Someone you love is gay ...

Pheasy · Post by **Pheasy** » Sat Dec 22, 2007 6:44 pm

how would you feel about it?

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Sat Dec 22, 2007 6:50 pm

Weird at first but Id get over it. No biggy.

mrsK · Post by **mrsK** » Sat Dec 22, 2007 6:50 pm

I would still love them as that doesn't change:-6

kayleneaussie · Post by **kayleneaussie** » Sat Dec 22, 2007 6:51 pm

Do you mean love...son or daughter or someone you have fallen inlove with and found out is Gay?

Snooze · Post by **Snooze** » Sat Dec 22, 2007 6:52 pm

It's none of my business how they find pleasure, but I'd be incredibly happy for anyone that finds love no matter where it might be.

kinks · Post by **kinks** » Sat Dec 22, 2007 6:55 pm

I just found out that a member of my family might be gay....that's cool with me

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Sat Dec 22, 2007 6:58 pm

kayleneaussie;745120 wrote: Do you mean love...son or daughter or someone you have fallen inlove with and found out is Gay?

That was exactly my thought too, Kay.

Pheasy if you mean someone I was in love with, I'd probably feel hurt and betrayed.

But if you meant a friend or family member, depending on who it was, I might feel anywhere from not uncomfortable at all to considerably uncomfortable. More uncomfortable if the person in question is a man (just the way I feel, no explanation forthcoming) but regardless of that they'd have my support and it wouldn't cause me to alter my relationship with them.

Pheasy · Post by **Pheasy** » Sat Dec 22, 2007 7:01 pm

My brother is gay. It kills him, he cannot live with it. He has 2 children, and they love him regardess. His ex-wife is my best-friend, she cries every night about it. It is just hurtful, he knows I love him - I don't care about him being gay - but I do care about the pain he is suffering :-1

kayleneaussie · Post by **kayleneaussie** » Sat Dec 22, 2007 7:02 pm

If it was my son or daughter my love for them wouldnt change as long as they are happy.

I had a boyfriend when I was younger who ended up telling me he was gay and I was devastated but eventually we ended up being the best of friends.

kayleneaussie · Post by **kayleneaussie** » Sat Dec 22, 2007 7:05 pm

ThePheasant;745132 wrote: My brother is gay. It kills him, he cannot live with it. He has 2 children, and they love him regardess. His ex-wife is my best-friend, she cries every night about it. It is just hurtful, he knows I love him - I don't care about him being gay - but I do care about the pain he is suffering :-1

awwwwwww that is so sad. Has he had counselling to help him come to terms with being gay?

Pheasy · Post by **Pheasy** » Sat Dec 22, 2007 7:10 pm

kayleneaussie;745144 wrote: awwwwwww that is so sad. Has he had counselling to help him come to terms with being gay?

Yes he is having counselling :-1

CARLA · Post by **CARLA** » Sat Dec 22, 2007 7:12 pm

Well said Snooze I agree..

[QUOTE]It's none of my business how they find pleasure, but I'd be incredibly happy for anyone that finds love no matter where it might be.[/QUOTE]

Pheasy · Post by **Pheasy** » Sat Dec 22, 2007 7:25 pm

It sucks. But my Mum died really young and my brother was pushed into a relationship early. If that had not happened he would not of had the kids he adores, he is gay and he has to accept that. I feel sad for his ex-wife too - she adored him, and could not understand why he rejected her. My niece and nephew know their Dad is gay .......

mrsK · Post by **mrsK** » Sat Dec 22, 2007 7:36 pm

ThePheasant;745132 wrote: My brother is gay. It kills him, he cannot live with it. He has 2 children, and they love him regardess. His ex-wife is my best-friend, she cries every night about it. It is just hurtful, he knows I love him - I don't care about him being gay - but I do care about the pain he is suffering :-1

Just be there for him Pheasy,lots of hugs for him,lots of listening.

I know you will do this as you come across a loving person:-4:-6

Snooze · Post by **Snooze** » Sat Dec 22, 2007 7:57 pm

rjwould;745171 wrote: What do you mean by "pushed" into a relationship?

