is something wrong with me

present_corpse · Post by **present_corpse** » Sun Jun 12, 2005 1:08 pm

undefined I have a man and he goes to dating sites and looks through them and says to me that there is nothing to worry about he just wants to see how he is gets rated that he would never hurt me and he is happy with me and that I satisfy him all the time but it still makes me feel inadiquate that he does it that I am not doing something right. He asked me to move in with him and his children as I have children too, and I said yes, but I now fear that computers on his side will be the end of us, I use them to talk to my friends. I dunno I need some feed back he has never cheated before, but yet I am still scared, please give me some feedback

vilssss · Post by **vilssss** » Sun Jun 12, 2005 1:30 pm

Hi present corpse,

Are you two married or just living together? Did he asked you to move in, or did you invite yourself?

I think it's important to realize that you are not the problem in this situation. You have your right to feel what ever you want to feel.

But, having said that. You must also respect the fact that he has a right to feel the same way. The solution to the problem of two parties who want two different results is to communicate. You must make clear to your partner that you don't like, or feel insecure about what he is doing. Then work out a solution that is suitable to both of you. If you need to compromise to achieve your objectives, please do so. Just make sure he is at a position to compromise as well.

If he asked you to move in with him at his house. He should atleast show some respects and not be looking at other dating options while you are his partner. He may have a; "I can be with you and eat my cake too" mentality. But a quick structured intelligent back hand form of communication will probably put an end to it.....lol.

So, my advice to you girl is comunicate. Tell him he is a jerk and that's not who you moved in to be with......lol. just kidding, not axactly in those words, but similar words.

Good luck

vilssss

abbey · Post by **abbey** » Sun Jun 12, 2005 1:57 pm

Hiya P-C Welcome to the Garden, i'm just sorry that you came feeling the way you do, you must feel terrible at the moment and i'm sorry about that.

My advice to you is DONT DO ITif you are feeling insecure, or have any doubts or unsure feelings, then surely the time can't be right to move yourself & children in with him!

I wonder, did you meet him on a dating site?

Its strange that he goes to these sites to validate himself, he's either very arrogant or very insecure about himself.

Either way he should'nt be doing it and you should maybe think about giving him an ultimatum, dating sites or you!

Good Luck, i hope that things work out for you x.

pina · Post by **pina** » Sun Jun 12, 2005 2:09 pm

Hi, and welcome to the site.

Sorry to hear about your relationship but I totally agree with abbey on this.

You don't have a problem he does.

I've seen this kind of thing happen to friends of mine and it never works out.

If you are living with him now try to make sure that you and the children will be OK if it comes to a sticky end. It sounds really bad but you should prepare yourself just incase and make sure you have somewhere to go.

Hope everything works out for you.

capt_buzzard · Post by **capt_buzzard** » Sun Jun 12, 2005 4:18 pm

flopstock wrote: I guess I don't understand dating sites too well. Maybe someone could enlighten me here. How does he get rated? Is there a test? Does he do this with you sitting there? Has he asked you to put yourself up there for rating? Is he hoping that if you move in he has a babysitter while he 'works late'? Have you asked him why he feels the need to do this?

My gut reaction here is 'I don't like this at all!' And I a fairly normal perverted middle aged woman.

I'm diane, btw, nice to meet ya.Sorry to hear about that. Like some men about. They are still little boys who haven't grown up yet. They still believe that can play with their toys. Have a younger guy leave you home, and make sure the hubbie sees him. Make a big show at thanking him for the ride.

Agnes · Post by **Agnes** » Mon Jun 13, 2005 5:20 am

yes something is wrong with you, only you would know. :-6

pantsonfire321@aol.com · Mon Jun 13, 2005 8:39 am

Hi P-C please dont do it - not yet... if you feel this insecure now your confidence will completely desert you in a couple of months down the line, no man who claims to care about you should make you feel so sad. How long have you been together ? how did you meet ? do your kids like him?. Dont rush into anything you deserve to be happy and if he is MR RIGHT he will turn the dam computer off and be content spending quality time with you and your children - good luck i hope it all works out . sarah janexx

nvalleyvee · Post by **nvalleyvee** » Mon Jun 13, 2005 12:44 pm

present_corpse wrote: undefined I have a man and he goes to dating sites and looks through them and says to me that there is nothing to worry about he just wants to see how he is gets rated that he would never hurt me and he is happy with me and that I satisfy him all the time but it still makes me feel inadiquate that he does it that I am not doing something right. He asked me to move in with him and his children as I have children too, and I said yes, but I now fear that computers on his side will be the end of us, I use them to talk to my friends. I dunno I need some feed back he has never cheated before, but yet I am still scared, please give me some feedback

There isn't anything wrong with you. Only single people should be on the dating services but alas a lot of people are married or involved with someone. Each of them is looking for something on the side - I know - they told me when I was doing the computer dating thing. I never went for any of them as I think it is not a very nice thing to do. I'm also very selfish - I want someone all to myself - no sharing of the intimate stuff. I would be suspect of your boyfriend - where there is flirting - there is fire.

minks · Post by **minks** » Mon Jun 13, 2005 2:45 pm

Greetings:

I think if you really meant something to this man, something ultra special, he would drop those dating sites immediately. He has no need to be there if you and he are exclusive. Rating himself, what in the hell for. You should be the only one who counts and your opinions should be his only concern. If you move in with him, be prepared to see what you may not want to see....your man on the computer wayyyyy to much.

And welcome to the forum hope you find some good advise where you need it.

Cheers