Straight Forward.... Not Rude

[weeder]

My personality is very straight forward, I say what I mean, mean what I say,am able to express myself, and try to be clear about my intentions. This straight forward, no hidden agenda, profile of mine, has caused me a great deal of trouble in the south. These characteristics are viewed, often, as rude here. Speaking ones mind is considered to be agressive behavior. Despite having now lived in the southern part of the US for the past 11 years, I am a New York personality through and through. I came up in a place where it was required to become strong, in order not only to survive, but to flourish. I will admit to having had to soften my presentation a bit in order to not frighten people away. But when I happen to meet some of my own people here, its like a party. When we recognize each other, our eyes light up, and we automatically communicate in the style that is second nature to us. Laughter flows easily, and it is a relief to be able to be ourselves. I have always felt that part of the great adventure of living, is having the opportunity to meet different people. We can always learn something from others who are from different places. It has been my experience that there are those who have no interest in experiencing anything outside of their own realm of reality. Despite the difficulties, or often having felt an adverse reaction to my style of communicating, I will never regret having come down here. Not being blended in with people just like me, gave me the opportunity to see myself as others see me, and to perhaps acknowledge areas where I could change a bit. I will always be me, but the excercise of attempting to get along with those different than myself, only made me a better person. It has also broadened the sphere of places I can go, and manage to survive. I guess its like being willing to try different foods. There is a world of adventure just waiting to be tasted if we are willing to take a bite. Refusing to open ones mouth, results in a very limited diet.

[Nomad]

Thats a dilemma.

Be yourself and run the risk of being outcast or tweak and adjust, conform to fit in.

Id keep the tweaking to a minimum.

Let them adjust to you.

Do you belong where you are ?

Should you be there ?

[hoppy]

Where I am, I'm known for my outspokeness. I say what I mean and mean what I say. Got the broken nose to prove it. Looking back though, I'd change that about myself if I was young again. I'm old enough now it don't matter much.

[Accountable]

I guess you wrie differently than you speak, Weeder. I'm from the south, and know the value of tact. I do get frustrated when wheedling & kissing ass is called tact.



F'rinstance, I got and assignment with a group that does a lot of public speaking. The boss had an annoying habit of tapping his feet, which vibrated the podium and came through the mic as boom boom boom. My coworkers laughed about it behind his back, but warned me against telling him because he might get mad.

He invited me to critique his speech one day. I sat and tried to listen, but the boom boom boom was too distracting. I could have ignored it and life would go on as always. I could have told him straight out that his tapping was distracting and possibly embarassed him. I chose to first compliment him on being a high energy guy, that he must feel tied down having to stand behind the lecturn. He smiled and agreed. I then grinned really big and said that his extra energy was coming out through his feet. We had a great laugh and he never tapped his feet at the lecturn again, much to the disappointment of my coworkers.

[weeder]

Good way to handle the situation. Yes, you have to use diplorum to send messages here. One of the phrases I had to eliminate from my vocabulary ( a popular yankee cliche was " Get out of here" which translates into " Youve got to be kidding me!" Speaking about people behind their backs does seem to be very common here. I was warned about this shortly after I arrived. Honestly, I didnt believe it, but eventually found it to be true. I dont like it, I dont do it, but I now know it is a very common practice.

[koan]

It seems pretty bizarre to think that speaking behind people's backs is more polite than saying something to their face. One woman I work with actually mutters nasty comments the moment other people walk away. I realise she is getting her anger off her chest to avoid holding it in her body but it is quite toxic and makes me wonder what she says when I walk away. Perhaps she doesn't realise that backstabbing is perceived as a trait of the speaker and not of the back owner.



I find that life is better when I focus on why I feel the way I do instead of whether or not someone else did something to make me feel that way. It is so much more productive to take responsibility for my own reactions. Aside from anger or annoyance issues, I used to tell people what I perceived about them more often. Now I realise that what they perceive about themselves is more relevant. If they ask for advice they had better be prepared for honesty. If they don't ask I try not to offer unsolicited opinion.

Regarding people who are close to me. If I am having trouble I present it that way. This is how I'm feeling. My feelings are troubling me. The thoughts that I'm battling with are such...

I try not to assume that my perception of a problem is completely accurate. It is only my interpretation.

[Victoria]

We are very open in our family we say what we think and whats on our minds.

If someone upsets us or we don't agree with something we say so. It can lead to animated discussions but thats ok.

My daughter in law comes from a family where things are not mentioned but rather swept under the rug, she said she lived and experienced more life in 6 months with our family than in her whole life at home.

Last week I was in London and as usual spoke my mind, I was twice warned that I should be careful a/ because its not politically correct and b/ because if I offended someone they could get violent.

I find that makes a mockery of the right to free speech!

[Tan]

Give 'er! The earth has been here 4 and 1/2 billion years. The best advice I've ever recieved comes from my sister: "No one cares!" I use this when I have a problem or when I feel inferior. Actually, any time I question myself. I remembe that I am who I am. I know people appreciate who you are! And I've enjoyed your 'food analogy too'.

Different types of people make the world go round!

[CARLA]

I am direct as well Weeder and on ocassion get myself in trouble. I have a very deep voice that people assume is me being tough, and demanding. Now I think before I speak and I still get into trouble. :wah: I don't dance around issues most of the time, and politically correct just gets in my way and out it comes. :p

[weeder]

The man I moved to Virginia with years ago was apalled at the open dialogue that went on between my sons and myself. His boys were raised in an enviorment where no one spoke about anything. To me, if the boys couldnt feel free to speak their minds to me.... what basis did we have for anything else? I have never been interested in spending my time with people who I cant speak frankly to.

[Hope6]

As someone who was born in Virginia and have lived here all my life , i know of this lack of speaking one's mind you're talking about very well. It a way of trying to be polite. i was taught that if you can't say anything good, don't say anything at all.

i have always been interested in experiencing things outside of my own reality.

that's one of the things i love about FG, i can talk to people from completley different places, with completely different points of view. who if not for this forum i would never known existed.

[weeder]

Thank you hope for inforcing the reality of my perception. By the way, Id like to let you know...... I love Virginia, and I am totally captivated by many of her charming customs and ways. I stay here despite some background differences because I think it is one of the most beautiful states on Gods earth. And I have met some wonderful people here, who have had a tremendous impact on my life. Where are you in Virginia?