Something To Offend Everyone.

Post by **jones jones** » Sat May 31, 2008 7:38 am

What is a Yankee?

The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?

The position of the dirt bag.

Why is divorce so expensive?

Because it's worth it.

What do you call a smart blonde?

A golden retriever.

What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?

20 kgs.

What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?

45 minutes.

What's the fastest way to a man's heart?

Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Why do men want to marry virgins?

They can't stand criticism.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?

Because those men already have boyfriends.

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?

After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in grade 9.

Who has the biggest boobs?

The blonde, because she's 18.

What's the difference between a porcupine and a police car?

A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?

'Are you sure it's mine?'

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

Breasts don't have eyes.

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?

A speech impediment.

What's the difference between an Australian zoo and an English zoo?

An Australian zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with a recipe.

How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F... Word?

Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

What's the difference between a northern USA fairytale and a southern USA fairytale?

A Northern fairytale begins 'Once upon a time...'

A southern fairytale begins 'Y'all ain't gonna believe this shiit...'

Why is there no Disneyland in China ?

No one's tall enough to go on the good rides

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Hope6 · Post by **Hope6** » Sat May 31, 2008 9:04 am

[QUOTE=jones jones;878668]

What is a Yankee?

The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

ummmmmm......Jj........Yankee has a totally different meaning here!:wah:

What's the difference between a northern USA fairytale and a southern USA fairytale?

A Northern fairytale begins 'Once upon a time...'

A southern fairytale begins 'Y'all ain't gonna believe this shiit...'

Hey!!!

:-5

Mustang · Post by **Mustang** » Sat May 31, 2008 10:19 am

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

Breasts don't have eyes.

I kinda like this one JJ..:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl

along-for-the-ride · Post by **along-for-the-ride** » Sat May 31, 2008 10:49 am

JJ, you're in trouble, mister.:wah:

Attached files

Hope6 · Post by **Hope6** » Sat May 31, 2008 12:28 pm

Idgie;878782 wrote: Here Hope....I brought the frypan from the kitchen for you to use. :p :wah:

:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl thanks Sis!!

Hope6 · Post by **Hope6** » Sat May 31, 2008 12:31 pm

Mustang;878818 wrote: I kinda like this one JJ..:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl

Men!!! :-5:-5:-5

cars · Post by **cars** » Sat May 31, 2008 2:27 pm

But surely eventually someone will be offended!!! :wah:

Post by **jones jones** » Sat May 31, 2008 2:29 pm

Hope6;878745 wrote: [QUOTE=jones jones;878668]

What is a Yankee?

The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

ummmmmm......Jj........Yankee has a totally different meaning here!:wah:

What's the difference between a northern USA fairytale and a southern USA fairytale?

A Northern fairytale begins 'Once upon a time...'

A southern fairytale begins 'Y'all ain't gonna believe this shiit...'

Hey!!!

:-5

oops!!!!!!!

Post by **jones jones** » Sat May 31, 2008 2:30 pm

Idgie;878782 wrote: Here Hope....I brought the frypan from the kitchen for you to use. :p :wah:

hey!!! i thought we were friends idgie???? :-2

Jj:-4

Post by **jones jones** » Sat May 31, 2008 2:32 pm

along-for-the-ride;878846 wrote: JJ, you're in trouble, mister.:wah:

yes .. i think you may be right honey!!! :wah:

Hope6 · Post by **Hope6** » Sat May 31, 2008 7:39 pm

cars;878961 wrote:

But surely eventually someone will be offended!!! :wah:

:(:-5

Hope6 · Post by **Hope6** » Sat May 31, 2008 7:41 pm

jones jones;878962 wrote: [QUOTE=Hope6;878745]

oops!!!!!!!

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!! :-5

Hope6 · Post by **Hope6** » Sat May 31, 2008 7:42 pm

jones jones;878964 wrote: hey!!! i thought we were friends idgie???? :-2

Jj:-4

yeah! but she's my sister! :wah::wah::wah:

sunny104 · Post by **sunny104** » Mon Jun 02, 2008 7:07 am

those are great!

:wah: :wah:

Post by **jones jones** » Mon Jun 02, 2008 9:06 am

Hope6;879067 wrote: [QUOTE=jones jones;878962]

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!! :-5

mwaaaaaaaaah! honey!

i won't even mention the word r -- dn ---k j --e again!

Post by **jones jones** » Mon Jun 02, 2008 9:08 am

Idgie;879706 wrote: Why sure we are Jj......but I thought Hope could use a helping hand.

she runs a tobacco farm ... drives a tractor ... dodges bullets ... she's raising a fine son ... bet she's even handy with a knife and a gun! :wah:

hey I'M the one who needs help!!! :-3

Jj:-4

Mustang · Post by **Mustang** » Mon Jun 02, 2008 9:39 am

jones jones;879861 wrote: she runs a tobacco farm ... drives a tractor ... dodges bullets ... she's raising a fine son ... bet she's even handy with a knife and a gun! :wah:

hey I'M the one who needs help!!! :-3

Jj:-4

Runnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn. JJ.

