What Is It Like To Be Shy?

Post by **jones jones** » Sat Jun 14, 2008 5:40 am

i am not shy but personally i find shyness in other people quite an appealing

trait ...

so what's it really like being shy?

what are the pros and cons of being shy?

any shy people out there willing to come out the closet and tell us?

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Sat Jun 14, 2008 5:51 am

Being shy-it is perceived that way by the other person. What might be reluctance to be vocal/animated/part of the group has many reasons. It is a misconception, because there could be a multitude of things going on.

Some people do not like to go to large gatherings-and hang around the perimeters, in small groups they know, or alone. It is not shyness, but akwardness at the situation.

Some people do not like to always be the first to speak, perceived as being know-it-all/snooty/lots of stuff. This only intensifies the feeling that it is better not to participate in future events such as this, if it can be avoided.

Internally-you always feel like an outsider, looking in but not fitting in.

along-for-the-ride · Post by **along-for-the-ride** » Sat Jun 14, 2008 6:40 am

I'm not shy, just a quiet person in real life. I like to observe. I like to listen and look into a person's eyes. I like to think and dream. I have been a public speaker at school and at a woman's organization I belonged to one time, and have given orientation to new hires at work. I just don't have the need to be the center of attention at all times. I do enjoy the occasional unexpected compliment.

Post by **Betty Boop** » Sat Jun 14, 2008 6:41 am

jones jones;889259 wrote: i am not shy but personally i find shyness in other people quite an appealing

trait ...

so what's it really like being shy?

what are the pros and cons of being shy?

any shy people out there willing to come out the closet and tell us?

Sorry I'm too shy...

Post by **jones jones** » Sat Jun 14, 2008 6:42 am

along-for-the-ride;889286 wrote: I'm not shy, just a quiet person in real life. I like to observe. I like to listen and look into a person's eyes. I like to think and dream. I have been a public speaker at school and at a woman's organization I belonged to one time, and have given orientation to new hires at work. I just don't have the need to be the center of attention at all times. I do enjoy the occasional unexpected compliment.

well i like you and i haven't even looked into your eyes!

Post by **jones jones** » Sat Jun 14, 2008 6:43 am

Betty Boop;889287 wrote: Sorry I'm too shy...

i bet your not!!!

Post by **Betty Boop** » Sat Jun 14, 2008 6:46 am

I'm not shy in my own circles, but if there are big bolshy personalities around me, and there are some friends like that, then I go quiet. I observe and wonder what it is about these people that irritates me so much. :wah:

I wouldn't volunteer to give talks. Hell I got into a right state having to do a presentation at college in front of 15 fellow students!

After about three vodkas I'm a little less shy :wah:

Post by **Betty Boop** » Sat Jun 14, 2008 6:47 am

jones jones;889290 wrote: i bet your not!!!

Not when I know someone, no.

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Sat Jun 14, 2008 6:54 am

Is a quiet person a shy person ?

Im a quiet person, I speak softly and usually measure my words, maybe thats why Im such a retard here, perhaps I have an inner loud person wanting to get out but I dont think so, its much more likely it is genuine retardation.

I wouldnt want to be a loud person, its extremely annoying to me.

I can speak in large groups and do but I prefer one on one. The conversations seem more productive or pertinent and matters tend to get resolved with this type of dialogue.

Peg · Post by **Peg** » Sat Jun 14, 2008 6:59 am

I used to be shy. Working with the public cured me of that. I was miserable when I was shy. I hated going any where.

Post by **jones jones** » Sat Jun 14, 2008 6:59 am

maybe your like this nomad ...

A group of best friends are sitting at a round table in a restaurant. They're discussing a hot topic. One of the friends is sitting in the corner not talking. Most people would say this friend is timid, inhibited, and/or passive.

They would label this friend, "shy."

However, couldn't this friend be someone who is tired of talking when no one is listening?

Couldn't this friend be someone who has no need to prove their knowledge of the subject matter?

Couldn't this friend be sympathetic enough not to insult the intelligence of others?

Listen

People don't listen. It's rare for one to speak before another breaks through one's sentence with a rebuttal. If, by chance, one gets a complete thought out, others hear the words but only absorb parts that suit them.

