Galbaly comes home completely drunk one night. He lurches through the door and is met by his scowling wife, who is most definitely not happy. "Where the hell have you been all night?" she demands.
"At this fantastic new bar," he says. "The Golden Saloon. Everything there is golden. It's got huge golden doors, a golden floor, the works - hell, even the urinal's gold!"
The wife still doesn't believe his story, and the next day checks the phone book, finding a place across town called the Golden Saloon. She calls up the place to check her husband's story.
"Is this the Golden Saloon?" she asks when the bartender answers the phone.
" Yes it is," bartender answers.
" Do you have huge golden doors?"
" Sure do." "Do you have golden floors?"
" Most certainly do."
" What about golden urinals?"
There's a long pause, then the woman hears the bartender yelling, "Hey, Duke, I think I got a lead on the guy that pissed in your saxophone last night!"
FG jokes
FG jokes
jimbo had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned something about his girlfriend suzy being out in the car. The bartender, concerned because it was so cold, went to check on her. When he looked inside the car, he saw jimbos friend, yzgi, and his girlfriend suzy kissing one another. The bartender shook his head and walked back inside.
He told jimbo that he thought it might be a good idea to check on suzy. Jimbo staggered outside to the car, saw his friend yzgi and suzy kissing, then walked back into the bar laughing.
"What's so funny?" the bartender asked.
"That stupid yzgi!" jimbo chortled, "He's so drunk, he thinks he's me!" :wah:
He told jimbo that he thought it might be a good idea to check on suzy. Jimbo staggered outside to the car, saw his friend yzgi and suzy kissing, then walked back into the bar laughing.
"What's so funny?" the bartender asked.
"That stupid yzgi!" jimbo chortled, "He's so drunk, he thinks he's me!" :wah:
FG jokes
Sheryl walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he sells size extra large condoms.
He replies, "Yes we do. Would you like to buy some?"
She responds, "No, but do you mind if I wait around here until someone does?
He replies, "Yes we do. Would you like to buy some?"
She responds, "No, but do you mind if I wait around here until someone does?
FG jokes
Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives. "Do you and your wife ever do it doggie style?" asked El Guapo
"Well, not exactly." his friend Jimbo replied, "she's more into the trick dog aspect of it."
"Oh, I see, kinky, huh?"
"Well, not exactly - I sit up and beg and she rolls over and plays dead."
"Well, not exactly." his friend Jimbo replied, "she's more into the trick dog aspect of it."
"Oh, I see, kinky, huh?"
"Well, not exactly - I sit up and beg and she rolls over and plays dead."
FG jokes
jimbo;727977 wrote: a coastguard recieves a mayday over the radio el guapo says help we are all in the water
coastguard says..... capsize
el guapo says i dont know wise guy never sent me one :wah::wah::wah:
sorry jes :p:p
ya are the lowest of the low
coastguard says..... capsize
el guapo says i dont know wise guy never sent me one :wah::wah::wah:
sorry jes :p:p
ya are the lowest of the low
"To be foolish and to recognize that one is foolish, is better than to be foolish and imagine that one is wise."
FG jokes
A general store owner hires a young female clerk called Kinks with a penchant for very short skirts. One day a young man enters the store, glances at Kinks, and glances at the loaves of bread behind the counter. "I`d like some raisin bread, please," the man says politely.
Kinks nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread, located on the very top shelf. The man, standing almost directly beneath her, is provided with an excellent view.
As the clerk retrieves the bread, a small group of male customers gather around the young man, looking in the same direction.
Pretty soon each person is asking for raisin bread, just to see Kinks climb up and down. After a few trips Kinks is tired and irritated. She stops and fumes at the top of the ladder, glaring at the men standing below.
She notices an elderly man standing amongst the throng. "Is yours raisin too?" Kinks yells testily.
"No," croaks the feeble old man called mikeinie .... "But it's startin' to twitch."
Kinks nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread, located on the very top shelf. The man, standing almost directly beneath her, is provided with an excellent view.
As the clerk retrieves the bread, a small group of male customers gather around the young man, looking in the same direction.
Pretty soon each person is asking for raisin bread, just to see Kinks climb up and down. After a few trips Kinks is tired and irritated. She stops and fumes at the top of the ladder, glaring at the men standing below.
She notices an elderly man standing amongst the throng. "Is yours raisin too?" Kinks yells testily.
"No," croaks the feeble old man called mikeinie .... "But it's startin' to twitch."
FG jokes
Jimbo comes home with a half gallon of Ice Cream. He asked SuzyB if she wants some.
"How hard is it?" she asked.
"About as hard as my dick," he replies.
To which SuzyB replied, "OK, then pour me some!"
"How hard is it?" she asked.
"About as hard as my dick," he replies.
To which SuzyB replied, "OK, then pour me some!"
FG jokes
YZGI;728035 wrote: Jimbo, did ya wonder why the pole in your left hand was so much smaller than the right?:wah:
ya would not like it on ya forhead as a wart
ya would not like it on ya forhead as a wart
"To be foolish and to recognize that one is foolish, is better than to be foolish and imagine that one is wise."
FG jokes
:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl I'll just watch cos im total crap at telling jokes:o
FOC THREAD PART1
In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
Martin Luther King Jr.
FG jokes
Nomad is walking down the street sees a woman with perfect breasts. He says to her, "Hey Miss, would you let me bite your breasts for £100?
"Are you nuts?!!!" Betty Boop replies, and keeps walking away.
He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does. "Would you let me bite your breasts for £1,000s?" he asks again.
"Listen you; I'm not that kind of woman! Got it?"
So Nomad runs around the next block and faces her again. "Would you let me bite your breasts just once for £10,000?"