Only kidding buddy. But the fry pan? :-3

qsducks · Post by **qsducks** » Mon Jun 02, 2008 9:40 am

Mustang;879897 wrote: Runnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn. JJ.

Only kidding buddy. But the fry pan? :-3

We hate your steak dude!:wah:

Post by **jones jones** » Mon Jun 02, 2008 9:43 am

yeah .. ducky figures the fry pan makes a much better weapon than a kitchen utensil! :wah:

qsducks · Post by **qsducks** » Mon Jun 02, 2008 9:44 am

jones jones;879905 wrote: yeah .. ducky figures the fry pan makes a much better weapon than a kitchen utensil! :wah:

I meant "ate" - have to watch my spelling:wah:

Hope6 · Post by **Hope6** » Mon Jun 02, 2008 1:06 pm

jones jones;879861 wrote: she runs a tobacco farm ... drives a tractor ... dodges bullets ... she's raising a fine son ... bet she's even handy with a knife and a gun!

hey I'M the one who needs help!!! :-3

Jj:-4

:wah::wah::wah::wah: you make me sound like Annie Oakley or somebody, maybe i should get my old avatar back, what do you think?

Post by **jones jones** » Mon Jun 02, 2008 1:09 pm

Hope6;880142 wrote: :wah::wah::wah::wah: you make me sound like Annie Oakley or somebody, maybe i should get my old avatar back, what do you think?

nooooooooo ... lady in red is cool!

Hope6 · Post by **Hope6** » Mon Jun 02, 2008 1:11 pm

jones jones;880145 wrote: nooooooooo ... lady in red is cool!

yeah i like that red dress, i guess i'll keep it!:wah::wah:

Post by **jones jones** » Mon Jun 02, 2008 1:13 pm

Hope6;880142 wrote: :wah::wah::wah::wah: you make me sound like Annie Oakley or somebody, maybe i should get my old avatar back, what do you think?

Wolverton Mountain

Merle Kilgore and Claude King, 1962

They say don't go on Wolverton Mountain,

if you're looking for a wife.

'Cause Clifton Clowers has a pretty

young daughter,

he's mighty handy with a gun and a knife.

Her tender lips are sweeter than honey

And Wolverton Mountain protects her there.

The bears and birds tell Clifton Clowers

If a stranger should wander there.

All of my dreams are on Wolverton Mountain.

I want his daughter for my wife.

I'll take my chances and climb that mountain

Though Clilfton Clowers, he may take my life

Her tender lips ....

I'm going up on Wolverton Mountain,

It's too lonely downhere below.

It's just not right to hide his dayghter

From the one who loves her so.

Her tender lips ...

But I don't care about Clifton Clowers,

I'm gonna climb up on his mountain,

I'm gonna take the girl I love.

I don't care about Clifton Clowers,

I'm gonna climb up on his mountain,

I'm gonna take the girl I love.

Hope6 · Post by **Hope6** » Mon Jun 02, 2008 1:22 pm

jones jones;880148 wrote: Wolverton Mountain

Merle Kilgore and Claude King, 1962

They say don't go on Wolverton Mountain,

if you're looking for a wife.

'Cause Clifton Clowers has a pretty

young daughter,

he's mighty handy with a gun and a knife.

Her tender lips are sweeter than honey

And Wolverton Mountain protects her there.

The bears and birds tell Clifton Clowers

If a stranger should wander there.

All of my dreams are on Wolverton Mountain.

I want his daughter for my wife.

I'll take my chances and climb that mountain

Though Clilfton Clowers, he may take my life

Her tender lips ....

I'm going up on Wolverton Mountain,

It's too lonely downhere below.

It's just not right to hide his dayghter

From the one who loves her so.

Her tender lips ...

But I don't care about Clifton Clowers,

I'm gonna climb up on his mountain,

I'm gonna take the girl I love.

I don't care about Clifton Clowers,

I'm gonna climb up on his mountain,

I'm gonna take the girl I love.

:wah::wah::yh_hugs:-4

cars · Post by **cars** » Mon Jun 02, 2008 1:22 pm

Hope6;879068 wrote: yeah! but she's my sister! :wah::wah::wah:
Haaaaay, aren't we all family in here!!!

Hope6 · Post by **Hope6** » Mon Jun 02, 2008 1:24 pm

cars;880155 wrote: Haaaaay, aren't we all family in here!!!

sure we are brother!:wah::wah:

Post by **jones jones** » Mon Jun 02, 2008 1:28 pm

cars;880155 wrote: Haaaaay, aren't we all family in here!!!

all for one ... and one for all as the three musketeers would say!