Lemon's Story, 25 years and counting

lemon_and_mint · Post by **lemon_and_mint** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 12:05 pm

This story starts back in 1982, when I was 13 years old, he was nearly 18.

It was a ridiculous thing, he was so much older, but somehow we got together and stayed together for the next 2 years or so.But a few months before I turned sixteen he suddenly married a blonde whom I later found out he ahd been seeing for a few months behind my back.

Their marriage lasted 3 months, while I had a complete breakdown and left the country for a couple of years.

I think I cried every single day for five years, and after that I cried every other day for a few years.I loved him so much, I could not believe he would do that to me.

But, here;s the catch - he felt guilty about what he had done, and he said to me the last time we were really together, the day he told me he was leaving me, that any time I needed anything, he would be there.

So i called him - 3 years after we split, 6 years after, 8 years after - in this time he had got married again but he always came to make sure i was ok.We generally just had coffee together. We saw each other in this way every few years until the last time, 3 years ago.Any time I felt I couldn't go any further without just hearing his voice, I called him.I knew he would never come back to me, and I also knew that he wouldn't not come to me.

I am trying hard now that the last time I called him will be the last time, but I miss him.I know he's still out there somewhere, i doubt he thinks of me, although he always seems pleased to see me.

And so, that;s my story, how to ruin your life over one relationship which should have been over decades ago.

Thanks for listening.

Chezzie · Post by **Chezzie** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 12:36 pm

Am I right in thinking you never met anyone else Lemon?

lemon_and_mint · Post by **lemon_and_mint** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 12:41 pm

Hello Chezzie.

Yes I did , but it was illadvised - I met someone a couple of months later who i was with for six months, couldn't tell you anything about him, poor guy, just needed someone, anyone at that point, but one day i woke up still crying and realised that wasn't going to work.

Then i was with the exbest friend of the first guy for 6 years during which time he two and three timed me but i didn't care because i was sitting at the table where my ex had been, etc etc,I was slightly crazy, looking back.Being with his friend made me feel close to him.

After this i was with someone for many years but again trying to fool myself that it was all normal.And it was never going to work.

Like i said i ruined my life over it.

I should have moved on decades ago.

Chezzie · Post by **Chezzie** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 12:46 pm

Awww thats so sad hun.....Do you get to go out much or you still hankering and not able to fully let go?

lemon_and_mint · Post by **lemon_and_mint** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 12:50 pm

well, its funny, sometimes now i go for months at a time without thinking about him - so that must be better, but then when i do think about him, it's just like it was yesterday.

I honestly don't think i will go out with anyone else again.Quite happy on my own now, but chat with lots of people all over the world, on the computer.

I just wondered what people would think if i told my story, i know it's unusual.

Chezzie · Post by **Chezzie** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 12:54 pm

sounds like he couldnt fully let go either:(

Shame you couldnt work it out Lem:-4

lemon_and_mint · Post by **lemon_and_mint** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 1:01 pm

Chezzie;733022 wrote: sounds like he couldnt fully let go either:(

Shame you couldnt work it out Lem:-4

Isn't it weird?Why would he keep coming back?The longest I left it without calling him was something like 9 years (i sent a letter to his mother as i didn't know his address), he wasn't at home, but he sent a message to my mother to ask her to tell me that he would come as soon as he could - he was there 2 days later.And we had coffee and he told me all about his marriage............

I often wonder what would happen if i left it now for 30 years or something and then called him.

But on the otherhand i do realise now that the thing i thought was keeping me going (knowing he was there) actually held me back.Funny that, isn't it?

Chezzie · Post by **Chezzie** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 1:30 pm

Sorry if I sound trite, but there's always something you can learn from every experience that we feel. Often it's the seed of a current or past "failure" that fuels you to the very success that you've always dreamed of. Past relationships give you a clearer picture of what you want and what you don't want in a relationship if you take the time to look back at them.

People come and go in our lives. Some people are with us for a brief instant, for five days or for fifty or more years. The impact of these relationships on our lives can all be great. Sometimes we don't understand why we are involved with someone in a particular relationship or why someone has such a hold on us. We don't understand why someone comes into our life for a brief time and then leaves.

I think he feels guilty for what he did and keeps his promise of always being their for you to ease his guilty conscience.

guppy · Post by **guppy** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 1:36 pm

jj,kp,nd,l&m dum de dum dum dum.....:sneaky:

YZGI · Post by **YZGI** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 1:39 pm

guppy;733054 wrote: jj,kp,nd,l&m dum de dum dum dum.....:sneaky:
People actually do this as entertainment? And I thought knitting looked boring..

Chezzie · Post by **Chezzie** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 1:40 pm

I hope your joking????:-1

YZGI · Post by **YZGI** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 1:40 pm

Chezzie;733056 wrote: I hope your joking????:-1
I was wondering from the onset.

Chezzie · Post by **Chezzie** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 1:42 pm

starting to wonder of my own insanity....If anyone sees me making a complete arse of myself with these people could they please pm me

-1:-1

lemon_and_mint · Post by **lemon_and_mint** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 2:09 pm

i don't know who it is you are referring to, but my story is true and i am who i say i am.

Do you want to msn me, and we can chat?

Chezzie · Post by **Chezzie** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 2:21 pm

jimbo;733065 wrote: there once was a niave newbie called young jimbo jnr:-6

when he first joined fg he welcomed his fellow newbies with open arms ,for they were like him little fish in the big fg garden pond

then he made friends with a fellow called gingervitus ,a funny fellow with a wicked sense of humour ,jimbo was happy to meet such a nice funny guy

then after making what little jimbo thought was a good buddy ,it turned out ginger was not a fellow at all nor was she a newbie ,jimbo learnt to wait untill newbies had proved they were newbies indeed

chezzie welcome to forum rules trust no one till you know them :-6

but having said that immy joined at the same time as me and what a nice fellow she turned out to be :wah::wah:

Its very sad Jimbo

From time to time people will come onto the forums and make outrageous rude or obnoxious statements. These people are essentially looking for attention, so when you reply to them you are feeding their needs. I have fallen into this trap and now offer the following advice.

Don't feed the trolls

That's what they want. Ignore them and they will soon become bored.

The term derives from "trolling", a style of fishing which involves trailing bait through a likely spot hoping for a bite. The troll posts a message, often in response to an honest question, that is intended to upset, disrupt or simply insult the group. Most trolls are sad people, living their lonely lives vicariously through those they see as strong and successful. For trolls, any response is 'recognition'; they are unable to distinguish between irritation and admiration; their ego grows directly in proportion to the response, regardless of the form or content of that response.

Trolls, rather surprisingly, dispute this, claiming that it's a game or joke; this merely confirms the diagnosis, how sad do you have to be to find such mind-numbingly trivial timewasting to be funny? i MUST remember that trolls are cowards and they usually post just enough to get an argument going, then sit back and count the responses, negative or positive.

How can troll posts be recognised?

No Imagination - Most are frighteningly obvious; sexist comments on nurses' groups, blasphemy on religious groups .. I kid you not.

Pedantic in the Extreme - Many trolls' preparation is so thorough, that while they waste time, they appear so ludicrous from the start that they elicit sympathetic mail - the danger is that once the group takes sides, the damage is done.

False Identity - Because they are cowards, trolls virtually never write over their own name, and often reveal their trolliness (and lack of imagination) in the chosen ID. As so many folk these days use false ID, this is not a strong indicator on its own!

Crossposting - Any post that is crossposted to several groups should be viewed as suspicious, particularly if unrelated or of opposing perspective. Why would someone do that?

Off-topic posting - Often genuine errors, but, if from an 'outsider' they deserve matter-of-fact response; if genuine, a brief apposite response is simply netiquette; if it's a troll post, you have denied it its reward.

