Changing your name in marriage

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 3:53 am

What do you guys think of the name issue in marriage? My cousin's husband took her last name because he didn't like his own. I always figured I'd keep my own name because everything I've ever done in my life I've done as Terri W.

To Be Safe, Call the Bride by Her First Name

By ANNA JANE GROSSMAN

Published: December 2, 2007

WHEN Jill Van Camp decided to play catcher in a softball game on the September morning of her wedding, her mother worried that the bride might lose a tooth. Ms. Van Camp, 31, was more concerned about losing her good name. Literally.

She and Darren Bloch, 33, knew they wanted to spend their lives together, but were unsure how to monogram their towels. So they arranged the game between their respective families and friends, and proclaimed that the winning team would determine which of them would take the other’s name.

Thanks to hyphens, a vogue toward creative morphing of names, and legislation in some states that has eased the process for a man to take his wife’s surname, there have never been more surname options.

Claudia Goldin, a Harvard economics professor, and Maria Shim, then a Harvard student, studied various Massachusetts birth records, wedding announcements published in The New York Times and Harvard alumni records for a paper they published in 2004 in the Journal of Economic Perspectives.

They found that fewer than 4 percent of college-educated brides did not take their husband’s last name in 1975, compared with about 20 percent in 2000.

But brides, and bridegrooms as well, are learning that with choice comes complication. They are turning what was once an intimate conversation into an interactive dialogue with relatives, friends and even professional consultants.

When the former Katharine Newberry-Gillin, 25, a manager at a Trader Joe’s food store in Osseo, Minn., was engaged last year to Kyle Sommers, also 25, there were many name-change options.

“I was coming face to face with something that I’d always known would be a major issue,” she said. “When I was in school, people always joked about what kids with hyphenated names would do when they got married.”

She decided to take the name-change question to the polls. At an online voting page she built at SurveyMonkey.com, several dozen friends and family members weighed in on whether she should become just Kate Sommers or Katie Sommerberry-Gillin. Or Katharine Elizabeth Gilnewsom.

She took the advice of many of her survey-takers and added her new husband’s name to her own name, after subtracting the hyphen. Her legal name is now Katharine Newberry Gillin Sommers — Kate N.G. Sommers, for short.

The issue of men who want to change their names made news recently when a California man found himself caught in red tape trying to take his wife’s name; he sued the state, claiming gender discrimination. The case was the impetus for legislation, signed by Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger in October, that will give married spouses and domestic partners equal rights to change their names beginning January 2009.

Seven states already recognized a husband’s right to take his wife’s last name upon marriage. They are New York, Georgia, Hawaii, Iowa, Louisiana, Massachusetts and North Dakota.

Kate Talbert, 29, a medical student in Los Angeles, went to Indiebride.com two years ago for input about what new name she and her future husband, Brian Denny, 31, should call themselves after their wedding. They had already decided to create a new name, and she needed to figure it out quickly to order the engraved chocolate bars for their wedding guests.

“It was nice to have other people to bounce ideas off of,” she said.

As for her proposed names, “Emerson” made one fellow bride think of “the bald doctor on M*A*S*H.” “Sarana,” said another, would be “difficult to pronounce if someone’s calling you” which might be good, “because you can tell which ones are the telemarketers.”

In the end, Ms. Talbert and Mr. Denny decided on E.E. Cummings’s middle name, Estlin.

“I wasn’t hugely attached to my last name,” said the former Mr. Denny, a computer programmer, “and she just couldn’t really see herself as Kate Denny. And taking her name didn’t feel right, either. So we decided to take a new name instead.”

“My dad might’ve been a little sad, but not really,” he added. “My family is pretty open-minded.”

Some choose to seek professional assistance when changing their name.

Danielle Tate of Potomac, Md., runs the Web site MissNowMrs.com, which can help women go through the legal steps to change their surnames. For $29.95, brides can print out all the necessary papers online — and get Ms. Tate’s candid thoughts on their best options.

“Women who are only children or who work in a family business usually don’t want to change their name completely,” she said. “It’s a personal choice, but people are hungry for advice, and there’s just not a lot of reference out there.”

Maryanna Korwitts, a professional name consultant in Naperville, Ill., takes a more academic approach.

Ms. Korwitts is a self-described “name-ologist” who has studied calligraphic design; she helps people name businesses and babies and rethink their names before marriage, or after divorce.

“All of us recognize that our name is more than just a word or a label, but we’ve never really been educated to understand the energy behind it,” she said.

When the wedding-day softball game at a resort in Mount Tremper, in upstate New York, finally began, Ms. Van Camp, a social worker in New York City, ended up feeling less in control of the outcome than she thought she would.

“We both felt a fair amount of hubris about our softball abilities,” said Mr. Bloch, a vice president for external relations at the Empire State Development Corporation in New York City.

The bride ended up having to leave halfway through so that she could get her hair done. While she was gone, the Bloch team won.

“So I had to take his name,” said the former Ms. Van Camp — now Mrs. Bloch. “But I’m a good player. I think if I’d been able to play the whole game, he’d be a Van Camp.”

But the game had the same effect as a shared last name. “It brought our families together,” Mr. Bloch said.

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 6:41 am

It's useful to have a girlfriend with the same surname like I have.

Post by **spot** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 6:46 am

That's what cousins are for, Krammy.

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 6:47 am

spot;732653 wrote: That's what cousins are for, Krammy.
Is it right to move on from the kissing?

sunny104 · Post by **sunny104** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 7:41 am

:yh_rotfl you two are nuts...

but that is very cool Krammy! :-6

I'm old fashioned I guess, it was natural for me to just take my hubby's name.

Indian Princess · Post by **Indian Princess** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 6:03 pm

Thats:

:wah::wah:

Indian Princess · Post by **Indian Princess** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 6:03 pm

Mr. Indian Princess too you!

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 6:05 pm

If your going to become a mans property then you need his name. It would embarrass him if you didnt. Thats no way to start a relationship.

Indian Princess · Post by **Indian Princess** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 6:12 pm

Is that why your checkbook says your wifes name?:wah::wah:

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 6:39 pm

My last name is hyphenated, and I kept my last name with the new name added. Makes sense to me.....

sunny104 · Post by **sunny104** » Wed Dec 05, 2007 10:25 am

Nomad;733252 wrote: If your going to become a mans property then you need his name. It would embarrass him if you didnt. Thats no way to start a relationship.

exactly! :yh_worshp :yh_hypno

koan · Post by **koan** » Wed Dec 05, 2007 1:14 pm

I didn't change my name the first time. I am looking forward to changing it this time. It's symbolic and something that means a lot to me.

moonpie · Post by **moonpie** » Wed Dec 05, 2007 7:59 pm

I wanted to answer this earlier, but I was on my way out of the office.

My first married name I had it stipultated in the divorce papers, that I would go back to my original name. Then when I remarried, I kept it because it was too much hassle to change everything over again. No ulterior motivations or anything, just couldn't be bothered.

WonderWendy3 · Post by **WonderWendy3** » Wed Dec 05, 2007 8:08 pm

I am old fashioned and liked the idea of taking my husbands' name, and it made it easy when I re-married the same man.....but now that we are divorced for the 2nd time....I REALLY want to change my name back, it has been almost 20 years....(today marked 20 years since I met the man....the things I would like to not remember....

)

As soon as my life gets some normalcy...I'm going to change my name back to my maiden name....As for the possiblity of me ever changing it....yep....when My Prince Charming asks me to marry him...I would gladly and happily take his name!:-4

nvalleyvee · Post by **nvalleyvee** » Wed Dec 05, 2007 11:29 pm

The only thing harder than changing your name in marriage is to change it back in divirce.

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Thu Dec 06, 2007 10:35 am

WonderWendy3;734193 wrote: I am old fashioned and liked the idea of taking my husbands' name, and it made it easy when I re-married the same man.....but now that we are divorced for the 2nd time....I REALLY want to change my name back, it has been almost 20 years....(today marked 20 years since I met the man....the things I would like to not remember....

)

As soon as my life gets some normalcy...I'm going to change my name back to my maiden name....As for the possiblity of me ever changing it....yep....when My Prince Charming asks me to marry him...I would gladly and happily take his name!:-4

So you'll be Wendy Charming?

WonderWendy3 · Post by **WonderWendy3** » Thu Dec 06, 2007 10:42 am

nvalleyvee;734269 wrote: The only thing harder than changing your name in marriage is to change it back in divirce. It must vary from state to state, because that is what I thought, why I haven't changed my name...but I have a friend that just went through a nasty divorce and she couldn't WAIT to get her name changed and within a week, it was a done deal and cost was minimul, I believe under $50.00......which is why I will be doing it as soon as things get calmer in my life....

Uncle Kram;734576 wrote: So you'll be Wendy Charming?

YEP!!That would be Mrs. Charming to you Mister!!:):D

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Thu Dec 06, 2007 11:02 am

WonderWendy3;734582 wrote: It must vary from state to state, because that is what I thought, why I haven't changed my name...but I have a friend that just went through a nasty divorce and she couldn't WAIT to get her name changed and within a week, it was a done deal and cost was minimul, I believe under $50.00......which is why I will be doing it as soon as things get calmer in my life....

YEP!!That would be Mrs. Charming to you Mister!!:):D
Just call me Prince

...(or the Artist formerly known as Krammy)

Chezzie · Post by **Chezzie** » Thu Dec 06, 2007 11:09 am

My maiden name was Joy and when I got married I took on hubbys name of Knight.

As a young girl about town with my mates, I cringed everytime we got in a taxi to hear the cabbie ring the office and say "mobile with Joy"........

:-5

I couldnt wait to get rid lol:-4

WonderWendy3 · Post by **WonderWendy3** » Thu Dec 06, 2007 11:10 am

Uncle Kram;734591 wrote: Just call me Prince

...(or the Artist formerly known as Krammy)

Good ONE!!:wah::wah:

KarmaDoodle · Post by **KarmaDoodle** » Thu Dec 06, 2007 12:28 pm

I love my last name, it has entitled me several interesting nicknames, but it is also bad French. My great grand father messed with the spelling awhile ago and its harder to pronounce now. People never know what to do with it - too many vowels. Anyways, i hope that if/when i get married that my husband as a decent last name...i need more consonants in my life...haha