Men

starlight · Post by **starlight** » Thu Jun 23, 2005 12:35 pm

I kept wondering why most men don't like to conversate nor do they like to open up to a woman? It seems to me that I end up meeting some very mysterious guys in my life that don't like to party nor do they like to "open up" to women particularly. I know that some women can be a pain in the butt but there are some that are not and us women who are not are getting the bad names. I use to think that men just want to be men and don't want nothing to do with women as in conversation, cuddling, holding hands, or even just relax with a woman. I know there are some that do all these things but for some reason; I can't find any. I met a guy who don't drink nor do he smoke or watch football but when it gets to open up to me; he just turns away from it and kind of be on his own. It is almost like that "opening up" to a woman was a no no for him. He also told me that he never fell in love but how can he when he never opened up enough for a person to show him how it feels to be loved.

When the saying "Men are from Mars and women are from Venus" ; it must be true because it seems that we talk a whole totally different language from one another. Why do relationship have to be so hard to be in and why do most women have to be the one to sacrifice in the relationship rather than the man?

minks · Post by **minks** » Thu Jun 23, 2005 1:03 pm

because our nurturing nature tells us so.

minks · Post by **minks** » Thu Jun 23, 2005 1:08 pm

he's a credit to his gender that man. Fits in nicely with "girl talk" hehehehe

No

you are so right there Far, men are raised to be tough hold it in show no weakness. Then when they meet a potential partner, she asks him to be the opposite and they have to flip a coin, loose the girl or give in.

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Thu Jun 23, 2005 2:09 pm

my man tells me everything and has no problem opening up to me...we are the best of friends thankfully. i love him for that. i almost died of a heart attack six months ago, we are both very aware of our situation and hold nothing back. even when i am unreasonable he understands me. when i'm irrational he just tells me it's ok and lets go from here, he is infinately good, loving, patient and kind. i am fortunate and loved by a real man.

Tombstone · Post by **Tombstone** » Fri Jun 24, 2005 12:14 am

Ditto!

(How's that for opening up!) :p

Far Rider wrote: Reluctantly posting.....

Men generally don't open up to anyone. We are taught from a young age to handle problems and be strong. We don't need help running our lives.

That being said, as a man I had to learn to open up to my wife and determine what information she wants to hear about my boring run of the mill day. I met my wife at age 14, we married when we were 21, been married 18 years. So she knew a lot about me and I her, both our lives were open from the beginning, but I still had some learning to do.

For instance, after a meeting last week with my sons youth group she asked me how it went.... now to most men saying it went fine is enough. What my wife wanted to know by asking that was, who was there, did anyone show up late, did they seem interested in what was said, who did you talk to afterwords, and did you obligate yourself again?

Relationships take time to build and are developed in levels. It's taken me 18 years to learn to 'read' what my wife means by what she asks vs. what she asked.

:-3

Nuthrday · Post by **Nuthrday** » Fri Jun 24, 2005 7:15 am

I am jealous of you women whose husbands actually carry on 'long-winded' conversations! Mine does not, will not, cannot. Grrrr. I quit bothering many years ago, but still can't help asking the dumb questions every time, like details of conversations he 's had with his mother or someone like that who he knows pretty well! He just isn't interested in detail of any kind. Now I love a gossipy man! Have had some great conversations with our guy friends! Far Rider, gold star for you, learning that hard stuff!!

Nuthrday · Post by **Nuthrday** » Fri Jun 24, 2005 8:13 am

YES, Far Rider, if you want to wear that badge, here, stick it on baby! I just love the give and take of conversation, and I usually only find that women are the best at that.

Nuthrday · Post by **Nuthrday** » Fri Jun 24, 2005 1:44 pm

Your dad? What the heck? LOL gossip, yes, sometimes, (well, always), and serious conversation, also always...

cars · Post by **cars** » Fri Jun 24, 2005 1:57 pm

starlight wrote: I kept wondering why most men don't like to conversate nor do they like to open up to a woman? It seems to me that I end up meeting some very mysterious guys in my life that don't like to party nor do they like to "open up" to women particularly. I know that some women can be a pain in the butt but there are some that are not and us women who are not are getting the bad names. I use to think that men just want to be men and don't want nothing to do with women as in conversation, cuddling, holding hands, or even just relax with a woman. I know there are some that do all these things but for some reason; I can't find any. I met a guy who don't drink nor do he smoke or watch football but when it gets to open up to me; he just turns away from it and kind of be on his own. It is almost like that "opening up" to a woman was a no no for him. He also told me that he never fell in love but how can he when he never opened up enough for a person to show him how it feels to be loved.

When the saying "Men are from Mars and women are from Venus" ; it must be true because it seems that we talk a whole totally different language from one another. Why do relationship have to be so hard to be in and why do most women have to be the one to sacrifice in the relationship rather than the man?