Repetition of a question or statement is either a troll - or a pedant; either way, treatment as a troll is effective.

Missing The Point - Trolls rarely answer a direct question - they cannot, if asked to justify their twaddle - so they develop a fine line in missing the point.

Thick or Sad - Trolls are usually sad, lonely folk, with few social skills; they rarely make what most people would consider intelligent conversation. However, they frequently have an obsession with their IQ and feel the need to tell everyone.

This is so frequent, that it is diagnostic! Somewhere on the web there must be an Intelligence Test for Trolls - rigged to always say "above 150" :-5

I just googled trolls and found out the above, fortunately for me in all my time of being on forums, ive not had the misfortune of dealing with these spineless sad and pathetic people........I have no idea of past members etc... so will from now one be treating each new person with caution which is obviously why peeps were wary of me at first...Now I understand fully why....

lemon_and_mint · Post by **lemon_and_mint** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 2:24 pm

-1

I'm a nice person.

Chezzie · Post by **Chezzie** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 2:26 pm

lemon_and_mint;733079 wrote:

-1

I'm a nice person., Well I thought you were but these peeps think not maybe they got you wrong, I dunno:(

lemon_and_mint · Post by **lemon_and_mint** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 2:27 pm

i don't even know who they are, let alone who they think i am.

lemon_and_mint · Post by **lemon_and_mint** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 2:28 pm

i am perfectly willing to show a photo of me or on webcam, but not on a public forum, by msn if you want to know.i have nothing to hide.

Chezzie · Post by **Chezzie** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 2:29 pm

lemon_and_mint;733084 wrote: i don't even know who they are, let alone who they think i am.

Well as it was a moderator that cast the doubt in that post I automatically assumed it to be true as they can trace ip addresses etc...BUT lemon if you are who you say you are you have my apologies for my post.

lemon_and_mint · Post by **lemon_and_mint** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 2:30 pm

i can promise you i have never posted here under another name, i know they have ip addresses, in which case they know who i am?

Chezzie · Post by **Chezzie** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 2:33 pm

lemon_and_mint;733088 wrote: i can promise you i have never posted here under another name, i know they have ip addresses, in which case they know who i am?

Sorry then Lemon, hopefully a moderator will post here soon and clarify this mix up. At present their are alot of past members joining under different names, maybe you got mixed up in the pot hun.

lemon_and_mint · Post by **lemon_and_mint** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 2:36 pm

ok.but this isn't very nice, is it?

lemon_and_mint · Post by **lemon_and_mint** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 2:38 pm

i have no idea who jj is i swear.

jimbo do you know what jj looks like?

if you do then webcam me and see who i am.

then you can apologise to me.

YZGI · Post by **YZGI** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 2:38 pm

lemon_and_mint;733096 wrote: ok.but this isn't very nice, is it?
As long as your having fun, what difference does it make?

lemon_and_mint · Post by **lemon_and_mint** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 2:40 pm

it makes a lot of difference.

I don't want people thinking I'm some horrible person they used to know.

It makes a difference to how people react to me as you can see.

You wouldn't like it very much.

lemon_and_mint · Post by **lemon_and_mint** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 2:41 pm

ok so who are the mods?

was it a mod who started this?

Chezzie · Post by **Chezzie** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 2:43 pm

lemon_and_mint;733105 wrote: it makes a lot of difference.

I don't want people thinking I'm some horrible person they used to know.

It makes a difference to how people react to me as you can see.

You wouldn't like it very much.

No its not nice Lemon and thats why I apologised.

Its a shame the trolls spoil it for genuine new members.

lemon_and_mint · Post by **lemon_and_mint** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 2:46 pm

Thank you chezzie.

although i have seen trolls in action before and know that they can be horrible.

All i want to do is talk to nice people.

(now watch some idiot say, oh but you are jj logging in from a different location with a different ip address)

was this jj in the usa, because i am sure you can tell that i'm posting form the uk.Thta might be a big clue.

