Wait just a minute

BarEdul · Post by **BarEdul** » Mon May 19, 2008 4:39 am

Okay, So I have the week from hell last week,

I had migraines all week, something I am use to, I had a bounced check, My trucks timing chain broke.

I could live with all that. although the stress made the headaches worse. but low and behold my phone rings and it's my mom. Your ex husband called, he wants to talk to you... After 14 years and NO kids I didn't see why he wanted to talk to me. He's an ass. a drugged up ass was my opinion. I figured no good could come of it and I am still waiting for the whole thing to go bad. But let me explain.

My mom talked to him and he wanted to know how I was and if I had any children. She told him yes one. Then told him to leave me alone. But she took his number anyway. Then promptly called me to give me the heads up that he was looking for me and to look out for trouble.

I had left my ex for another man and it was the same man I am with 14 years later. It is the same man I had a child with.

There were drug issues back then with my ex. My ex was taking my medications out of the med cabinet and then letting me think I was simply losing the bottles. He even made fun of me for being stupid and losing them in the car and not being able to find them... Hey I was young dumb and very trusting of him. At one point my ex was taking 14 1/2 times his body weight in prescribed dosage in muscle relaxers of soma and flexeril. It was rediculous and I didn't figure it out until after I left him.

Anyhow back to the phone call. A girlfriend of mine knowing the history told me maybe he has sobered up and wants to apologize.

So finally I broke down and called him.. Guess what... That's exactly the reason he had called. Without saying he was on step 9 of he 12 step program he apologized for all the **** he put me through back then. He said that's why he called, he wanted to apologize and that he was sorry for it all. He asked if I did have a daughter her name and he said congratulations. I told him I was still with my fella he said congrats. I congratulated him on his 5 years of sobriety, even though we have been apart for 14 years, I pity him for having lost 11 years in drugs in alcohol. It's a shame when someone loses that much time in pills and alcohol..

My question to you is this... do you think he will call again or do you think this short and sweet call is the end, will he darken my door step no more? :-5

Imladris · Post by **Imladris** » Mon May 19, 2008 5:01 am

I think either he's said what he wanted to say, feels better for it and won't call again or he'll still feel bad and want to call again, if he does then you have to explain that he's no longer part of your life, your glad he's sorting himself out but you'd prefer that he doesn't call you again and wish him well.

Clodhopper · Post by **Clodhopper** » Mon May 19, 2008 5:16 am

Think Immy is talking much sense. It occurs to me (only a guess) that the apology to you may be part of his recovery program...

Patsy Warnick · Post by **Patsy Warnick** » Mon May 19, 2008 6:32 am

apology is part of the program - make a wrong a right

sorry for all damage

I'm sure he was sincere and he'll move on and contact the next person.

Brave of him to have to speak to your mom - really is.

will he contact you again - probably not

will he invade your space - only if you allow him to, probably not..

he has a list of people to contact - it's healing - and he'll hopefully stay clean and have a wonderful life.

Patsy

BarEdul · Post by **BarEdul** » Mon May 19, 2008 3:22 pm

When he left for his fathers years ago.. The last thing I told him was to get off the pills. He told me he would "try" I cried for him then. I had thought of him then as the love of my life. I was lucky I found another man who is the love of my life now a mature love with happiness dedication and children.

A mature love that allowed me to call my ex and does not hold it against me for calling my ex.. My ex's name is James. James had done drugs as a teenager and I had warned him I would not tolerate them as a adult, he was a marine and I guess as a civilian again he figured he could handle them and that doing drugs from a cabinet wasn't a problem. It was a problem for me when he was taking so many of them unprescribed and way out of doseage to the point it destroyed our relationship.

I hope he doesn't call again. I would like this adult calm conversation to be the quiet closure that it left me with the feeling of.

Patsy Warnick · Post by **Patsy Warnick** » Mon May 19, 2008 3:45 pm

forgive him

you sound happy now and that's what counts

in some ways - he did you a favor - will he call again - I doubt it - hadn't before..

I hope this is a closure for you and him - and I wish him all the best..

Patsy

Post by **jones jones** » Mon May 19, 2008 10:28 pm

i'd give him the benefit of the doubt for now honey ...

but did you call him on a landline or a cellphone?

if you called him on a cellphone HE will have your telephone number now ...

Jj

BarEdul · Post by **BarEdul** » Tue May 20, 2008 9:10 am

I called him on my girlfriends cell phone he does not have my number we gave that consideration before calling him. I wanted NO midnight drunken phone calls should HE NOT be on the wagon and she was willing to deal with him including pressing charges if he didn't know how to behave himself.

You see when I first left him we had to do so.. It's not like he he never did that before.. when he first left he behaved himself. One drunken night he called me fourteen times proclaiming his love. He only did this when drunk and I had to have stalking charges pressed on him to get him to stop. It worked for about 6 years then he called my mom who promptly told him to leave me alone . He did so until the recent phone call.. what is weird is he totted around my mothers phone number for 14 years. Some people are just plain strange. :-5

Post by **jones jones** » Tue May 20, 2008 9:16 am

BarEdul;870314 wrote: I called him on my girlfriends cell phone he does not have my number we gave that consideration before calling him. I wanted NO midnight drunken phone calls should HE NOT be on the wagon and she was willing to deal with him including pressing charges if he didn't know how to behave himself.

You see when I first left him we had to do so.. It's not like he he never did that before.. when he first left he behaved himself. One drunken night he called me fourteen times proclaiming his love. He only did this when drunk and I had to have stalking charges pressed on him to get him to stop. It worked for about 6 years then he called my mom who promptly told him to leave me alone . He did so until the recent phone call.. what is weird is he totted around my mothers phone number for 14 years. Some people are just plain strange. :-5

of course people DO change ... but many people also PRETEND to change in order to garner sympathy for themselves and later to revert to their old ways when they have manged to make others feel the guilt they carry ...

best advice i can give you is ... don't ever get kicked twice by the same donkey!

JJ:-4