Shy people hate to talk in vain. They would rather use the time and energy for constructive things and constructive people.

Learn

People talk a lot so everyone thinks they're intelligent. For them, it's never enough to know they are intelligent. They must prove it.

Shy people are content knowing they are intelligent, and have no need to prove their intelligence. They wonder if other's mouths get tired of babbling on about things. Their ears get tired of listening to the babble.

Understand

Ever hear of the phrase, "If you don't have anything good to say, don't say anything at all?" This is the motto of all shy people.

They would rather be silent instead of using demure insults or obscene language to get their point across.

Conclusion

So, you see, shy people have been misunderstood for decades. The next time a shy person is quiet, ask them, "What are you really thinking?" They may answer truthfully. They may answer with "nothing," in keeping with their motto. After this revelation, don't you wish you were shy?

Kathy Ellen · Post by **Kathy Ellen** » Sat Jun 14, 2008 7:05 am

Peg;889299 wrote: I used to be shy. Working with the public cured me of that. I was miserable when I was shy. I hated going any where.

JJ, you are a warm and kind person.

Peg, I'd love to come to your pub and have a pint with you....just sit and chat would be nice.

Nomad, you bring joy and laughter to the garden:-6

Betty Boop, you are a sweetie:-6

I am basically a quiet person and often lack confidence in myself. I have a big heart though, and that makes up for everything:-6

Post by **Betty Boop** » Sat Jun 14, 2008 7:32 am

Kathy Ellen;889301 wrote: JJ, you are a warm and kind person.

Peg, I'd love to come to your pub and have a pint with you....just sit and chat would be nice.

Nomad, you bring joy and laughter to the garden:-6

Betty Boop, you are a sweetie:-6

I am basically a quiet person and often lack confidence in myself. I have a big heart though, and that makes up for everything:-6

Kathy, thank you, sometimes I think I'm far too much of a sweetie and get taken advantage of. But... when I look around and see some of the hard nosed b***** around I know I'd rather be me any day of the week!

Your big heart comes through, and you seem confident to me! :-4

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Sat Jun 14, 2008 7:33 am

Peg;889299 wrote: I used to be shy. Working with the public cured me of that. I was miserable when I was shy. I hated going any where.

I work with kids, and young ones accept anyone, even us old ones. So you can't be shy around them much. But I still have a difficult time going anywhere new, it was quite a big thing to go out last night. I do not know if it is agoraphobia or just being shy, but I don't like going to new places at all.

Kathy Ellen · Post by **Kathy Ellen** » Sat Jun 14, 2008 7:39 am

Betty Boop;889309 wrote: Kathy, thank you, sometimes I think I'm far too much of a sweetie and get taken advantage of. But... when I look around and see some of the hard nosed b***** around I know I'd rather be me any day of the week!

Your big heart comes through, and you seem confident to me! :-4

Thank you Betty...I think that it's always better to be a "sweetie" than a b****. I tend to stay away from nasty people and just be civil to them.

Sometimes when people are shy, they come across as being "stuck-up." That's why we need to always give people a chance and get to know them before making an opinion about their personality.

Hello Chonsi...you're always a sweetie. I'd love to join you in your classroom with my little kidlets as your "buddies" and do some science experiments with our classes. We could have fun with the "red-cabbage acid test":wah::wah:

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Sat Jun 14, 2008 7:45 am

maybe your like this nomad ...

Maybe...

Then again maybe Im just superior to everyone else.

Maybe I think I should be king and my minions should bring me lemon ade and fresh sandwiches when I snap my fingers.

Maybe Im secretly plotting to over throw the world but I realize I should probably start with a really small town in Oklahoma first just to see how it goes.

And maybe while Im thinking about my sinister plan I missd the whole conversation and I dont know what were talking about so I just nod my head and order some more appetizers.

Kathy Ellen · Post by **Kathy Ellen** » Sat Jun 14, 2008 7:48 am

Nomad;889313 wrote: maybe your like this nomad ...

Maybe...

Then again maybe Im just superior to everyone else.

Maybe I think I should be king and my minions should bring me lemon ade and fresh sandwiches when I snap my fingers.

