Currently, I am crying every day since my daughter and grandchildren have decided to move to Florida. I live in New York. I realize that they have a right to move and hopefully better themselves but I just can't seem to stop crying. I will miss the children. My daughter and I have always been more like friends than mother and daughter. She has been sick her entire life and I have been her primary caregiver until she married.
My parents are both ailing at this time and I have been caring for them as I am retired and the only person who can drive them to their doctor appointments, etc.
The daughter who is moving is 30 and is able to care for herself now. My other daughter has had to move home (she is 23) with her 2 cats. This child can only barely support herself.
I just wonder if anyone can tell me how I can approach this move without crying.
I think I am depressed because of my parents and the loss of my daughter and grandchildren to this move. I am already on Zoloft and have been since my parents started failing. Any other ideas?
Separation anxiety
Separation anxiety
Welcome PT gosh maybe hang out here and chat with us, many of us have had some pretty downer experiences. Talk to friends if you have any near by. Go to councelling, or support groups anything that helps break up the lonliness.
�You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.�
• Mae West
• Mae West
Separation anxiety
hello and welcome. i certainly understand how you feel, letting go is the hardest thing we do. whether it's our kids or losing our parents. it's all in the grand scheme of things, but that does not make it any easier. i am the one who moved to florida after my parents passed away and my children are scattered to other states. i can't lie, i regret it. plus the man i love is in England so i will be going there, and my kids are incredulous. they support my happiness but it's frightening for them. change is so hard. all you can do is make realistic plans to see each other as often as possible. it will make you feel better if you have holiday plans for example. and if you are both online, touch base each day. best wishes. 
Separation anxiety
Pack up your parents and yourself and move to Florida too!!
The hot climate in Florida and the peaceful way of life is beneficial to many older folks and your parents may adore it! They'll miss their friends but how many do they see regularly? And they can still write or visit or be visited! New York is a great place but can also be violent and flats and houses can be cramped and poky (small)!
Why waste time sitting home crying and being miserable? You'll end up blaming your parents for keeping you there! And before you know it your grandchildreen will be grown and flown and you'll be known as 'grandma in New York whose always crying' instead of 'grandma who takes us swimming and bakes biscuits/cookies with us'!
We always find lots of reasons why we can't do something, so write down all those reasons - what is really holding you where you are?
I would say go for it! Your daughter knows no one in Florida and would probably be thrilled to have her mum there to talk to and to stave off the lonliness and to help babysit when shes working!
It would be a big step - but you only get these precious years with your grandchildren once! Use it or lose it! Strong words, but true!
My kids are still growing, but these years have flown by so incredibly fast!
They'll be ready to leave the nest soon and I dread it! But I know if they move away for work or marriage, I know I'll want to be there too!
Like you, my daughter has been very poorly and nearly died from her illness.
I've cared for her so much I don't feel I could ever let her go. Not that I want to stifle her, but I would need to be near her and see her often. We, too, are very close. You cant help bonding strongly when you're up caring for a sick child regularly. Your daughter probably still depends on you, even if its subconsciously.
Ask her how she would feel if you did move near to her? Say you're thinking about it. I bet she'd be thrilled.
Dont waste this time on lame excuses. You need to do whats best for you! If you always do whats best for other people you'll just waste your life away in regrets and depression! If you go with them you'll be happy and so those around you will be happier too! Go for it!
The hot climate in Florida and the peaceful way of life is beneficial to many older folks and your parents may adore it! They'll miss their friends but how many do they see regularly? And they can still write or visit or be visited! New York is a great place but can also be violent and flats and houses can be cramped and poky (small)!
Why waste time sitting home crying and being miserable? You'll end up blaming your parents for keeping you there! And before you know it your grandchildreen will be grown and flown and you'll be known as 'grandma in New York whose always crying' instead of 'grandma who takes us swimming and bakes biscuits/cookies with us'!
We always find lots of reasons why we can't do something, so write down all those reasons - what is really holding you where you are?
I would say go for it! Your daughter knows no one in Florida and would probably be thrilled to have her mum there to talk to and to stave off the lonliness and to help babysit when shes working!
It would be a big step - but you only get these precious years with your grandchildren once! Use it or lose it! Strong words, but true!
My kids are still growing, but these years have flown by so incredibly fast!
They'll be ready to leave the nest soon and I dread it! But I know if they move away for work or marriage, I know I'll want to be there too!
Like you, my daughter has been very poorly and nearly died from her illness.
I've cared for her so much I don't feel I could ever let her go. Not that I want to stifle her, but I would need to be near her and see her often. We, too, are very close. You cant help bonding strongly when you're up caring for a sick child regularly. Your daughter probably still depends on you, even if its subconsciously.
Ask her how she would feel if you did move near to her? Say you're thinking about it. I bet she'd be thrilled.
Dont waste this time on lame excuses. You need to do whats best for you! If you always do whats best for other people you'll just waste your life away in regrets and depression! If you go with them you'll be happy and so those around you will be happier too! Go for it!
Separation anxiety
Im in Georgia. My two sons and grandchildren are in Virginia, I also regret coming down here, but I have to stay for a few years. It feels like a prison sentence, I live to go home and see them. I thought they were grown enough for me to do this.I raised the boys alone so it is a very close bond. Despite the way I feel, I still think its healthier to be able to let go.so I struggle with being able to do that every day. My younger son lacks coping skills, that is what causes me the greatest concern, even at a distance, You will either have to make the adjustment,which is difficult,,,,,or go down to Florida.
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Separation anxiety
Thanks for everyone's help. I probably will stay in New York...don't like Florida...
And I truly believe it might be better for my daughter to have a little independence. She has had to depend on someone her entire llife.
Meanwhile, I have another daughter here that needs my help and my parents are really unable to move. So, I will be trying to cope. Got a doctors appointment for tomorrow for maybe some more drugs and this might help.
I bought my daughter a computer so if she ever did move, we could communicate and I guess...now's the time.
AND...... I didn't cry today.
Maybe I'll buy or rent a winter home in Florida for a month or so every year. That should do it...
I really appreciate all the notes from you. Thanks again. I'll probably be keeping you posted.....
And I truly believe it might be better for my daughter to have a little independence. She has had to depend on someone her entire llife.
Meanwhile, I have another daughter here that needs my help and my parents are really unable to move. So, I will be trying to cope. Got a doctors appointment for tomorrow for maybe some more drugs and this might help.
I bought my daughter a computer so if she ever did move, we could communicate and I guess...now's the time.
AND...... I didn't cry today.
Maybe I'll buy or rent a winter home in Florida for a month or so every year. That should do it...
I really appreciate all the notes from you. Thanks again. I'll probably be keeping you posted.....
Separation anxiety
PTCruzr wrote: Thanks for everyone's help. I probably will stay in New York...don't like Florida...
And I truly believe it might be better for my daughter to have a little independence. She has had to depend on someone her entire llife.
Meanwhile, I have another daughter here that needs my help and my parents are really unable to move. So, I will be trying to cope. Got a doctors appointment for tomorrow for maybe some more drugs and this might help.
I bought my daughter a computer so if she ever did move, we could communicate and I guess...now's the time.
AND...... I didn't cry today.
Maybe I'll buy or rent a winter home in Florida for a month or so every year. That should do it...
I really appreciate all the notes from you. Thanks again. I'll probably be keeping you posted.....
Good luck and good to hear you feeling a little more upbeat.
And I truly believe it might be better for my daughter to have a little independence. She has had to depend on someone her entire llife.
Meanwhile, I have another daughter here that needs my help and my parents are really unable to move. So, I will be trying to cope. Got a doctors appointment for tomorrow for maybe some more drugs and this might help.
I bought my daughter a computer so if she ever did move, we could communicate and I guess...now's the time.
AND...... I didn't cry today.
Maybe I'll buy or rent a winter home in Florida for a month or so every year. That should do it...
I really appreciate all the notes from you. Thanks again. I'll probably be keeping you posted.....
Good luck and good to hear you feeling a little more upbeat.
�You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.�
• Mae West
• Mae West
Separation anxiety
My wife had the same problem, but I told her not to worry about it, time heals all wounds.
Sure enough....just a few months later, she began hanging out, having luch and gererally pal-ing around with another lady from her work.
Now, there are inseperable. They do everything together and she's as happy as ever.
So here's some advice, try looking for a friend and confidant!
Sure enough....just a few months later, she began hanging out, having luch and gererally pal-ing around with another lady from her work.
Now, there are inseperable. They do everything together and she's as happy as ever.
So here's some advice, try looking for a friend and confidant!
All the world's a stage and the men and women merely players...Shakespeare
Separation anxiety
Thanks for the advice about looking for a friend.. I called one of my best friends who has grandchildren all over the map. After she finishes visiting with her grandchildren who are home this week, she's going to call me and talk about it.
I know I can get through it.. Thanks
I know I can get through it.. Thanks