If a woman has to sacrifice more than the man, then the relationship is not an equal "Partnership"! Successful relationships need a 50/50 partnership between a man & woman. Sometimes it's varies 60/40, even 70/30 depending on the issues & whos areas of expertease is involved. If your man does not really know love, (Maybe he was hurt by someone) show him by your actions over & over again how it feels to be loved. If he has a pulse, he should begin to respond, even converse if ever so slightly. If after you displayed your actions of love over time & he still does not respond- then you may want to consider to move on to someone else who will appreciate you. (Just my opinion)

As far as not meeting a man that really wants to converse with you, maybe you are looking in the wrong places. Try new arenas. Place of worship, different party spots, possibly even the library. Good luck!

starlight · Post by **starlight** » Mon Jun 27, 2005 11:56 am

Cars, that sounds just like a man. First of all, all the places that you mentioned of maybe finding a man; been there and done that which doesn't work. See, my thing is that most men (not all) thinks they know how a woman feels or at least the idea of it. Most men doesn't want a relationship, they just want to go out and do what they want with no ties to no one. That is why most (not all) men cheat after being with their wife for so long no matter what the situation is. Yes when a guy doesn't know how it feels to be love could be the reason they he been hurt but at the same time it could also mean that he never opened his heart and really doesn' want to because he don't want to be tied to nobody. Whatever the reason is; the big problem is that most guys doen't conversate with the woman and we can't read your minds and know what the reason is when you don't want to open your mouth.

Most men likes sports and that is all they want to talk about if it is not about other women with their "boys" or friends. Yes, a relationship should be 50/50 and it should always be that way no matter what the situation is because when you break that 50/50; most of the time, you will break the relationship. The reason I say that is because either the man or the woman will feel out of place in the relationship if it shift one side or the other if you know what I mean. So it can't be 60/40 or 70/30 no matter what the situation is or how much expertise the other person has or not have.

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Mon Jun 27, 2005 12:20 pm

Ooh, starlight, I gotta go with cars on this one. A relationship definitely CAN vary from 50/50 to 60/40 and sometimes 90/10. In every aspect. My fiance has taught me that, and it is very true. He picks up my slack when he needs to, and I pick up his. There is no "set" rules for who does what. He cleans and makes dinner when I have had a particularly hard day at work, and I do the same for him when he needs it, and so forth. It goes both ways, though. Sometimes I carry the bigger load, sometimes he does. It just depends on what each situation calls for.

I'm wondering where your bitterness came from...you sound like someone stuck in a not-so-fulfilling relationship, or maybe someone who has been hurt before and think that all "the good ones" are gone. They aren't!

I am fortunate, my fiance and I share a lot of interests, the biggest one being riding. If you are with someone you have nothing in common with, you're just not going to have much to talk about.

Are you married? Dating? Young? I'd be interested in hearing more about your situation, and why you think all men want to talk about is sports.

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Sun Jul 03, 2005 9:11 am

I like women, I enjoy womens company & I find women intrinsically more interesting than men.

If I need a friend I rely on women.

If I have a problem, I talk to a woman.

If I have a joke, I share it with a woman.

If I want to spend a lazy afternoon with someone it will be a woman.

I find women to be comforting, aggravating, loving, infuriating, caring, frustrating, funny and all consuming.

What more could you ask for ?

capt_buzzard · Post by **capt_buzzard** » Sun Jul 03, 2005 10:29 am

God Bless the WOMEN. What we Men do without you.:-6

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Sun Jul 03, 2005 10:41 am

LOL !

valerie · Post by **valerie** » Sun Jul 03, 2005 4:43 pm

Hey. I talk about sports WAY more than my MAN does!! I know it's

tempting but I don't think you can/should compartmentalize either

gender.

A relationship is a complex thing. Whatever, however it works, if it

works, it works... don't analyze it too much!!

:yh_wink

Wolverine · Post by **Wolverine** » Mon Jul 04, 2005 12:27 am

I have always been unable to decipher "how much is too much" regarding relationship conversation. I have and will be an "All or Nothing" type of guy. She is going to know everything about me, or nothing at all.

You don't get to pick and choose what you want to know. or what you want to hear.

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Mon Jul 04, 2005 5:36 am

Thats a pretty good take on it. Its a slippery slope sometimes and like you Im not much of a mind reader, I need to know who it is Im dealing with.

When people (men or women) but especially Scottish women let ego, pride, fear and temperance cloud their ability to be their highest selves then it just becomes a cat and mouse game. If you offer yourself up give yourself completely, its the only thing worth a damn.

capt_buzzard · Post by **capt_buzzard** » Mon Jul 04, 2005 8:43 am

Far Rider wrote: My wife knows everything about me, we have known each other since we were 14 years old. I won her as a close friend at 17 and we were married at 21. She knows all my family secrets and who I was as a teenager and she still loves me. I have made some terrible hurtful mistakes with her, but she forgave me and we grew, to me the key was never to hide my feelings. With them out in the open it can be dealt with, as we matured together we both found our places in each others hearts and now we are one person, you could not tear us apart without killing us. Siamese twins we are.Same here Far Rider, There are No secrets between us. And we talk to each other. Oh Can we Irish talk. Put on another pot of coffee;)

capt_buzzard · Post by **capt_buzzard** » Mon Jul 04, 2005 8:53 am

Far Rider wrote: hahaha Irish talk over a pot, the whole pot? is that the point Cap'm?

Many a nights I'd come home sit down and remove my boots only to find a note that said... 'wake me up we need to talk'... Now I'd be coming home at 0300, from a full day, usually starting at 0500. I know I got only an hour to sleep, but I'd still wake her up and we'd talk, I'd do the best I could. When Id feel her cheek on my chest, I knew she just wanted to be recognized when I came home. Just the smallest details make life worth living.

Sometimes we got more time to talk, sometimes not. But we always tried and made allowances to talk and that keeps things open.there is always something to blab about at our house. If its not the Yanks on tour, its the Brits, and then ourselves:wah: