Am I making a big deal of this?

heartsss3 · Post by **heartsss3** » Mon Feb 04, 2008 10:57 am

My significant other made a very innocent statement last night about a good friend of his sending pictures (via internet) to him of the mardi gras festivities. Of course, the mention was made of 'ta tas'...beads being thrown, etc., and that was the main subject of the pictures he would be receiving. I was actually quite shocked that he regarded this as nothing, just 'it's mardi gras!!!' Immediately, I became upset over this. My manner of being upset is usually quiet silence and alone time while I try to pull myself together and decide if I'm overreacting. This was very hurtful to me. It literally hurt my heart and caused a sadness within me to feel that he would think this was ok. He noticed my mood change and we did have a discussion. He thinks it's no big deal- nothing to be upset over. I told him that if a friend of mine sent me naked pictures of men, I would not look at them and also tell the friend not to send anymore. As much as this hurts me and I feel validated with how I'm feeling, he feels completely opposite. Am I overreacting? To me, it's more of a respect issue, for me and for us as a couple. As much as I know men and women admire the opposite sex and that's ok, I think I view this as a lustful disrespect when you are in a committed relationship. Any comment is appreciated. Thanks.

YZGI · Post by **YZGI** » Mon Feb 04, 2008 11:02 am

Men and women are different. Dudes like to look at ta ta's. Be grateful we are different. I vote oversensitive to something that is no big deal. Of course I am a dude. If us guys didn't like to look at naked women we probably wouldn't get married. :wah:

Sheryl · Post by **Sheryl** » Mon Feb 04, 2008 11:04 am

I agree with YZGI.

Chezzie · Post by **Chezzie** » Mon Feb 04, 2008 11:06 am

I personally would not get upset by this. Most men enjoy seeing the naked body of a woman and I think it speaks volumes that your significant other made the very innocent statement to you as in he wasnt trying to hide it from you or be sneaky about it.

I say go with the flow and maybe even view the pics together:-6

sunny104 · Post by **sunny104** » Mon Feb 04, 2008 11:08 am

I agree with YZGI, too!

YZGI · Post by **YZGI** » Mon Feb 04, 2008 11:12 am

Sheryl;770835 wrote: I agree with YZGI.

sunny104;770841 wrote: I agree with YZGI, too!

Holy crap your kidding, Two agreements.

Any chance I can get some pics from you wonderful, beautiful, smart woman?

Mia · Post by **Mia** » Mon Feb 04, 2008 11:13 am

I think it was harmless, Now if a woman had sent him pics of her naked self then that would be a different story.

sunny104 · Post by **sunny104** » Mon Feb 04, 2008 11:14 am

YZGI;770844 wrote: Holy crap your kidding, Two agreements.

Any chance I can get some pics from you wonderful, beautiful, smart woman?

you just want to see our ta-ta's!

grh · Post by **grh** » Mon Feb 04, 2008 11:14 am

I think what you've done here is to begin the process of 'shutdown' in communicaton between you two. You have started to condition him to NOT share things that he views as insignificant, because you may not view them the same way. He'll have two options next time... risk the silent treatment or say nothing. I have a hunch which way he'll opt to go, and I don't blame him.

Sheryl · Post by **Sheryl** » Mon Feb 04, 2008 11:15 am

Mia;770846 wrote: I think it was harmless, Now if a woman had sent him pics of her naked self then that would be a different story.

Agreed! There's a big difference in a guy looking at a random girls boob pics and pics sent just for him by a woman.

YZGI · Post by **YZGI** » Mon Feb 04, 2008 11:16 am

grh;770848 wrote: I think what you've done here is to begin the process of 'shutdown' in communicaton between you two. You have started to condition him to NOT share things that he views as insignificant, because you may not view them the same way. He'll have two options next time... risk the silent treatment or say nothing. I have a hunch which way he'll opt to go, and I don't blame him.
I agree with you Flopper, Got any pics?

YZGI · Post by **YZGI** » Mon Feb 04, 2008 11:19 am

Sheryl;770850 wrote: Agreed! There's a big difference in a guy looking at a random girls boob pics and pics sent just for him by a woman.
I have no problem calling you Random..

Pheasy · Post by **Pheasy** » Mon Feb 04, 2008 11:21 am

I would not have a problem with this. If, however, I found the pics and he had not told me I would be upset.

el guapo · Post by **el guapo** » Mon Feb 04, 2008 11:22 am

ta tas ya mean boobies

Attached files

Patsy Warnick · Post by **Patsy Warnick** » Mon Feb 04, 2008 11:46 am

I agree with YZGI

Be happy he mentioned the pics to you and it wasn't a secret or anything personally kept on file.

You do trust him right - you should've turned around, lift your shirt and shake your ta tas...

Patsy

YZGI · Post by **YZGI** » Mon Feb 04, 2008 11:49 am

Patsy Warnick;770882 wrote: I agree with YZGI

Be happy he mentioned the pics to you and it wasn't a secret or anything personally kept on file.

You do trust him right - you should've turned around, lift your shirt and shake your ta tas...

Patsy
:wah:Hah, that would have been the perfect answer.

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Mon Feb 04, 2008 11:52 am

Relax.... " Jump to it" " when you want to go to it" " Relax, jumpt to it.......

kayleneaussie · Post by **kayleneaussie** » Mon Feb 04, 2008 12:22 pm

They are only pics and he did tell you about it. By the sounds of it, its not your thing and thats understandable, you have your morals and cant understand why he would look at these things but its very harmless . Try and accept that and be happy that he did tell you.

Post by **jones jones** » Mon Feb 04, 2008 12:44 pm

as long as yours were the last ta tas he saw before he went to sleep beside you

then i think its okay ...

grh · Post by **grh** » Mon Feb 04, 2008 12:53 pm

AngelEyes82;770965 wrote: I would feel the same way you do. I would also call or write to her and let her know that it's disrespectful to you as a couple. She has no rights sending him pics like that. You're not overreacting so don't be down on yourself. If he can't see that it's a problem then he's an idiot. Did you ask him how he would feel if he knew a male friend of yours sent pics of his dick? :rolleyes:

Well, one of us read this wrong, because I just read it as a buddy sending some pictures, not some other woman sending boobie shots.

Then again maybe his good friend is a female and there is more to this story...

Chezzie · Post by **Chezzie** » Mon Feb 04, 2008 12:53 pm

Oh I thought it was a male friend of her partners sending him some pics taken at the mardi gras that may contain 'ta tas'...beads being thrown ect...Its the friend just sharing the experience of the carnival to a mate???

Or maybe I missed something?

kayleneaussie · Post by **kayleneaussie** » Mon Feb 04, 2008 1:07 pm

Yea I thought it was a male friend too

abbey · Post by **abbey** » Mon Feb 04, 2008 1:57 pm

Am I making a big deal of this?

Yes.

Hugh Janus · Post by **Hugh Janus** » Mon Feb 04, 2008 2:36 pm

If you think that your relationship is being threatened by a 2D picture, then you have got a problem.

littlemissgiggle · Post by **littlemissgiggle** » Mon Feb 04, 2008 3:48 pm

I don't think its anything to be worried about hun,

as others have said, maybe view them together.

mikeinie · Post by **mikeinie** » Mon Feb 04, 2008 4:01 pm

I also agree with YZGI.

Hey just show him your ta tas:)

littlemissgiggle · Post by **littlemissgiggle** » Mon Feb 04, 2008 4:18 pm

exactly, i say just chill and enjoy each other,

just cos he has had and email doesn't mean he wants to do something.

its like a guy asked me the other night if i minded him looking at this certain site and i was like no problem, but is there guys too :p

i also think it adds kinkiness

along-for-the-ride · Post by **along-for-the-ride** » Mon Feb 04, 2008 4:22 pm

YZGI;770844 wrote: Holy crap your kidding, Two agreements.

Any chance I can get some pics from you wonderful, beautiful, smart woman?

Go to your room!

PS. I agree with ya,too.

drumbunny1 · Post by **drumbunny1** » Mon Feb 04, 2008 4:29 pm

Hey....I don't think your overreacting! If it hurts you...it hurts you....theres nothing you can do about the way you feel. Ofcourse guys like boobs, but I do get sick of the "I'm just a guy" excuse....if you look at them without me noticing, then thats okay, but if I caught my boyfriend checking other chicks out...you bet I'd be pissed....its exactly like you said, a respect issue. If something hurts you then he should have the respect to not do it! Dudes....can't live with em' and can't kill em' either!

Post by **Bryn Mawr** » Tue Feb 05, 2008 3:27 pm

drumbunny1;771173 wrote: Hey....I don't think your overreacting! If it hurts you...it hurts you....theres nothing you can do about the way you feel. Ofcourse guys like boobs, but I do get sick of the "I'm just a guy" excuse....if you look at them without me noticing, then thats okay, but if I caught my boyfriend checking other chicks out...you bet I'd be pissed....its exactly like you said, a respect issue. If something hurts you then he should have the respect to not do it! Dudes....can't live with em' and can't kill em' either!

So if he does it behind your back then it's OK but if he's up front about it them he's in trouble?

Me no understand.

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Tue Feb 05, 2008 3:41 pm

I wont offer my opinion.

You asked a question and many replied and you not so much as said thank you before logging off.

Guess what ?

He probably masturbated to the pictures.

grh · Post by **grh** » Tue Feb 05, 2008 5:24 pm

Nomad;771736 wrote: I wont offer my opinion.

You asked a question and many replied and you not so much as said thank you before logging off.

Guess what ?

He probably masturbated to the pictures.

