From www.overheardinnewyork.com
Let's Hope She Finds the Coathangers Next Time
Chick changing baby on bedding display: Do we need to buy this pillow now?
Hubby: Did he **** on it?
Chick: I don't think.
Hubby, smelling pillow: S'all good.
Chick, holding dirty diaper and wipes: Where's that shelf with the trash cans?
--Target, Queens
Things Overheard
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RedGlitter
- Posts: 15777
- Joined: Thu Dec 22, 2005 3:51 am
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RedGlitter
- Posts: 15777
- Joined: Thu Dec 22, 2005 3:51 am
Things Overheard
Another Case of the Terrorist Twos
Little boy in stroller playing with toy car: Bomb! It's a bomb!
Mom, wagging finger: It's not a bomb, sweetie. Don't say that.
Little boy: It's a bomb! Bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb!
Mom: Stop that!
Little boy: We have a bomb! Play with the bomb! Bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb!
--Manhattan-bound 3 train
In My Day, It Was All about Clubbing and Dragging
Woman: Did you hear about those recalled toys with the drugs in them?
Guy: Yeah, they had ecstasy in 'em!
Woman: No, they had the date rape drug.
Guy: Isn't ecstasy the date rape drug?
Woman: No...
Guy: I haven't dated in a while.
--Starbucks, 45th St
Now I Remember Why I Stopped Having Kids
Little kid, refusing to eat soup: I already ate a chicken patty this morning!
Mother: Shhh. Do you see anyone else in this place yelling?
Little kid: You're making me yell!
Grandmother: Eat the soup.
Little kid: Stop making me yell!
--Panera Bread
If It's a Girl, Make Sure You Have a Video Camera
Dad: What are you going to do if a boy tries to kiss you?
Little girl: Bop him on the head.
Dad: That's right -- bop him on the head with a stick.
--1 train
Stop Singing and Lick Me
Chubby chick #1: Oh my god, you know who I look like and who I sound like? I saw like this really, really old CD of Barbara Cook, and she's so much fatter than me, but we sing exactly alike! [Sings.]
Chubby chick #2: I don't really think I look like anybody. That's not true -- I look like a Gummi Bear.
--Starbucks, 52nd & Lex
Little boy in stroller playing with toy car: Bomb! It's a bomb!
Mom, wagging finger: It's not a bomb, sweetie. Don't say that.
Little boy: It's a bomb! Bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb!
Mom: Stop that!
Little boy: We have a bomb! Play with the bomb! Bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb!
--Manhattan-bound 3 train
In My Day, It Was All about Clubbing and Dragging
Woman: Did you hear about those recalled toys with the drugs in them?
Guy: Yeah, they had ecstasy in 'em!
Woman: No, they had the date rape drug.
Guy: Isn't ecstasy the date rape drug?
Woman: No...
Guy: I haven't dated in a while.
--Starbucks, 45th St
Now I Remember Why I Stopped Having Kids
Little kid, refusing to eat soup: I already ate a chicken patty this morning!
Mother: Shhh. Do you see anyone else in this place yelling?
Little kid: You're making me yell!
Grandmother: Eat the soup.
Little kid: Stop making me yell!
--Panera Bread
If It's a Girl, Make Sure You Have a Video Camera
Dad: What are you going to do if a boy tries to kiss you?
Little girl: Bop him on the head.
Dad: That's right -- bop him on the head with a stick.
--1 train
Stop Singing and Lick Me
Chubby chick #1: Oh my god, you know who I look like and who I sound like? I saw like this really, really old CD of Barbara Cook, and she's so much fatter than me, but we sing exactly alike! [Sings.]
Chubby chick #2: I don't really think I look like anybody. That's not true -- I look like a Gummi Bear.
--Starbucks, 52nd & Lex
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RedGlitter
- Posts: 15777
- Joined: Thu Dec 22, 2005 3:51 am
Things Overheard
Plus, I Finally Had That Baby
Chick #1: Hey, how was your weekend?
Chick #2: It was really fun -- my wart fell off!
Chick #1: Really? How?
Chick #2: I don't know! It just fell off. It was the best weekend ever!
