and a Bulldog... It's a Bullsh!t..
FG jokes
One day G#GILL went to the doctor because she had an itch in her crotch. She told the doctor her problem and he said, “You have the crabs. She informed the doctor that it could not be the crabs because she was an eighty year old virgin.
G#GILL went to another doctor and explained her problem to him. The doctor said, “You probably have the crabs. No she said, “I am an eighty year old virgin.
Frustrated, G#GILL went to a third doctor.She said, “Doctor can you help me? I have an itch in my crotch. Don’t tell me that it is the crabs because I am an eighty year old virgin. It can not be the crabs.The doctor said, Jump on the table and let’s have a look. After examining, the doctor proclaimed, “Ma’am, your right, you do not have the crabs. This cherry is sooooo old, you have fruit flies.
G#GILL went to another doctor and explained her problem to him. The doctor said, “You probably have the crabs. No she said, “I am an eighty year old virgin.
Frustrated, G#GILL went to a third doctor.She said, “Doctor can you help me? I have an itch in my crotch. Don’t tell me that it is the crabs because I am an eighty year old virgin. It can not be the crabs.The doctor said, Jump on the table and let’s have a look. After examining, the doctor proclaimed, “Ma’am, your right, you do not have the crabs. This cherry is sooooo old, you have fruit flies.
FG jokes
This married couple was on holiday in Jamaica. They were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and such, when they passed this small sandal shop. From inside they heard the shopkeeper with a Jamaican accent say, "You foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop."
So Mr & Mrs YZGI walked in. The Jamaican said to them, "I have some special sandals I think you would be interested in. Dey make you wild at sex."
Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed, but YZGI felt he really didn't need them, being the sex god he was.
YZGI asked the man, "How could sandals make you into a sex freak?"
The Jamaican replied, "Just try dem on, Man."
Well, after some badgering from his wife, YZGI finally gave in, and tried them on.
As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes, something his wife hadn't seen in many years!!
In the blink of an eye, YZGI grabbed the Jamaican, bent him violently over a table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican's hips.
The Jamaican then began screaming;
"YOU GOT DEM ON DE WRONG FEET!!!"
So Mr & Mrs YZGI walked in. The Jamaican said to them, "I have some special sandals I think you would be interested in. Dey make you wild at sex."
Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed, but YZGI felt he really didn't need them, being the sex god he was.
YZGI asked the man, "How could sandals make you into a sex freak?"
The Jamaican replied, "Just try dem on, Man."
Well, after some badgering from his wife, YZGI finally gave in, and tried them on.
As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes, something his wife hadn't seen in many years!!
In the blink of an eye, YZGI grabbed the Jamaican, bent him violently over a table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican's hips.
The Jamaican then began screaming;
"YOU GOT DEM ON DE WRONG FEET!!!"
FG jokes
YZGI;728026 wrote: One day G#GILL went to the doctor because she had an itch in her crotch. She told the doctor her problem and he said, “You have the crabs. She informed the doctor that it could not be the crabs because she was an eighty year old virgin.
G#GILL went to another doctor and explained her problem to him. The doctor said, “You probably have the crabs. No she said, “I am an eighty year old virgin.
Frustrated, G#GILL went to a third doctor.She said, “Doctor can you help me? I have an itch in my crotch. Don’t tell me that it is the crabs because I am an eighty year old virgin. It can not be the crabs.The doctor said, Jump on the table and let’s have a look. After examining, the doctor proclaimed, “Ma’am, your right, you do not have the crabs. This cherry is sooooo old, you have fruit flies.
ewwww minging:wah::wah::wah:
G#GILL went to another doctor and explained her problem to him. The doctor said, “You probably have the crabs. No she said, “I am an eighty year old virgin.
Frustrated, G#GILL went to a third doctor.She said, “Doctor can you help me? I have an itch in my crotch. Don’t tell me that it is the crabs because I am an eighty year old virgin. It can not be the crabs.The doctor said, Jump on the table and let’s have a look. After examining, the doctor proclaimed, “Ma’am, your right, you do not have the crabs. This cherry is sooooo old, you have fruit flies.
ewwww minging:wah::wah::wah:
FG jokes
Chezzie;728029 wrote: This married couple was on holiday in Jamaica. They were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and such, when they passed this small sandal shop. From inside they heard the shopkeeper with a Jamaican accent say, "You foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop."