Maybe Im secretly plotting to over throw the world but I realize I should probably start with a really small town in Oklahoma first just to see how it goes.

And maybe while Im thinking about my sinister plan I missd the whole conversation and I dont know what were talking about so I just nod my head and order some more appetizers.

You wack-a-doodle:p

Post by **jones jones** » Sat Jun 14, 2008 8:06 am

Kathy Ellen;889301 wrote: JJ, you are a warm and kind person.

Peg, I'd love to come to your pub and have a pint with you....just sit and chat would be nice.

Nomad, you bring joy and laughter to the garden:-6

Betty Boop, you are a sweetie:-6

I am basically a quiet person and often lack confidence in myself. I have a big heart though, and that makes up for everything:-6

mwaaaaaaaaah! kath!

Jj:-4

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Sat Jun 14, 2008 8:07 am

Nomad;889313 wrote: maybe your like this nomad ...

Maybe...

Then again maybe Im just superior to everyone else.

Maybe I think I should be king and my minions should bring me lemon ade and fresh sandwiches when I snap my fingers.

Maybe Im secretly plotting to over throw the world but I realize I should probably start with a really small town in Oklahoma first just to see how it goes.

And maybe while Im thinking about my sinister plan I missd the whole conversation and I dont know what were talking about so I just nod my head and order some more appetizers.

Buffalo wings, please.

Post by **jones jones** » Sat Jun 14, 2008 8:09 am

Nomad;889313 wrote: maybe your like this nomad ...

Maybe...

Then again maybe Im just superior to everyone else.

Maybe I think I should be king and my minions should bring me lemon ade and fresh sandwiches when I snap my fingers.

Maybe Im secretly plotting to over throw the world but I realize I should probably start with a really small town in Oklahoma first just to see how it goes.

And maybe while Im thinking about my sinister plan I missd the whole conversation and I dont know what were talking about so I just nod my head and order some more appetizers.

you remind me of yossarian from catch 22!

your as crazy as a s..t house rat!

Hope6 · Post by **Hope6** » Sat Jun 14, 2008 9:38 am

As a child i was so shy i couldn't function in some situations. i couldn't talk to people i didn't know, i would start stuttering and couldn't get my words out, if i had to do an oral report at school or something it would actually make me sick.

i never started a conversation with anyone i didn't know really well, and if you even looked at me wrong i would cry.

i was so quite that my parents said if you didn't see me you wouldn't know i was in the house.

as i got older i began to get a little better, but i have to credit my momma for helping me get over some of it. she always said you're as good as anybody else, you can do anything that anybody else can do.

but i still have a huge confidence problem and a terrible fear of rejection that doesn't let me come out of my comfort zone very often.

i can at least talk to people i don't know now, and being on here with you lot has helped me so much!:wah::wah:

Thank you!:-4

chrisb84uk · Post by **chrisb84uk** » Sun Jun 15, 2008 8:39 am

I wouldn't say I'm shy, I have my moments though of being very quiet and reserved, but I find a lot of the time, I just like having some 'me' time and sometimes people confuse that with me being shy and not wanting to talk to anyone at all.

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Sun Jun 15, 2008 1:47 pm

When I was younger I fit the term "painfully shy." I was a weird kid even by my own standards. It didn't help much that I hung around with adults so I had a fairly good vocabulary and an understanding of mature subjects that kids my age really didn't. They stuck me in the gifted classes. You can't make friends that way, trust me.

School was hell. I hated having attention drawn to me. I felt so out of place with people my own age in particular, that I would (I can't believe I'm admitting this) find friends in inanimate objects. Like a chair. Or a pencil eraser. That's difficult to explain but suffice it to say it was the doings of a very lonely kid. I had no confidence in myself whatsoever. Having to ask people to buy girl scout cookies was way more than I could do. I didn't know how to speak to people. Teachers expected more of me than what I could give. I was constantly being told how smart I was, yet why then did I feel like such a failure?

I tried to be invisible too. I had a knack for losing myself in detail. If I were in the sandbox, I would zoom in on the sand and study the different grains. Sitting on the lawn, I would "become one" with the grass blades. I thought if I could go into a "hidden" world, no one else would see me and they would leave me alone.

