The same mistake.. over, and over

[weeder]

Two days ago I learned of the suicide of a young woman down in Georgia, who colored my hair for 2 plus years. I am very distraught over this. Her death is such a shock, and I cant get her out of my mind. I thought she had a great life. She had a booming and successful small buisiness, She was very pretty. She talked about dating and trips and friends. Her clients were enthralled with her. I, honestly was envious of her lifestyle. If only I had known. If only... that she was sad, or lonely, or worried, or despondent. If only, if only, if only. The thing that really bothers me, is that when I was down there in August, I went in and had her color my hair. There hasnt been anyone here in Virginia who can do the great job she did for me. And I knew something was wrong. She was very manic... she actually annoyed me. If I had not done so much presuming... about someone else, I would have asked her would she like to go out for a drink, or invited her over, or something to connect. I thought she was out of my league, and wouldnt want to be bothered with spending time with me, or my friends. I thought we would be too boring for her. I cant get her out of my mind. I look at the mountains here, and I just want to cry my eyes out because I know she loved the mountains of North Carolina. How could she do this? I know she has left many many heartbroken friends, family and acquaintances behind.

[Pheasy]

weeder;751984 wrote: Two days ago I learned of the suicide of a young woman down in Georgia, who colored my hair for 2 plus years. I am very distraught over this. Her death is such a shock, and I cant get her out of my mind. I thought she had a great life. She had a booming and successful small buisiness, She was very pretty. She talked about dating and trips and friends. Her clients were enthralled with her. I, honestly was envious of her lifestyle. If only I had known. If only... that she was sad, or lonely, or worried, or despondent. If only, if only, if only. The thing that really bothers me, is that when I was down there in August, I went in and had her color my hair. There hasnt been anyone here in Virginia who can do the great job she did for me. And I knew something was wrong. She was very manic... she actually annoyed me. If I had not done so much presuming... about someone else, I would have asked her would she like to go out for a drink, or invited her over, or something to connect. I thought she was out of my league, and wouldnt want to be bothered with spending time with me, or my friends. I thought we would be too boring for her. I cant get her out of my mind. I look at the mountains here, and I just want to cry my eyes out because I know she loved the mountains of North Carolina. How could she do this? I know she has left many many heartbroken friends, family and acquaintances behind.


I suspect this is why it happened - very sad

[Chezzie]

wow, Sorry to hear about your friend and equally sorry to hear of the impact it has had on you hun :-6

Suicide is a nasty word. It is a very taboo subject, which nobody wants to talk about. When someone we know commits suicide, it is scary, and we can't understand it. The worst part about it is that it was preventable, the person chose to die, and they must have been very depressed and felt extremely hopeless to pick such a final decision. A lot of survivors of the suicide feel guilty: "Why couldn't I see it coming? What could I have done to stop them?" But the truth is, you can never know what is going on in someone else's head, and you can never know what someone is going to do. Even though most suicide victims do give clues, it may be coming for a long time and so you will never know when it will happen. And if they don't go into a mental hospital where they can be watched twenty four hours a day, seven days a week, it is really impossible to keep an eye on them all of the time.

My cousin committed suicide at 26 years old, gassed himself in his car, we have no idea why and as he was a prison officer in Birmingham, we didnt see that much of him. Still hurts now to think he was so sad and was unable to ask for help.

My only advice would be to remember the person for the good times, and try not to concentrate on the last time. Be realistic, but remember good memories are what's worth holding onto.

Good luck Weeder:-6

[Pheasy]

Good words and advice Chez :-6

I think the reason a lot of the time people don't notice is because , the manic types are usually VERY HIGH in public, so people misunderstand that for happiness. Its a front, and when they are alone they will hit rock bottom.

What goes up, must come down. The higher you go, the bigger the fall :-4

[Galbally]

I think the thing to remember is that by definition suicide is not normally a rational act, and it usually happens when someone is quite ill, or has completely lost perspective due to depression. It occasionally happens that its a calculated act, such as instead of being captured, because of a terminal illness, or facing the music for some reason. I am sure this young woman wouldn't have chosen this end for her life if she had been fully in control of herself, though its not much comfort for the people she left behind, the important thing is to remain focused on the living to help them cope with their grief or guilt (including you) and I suppose if an event occurs in the future and you feel that there is something useful you can do to help, then what you have learned from this tragic event.

Whatever the reasons, the living have to try and keep going in a very hard world. Thats cold comfort, but I am not sure there is much more anyone could really say. Everyone's life is hard at times, sometimes very difficult indeed, and people often have to work hard just to keep going day after day, but its important to try to keep on living as life is all we have and its my experience that there is always hope, no matter how bleak things are, that may sound trite, but I think its a deep truth. At the same time, its easy to judge people who commit suicide, but you have to walk in someone's shoes to know what they really are up against inside, and its obvious that for some sad people, it just gets to hard to keep choosing life. So sad.

[abbey]

Laura,Try not to beat yourself up love.

I suspect that no matter what you or others had have done different, it's highly likely nothing would be different.

My niece's husband hung himself 2 years ago and we all felt the same......If only.

It's so very sad.

Hugs to you sweety. :-4

[weeder]

Suicide makes others think deeply about all kinds of disturbing things. It is impossible for me to even imagine the depths of despair visited by those who end their lives. The reason is because I have not had an easy life, and yet I THINK I could never end my life. So it is impossible not to consider, is that moment of decision irrational, or is it unstoppable? What is the difference between those of us who press on ( as Gallaby stated) despite heartache, or lonliness or fear. And those who become so overwhelmed that death becomes the answer. I was told that she shot herself. And again, to think it makes me physically ill. I cant stop thinking of her competent hands, and her brilliant mind. She turned a tiny space in Georgia into a day spa. She created a soothing, elegant and nurturing place for her clients to visit. She was a success. She appeared to be very much in charge, and in controll. I liked her very much. It is that last day that I saw her, that is bothering me. Because as I said, I just knew something was wrong. But I never would have presumed to cross the line of good taste, and be familiar enough to ask her. I wish so much now that I had. To hell with good taste. But its too late.

[Pheasy]

weeder;752036 wrote: Suicide makes others think deeply about all kinds of disturbing things. It is impossible for me to even imagine the depths of despair visited by those who end their lives. The reason is because I have not had an easy life, and yet I THINK I could never end my life. So it is impossible not to consider, is that moment of decision irrational, or is it unstoppable? What is the difference between those of us who press on ( as Gallaby stated) despite heartache, or lonliness or fear. And those who become so overwhelmed that death becomes the answer. I was told that she shot herself. And again, to think it makes me physically ill. I cant stop thinking of her competent hands, and her brilliant mind. She turned a tiny space in Georgia into a day spa. She created a soothing, elegant and nurturing place for her clients to visit. She was a success. She appeared to be very much in charge, and in controll. I liked her very much. It is that last day that I saw her, that is bothering me. Because as I said, I just knew something was wrong. But I never would have presumed to cross the line of good taste, and be familiar enough to ask her. I wish so much now that I had. To hell with good taste. But its too late.


She probably would not of admitted there was a problem Weeder :-4 This difference between understanding and doing is what stops most of us. It is very sad that she did not get help, it is sad that she felt that this was the only way out.

She felt that there was no hope, this is what she wanted to end her troubles :-1

[chonsigirl]

You did not know, weeder. You can not blame yourself, for not asking her to go out for some coffee, or to talk. Some things we do not know, what the lady felt inside of herself. What matters now, is what you feel within yourself now.

You cannot step back into the past, and you can not put yourself down for it now. It is for you to remember her, for the gift of beauty she bestowed on you, and sadly, maybe learn something from this. I do not know what that is, but maybe you will one day.

*hugs*

[weeder]

Thank you everyone. It is an amazing gift to be able to come here for comfort from all of you. I have known great lonliness over the past few years. It was unexpected, as for many years I was a wife, a mother, and had extended family. I am familiar with the tools needed to deal with being lonley. It is a condition that many people cannott handle, and understandably so. And so because I do know what it is like, my heart truly bleeds for anyone who finds themselves in that place and cannott handle it. Its just that I know from living that in the morning when the sun is shining... things seem so much better. Or you go to work, or the supermarket, and someone makes you laugh. Or the phone rings, and it is a friend saying hello. I just wish so much that these desperate souls could hold on one more day.

[weeder]

rjwould;752047 wrote: Although the others before me said it so much more eloquently, sometimes it doesn't matter what you see and/or say. Suicide is so difficult to wrap our minds around. In the end however it's a choice. Sometimes I wonder if convincing a person to hang in is only prolonging the pain and the inevitable. My only problem with suicide is that it seems to be too much of a selfish act unless those whom are left behind are in complete understanding of the reasoning behind the decision. Personally, I would worry my children would feel guilty and possibly feel doomed to my fate.

All that said, sometimes I am so ashamed to be a human being, that I wish it would just end.


Why are you ashamed of being a human being? I think that being human is my greatest and my only gift. I am so grateful to be able to feel. And I think that over the years I have encountered some of the most deeply feeling people... here, on this forum. That is the uniquness of this place. That is the beauty of it. It is the part that is difficult to explain to others.

[Kathy Ellen]

Ahhhhh Weeder,

That is so sad, but you didn't know. I'm sure the poor woman just didn't know what else to do, and that is so tragic. You would have been there to help her if you knew she was in so much pain:-6

[Accountable]

Just ........................... :yh_hugs

[weeder]

rjwould;752264 wrote: Sometimes when I consider how we treat other species and what we have done to the planet, however, most of my discomfort is with the myth we've chosen to live by.


Things werent like this in the 60s and 70s. We all seemed to understand the power in numbers. Joining together to at least try for change. I think its the new give up climate that is responsible for so much depression. My dad used to tell my sisters and I " If anyone ever trys to hurt you, go down fighting"

Dont go meekly like lambs to the slaughter. It will always hurt less to die in the heat of a battle. No one is fighting for anything anymore. Noone is banding together to voice at the least displeasure. And so, we are becoming despondent, and lost.

[Imladris]

What Acc said, lots of times over:-4:-4