So Mr & Mrs YZGI walked in. The Jamaican said to them, "I have some special sandals I think you would be interested in. Dey make you wild at sex."
Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed, but YZGI felt he really didn't need them, being the sex god he was.
YZGI asked the man, "How could sandals make you into a sex freak?"
The Jamaican replied, "Just try dem on, Man."
Well, after some badgering from his wife, YZGI finally gave in, and tried them on.
As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes, something his wife hadn't seen in many years!!
In the blink of an eye, YZGI grabbed the Jamaican, bent him violently over a table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican's hips.
The Jamaican then began screaming;
"YOU GOT DEM ON DE WRONG FEET!!!"
:yh_rotfl:yh_rotflOh My!!!:wah:
So Mr & Mrs YZGI walked in. The Jamaican said to them, "I have some special sandals I think you would be interested in. Dey make you wild at sex."
Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed, but YZGI felt he really didn't need them, being the sex god he was.
YZGI asked the man, "How could sandals make you into a sex freak?"
The Jamaican replied, "Just try dem on, Man."
Well, after some badgering from his wife, YZGI finally gave in, and tried them on.
As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes, something his wife hadn't seen in many years!!
In the blink of an eye, YZGI grabbed the Jamaican, bent him violently over a table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican's hips.
The Jamaican then began screaming;
"YOU GOT DEM ON DE WRONG FEET!!!"
:yh_rotfl:yh_rotflOh My!!!:wah:
FG jokes
dubs;728022 wrote: Jimbo, Yzgi and El Guapo go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, Yzgi on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" El Taco on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then Jimbo in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"
:wah::wah:Tosser:wah::wah:
:wah::wah:Tosser:wah::wah:
FG jokes
dubs;728022 wrote: Jimbo, Yzgi and El Guapo go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, Yzgi on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" El Taco on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then Jimbo in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"
Jimbo, did ya wonder why the pole in your left hand was so much smaller than the right?:wah:
Jimbo, did ya wonder why the pole in your left hand was so much smaller than the right?:wah:
FG jokes
Chezzie and a bloke started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!". Chezzie says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!" ............:p
My dog's a cross between a Shihtzu and a Bulldog... It's a Bullsh!t..
FG jokes
On a trans-atlantic flight, a plane was passing through a horrible storm. The turbulence is severe, and unfortunately things go from bad to worse when one of the wings were struck by lightning. Wonderwendy on her way to the FG meet up friggen loses it.
Screaming, WW3 stands up at the front of the plane. “I’m too young to die! she blares. “Well, if I’m going to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable! I’ve had plenty of sex in my life, but no one has really ever made me feel like a woman! Well I’ve had it! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN??
For a moment, there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own danger and they all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman at the front of the plane.
Then, YZGI stands up in the back of the plane. “I can make you feel like a real woman, he shouts. He’s gorgeous. Tall, built, with long, flowing blond hair and jet blue eyes, and he begins walking slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time. Everyone stares in silence.
The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the stranger approaches. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her, and extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman, and whispers:
“Iron this.
Screaming, WW3 stands up at the front of the plane. “I’m too young to die! she blares. “Well, if I’m going to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable! I’ve had plenty of sex in my life, but no one has really ever made me feel like a woman! Well I’ve had it! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN??
For a moment, there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own danger and they all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman at the front of the plane.
Then, YZGI stands up in the back of the plane. “I can make you feel like a real woman, he shouts. He’s gorgeous. Tall, built, with long, flowing blond hair and jet blue eyes, and he begins walking slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time. Everyone stares in silence.
The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the stranger approaches. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her, and extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman, and whispers:
“Iron this.
FG jokes
dubs;728040 wrote: Chezzie and a bloke started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!". Chezzie says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!" ............:p
heh heh and not from my lady garden dont you know:wah::wah::wah:
heh heh and not from my lady garden dont you know:wah::wah::wah:
FG jokes
jimbo;728042 wrote: i thought it was coz i had cold hands and i was turning right so i had to pull harder :wah:
:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl
and i was turning right so i had to pull harder :wah::yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl
FG jokes
Wonderwendy just got married and on the night of her honeymoon before passionate love, Wenders tells the husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin." The husband being shocked, replied, "How's this possible? You've been married three times before." Wendy replies, "Well, my first husband was a gynecologist and all he wanted to do was look at it. My second husband was a psychiatrist and all he wanted to do was talk about it. Finally, my third husband was a stamp collector and all he wanted to do was...oh, do I miss him!" :sneaky::wah:
My dog's a cross between a Shihtzu and a Bulldog... It's a Bullsh!t..