It wasn't just kids who were mean either. I had some sh*tty teachers and adults in my life who didn't know how to handle this weird girl. A little kindness would have gone so far.

Even now I think about specific situations in my past and I remember my face growing hot...sometimes it STILL gets hot thinking about stuff that happened 20-30 years ago!

It's okay though. I'm different now and grew out of it, thank stars, but it also made me warm up to people who are shy. If I'm at a social event I look for the "odd one out" because when it was me and someone took the time to be nice to me, I was so grateful. I think shyness is something you can outgrow but you never forget what it's like.

Kathy Ellen · Post by **Kathy Ellen** » Sun Jun 15, 2008 2:16 pm

RedGlitter;890267 wrote: When I was younger I fit the term "painfully shy." I was a weird kid even by my own standards. It didn't help much that I hung around with adults so I had a fairly good vocabulary and an understanding of mature subjects that kids my age really didn't. They stuck me in the gifted classes. You can't make friends that way, trust me.

School was hell. I hated having attention drawn to me. I felt so out of place with people my own age in particular, that I would (I can't believe I'm admitting this) find friends in inanimate objects. Like a chair. Or a pencil eraser. That's difficult to explain but suffice it to say it was the doings of a very lonely kid. I had no confidence in myself whatsoever. Having to ask people to buy girl scout cookies was way more than I could do. I didn't know how to speak to people. Teachers expected more of me than what I could give. I was constantly being told how smart I was, yet why then did I feel like such a failure?

I tried to be invisible too. I had a knack for losing myself in detail. If I were in the sandbox, I would zoom in on the sand and study the different grains. Sitting on the lawn, I would "become one" with the grass blades. I thought if I could go into a "hidden" world, no one else would see me and they would leave me alone.

It wasn't just kids who were mean either. I had some sh*tty teachers and adults in my life who didn't know how to handle this weird girl. A little kindness would have gone so far.

Even now I think about specific situations in my past and I remember my face growing hot...sometimes it STILL gets hot thinking about stuff that happened 20-30 years ago!

It's okay though. I'm different now and grew out of it, thank stars, but it also made me warm up to people who are shy. If I'm at a social event I look for the "odd one out" because when it was me and someone took the time to be nice to me, I was so grateful. I think shyness is something you can outgrow but you never forget what it's like.

Hi Red,

I was a wacka-doodle, fun loving kid and was way too silly and full of beans in grammar and high school. I wasted so many years being silly and not appreciating my education. It wasn't until college that I blossomed in education, but became terribly shy. Somehow I lost confidence in myself and it's been slow finding it again.

I used to teach the older kids, and now I'm teaching the little ones. I see children acting like you did. You were not weird, just different. You were just trying to find your niche in life, and it certainly is hard to communicate with children your own age when you're around adults all of the time. You loved to daydream and bring yourself to a happy place. When I look at some of my little ones I realize that they seem to be daydreaming. When I ask why they're not focused they tell me that they're writing a poem in their head and dreaming about a new web kinz that they want......a new horse that will fly across the sandy beach. I just know that these children will become a lovely person when they grow up...probably a writer, actor, dancer or environmentalist.

You've grown up into a beautiful, expressive and loving person.

I always look for the "odd person" also as I know they'll be an interesting person:-6

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Sun Jun 15, 2008 2:26 pm

Wow, thank you Kathy Ellen. :-6 You always have something nice to say about everyone and I admire that very much.

It's great that you recognize and accept those children for who they are. And I'm sure when they're old enough to think about such things, that they will remember your kindness to them.

Kathy Ellen · Post by **Kathy Ellen** » Sun Jun 15, 2008 2:40 pm

RedGlitter;890287 wrote: Wow, thank you Kathy Ellen. :-6 You always have something nice to say about everyone and I admire that very much.

It's great that you recognize and accept those children for who they are. And I'm sure when they're old enough to think about such things, that they will remember your kindness to them.

I always write the truth as I see it Red. I ALWAYS see the good in people.....their character, dreams, hopes and good heart will always shine through. Wish more people were like that. I'm so sick of adults and other children crushing the dreams of little ones:-4