Would have reported this one, but it's most likely true...:wah:

Furry Samaritan · Post by **Furry Samaritan** » Fri Mar 14, 2008 9:00 pm

heartsss3;770826 wrote: My significant other made a very innocent statement last night about a good friend of his sending pictures (via internet) to him of the mardi gras festivities. Of course, the mention was made of 'ta tas'...beads being thrown, etc., and that was the main subject of the pictures he would be receiving. I was actually quite shocked that he regarded this as nothing, just 'it's mardi gras!!!' Immediately, I became upset over this. My manner of being upset is usually quiet silence and alone time while I try to pull myself together and decide if I'm overreacting. This was very hurtful to me. It literally hurt my heart and caused a sadness within me to feel that he would think this was ok. He noticed my mood change and we did have a discussion. He thinks it's no big deal- nothing to be upset over. I told him that if a friend of mine sent me naked pictures of men, I would not look at them and also tell the friend not to send anymore. As much as this hurts me and I feel validated with how I'm feeling, he feels completely opposite. Am I overreacting? To me, it's more of a respect issue, for me and for us as a couple. As much as I know men and women admire the opposite sex and that's ok, I think I view this as a lustful disrespect when you are in a committed relationship. Any comment is appreciated. Thanks.

If you're wondering, "Why does he want to look at another woman's body when he's got me?", then no- I really don't think you're overreacting. It was a good sign that he didn't try to hide it from you - shows openness & trust, but at the same time it showed little sensitivity to your feelings. I'm glad you were honest with him about how you felt - that (in my opinion) helped keep the channels of communication open; this can be vital in keeping your relatioship going. It sounds to me that he genuinely had no idea this would be hurtful or offensive; now that he realizes he's hurt you, I hope he'll reconsider his actions. Maybe photos are not a big deal in themselves, but the hurt his significant other experienced absolutely SHOULD be a "big deal".

I hope things smooth over. You've told him how you feel, you've acknowledged to yourself why you feel upset. Now let's see where things go from here.

moonpie · Post by **moonpie** » Fri Mar 14, 2008 10:39 pm

You know- ALL MEN look at boobs - big deal. Be secure enough in your relationship. Bottom line, you better grow up. Did not mean this to be snarky, but it is a god given thing for men, and thats it. By the way - you never said how old your were.

Be happy, that they just look. Chill out and give it a break!

Furry Samaritan · Post by **Furry Samaritan** » Sat Mar 15, 2008 10:18 am

moonpie;804158 wrote: You know- ALL MEN look at boobs - big deal. Be secure enough in your relationship. Bottom line, you better grow up. Did not mean this to be snarky, but it is a god given thing for men, and thats it. By the way - you never said how old your were.

Be happy, that they just look. Chill out and give it a break!

moonpie - not entirely sure why this reply is to me - I've given advice to the person who posted this issue originally. Thank you, at least, for recognizing your tone as snarking. The person experiencing this has every right to her feelings and reactions - for anyone else to come marching in and cavalierly tell her "grow up" "deal with it" "that's just the way things are" - way out of line.

I won't speak for the original poster, but *I* certainly can get along just fine without that tone & attitude! Quoth the Vancome: "Tchaaaahhhh, you know what? Bye Bye!"

Trunk Monkey · Post by **Trunk Monkey** » Sat Mar 15, 2008 12:58 pm

I would post this in your incoming mailbox and tell him you like Ta Ta's also but these are just 2 friends of yours What is fair is fair :wah:

dubs · Post by **dubs** » Sat Mar 15, 2008 4:22 pm

Doh! ....I've wandered into the Mountains out of Molehills section by mistake..

Accountable · Post by **Accountable** » Sat Mar 15, 2008 6:59 pm

Furry Samaritan;804487 wrote: I won't speak for the original poster, but *I* certainly can get along just fine without that tone & attitude! Quoth the Vancome: "Tchaaaahhhh, you know what? Bye Bye!"
Moonpie, I think you've been dismissed.

*slides over to make room on the naughty bench*

Accountable · Post by **Accountable** » Sat Mar 15, 2008 7:02 pm

Trunk Monkey;804592 wrote: I would post this in your incoming mailbox and tell him you like Ta Ta's also but these are just 2 friends of yours What is fair is fair :wah:That guy on the right has a "made in China" label.

moonpie · Post by **moonpie** » Sun Mar 16, 2008 10:43 am

JAB;804843 wrote: And I recognize your tone as a school marm's whose hair bun is wrapped a bit too tight. Jeez o pete! :rolleyes:

As Moonpie didn't quote your comment, what makes you so sure the reply was to you specifically? Rather presumptuous of you I should think. Their post merely followed yours. It's what happens when people post. One post just happens to follow another.

Thank you Jab for pointing this out to Furry S. My comment(s) was not directed to Furry directly. A little uptight I'd say.

Accountable · Post by **Accountable** » Sun Mar 16, 2008 3:19 pm

:yh_prayMust not be snarky... Must not be snarky ...........:-2...........:yh_doh

Imladris · Post by **Imladris** » Mon Mar 17, 2008 4:21 am

Accountable;804834 wrote: Moonpie, I think you've been dismissed. *slides over to make room on the naughty bench*

Accountable;805692 wrote: :yh_prayMust not be snarky... Must not be snarky ...........:-2...........:yh_doh

:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl

Bad Acc!!!!