FG jokes
dubs;728050 wrote: Wonderwendy just got married and on the night of her honeymoon before passionate love, Wenders tells the husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin." The husband being shocked, replied, "How's this possible? You've been married three times before." Wendy replies, "Well, my first husband was a gynecologist and all he wanted to do was look at it. My second husband was a psychiatrist and all he wanted to do was talk about it. Finally, my third husband was a stamp collector and all he wanted to do was...oh, do I miss him!" :sneaky::wah:
:wah::wah:mint!
At the card shop Koan was spending a long time looking at the cards, finally shaking her head no.
A clerk came over and asked, "May I help you?"
"I don't know," said Koan. "Do you have any 'Sorry I laughed at your dick' cards?"
:wah::wah:mint!
At the card shop Koan was spending a long time looking at the cards, finally shaking her head no.
A clerk came over and asked, "May I help you?"
"I don't know," said Koan. "Do you have any 'Sorry I laughed at your dick' cards?"
FG jokes
A husband and his wife who have been married 20 years were doing some yard work. Bryn Mawr was working hard cleaning the BBQ grill while his wife was bending over, weeding flowers from the flower bed. So Bryn Mawr says to his wife "Your rear end is almost as wide as this grill" She ignores the remark.
A little later, Bryn Mawr takes his measuring tape and measures the grill, then he goes over to his wife while she is bending over, measures her rear end and gasps, "Geez, it really IS as wide as the grill!" She ignores this remark as well.
Later that night while in bed, Bryn Mawr starts to feel frisky. The wife calmly responds, "If you think I'm gonna fire up the grill for one little wiener, you are sadly mistaken."
A little later, Bryn Mawr takes his measuring tape and measures the grill, then he goes over to his wife while she is bending over, measures her rear end and gasps, "Geez, it really IS as wide as the grill!" She ignores this remark as well.
Later that night while in bed, Bryn Mawr starts to feel frisky. The wife calmly responds, "If you think I'm gonna fire up the grill for one little wiener, you are sadly mistaken."
FG jokes
One day Kathy Ellen went to have a talk with the minister at the local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem, my husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing. What should I do?"
"I have an idea", said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you. I will be able to tell when Mr. Ellen is sleeping, and I will motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a good poke in the leg."
In the church the following Sunday, Mr. Ellen dozed off. Noticing this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the ultimate sacrifice you?" he said, nodding to Kathy Ellen. "Jesus!"Mr Ellen cried as his wife jabbed him in the leg with the hatpin. "Yes, you are right, Mr. Ellen," said the minister.
Soon, Mr. Ellen nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed."Who is your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards Kathy Ellen. "God!"
Mr. Ellen cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin "Right again," said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr. Ellen again winked off. However, this time the minister did not notice.
As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few motions that Kathy Ellen mistook as signals to bayonet her husband with the hatpin again.
The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his 99th son?" Kathy Ellen poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick that dammned thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half and shove it up your ass!" "Amen," replied the congregation.
"I have an idea", said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you. I will be able to tell when Mr. Ellen is sleeping, and I will motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a good poke in the leg."
In the church the following Sunday, Mr. Ellen dozed off. Noticing this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the ultimate sacrifice you?" he said, nodding to Kathy Ellen. "Jesus!"Mr Ellen cried as his wife jabbed him in the leg with the hatpin. "Yes, you are right, Mr. Ellen," said the minister.
Soon, Mr. Ellen nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed."Who is your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards Kathy Ellen. "God!"
Mr. Ellen cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin "Right again," said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr. Ellen again winked off. However, this time the minister did not notice.
As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few motions that Kathy Ellen mistook as signals to bayonet her husband with the hatpin again.
The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his 99th son?" Kathy Ellen poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick that dammned thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half and shove it up your ass!" "Amen," replied the congregation.
FG jokes
El Guapo asks his wife: Let me take a picture of your breasts so I can always look at them.
El Guapo's wife asks: Let me take a pic of your penis so I can have it enlarged..
El Guapo's wife asks: Let me take a pic of your penis so I can have it enlarged..
FG jokes
Jimbo was seated next to Little Johnny on the plane, turned to him and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
Little Johnny, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and said to ole Jimbo, "What would you like to discuss?"
"Oh, I don't know," said Jimbo. "How about nuclear power?"
"OK," said Little Johnny. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. "A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass. The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"
"Jeez," said Jimbo. "I have no idea."
"Well, then," said Little Johnny, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know s**t?"
Little Johnny, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and said to ole Jimbo, "What would you like to discuss?"
"Oh, I don't know," said Jimbo. "How about nuclear power?"
"OK," said Little Johnny. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. "A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass. The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"
"Jeez," said Jimbo. "I have no idea."
"Well, then," said Little Johnny, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know s**t?"
My dog's a cross between a Shihtzu and a Bulldog... It's a Bullsh!t..
FG jokes
Aussie Pam was telling her friend , “It was I who made my husband a millionaire.
“And what was he before you married him? asked the friend.
Aussiepam replied, A multi-millionaire.
“And what was he before you married him? asked the friend.
Aussiepam replied, A multi-millionaire.
FG jokes
Jimbo walks into a bar and has a couple of beers. Once he is done the bartender tells him he owes $9.00.
"But I paid, don't you remember?" says the customer.
"Okay," says the bartender, "If you say you paid, you did."
The man then goes outside and he sees El Guapo and tells him that the bartender can't keep track of whether his customers have paid.
E Guapo then rushes in, orders a beer and later pulls the same stunt.
The barkeep replies, "If you say you paid, I'll take your word for it."
Soon El Guapo goes into the street, sees an old friend called SlipStream, and tells him how to get free drinks.
Slip Stream hurries into the bar and begins to drink high-balls when, suddenly, the bartender leans over sand says, "You know, a funny thing happened in here tonight. Two men were drinking beer, neither paid and both claimed that they did. The next guy who tries that is going to get punched in the face."
"Don't bother me with your troubles," Slip Stream responds. "Just give me my change and I'll be on my way."
"But I paid, don't you remember?" says the customer.
"Okay," says the bartender, "If you say you paid, you did."
The man then goes outside and he sees El Guapo and tells him that the bartender can't keep track of whether his customers have paid.
E Guapo then rushes in, orders a beer and later pulls the same stunt.
The barkeep replies, "If you say you paid, I'll take your word for it."
Soon El Guapo goes into the street, sees an old friend called SlipStream, and tells him how to get free drinks.
Slip Stream hurries into the bar and begins to drink high-balls when, suddenly, the bartender leans over sand says, "You know, a funny thing happened in here tonight. Two men were drinking beer, neither paid and both claimed that they did. The next guy who tries that is going to get punched in the face."
"Don't bother me with your troubles," Slip Stream responds. "Just give me my change and I'll be on my way."
FG jokes
Defense Attorney:
Will you please state your age?
Little Old Lady: (Gill)
I am 76 years old.
Defense Attorney:
Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?
Little Old Lady: (Gill)
There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.
Defense Attorney:
Did you know him?
Little Old Lady: (Gill)
No, but he sure was friendly.
Little Old Lady: (Gill)
He started to rub my thigh.
Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him?
Little Old Lady: (Gill)
No, I didn't stop him.
Defense Attorney:
Why not?
Little Old Lady: (Gill)
It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died some 20 years ago.
Defense Attorney:
What happened next?
Little Old Lady: (Gill)
He began to touch my breasts.
Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him then?
Little Old Lady: (Gill)
No, I certainly did not!
Defense Attorney:
Whyever not?
Little Old Lady: (Gill)
His touching made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years!
Defense Attorney:
What happened next?
Little Old Lady:(Gill)
Well, I was feeling so 'spicy' that I just laid down and told him 'Take me, young man. Take me now!'
Did he take you?
Little Old Lady: (Gill)
Hell, no! He just yelled, 'April Fool!' And that's when I shot him, the little bastard.:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl
Will you please state your age?
Little Old Lady: (Gill)
I am 76 years old.
Defense Attorney:
Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?
Little Old Lady: (Gill)
There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.
Defense Attorney:
Did you know him?
Little Old Lady: (Gill)
No, but he sure was friendly.
Little Old Lady: (Gill)
He started to rub my thigh.
Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him?
Little Old Lady: (Gill)
No, I didn't stop him.
Defense Attorney:
Why not?
Little Old Lady: (Gill)
It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died some 20 years ago.
Defense Attorney:
What happened next?
Little Old Lady: (Gill)
He began to touch my breasts.
Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him then?
Little Old Lady: (Gill)
No, I certainly did not!
Defense Attorney:
Whyever not?
Little Old Lady: (Gill)
His touching made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years!
Defense Attorney:
What happened next?
Little Old Lady:(Gill)
Well, I was feeling so 'spicy' that I just laid down and told him 'Take me, young man. Take me now!'
Did he take you?
Little Old Lady: (Gill)
Hell, no! He just yelled, 'April Fool!' And that's when I shot him, the little bastard.:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl
Women are bitchy and predictable ...men are not and that's the key to knowing the truth.
FG jokes
A retired gentleman named Lon went to the social security office to apply for Social Security.
The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver's license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home.
He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home. "I will have to go home and come back later."
The woman says, "Unbutton your shirt." So he opens his shirt revealing curly silver hair.
She says, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me" and she processed his Social Security application.
When he gets home, Lon excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the social security office.
She says, "You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too."
The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver's license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home.
He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home. "I will have to go home and come back later."
The woman says, "Unbutton your shirt." So he opens his shirt revealing curly silver hair.
She says, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me" and she processed his Social Security application.
When he gets home, Lon excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the social security office.
She says, "You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too."
FG jokes
El Guapo goes to his eye doctor for an examination. They start talking as the doctor is examing his eyes. In the middle of their conversation, the doctor casually says, "You need to stop masturbating."
El Guapo replies, "Why Doc? Am I going blind?"
The doctor says, "No, but you're upsetting the other patients in the waiting room."
El Guapo replies, "Why Doc? Am I going blind?"
The doctor says, "No, but you're upsetting the other patients in the waiting room."
FG jokes
dang, Jimbo! You're like the Oprah of Forum Garden! :rolleyes: :wah:
every thread you start ends up having 12 thousand pages of responses. :wah:
every thread you start ends up having 12 thousand pages of responses.
:wah:FG jokes
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING,
'SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD. WELL.. YOU'LL LOVE THIS ONE.
MY NAME IS CAROLLY AND I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST
APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST. I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA, WHICH BORE HIS
FULL NAME. SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK-HAIRED BOY WITH THE
SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASS SOME 40-ODD YEARS AGO. COULD HE
BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN?
UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT. THIS
BALDING, GRAY-HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS WAY TOO OLD TO HAVE
BEEN MY CLASSMATE.
AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN PARK HIGH
SCHOOL.
"YES. YES, I DID. I'M A MUSTANG," HE GLEAMED WITH PRIDE.
"WHEN DID YOU GRADUATE?" I ASKED.
HE ANSWERED , "IN 1959.
WHY DO YOU ASK?"
"YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!", I EXCLAIMED.
HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY. THEN, THAT UGLY, OLD, BALD, WRINKLED, FAT ASS,
GRAY-HAIRED, DECREPIT SON-OF-A-BITCH ASKED, "WHAT DID YOU TEACH??:-5:rolleyes:
'SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD. WELL.. YOU'LL LOVE THIS ONE.
MY NAME IS CAROLLY AND I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST
APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST. I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA, WHICH BORE HIS
FULL NAME. SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK-HAIRED BOY WITH THE
SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASS SOME 40-ODD YEARS AGO. COULD HE
BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN?
UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT. THIS
BALDING, GRAY-HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS WAY TOO OLD TO HAVE
BEEN MY CLASSMATE.
AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN PARK HIGH
SCHOOL.
"YES. YES, I DID. I'M A MUSTANG," HE GLEAMED WITH PRIDE.
"WHEN DID YOU GRADUATE?" I ASKED.
HE ANSWERED , "IN 1959.
WHY DO YOU ASK?"
"YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!", I EXCLAIMED.
HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY. THEN, THAT UGLY, OLD, BALD, WRINKLED, FAT ASS,
GRAY-HAIRED, DECREPIT SON-OF-A-BITCH ASKED, "WHAT DID YOU TEACH??:-5:rolleyes:
Women are bitchy and predictable ...men are not and that's the key to knowing the truth.