I'm assuming how parents/family assume things... my mother told me that I should be married by 21 and having children by 23. I hate to think how her plans would've been foiled if I had been gay. (I refused to obey her schedule, by the way. She was very disappointed in me.)

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Sat Dec 22, 2007 8:02 pm

ThePheasant;745132 wrote: My brother is gay. It kills him, he cannot live with it. He has 2 children, and they love him regardess. His ex-wife is my best-friend, she cries every night about it. It is just hurtful, he knows I love him - I don't care about him being gay - but I do care about the pain he is suffering :-1

I suppose thats a struggle he will just have to endure. Im certain it stems not only from society but from the inner workings of being a man.

Just love him.

Its what you can do.

grh · Post by **grh** » Sat Dec 22, 2007 10:51 pm

ThePheasant;745132 wrote: My brother is gay. It kills him, he cannot live with it. He has 2 children, and they love him regardess. His ex-wife is my best-friend, she cries every night about it. It is just hurtful, he knows I love him - I don't care about him being gay - but I do care about the pain he is suffering :-1

Ya know, folks are miserable every day, for as many reasons as there are folks being miserable. Ex-wives and husbands cry every night and then get up the next day and deal with life.

I can't imagine what life must have been like for him before. I guess if you spend your whole life living a lie, it can become almost bearable. And if you are a decent sort, which I assume he must be if you love him, the the guilt of finally being true to yourself at the expense of others may become the unbearable part of your world.

I can't imagine being defined by the fact I prefer men. I can understand it would be upsetting for him. We are all more then our sexual needs and desires.

He and everyone around him needs to remember that he is more then 'gay'. He is all of the other things he has always been when they looked at him.

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Sun Dec 23, 2007 6:18 am

My life has included the company of gay people always. From a very young age, not really grasping the whole of it, I was drawn to these people because of their creative minds. I was brought in contact with them because of my involvement with dancing, then the flower business, and because I have always been involved with the arts. It was like I instinctively knew that they were special in a different kind of way. During my life, I have observed all kinds of behavior amongst the group we call gay.

I have formulated some opinions. They are long suffering, and often tormented even after they acknowledge their life style preference. They have to have great courage. They often risk their saftey by revealing their oroentation. Of course I would love someone in my life who told me they were gay. Who anyone is intimate with is really none of my business. My criteria for love is what kind of a person someone is. I have run across horrible heterosexual human beings. On the other hand, I have observed some gay relationships, that I have wished I could have. Because the couples are so obviously happy.

lemon_and_mint · Post by **lemon_and_mint** » Sun Dec 23, 2007 8:54 am

I have many friends who are lesbian or homosexual.

I find that these are some of the nicest people i have ever met, although like any group of people they can argue amongst themselves on occassion.

I think i find them to have a nice outlook because, being in a minority group which suffers a lot of hatred themselves, they tend not to have any predjucides against other groups in terms of religion, colour of skin, nationality or whatever else a person may be judged on.

I have always found that they let even straight people like myself into their group of friends, and when they do, they are extremely loyal.I have had so much fun with my gay friends and love them all dearly.

If someone close to me confided in me that they were gay - or even secretl;y gay - having led a straight lifestyle - i think i would be not exactly happy or sad, but more neutral, in that it wouldnt any difference to how i felt about them.

What would sadden me, however is that i know that a confession like that would cause them many problems i many aspects of their lives and i would try my best to support them through it and advise them.

Patrick · Post by **Patrick** » Sun Dec 23, 2007 9:34 am

If my wife discovered she was gay I would be taken aback. Not hurt or betrayed but just taken aback. In any relationship there's emotional inertia and it would take me a moment to get over the WTF moment.

I wouldn't hate her or love her less. Granted I do believe that our relationship would obviously have to go in a new direction.

That said if my wife had an affair with a woman behind my back I would be hurt for not being told what was up and therefore not being allowed the opportunity to make choices for myself about the circumstances.

Pheasant you’re doing a great job being there for your brother and his family.