Charleston, South Carolina
... Placenta
Skinny teen: Get over here, Uterus!
Pregnant girl: I'm coming!
MITS Bus
Muncie, Indiana
Give Him a Break. It's Kentucky.
Man walking through automatic doors: Wow, it's the store of the future. The doors open by themselves!
Louisville, Kentucky
Or Maybe I Shouldn't Shave My Balls with Occam's Razor
Dude #1: So, yeah -- I woke up last night and I had cramps.
Dude #2: Like a girl?
Dude #1: Yeah, exactly like a girl. They were in that area... You know, that area near your penis but that's also near your belly button. It has a lot of hair and skin. I dunno.
Dude #2: Whoa, you might have, like, an ovary or something.
Dude #1: I guess anything's possible.
Ohio State University
Columbus, Ohio
Yeah, You Don't Need Magnums, Either
Man buying condoms, to wife: I don't need any lubricant with you, honey!
Kingston, Ontario
Canadia
Why Everybody Is on the Phone All the Time
Chick #1: Sometimes when I call a lot of people in a row and no one answers, I wonder if I could be dead and just not know it.
Chick #2: Well, it does happen...
Lafayette, Louisiana
Because Two Self-Centered Bitches Repel
Girl #1: I don't really like Kate.
Girl #2: Watch what you say about her -- she's my best friend!
Girl #1: Oh, sorry, I didn't realize.
Girl #2: Yeah, we're really close... Except for when she's being a self-centered bitch.
University of Toronto
Canadia
Chick #1: Hey, how was your weekend?
Chick #2: It was really fun -- my wart fell off!
Chick #1: Really? How?
Chick #2: I don't know! It just fell off. It was the best weekend ever!
Charleston, South Carolina
... Placenta
Skinny teen: Get over here, Uterus!
Pregnant girl: I'm coming!
MITS Bus
Muncie, Indiana
Give Him a Break. It's Kentucky.
Man walking through automatic doors: Wow, it's the store of the future. The doors open by themselves!
Louisville, Kentucky
Or Maybe I Shouldn't Shave My Balls with Occam's Razor
Dude #1: So, yeah -- I woke up last night and I had cramps.
Dude #2: Like a girl?
Dude #1: Yeah, exactly like a girl. They were in that area... You know, that area near your penis but that's also near your belly button. It has a lot of hair and skin. I dunno.
Dude #2: Whoa, you might have, like, an ovary or something.
Dude #1: I guess anything's possible.
Ohio State University
Columbus, Ohio
Yeah, You Don't Need Magnums, Either
Man buying condoms, to wife: I don't need any lubricant with you, honey!
Kingston, Ontario
Canadia
Why Everybody Is on the Phone All the Time
Chick #1: Sometimes when I call a lot of people in a row and no one answers, I wonder if I could be dead and just not know it.
Chick #2: Well, it does happen...
Lafayette, Louisiana
Because Two Self-Centered Bitches Repel
Girl #1: I don't really like Kate.
Girl #2: Watch what you say about her -- she's my best friend!
Girl #1: Oh, sorry, I didn't realize.
Girl #2: Yeah, we're really close... Except for when she's being a self-centered bitch.
University of Toronto
Canadia
Things Overheard
very good:)
"To be foolish and to recognize that one is foolish, is better than to be foolish and imagine that one is wise."
Things Overheard
People say the funniest things:wah::wah:
FOC THREAD PART1
In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
Martin Luther King Jr.
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RedGlitter
- Posts: 15777
- Joined: Thu Dec 22, 2005 3:51 am
Things Overheard
I Use a Gun Now
Man: Come on, baby, come back to my place!
Woman: Nah, the last time I went over to your place you stabbed me!
Man: Baby, that was four years ago!
--F train, Roosevelt Island
Overheard by: Milo
Man: Come on, baby, come back to my place!
Woman: Nah, the last time I went over to your place you stabbed me!
Man: Baby, that was four years ago!
--F train, Roosevelt Island
Overheard by: Milo
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RedGlitter
- Posts: 15777
- Joined: Thu Dec 22, 2005 3:51 am
Things Overheard
It's Time You Straightened Out and Learned to Speakify Correctized
Preteen boy to another: Yo, he kilt that dude on the court!
Adult chaperone: 'Kilt'?
Preteen boy: Killed.
Adult chaperone: And what is 'kilt'?
Preteen boys, in chorus: A vernacular term.
Adult chaperone: That ain't English.
--8th Ave-bound L train
Overheard by: i seize teaching opportunities too
Dad's Mistake Was Watching Speed with Him
Little boy sitting on dad's shoulders and crying: But I make good decisions! I want to take a taxi! I don't want to take the bus! I make good decisions. Why doesn't anybody listen to meee?!
Dad: Honey, because you're three.
Little boy, sobbing and hailing a cab: Taxi!
--Uptown M15 bus stop
Thanks -- You, Too
Guy is riding Vespa in bike lane, and girl opens her car door, nearly taking him out.
Girl: I'm sooo sorry about that.
Vespa guy: No, it's my fault.
Girl: Well, fucck you, then.
--Chelsea
Preteen boy to another: Yo, he kilt that dude on the court!
Adult chaperone: 'Kilt'?
Preteen boy: Killed.
Adult chaperone: And what is 'kilt'?
Preteen boys, in chorus: A vernacular term.
Adult chaperone: That ain't English.
--8th Ave-bound L train
Overheard by: i seize teaching opportunities too
Dad's Mistake Was Watching Speed with Him
Little boy sitting on dad's shoulders and crying: But I make good decisions! I want to take a taxi! I don't want to take the bus! I make good decisions. Why doesn't anybody listen to meee?!
Dad: Honey, because you're three.
Little boy, sobbing and hailing a cab: Taxi!
--Uptown M15 bus stop
Thanks -- You, Too
Guy is riding Vespa in bike lane, and girl opens her car door, nearly taking him out.
Girl: I'm sooo sorry about that.
Vespa guy: No, it's my fault.
Girl: Well, fucck you, then.
--Chelsea
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nvalleyvee
- Posts: 5191
- Joined: Thu Apr 21, 2005 8:57 am
Things Overheard
I am way too old to understand this................
The growth of knowledge depends entirely on disagreement..........Karl R. Popper
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RedGlitter
- Posts: 15777
- Joined: Thu Dec 22, 2005 3:51 am
Things Overheard
It Takes a D Train to Raise a Baby
Black teen girl #1, about screaming baby at other end of car: Yo, someone needs to tell that baby to hush up.
Black teen girl #2: Damn, I know, right? Yo, baby, shut the **** up!
--Coney Island-bound D train
But Mr. Potato Head Wanted a Ride on the Microwave Turntable
Little kid: Haha, my Barbie's head is flexible.
Father: Stop it, or she'll end up in the toy morgue with your other toys.
--Roosevelt Hotel gift shop
Overheard by: alexandra ulmer
With a Mouth Like That, People Actually Tip You?
Cabbie: So, why are you going up to Columbia University anyway?
Girl: Because I have class in a couple hours.
Cabbie: With a face like yours and a rack like that, people actually take you seriously in that school?!
--Taxi ride with hot chick
We'll Help
Girl #1: Yeah, she said, 'I won't settle for anything less than a Range Rover with Connecticut license plates.'
Girl #2: Oh my god, that is so amazing! I have to put that on my 'Favorite quotes' section in Facebook.
--Starbucks, 14th & 6th
Yeah, She Was Mildly Hot
Chick #1: What is your middle name?
Chick #2: I don't want to tell you.
Chick #1: Why won't you tell me what your middle name is? I showed you a picture of me naked!
Chick #2: That is so not the same. Your naked picture is on the Internet. Anyone can see it!
Mid-30s guy two seats away: I'm sorry, but what's the address of that website?
--Bronx-bound A train
Overheard by: Julia
... Surrounded by Kids with Heart Disease
Old Brit, pointing to float: Who is that?
Wife: Oh, come on, Bill.
Old Brit: No, really. Is it Joey the Clown or something?
Wife: It's a symbol of America!
Old Brit: [Confused silence.]
Wife: It's Ronald McDonald!
--Macy's Parade, Columbus Circle
Where Being Hung Up on Semantics Gets You
Bag lady: Don't you call me no grandma! That ain't right. I'm a 'nana,' not a 'grandma.'
Hobo: I ain't call you no grandma -- I called you a old lady.
Bag lady: Oh, okay. Yeah, that's right, 'cause I ain't no grandma!
--145th & St. Nicholas Ave
Overheard by: Big Momma's Biscuit Eater
Why Iced?
Guy #1: How bad are the bathrooms?
Guy #2: Picture beef jerky and iced tea.
--Madison Square Garden
Let's Keep Carving Designs into Our Arms and Pretend This Conversation Never Happened
Art student guy: Yeah, you're pretty lucky that you've never seen me not high.
Art student chick: Why is that?
Art student guy: It's weird -- I get all inspired to live and shiit.
Art student chick: Ew.
--School of Visual Arts
Overheard by: dobby
The Veneer of Civilization Is So Thin
Guy: Happy New Year's, ladies!
Girl #1: Yeah, you too.
Guy: Your face is funny!
Girl #2: What? Fucck you!
Guy: I said, the face you made is funny!
Girl #2: Oh...
Guy: Butt-munch!
--Manhattan Ave, Greenpoint
Situational Ethics
Hobo #1, searching garbage: You know, money is definitely overrated.
Hobo #2: Yeah, that's true. I mean, it's something, but it's not everything. I mean, who needs that **** anyway?
Hobo #1: True. [20 minutes later] Hey, can you spare some change?
--115th & Broadway
He Means It's Full of House Music -- He Owns a Condo on East 81st
Drunk girl: That is the largest book bag I have ever seen.
Gutter hippie: This isn't a book bag. This is my house.
--St. Mark's & 1st Ave
Overheard by: wished i was that drunk
Celebutante Wednesday One-Liners
Drunk girl: Oh my god! I looove Amy Winehouse! But, ugh! Poor bitch is gonna die soon!
--Vynl Restaurant, 51st & 9th
Nerdy guy: Hey, I may look like Steve-O, but I get more butt than a toilet!
--Outside of The Hog Pit, 13th & 9th
Clerk girl: Well, she's kinda like the Korean Melissa Etheridge.
--Duane & Broadway
Overheard by: taylor
Nothing to Be Ashamed of -- It's Just Wednesday One-Liners
Little girl screaming to mother from bathroom stall: Why do I have to flush every time? Oh, no, I'm stuck!
--Indian restaurant
Black man singing while peeing at urinal: Oh, Lord, when can I go to heaven? Oh, Lord, when can I go to heaven? [Finishes urinating abruptly.] Thank you, Lord Jesus. Hallelujah!
--Staten Island Ferry
Guy in stall: I'm an atheist! I'm an atheist! [He shiits.] Thank you! Thank you, MLK, for giving me the power!
--NYC Main Library
Trendy girl in stall: The toilet's trying to eat my ass!
--Morimoto
Overheard by: I'd say give a spit polish more than eat
50-ish lady on cell in stall: Hello? In the bathroom... I had to pee-pee, so I'm in the bathroom at Barney's... Yeah, so the doctor said she might have cancer and she'd have to get a biopsy... Hold on while I wipe.
--Barney's
Overheard by: Caryn
Black teen girl #1, about screaming baby at other end of car: Yo, someone needs to tell that baby to hush up.
Black teen girl #2: Damn, I know, right? Yo, baby, shut the **** up!
--Coney Island-bound D train
But Mr. Potato Head Wanted a Ride on the Microwave Turntable
Little kid: Haha, my Barbie's head is flexible.
Father: Stop it, or she'll end up in the toy morgue with your other toys.
--Roosevelt Hotel gift shop
Overheard by: alexandra ulmer
With a Mouth Like That, People Actually Tip You?
Cabbie: So, why are you going up to Columbia University anyway?
Girl: Because I have class in a couple hours.
Cabbie: With a face like yours and a rack like that, people actually take you seriously in that school?!
--Taxi ride with hot chick
We'll Help
Girl #1: Yeah, she said, 'I won't settle for anything less than a Range Rover with Connecticut license plates.'
Girl #2: Oh my god, that is so amazing! I have to put that on my 'Favorite quotes' section in Facebook.
--Starbucks, 14th & 6th
Yeah, She Was Mildly Hot
Chick #1: What is your middle name?
Chick #2: I don't want to tell you.
Chick #1: Why won't you tell me what your middle name is? I showed you a picture of me naked!
Chick #2: That is so not the same. Your naked picture is on the Internet. Anyone can see it!
Mid-30s guy two seats away: I'm sorry, but what's the address of that website?
--Bronx-bound A train
Overheard by: Julia
... Surrounded by Kids with Heart Disease
Old Brit, pointing to float: Who is that?
Wife: Oh, come on, Bill.
Old Brit: No, really. Is it Joey the Clown or something?
Wife: It's a symbol of America!
Old Brit: [Confused silence.]
Wife: It's Ronald McDonald!
--Macy's Parade, Columbus Circle
Where Being Hung Up on Semantics Gets You
Bag lady: Don't you call me no grandma! That ain't right. I'm a 'nana,' not a 'grandma.'
Hobo: I ain't call you no grandma -- I called you a old lady.
Bag lady: Oh, okay. Yeah, that's right, 'cause I ain't no grandma!
--145th & St. Nicholas Ave
Overheard by: Big Momma's Biscuit Eater
Why Iced?
Guy #1: How bad are the bathrooms?
Guy #2: Picture beef jerky and iced tea.
--Madison Square Garden
Let's Keep Carving Designs into Our Arms and Pretend This Conversation Never Happened
Art student guy: Yeah, you're pretty lucky that you've never seen me not high.
Art student chick: Why is that?
Art student guy: It's weird -- I get all inspired to live and shiit.
Art student chick: Ew.
--School of Visual Arts
Overheard by: dobby
The Veneer of Civilization Is So Thin
Guy: Happy New Year's, ladies!
Girl #1: Yeah, you too.
Guy: Your face is funny!
Girl #2: What? Fucck you!
Guy: I said, the face you made is funny!
Girl #2: Oh...
Guy: Butt-munch!
--Manhattan Ave, Greenpoint
Situational Ethics
Hobo #1, searching garbage: You know, money is definitely overrated.
Hobo #2: Yeah, that's true. I mean, it's something, but it's not everything. I mean, who needs that **** anyway?
Hobo #1: True. [20 minutes later] Hey, can you spare some change?
--115th & Broadway
He Means It's Full of House Music -- He Owns a Condo on East 81st
Drunk girl: That is the largest book bag I have ever seen.
Gutter hippie: This isn't a book bag. This is my house.
--St. Mark's & 1st Ave
Overheard by: wished i was that drunk
Celebutante Wednesday One-Liners
Drunk girl: Oh my god! I looove Amy Winehouse! But, ugh! Poor bitch is gonna die soon!
--Vynl Restaurant, 51st & 9th
Nerdy guy: Hey, I may look like Steve-O, but I get more butt than a toilet!
--Outside of The Hog Pit, 13th & 9th
Clerk girl: Well, she's kinda like the Korean Melissa Etheridge.
--Duane & Broadway
Overheard by: taylor
Nothing to Be Ashamed of -- It's Just Wednesday One-Liners
Little girl screaming to mother from bathroom stall: Why do I have to flush every time? Oh, no, I'm stuck!
--Indian restaurant
Black man singing while peeing at urinal: Oh, Lord, when can I go to heaven? Oh, Lord, when can I go to heaven? [Finishes urinating abruptly.] Thank you, Lord Jesus. Hallelujah!
--Staten Island Ferry
Guy in stall: I'm an atheist! I'm an atheist! [He shiits.] Thank you! Thank you, MLK, for giving me the power!
--NYC Main Library
Trendy girl in stall: The toilet's trying to eat my ass!
--Morimoto
Overheard by: I'd say give a spit polish more than eat
50-ish lady on cell in stall: Hello? In the bathroom... I had to pee-pee, so I'm in the bathroom at Barney's... Yeah, so the doctor said she might have cancer and she'd have to get a biopsy... Hold on while I wipe.
--Barney's
Overheard by: Caryn