Betty Boop thinks about it for a while and says, "Hmmm, 10,000 pounds - Ok, just once, but not here. Let's go to that dark alley over there."
So they go into the alley, where she takes off her blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world. As soon as he sees them, he grabs them and starts caressing them, fondling them slowly, kissing them, licking them, burying his face in them, but not biting them.
Betty Boop finally gets annoyed and asks, "Well? Are you gonna bite them or not?"
"Nah", says Nomad...! "Costs too much..."
"Are you nuts?!!!" Betty Boop replies, and keeps walking away.
He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does. "Would you let me bite your breasts for £1,000s?" he asks again.
"Listen you; I'm not that kind of woman! Got it?"
So Nomad runs around the next block and faces her again. "Would you let me bite your breasts just once for £10,000?"
Betty Boop thinks about it for a while and says, "Hmmm, 10,000 pounds - Ok, just once, but not here. Let's go to that dark alley over there."
So they go into the alley, where she takes off her blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world. As soon as he sees them, he grabs them and starts caressing them, fondling them slowly, kissing them, licking them, burying his face in them, but not biting them.
Betty Boop finally gets annoyed and asks, "Well? Are you gonna bite them or not?"
"Nah", says Nomad...! "Costs too much..."
FG jokes
chezzie was a first time contestant on the $65,000 quiz show. Lady luck had smiled in
her favor, as chezzie had a gained substantial lead over her opponents. She even
managed to win the game but, unfortunately, time had run out before the show's host
could ask her the big question.
chezzie agreed to return the following day. chezzie was nervous as her husband drove
them home. "I've just gotta win tomorrow. I wish I knew what the answers are! You
know I'm not going to sleep at all tonight. I will probably look like garbage tomorrow.
"Relax honey," her husband reassured her, "It will all be OK."
Ten minutes after they arrived home, chezzies husband grabbed the car keys and started
heading out the door. "Where are you going?" chezzie asked. "I have a little errand to
run. I should be back soon."
After an agonizing 3 hour absence, chezzies husband returned, sporting a very wide and wicked
grin. "Honey, I managed to get tomorrow's question and answer!" "What is it?" she
cried excitedly.
"OK. The question is 'What are the three main parts of the male anatomy?' And the
answer is 'The head, the heart, and the penis.' " The couple went to sleep with chezzie,
now feeling at ease, plummeting into a deep slumber.
At 3:30 a.m., however, chezzie was shaken awake by her husband, who was asking her the
quiz show question. "The head, the heart, and the penis," chezzie replied groggily
before returning to sleep. And her husband asked her again in the morning, this time as
chezzie was brushing her teeth. Once again, chezzie replied correctly.
So it was that chezzie was once again on the set of the quiz show. Even though she
knew the question and answer, she could feel butterflies. The cameras began running
and the host, after reminding the audience of the previous days' events, faced chezzie
and asked the big question.
"chezzie, for $65,000, what are the main parts of the male anatomy? You have 10
seconds."
"Hmm, uhm, the head?" she said nervously. "Very good. " Six seconds." "Eh, uh, the
heart?" "Very good! Four seconds." "I, uhh, ooooooohh, darn! My husband drilled it
into me last night and I had it on the tip of my tongue this morning..."
"That's close enough!" said the game show host, "CONGRATULATIONS!!"
her favor, as chezzie had a gained substantial lead over her opponents. She even
managed to win the game but, unfortunately, time had run out before the show's host
could ask her the big question.
chezzie agreed to return the following day. chezzie was nervous as her husband drove
them home. "I've just gotta win tomorrow. I wish I knew what the answers are! You
know I'm not going to sleep at all tonight. I will probably look like garbage tomorrow.
"Relax honey," her husband reassured her, "It will all be OK."
Ten minutes after they arrived home, chezzies husband grabbed the car keys and started
heading out the door. "Where are you going?" chezzie asked. "I have a little errand to
run. I should be back soon."
After an agonizing 3 hour absence, chezzies husband returned, sporting a very wide and wicked
grin. "Honey, I managed to get tomorrow's question and answer!" "What is it?" she
cried excitedly.
"OK. The question is 'What are the three main parts of the male anatomy?' And the
answer is 'The head, the heart, and the penis.' " The couple went to sleep with chezzie,
now feeling at ease, plummeting into a deep slumber.
At 3:30 a.m., however, chezzie was shaken awake by her husband, who was asking her the
quiz show question. "The head, the heart, and the penis," chezzie replied groggily
before returning to sleep. And her husband asked her again in the morning, this time as
chezzie was brushing her teeth. Once again, chezzie replied correctly.
So it was that chezzie was once again on the set of the quiz show. Even though she
knew the question and answer, she could feel butterflies. The cameras began running
and the host, after reminding the audience of the previous days' events, faced chezzie
and asked the big question.
"chezzie, for $65,000, what are the main parts of the male anatomy? You have 10
seconds."
"Hmm, uhm, the head?" she said nervously. "Very good. " Six seconds." "Eh, uh, the
heart?" "Very good! Four seconds." "I, uhh, ooooooohh, darn! My husband drilled it
into me last night and I had it on the tip of my tongue this morning..."
"That's close enough!" said the game show host, "CONGRATULATIONS!!"
FG jokes
kinks;728189 wrote: chezzie was a first time contestant on the $65,000 quiz show. Lady luck had smiled in
her favor, as chezzie had a gained substantial lead over her opponents. She even
managed to win the game but, unfortunately, time had run out before the show's host
could ask her the big question.
chezzie agreed to return the following day. chezzie was nervous as her husband drove
them home. "I've just gotta win tomorrow. I wish I knew what the answers are! You
know I'm not going to sleep at all tonight. I will probably look like garbage tomorrow.