Actually the ip address tells you the location.

This should be easy to sort out then.

lemon_and_mint · Post by **lemon_and_mint** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 2:46 pm

i am afraid jimbo i don't want to be the centre of attention in that way.

Post by **Bryn Mawr** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 3:05 pm

lemon_and_mint;733105 wrote: it makes a lot of difference.

I don't want people thinking I'm some horrible person they used to know.

It makes a difference to how people react to me as you can see.

You wouldn't like it very much.

Funnily enough JJ was not a bad stick - very good storyteller - disappeared suddenly and I never did find out the cause.

Mostly it's about past history and the trouble caused by departed members coming back under a different name with spiteful intent and causing serious problems on the board.

We've also had false accusations before and several members have been much embarrassed by it.

So, if you're genuine then sit tight and everything will resolve itself - you've been well received so far and the truth will out fairly quickly.

Normal service will be resumed as soon as possible

lemon_and_mint · Post by **lemon_and_mint** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 3:13 pm

sitting tight, and i hope so.

Post by **spot** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 3:30 pm

Oh what sad times are these when passing ruffians can say nee at will to newbie posters. There is a pestilence upon this land, nothing is sacred. Even those who moderate forums are under considerable stress this week.

L&M, there have been too many alarums and excursions over the last day or two and people have got trigger-happy. Can you find it in your bowels to forgive our rudeness and accept my abject apology? I, for one, am sorry that you were interrupted in your thread, and I'm sure it won't happen again.

Chezzie · Post by **Chezzie** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 3:31 pm

spot;733136 wrote: Oh what sad times are these when passing ruffians can say nee at will to newbie posters. There is a pestilence upon this land, nothing is sacred. Even those who moderate forums are under considerable stress this week.

L&M, there have been too many alarums and excursions over the last day or two and people have got trigger-happy. Can you find it in your bowels to forgive our rudeness and accept my abject apology? I, for one, am sorry that you were interrupted in your thread, and I'm sure it won't happen again.

Thanks Spot.....

Now Lemmy, where were we???:-4:-4

lemon_and_mint · Post by **lemon_and_mint** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 3:34 pm

i accept your apology, but i think i lost the track of my thoughts now.

You can bring me raspberry icecream instead, as an apology gift.

Post by **spot** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 3:36 pm

lemon_and_mint;733140 wrote: You can bring me raspberry icecream instead, as an apology gift.Turn up at the UK meet at the end of January and I'll buy you two.

lemon_and_mint · Post by **lemon_and_mint** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 3:36 pm

thank you jimbo apology accepted, would really go down a bit better with some icecream though..............

lemon_and_mint · Post by **lemon_and_mint** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 3:39 pm

tell me more about this meet?

Post by **Bryn Mawr** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 3:39 pm

lemon_and_mint;733140 wrote: i accept your apology, but i think i lost the track of my thoughts now.

You can bring me raspberry icecream instead, as an apology gift.

Great the know you've kept your sense of humour

lemon_and_mint · Post by **lemon_and_mint** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 3:41 pm

that i have got to see - but if you don't tellme where and when it is how can i come?

lemon_and_mint · Post by **lemon_and_mint** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 3:44 pm

ok if i see them

Post by **spot** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 3:53 pm

jimbo;733155 wrote: ask our leader spot or mrs bucket immy :wah::wah:

I'd be very surprised if Tombstone flew eight timezones to share a pint of tepid flat Ruddles County outside the Bullring but who knows, maybe he will.

As to where, I think people are talking about Birmingham again L&M... I can't really keep calling you that, I may just contract it to Lint at this rate. It was London two years ago and Birmingham last year, but each time we all had a roof to huddle under overnight. No flushing loo, admittedly, but a roof at least which in midwinter was something of an essential consideration. The planning hasn't gone much past the when and where-ish yet but you can be sure it'll happen.