"Relax honey," her husband reassured her, "It will all be OK."
Ten minutes after they arrived home, chezzies husband grabbed the car keys and started
heading out the door. "Where are you going?" chezzie asked. "I have a little errand to
run. I should be back soon."
After an agonizing 3 hour absence, chezzies husband returned, sporting a very wide and wicked
grin. "Honey, I managed to get tomorrow's question and answer!" "What is it?" she
cried excitedly.
"OK. The question is 'What are the three main parts of the male anatomy?' And the
answer is 'The head, the heart, and the penis.' " The couple went to sleep with chezzie,
now feeling at ease, plummeting into a deep slumber.
At 3:30 a.m., however, chezzie was shaken awake by her husband, who was asking her the
quiz show question. "The head, the heart, and the penis," chezzie replied groggily
before returning to sleep. And her husband asked her again in the morning, this time as
chezzie was brushing her teeth. Once again, chezzie replied correctly.
So it was that chezzie was once again on the set of the quiz show. Even though she
knew the question and answer, she could feel butterflies. The cameras began running
and the host, after reminding the audience of the previous days' events, faced chezzie
and asked the big question.
"chezzie, for $65,000, what are the main parts of the male anatomy? You have 10
seconds."
"Hmm, uhm, the head?" she said nervously. "Very good. " Six seconds." "Eh, uh, the
heart?" "Very good! Four seconds." "I, uhh, ooooooohh, darn! My husband drilled it
into me last night and I had it on the tip of my tongue this morning..."
"That's close enough!" said the game show host, "CONGRATULATIONS!!"
Excellent Kinks Vey funny:wah::wah::wah::wah:
her favor, as chezzie had a gained substantial lead over her opponents. She even
managed to win the game but, unfortunately, time had run out before the show's host
could ask her the big question.
chezzie agreed to return the following day. chezzie was nervous as her husband drove
them home. "I've just gotta win tomorrow. I wish I knew what the answers are! You
know I'm not going to sleep at all tonight. I will probably look like garbage tomorrow.
"Relax honey," her husband reassured her, "It will all be OK."
Ten minutes after they arrived home, chezzies husband grabbed the car keys and started
heading out the door. "Where are you going?" chezzie asked. "I have a little errand to
run. I should be back soon."
After an agonizing 3 hour absence, chezzies husband returned, sporting a very wide and wicked
grin. "Honey, I managed to get tomorrow's question and answer!" "What is it?" she
cried excitedly.
"OK. The question is 'What are the three main parts of the male anatomy?' And the
answer is 'The head, the heart, and the penis.' " The couple went to sleep with chezzie,
now feeling at ease, plummeting into a deep slumber.
At 3:30 a.m., however, chezzie was shaken awake by her husband, who was asking her the
quiz show question. "The head, the heart, and the penis," chezzie replied groggily
before returning to sleep. And her husband asked her again in the morning, this time as
chezzie was brushing her teeth. Once again, chezzie replied correctly.
So it was that chezzie was once again on the set of the quiz show. Even though she
knew the question and answer, she could feel butterflies. The cameras began running
and the host, after reminding the audience of the previous days' events, faced chezzie
and asked the big question.
"chezzie, for $65,000, what are the main parts of the male anatomy? You have 10
seconds."
"Hmm, uhm, the head?" she said nervously. "Very good. " Six seconds." "Eh, uh, the
heart?" "Very good! Four seconds." "I, uhh, ooooooohh, darn! My husband drilled it
into me last night and I had it on the tip of my tongue this morning..."
"That's close enough!" said the game show host, "CONGRATULATIONS!!"
Excellent Kinks Vey funny:wah::wah::wah::wah:
FG jokes
Spot joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he’s allowed to say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. "Cold floors," he says. They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, "Bad food." They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him in for his two words. "I quit," he says. "That’s not surprising," the elders say. "You’ve done nothing but complain since you got here."
FG jokes
Chezzie;728095 wrote: A general store owner hires a young female clerk called Kinks with a penchant for very short skirts. One day a young man enters the store, glances at Kinks, and glances at the loaves of bread behind the counter. "I`d like some raisin bread, please," the man says politely.
Kinks nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread, located on the very top shelf. The man, standing almost directly beneath her, is provided with an excellent view.
As the clerk retrieves the bread, a small group of male customers gather around the young man, looking in the same direction.
Pretty soon each person is asking for raisin bread, just to see Kinks climb up and down. After a few trips Kinks is tired and irritated. She stops and fumes at the top of the ladder, glaring at the men standing below.
She notices an elderly man standing amongst the throng. "Is yours raisin too?" Kinks yells testily.
"No," croaks the feeble old man called mikeinie .... "But it's startin' to twitch."
:wah::wah: that's a great one chez....very funny :wah:
Kinks nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread, located on the very top shelf. The man, standing almost directly beneath her, is provided with an excellent view.
As the clerk retrieves the bread, a small group of male customers gather around the young man, looking in the same direction.
Pretty soon each person is asking for raisin bread, just to see Kinks climb up and down. After a few trips Kinks is tired and irritated. She stops and fumes at the top of the ladder, glaring at the men standing below.
She notices an elderly man standing amongst the throng. "Is yours raisin too?" Kinks yells testily.
"No," croaks the feeble old man called mikeinie .... "But it's startin' to twitch."
:wah::wah: that's a great one chez....very funny :wah:
FG jokes
:wah::wah::wah::wah::wah::wah:
"Girls are crazy! I'm not ever getting married, I can make my own sandwiches!"
my son
my son
FG jokes
jimbo;731051 wrote: suzy and i were flying out on holiday
she looked under the seats and saw a life jacket
she said oh no i think the ferry may have ended up with our parachutes :wah::wah:
:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl.....that almost sound like it could be true....lol
she looked under the seats and saw a life jacket
she said oh no i think the ferry may have ended up with our parachutes :wah::wah:
:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl.....that almost sound like it could be true....lol
FG jokes
jimbo;731051 wrote: suzy and i were flying out on holiday
she looked under the seats and saw a life jacket
she said oh no i think the ferry may have ended up with our parachutes :wah::wah:
kinks;731053 wrote: :yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl.....that almost sound like it could be true....lol
You promised you wouldn't share that :p
she looked under the seats and saw a life jacket
she said oh no i think the ferry may have ended up with our parachutes :wah::wah:
kinks;731053 wrote: :yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl.....that almost sound like it could be true....lol
You promised you wouldn't share that :p
I am nobody..nobody is perfect...therefore I must be Perfect!
FG jokes
Doctor, "What seems to be the problem?"
Jimbo, "Doc, I've got the farts. I mean I fart all the time,"
The Doctor nods, "Hmm."
Jimbo, "My farts do not stink and you can't hear them. It's just that I fart all the time. Look, we've been talking here for about 10 minutes and I've farted five times. You didn't hear them and you don't smell them, do you?"
"Hmm," says the Doctor,
He picks up his pad and writes out a prescription.
Jimbo is thrilled "Great doc. This prescription, will it really clear up my farts?"
"No," sighs the Doctor, "The prescription is to clear your sinuses. Next week I want you back here for a hearing test."
Jimbo, "Doc, I've got the farts. I mean I fart all the time,"
The Doctor nods, "Hmm."
Jimbo, "My farts do not stink and you can't hear them. It's just that I fart all the time. Look, we've been talking here for about 10 minutes and I've farted five times. You didn't hear them and you don't smell them, do you?"
"Hmm," says the Doctor,
He picks up his pad and writes out a prescription.
Jimbo is thrilled "Great doc. This prescription, will it really clear up my farts?"
"No," sighs the Doctor, "The prescription is to clear your sinuses. Next week I want you back here for a hearing test."
FG jokes
After many years of married life, El Guapo finds that he is unable to perform his duties as a husband between the sheets. He goes to his doctor, tries a few things, but nothing works.
"It's all in your mind," says the doctor, and refers him to a psychiatrist.
After a few visits, the shrink confesses: "I am at a loss as to how you could possibly be cured." The psychiatrist refers him to a witch doctor.
The witch doctor says: "I can cure this."
He throws some powder on a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke. "This is powerful healing, but you can use it once a year," says the witch doctor.
"All you have to do is say '123' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!"
El Guapo then asks the witch doctor: "What happens when it's over?"
The witch doctor says: "All you or your partner has to say is '1234' and it will go down. But be warned; after that it will not work again for a year!"
Guapo goes home, and that night he is so excited and anxious to surprise his wife. They get into bed and he says: "123," and just like magic he gets an erection.
His wife rolls over and asks: "What did you say '123' for?"
"It's all in your mind," says the doctor, and refers him to a psychiatrist.
After a few visits, the shrink confesses: "I am at a loss as to how you could possibly be cured." The psychiatrist refers him to a witch doctor.
The witch doctor says: "I can cure this."
He throws some powder on a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke. "This is powerful healing, but you can use it once a year," says the witch doctor.
"All you have to do is say '123' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!"
El Guapo then asks the witch doctor: "What happens when it's over?"
The witch doctor says: "All you or your partner has to say is '1234' and it will go down. But be warned; after that it will not work again for a year!"
Guapo goes home, and that night he is so excited and anxious to surprise his wife. They get into bed and he says: "123," and just like magic he gets an erection.
His wife rolls over and asks: "What did you say '123' for?"
I am nobody..nobody is perfect...therefore I must be Perfect!
FG jokes
The bride tells her husband, "Spot, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know
anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?"
"OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the
prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the
prisoner in the prison.
And then they made love for the first time.
Afterwards, Spot is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.
Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."
Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."
After the second time they spent, Spot reaches for his cigarettes but
the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him
a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"
Spot rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently
born foal.
Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.
She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again."
Limply turning his head, Spot YELLS at her, "Hey, its not a life sentence,
OKAY!
anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?"
"OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the
prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the
prisoner in the prison.
And then they made love for the first time.
Afterwards, Spot is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.
Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."
Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."
After the second time they spent, Spot reaches for his cigarettes but
the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him
a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"
Spot rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently
born foal.
Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.
She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again."
Limply turning his head, Spot YELLS at her, "Hey, its not a life sentence,
OKAY!
FG jokes
Spot is stranded on a desert island for 10 years.
One day Kinks swims to shore in a wetsuit.
Spot: "Hi! I am so happy to see you."
Kinks: "Hi! It seems like you've been here a long time. How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?"
Spot: "It's been 10 years!"
With this information Kinks unzips a slot on the arm of her wet suit and gives Spot a cigarette.
Spot: "Thank you so much!"
Kinks: "So tell me how long has it been since you had a drink?"
Spot: "It's been 10 years!"
Kinks unzips another pocket on her wet suit and comes out with a flask of whiskey and gives Spot a drink.
Spot: "Thank you so much. You are like a miracle!"
Kinks(starting to unzip the front of her wet suit): "So tell me then, how long has it been since you played around?"
Spot: "Oh, my God, don't tell me you've got a set of golf clubs in there, too...!"
One day Kinks swims to shore in a wetsuit.
Spot: "Hi! I am so happy to see you."
Kinks: "Hi! It seems like you've been here a long time. How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?"
Spot: "It's been 10 years!"
With this information Kinks unzips a slot on the arm of her wet suit and gives Spot a cigarette.
Spot: "Thank you so much!"
Kinks: "So tell me how long has it been since you had a drink?"
Spot: "It's been 10 years!"
Kinks unzips another pocket on her wet suit and comes out with a flask of whiskey and gives Spot a drink.
Spot: "Thank you so much. You are like a miracle!"
Kinks(starting to unzip the front of her wet suit): "So tell me then, how long has it been since you played around?"
Spot: "Oh, my God, don't tell me you've got a set of golf clubs in there, too...!"
I am nobody..nobody is perfect...therefore I must be Perfect!
FG jokes
A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday.
They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Jess! How ya doin'?"
His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.
"Oh, no," says Jess. "He's on my bowling team."
When they are seated, a waitress asks Jess if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.
His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,"How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"
"She's in the Ladies' Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them."
A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Jess, and says "Hi Jessey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"
Jess's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
Jess follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book.
The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Jess."
They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Jess! How ya doin'?"
His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.
"Oh, no," says Jess. "He's on my bowling team."
When they are seated, a waitress asks Jess if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.
His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,"How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"
"She's in the Ladies' Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them."
A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Jess, and says "Hi Jessey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"
Jess's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
Jess follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book.
The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Jess."
FG jokes
Cheezie approaches her priest and tells him: "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."
"What do they say?" the priest inquires.
"They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Want to have some fun?'"
"That's terrible!" the priest exclaims. "But I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male parrots, whom I have taught to pray and read the Bible. My parrots will teach you parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship."
"Thank you!" Cheezie exclaims.
The next day Cheezie brings her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots are holding beads and praying.
When Cheez puts her two female parrots in the cage with the two male parrots, her two say: "Hi! We're prostitutes. Want to have some fun?"
At which one male parrot looks at the other and shouts: "Put the beads away! Our prayers have been answered!"
"What do they say?" the priest inquires.
"They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Want to have some fun?'"
"That's terrible!" the priest exclaims. "But I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male parrots, whom I have taught to pray and read the Bible. My parrots will teach you parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship."
"Thank you!" Cheezie exclaims.
The next day Cheezie brings her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots are holding beads and praying.
When Cheez puts her two female parrots in the cage with the two male parrots, her two say: "Hi! We're prostitutes. Want to have some fun?"
At which one male parrot looks at the other and shouts: "Put the beads away! Our prayers have been answered!"
I am nobody..nobody is perfect...therefore I must be Perfect!
FG jokes
A young man strides into a chemist and asks for a packet of condoms.
Lon replies: 'They come in packs of three, nine, or 12. Which would you like?'
'Well,' the young man begins confidently, 'I've been seeing this girl and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's the night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going away for the weekend. Once she has seen what I'm like in the sack, I reckon she'll want me all the time. So you'd better give me a packet of 12.'
Lon hands over the condoms, and the young man leaves, all puffed up and proud.
Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. Before they begin, however, he suddenly asks if they can say grace. The family agrees, but is taken aback when the young man continues praying silently for several minutes, once the grace has finished.
Eventually, his girlfriend leans over and whispers, 'You never told me you were so religious.'
The young man leans back and whispers, 'You never told me that your father is a pharmacist.'
Lon replies: 'They come in packs of three, nine, or 12. Which would you like?'
'Well,' the young man begins confidently, 'I've been seeing this girl and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's the night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going away for the weekend. Once she has seen what I'm like in the sack, I reckon she'll want me all the time. So you'd better give me a packet of 12.'
Lon hands over the condoms, and the young man leaves, all puffed up and proud.
Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. Before they begin, however, he suddenly asks if they can say grace. The family agrees, but is taken aback when the young man continues praying silently for several minutes, once the grace has finished.
Eventually, his girlfriend leans over and whispers, 'You never told me you were so religious.'
The young man leans back and whispers, 'You never told me that your father is a pharmacist.'
I am nobody..nobody is perfect...therefore I must be Perfect!
FG jokes
Jimbo and Suzy are sound asleep in bed when the phone rings.
Jimbo picks up, listens for a second and says, 'How the hell would I know, you idiot? I'm not a weatherman,' before slamming down the receiver.
'Who was that?' asks Suzy.
'Wrong number. It was some jerk asking if the coast was clear.'
Jimbo picks up, listens for a second and says, 'How the hell would I know, you idiot? I'm not a weatherman,' before slamming down the receiver.
'Who was that?' asks Suzy.
'Wrong number. It was some jerk asking if the coast was clear.'
I am nobody..nobody is perfect...therefore I must be Perfect!
FG jokes
were posting some cracking jokes guys...keep it up so to speak:wah:
FG jokes
A young couple on their wedding night were in their honeymoon suite.
As they were undressing for bed, Nomad, a big burly man, tossed his trousers to his new bride and said: "Here, put these on."
She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body.
"I can't wear your trousers," she said.
"That's right,'' said Nomad, "and don't you ever forget it. I'm the one who wears the trousers in this relationship."
With that she flipped him her knickers and said: "Try these on."
He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps.
"Hell," he said. ''I can't get into your knickers!"
She replied: "That's right... and that's the way it is going to stay until your attitude changes."
As they were undressing for bed, Nomad, a big burly man, tossed his trousers to his new bride and said: "Here, put these on."
She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body.
"I can't wear your trousers," she said.
"That's right,'' said Nomad, "and don't you ever forget it. I'm the one who wears the trousers in this relationship."
With that she flipped him her knickers and said: "Try these on."
He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps.
"Hell," he said. ''I can't get into your knickers!"
She replied: "That's right... and that's the way it is going to stay until your attitude changes."
I am nobody..nobody is perfect...therefore I must be Perfect!
FG jokes
Jimbo walks into a pub with an ostrich and a cat. He goes up the bar and says: "Beer for me, beer for the ostrich, whisky for the cat."
The unlikely trio find a table, sit down and drink their drinks. Next, it's the ostrich's round. He walks up to the bar and says: "Beer for me, beer for Jimbo, whisky for the cat." Then the ostrich takes the drinks back to the table and they drink them. When it comes to the cat's turn to buy a round, he simply tells his pals to "Sod off!"
So Jimbo goes back to the bar and asks for another two beers and a whisky.
Impressed at his generosity, the barman says: "I notice that you and the ostrich have both bought a round but the cat hasn't. Why do you hang out with him?"
Jimbo replies: "I once helped a little old lady across the road, and she turned out to be my Fairy Godmother. She granted me one wish, which landed me with the cat and the ostrich forever."
"What did you wish for?" enquires the barman.
"A long-legged bird with a tight *****…"
The unlikely trio find a table, sit down and drink their drinks. Next, it's the ostrich's round. He walks up to the bar and says: "Beer for me, beer for Jimbo, whisky for the cat." Then the ostrich takes the drinks back to the table and they drink them. When it comes to the cat's turn to buy a round, he simply tells his pals to "Sod off!"
So Jimbo goes back to the bar and asks for another two beers and a whisky.
Impressed at his generosity, the barman says: "I notice that you and the ostrich have both bought a round but the cat hasn't. Why do you hang out with him?"
Jimbo replies: "I once helped a little old lady across the road, and she turned out to be my Fairy Godmother. She granted me one wish, which landed me with the cat and the ostrich forever."
"What did you wish for?" enquires the barman.
"A long-legged bird with a tight *****…"
I am nobody..nobody is perfect...therefore I must be Perfect!
FG jokes
Jimbo wakes up one morning with the filthiest hangover and no recollection of the night before. Slowly opening his eyes, he sees a bottle of aspirin and a glass of water on the bedside table.
He looks around the room to find his clothes are on the dresser, neatly folded, with a clean shirt on top. The bedroom is immaculate. On the bedside table is a note, which says, 'Darling, your breakfast is in the kitchen. I love you.'
Downstairs, he finds his favourite cereal, croissants, fresh OJ and freshly brewed coffee laid out waiting for him, along with the morning paper - and his 15-year-old son, who is finishing his own breakfast.
'Tell me, son,' he asks, 'what happened last night?'
'Well, says the boy, 'you came home so blind drunk you didn't even know your own name. You nearly broke the door down, then you were sick in the hallway, then you knocked the furniture over and when Mum tried to calm you down, you thought she was the police, so you gave her a black eye.'
'Christ!' says the man. 'Then how come my clothes are all folded, the house is tidy and my breakfast is ready?'
'When Mum dragged you into the bedroom and tried to get your trousers off to put you into bed, you shouted at her, 'Get your filthy hands off me, you whore, I'm married!''
:wah::wah:
He looks around the room to find his clothes are on the dresser, neatly folded, with a clean shirt on top. The bedroom is immaculate. On the bedside table is a note, which says, 'Darling, your breakfast is in the kitchen. I love you.'
Downstairs, he finds his favourite cereal, croissants, fresh OJ and freshly brewed coffee laid out waiting for him, along with the morning paper - and his 15-year-old son, who is finishing his own breakfast.
'Tell me, son,' he asks, 'what happened last night?'
'Well, says the boy, 'you came home so blind drunk you didn't even know your own name. You nearly broke the door down, then you were sick in the hallway, then you knocked the furniture over and when Mum tried to calm you down, you thought she was the police, so you gave her a black eye.'
'Christ!' says the man. 'Then how come my clothes are all folded, the house is tidy and my breakfast is ready?'
'When Mum dragged you into the bedroom and tried to get your trousers off to put you into bed, you shouted at her, 'Get your filthy hands off me, you whore, I'm married!''
:wah::wah:
I am nobody..nobody is perfect...therefore I must be Perfect!
FG jokes
Jimbo hoisted his beer and said: "Here's to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me wife!" - and he took home the top prize for the best toast of the night.
In bed later that night, he told his wife: "Suzy, I won the prize for the best toast of the night." She said, "oh yes, jimbo, what was your toast?"
So he told her: "Here's to spending the rest of me life sitting in church beside me wife."
"Oh," she said, "that is very nice, dear."
The next day, Suzy ran into one of jimbo's drinking partners in the street. Mischievously, the man said: "Did you hear about your husband winning a prize in the pub the other night for a toast about you, suzy?"
She replied: "and I was a bit surprised. Till now, he's only been down there twice. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come". :wah: :wah:
In bed later that night, he told his wife: "Suzy, I won the prize for the best toast of the night." She said, "oh yes, jimbo, what was your toast?"
So he told her: "Here's to spending the rest of me life sitting in church beside me wife."
"Oh," she said, "that is very nice, dear."
The next day, Suzy ran into one of jimbo's drinking partners in the street. Mischievously, the man said: "Did you hear about your husband winning a prize in the pub the other night for a toast about you, suzy?"
She replied: "and I was a bit surprised. Till now, he's only been down there twice. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come". :wah: :wah:
FG jokes
Hope I don't get told off for this one ..................................
There's a teacher called Sheryl in a small Texas town. Sheryl asks her class how many of them are Bush fans.
Not really knowing what a Bush fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raise their hands except one boy - Johnny.
Sheryl asks Johnny why he has decided to be different. Johnny says: "I'm not a Bush fan."
Sheryl says: "Why aren't you a Bush fan?"
Johnny says: "I'm a John F. Kerry fan." Sheryl asks why he's a Kerry fan. The boy says, "Well, my mom's a Kerry fan, and my Dad's a Kerry fan, so I'm a Kerry fan!"
Sheryl is kind of angry, because this is Texas, so she says: "What if you're Mom was a moron, and you're dad was an idiot, what would that make you?"
Johnny says: "That would make me a Bush fan."
There's a teacher called Sheryl in a small Texas town. Sheryl asks her class how many of them are Bush fans.
Not really knowing what a Bush fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raise their hands except one boy - Johnny.
Sheryl asks Johnny why he has decided to be different. Johnny says: "I'm not a Bush fan."
Sheryl says: "Why aren't you a Bush fan?"
Johnny says: "I'm a John F. Kerry fan." Sheryl asks why he's a Kerry fan. The boy says, "Well, my mom's a Kerry fan, and my Dad's a Kerry fan, so I'm a Kerry fan!"
Sheryl is kind of angry, because this is Texas, so she says: "What if you're Mom was a moron, and you're dad was an idiot, what would that make you?"
Johnny says: "That would make me a Bush fan."
I am nobody..nobody is perfect...therefore I must be Perfect!
FG jokes
:wah::wah:
"Girls are crazy! I'm not ever getting married, I can make my own sandwiches!"
my son
my son
FG jokes
PECANS IN THE CEMETERY
On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence.
One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and
sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.
"One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me," said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.
Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices
from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate.
Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me."
He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.
"Come here quick," said the boy, "you won't believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls."
The man said, "Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk." When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery.
Standing by the fence they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me."
The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been tellin' me the truth. Let's see if we can see the Lord."
Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.
At last they heard, "One for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence
and we'll be done."
They say the old man made it back to town a full 5 minutes ahead of the kid on the bike.
On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence.
One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and
sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.
"One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me," said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.
Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices
from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate.
Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me."
He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.
"Come here quick," said the boy, "you won't believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls."
The man said, "Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk." When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery.
Standing by the fence they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me."
The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been tellin' me the truth. Let's see if we can see the Lord."
Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.
At last they heard, "One for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence
and we'll be done."
They say the old man made it back to town a full 5 minutes ahead of the kid on the bike.
An ye harm none, do what ye will....
FG jokes
Jimbo walks into a bar and sees Spot sitting at the end of the bar counter with a great big smile on his face.
Jimbo says, "Spot, what are you so happy for?"
"Well Jimbo, I gotta tell ya! Yesterday I was out waxin' my boat, just waxin' my boat, and a redhead came up to me. T*ts out to here, Jimbo. T*ts out to here! She says, 'Can I have a ride in your boat?' I said 'Sure you can have a ride in my boat.' So I took her way out, jimbo. I turned off the key and I said, 'It's either scr*w or swim!' She couldn't swim, jimbo. She couldn't swim!"
The next day jimbo walks into a bar and sees Spot sitting at the end of the bar counter with a bigger smile on his face. Jimbo says, "What are you happy about today Spot?"
"Well Jimbo, I gotta tell ya! Yesterday I was out waxin' my boat, just waxin' my boat and a BEAUTIFUL blond came up to me. T*ts out to here Jimbo. T*ts out to here! She said, 'Can I have a ride in your boat?' I told her, 'Sure you can have a ride in my boat.' So I took her way out, Jimbo. Way out much further than the last one. I turned off the key and I said, 'It's either scr*w or swim!' She couldn't swim, Jimbo! She couldn't swim!"
A couple days pass and Jimbo walks into a bar and sees Spot down there cryin' over a beer.
Jimbo says, "Spot, what are you so sad for?"
"Well Jimbo, I gotta tell ya. Yesterday I was out waxin' my boat, just waxin' my boat, and the most desirable brunette came up to me. T*ts WAY out to here, Jimbo. T*ts WAY out to here! I had more wood than my boat does. She says, 'Can I have a ride in your boat?' So I said, 'Sure you can have a ride in my boat.' So I took her way out, Jimbo, way WAY out... much further than the last two. I turned off the key, and looked at her t*ts and said, 'It's either scr*w or swim!'
She pulled down her pants and...
She had a d*ck, Jimbo! She had this great BIG d*ck!
And I can't swim either Jimbo! I can't bloody swim!"
Jimbo says, "Spot, what are you so happy for?"
"Well Jimbo, I gotta tell ya! Yesterday I was out waxin' my boat, just waxin' my boat, and a redhead came up to me. T*ts out to here, Jimbo. T*ts out to here! She says, 'Can I have a ride in your boat?' I said 'Sure you can have a ride in my boat.' So I took her way out, jimbo. I turned off the key and I said, 'It's either scr*w or swim!' She couldn't swim, jimbo. She couldn't swim!"
The next day jimbo walks into a bar and sees Spot sitting at the end of the bar counter with a bigger smile on his face. Jimbo says, "What are you happy about today Spot?"
"Well Jimbo, I gotta tell ya! Yesterday I was out waxin' my boat, just waxin' my boat and a BEAUTIFUL blond came up to me. T*ts out to here Jimbo. T*ts out to here! She said, 'Can I have a ride in your boat?' I told her, 'Sure you can have a ride in my boat.' So I took her way out, Jimbo. Way out much further than the last one. I turned off the key and I said, 'It's either scr*w or swim!' She couldn't swim, Jimbo! She couldn't swim!"
A couple days pass and Jimbo walks into a bar and sees Spot down there cryin' over a beer.
Jimbo says, "Spot, what are you so sad for?"
"Well Jimbo, I gotta tell ya. Yesterday I was out waxin' my boat, just waxin' my boat, and the most desirable brunette came up to me. T*ts WAY out to here, Jimbo. T*ts WAY out to here! I had more wood than my boat does. She says, 'Can I have a ride in your boat?' So I said, 'Sure you can have a ride in my boat.' So I took her way out, Jimbo, way WAY out... much further than the last two. I turned off the key, and looked at her t*ts and said, 'It's either scr*w or swim!'
She pulled down her pants and...
She had a d*ck, Jimbo! She had this great BIG d*ck!
And I can't swim either Jimbo! I can't bloody swim!"
FG jokes
Chezzie;732225 wrote: Jimbo walks into a bar and sees Spot sitting at the end of the bar counter with a great big smile on his face.
Jimbo says, "Spot, what are you so happy for?"
"Well Jimbo, I gotta tell ya! Yesterday I was out waxin' my boat, just waxin' my boat, and a redhead came up to me. T*ts out to here, Jimbo. T*ts out to here! She says, 'Can I have a ride in your boat?' I said 'Sure you can have a ride in my boat.' So I took her way out, jimbo. I turned off the key and I said, 'It's either scr*w or swim!' She couldn't swim, jimbo. She couldn't swim!"
The next day jimbo walks into a bar and sees Spot sitting at the end of the bar counter with a bigger smile on his face. Jimbo says, "What are you happy about today Spot?"
"Well Jimbo, I gotta tell ya! Yesterday I was out waxin' my boat, just waxin' my boat and a BEAUTIFUL blond came up to me. T*ts out to here Jimbo. T*ts out to here! She said, 'Can I have a ride in your boat?' I told her, 'Sure you can have a ride in my boat.' So I took her way out, Jimbo. Way out much further than the last one. I turned off the key and I said, 'It's either scr*w or swim!' She couldn't swim, Jimbo! She couldn't swim!"
A couple days pass and Jimbo walks into a bar and sees Spot down there cryin' over a beer.
Jimbo says, "Spot, what are you so sad for?"
"Well Jimbo, I gotta tell ya. Yesterday I was out waxin' my boat, just waxin' my boat, and the most desirable brunette came up to me. T*ts WAY out to here, Jimbo. T*ts WAY out to here! I had more wood than my boat does. She says, 'Can I have a ride in your boat?' So I said, 'Sure you can have a ride in my boat.' So I took her way out, Jimbo, way WAY out... much further than the last two. I turned off the key, and looked at her t*ts and said, 'It's either scr*w or swim!'
She pulled down her pants and...
She had a d*ck, Jimbo! She had this great BIG d*ck!
And I can't swim either Jimbo! I can't bloody swim!"
:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl that has to be one of the funniest i've read so far....makes it more funny when it's about someone on here
Jimbo says, "Spot, what are you so happy for?"
"Well Jimbo, I gotta tell ya! Yesterday I was out waxin' my boat, just waxin' my boat, and a redhead came up to me. T*ts out to here, Jimbo. T*ts out to here! She says, 'Can I have a ride in your boat?' I said 'Sure you can have a ride in my boat.' So I took her way out, jimbo. I turned off the key and I said, 'It's either scr*w or swim!' She couldn't swim, jimbo. She couldn't swim!"
The next day jimbo walks into a bar and sees Spot sitting at the end of the bar counter with a bigger smile on his face. Jimbo says, "What are you happy about today Spot?"
"Well Jimbo, I gotta tell ya! Yesterday I was out waxin' my boat, just waxin' my boat and a BEAUTIFUL blond came up to me. T*ts out to here Jimbo. T*ts out to here! She said, 'Can I have a ride in your boat?' I told her, 'Sure you can have a ride in my boat.' So I took her way out, Jimbo. Way out much further than the last one. I turned off the key and I said, 'It's either scr*w or swim!' She couldn't swim, Jimbo! She couldn't swim!"
A couple days pass and Jimbo walks into a bar and sees Spot down there cryin' over a beer.
Jimbo says, "Spot, what are you so sad for?"
"Well Jimbo, I gotta tell ya. Yesterday I was out waxin' my boat, just waxin' my boat, and the most desirable brunette came up to me. T*ts WAY out to here, Jimbo. T*ts WAY out to here! I had more wood than my boat does. She says, 'Can I have a ride in your boat?' So I said, 'Sure you can have a ride in my boat.' So I took her way out, Jimbo, way WAY out... much further than the last two. I turned off the key, and looked at her t*ts and said, 'It's either scr*w or swim!'
She pulled down her pants and...
She had a d*ck, Jimbo! She had this great BIG d*ck!
And I can't swim either Jimbo! I can't bloody swim!"
:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl that has to be one of the funniest i've read so far....makes it more funny when it's about someone on here
FG jokes
Chezzie;728055 wrote: A husband and his wife who have been married 20 years were doing some yard work. Bryn Mawr was working hard cleaning the BBQ grill while his wife was bending over, weeding flowers from the flower bed. So Bryn Mawr says to his wife "Your rear end is almost as wide as this grill" She ignores the remark.
A little later, Bryn Mawr takes his measuring tape and measures the grill, then he goes over to his wife while she is bending over, measures her rear end and gasps, "Geez, it really IS as wide as the grill!" She ignores this remark as well.
Later that night while in bed, Bryn Mawr starts to feel frisky. The wife calmly responds, "If you think I'm gonna fire up the grill for one little wiener, you are sadly mistaken."
You've met her then - in fact you must know her quite well :wah:
A little later, Bryn Mawr takes his measuring tape and measures the grill, then he goes over to his wife while she is bending over, measures her rear end and gasps, "Geez, it really IS as wide as the grill!" She ignores this remark as well.
Later that night while in bed, Bryn Mawr starts to feel frisky. The wife calmly responds, "If you think I'm gonna fire up the grill for one little wiener, you are sadly mistaken."
You've met her then - in fact you must know her quite well :wah: