7 Secrets to a Woman's True Happiness

Hope6 · Post by **Hope6** » Tue Jun 17, 2008 12:12 am

We live in a world where there are endless possibilities. Think about it: As women, we have a billion options when it comes to careers, relationships, clothes...hell, even groovy exercise classes. And yet, we’re more bummed out than ever before. Proof: When Americans were surveyed in the 1950s, 53 percent said they were “very happy, but by the late 1990s, it was down to 30 percent.

So if such abundance doesn’t make us happy, then what does flip our bliss switch? Is it adopting the lifestyle before we had so many life options? Not entirely. Our parents grew up with fewer choices to make, but assuming their life goals isn’t the answer, because the world isn’t the same place today. The key is actually a mix of things, some timeless and some that relate to this generation. Here, the essential elements.

1. You Need a Solid Core Group of Friends

Look at Carrie from Sex and the City. Through everything from Post-it Note breakups to snapped stilettos, she is generally one happy camper. Why? She has her posse. “Friendship is one of life’s main joys, says David Niven, PhD, author of The 100 Simple Secrets of Happy People. “Spending time with people who really know you affords you the freedom to be yourself, which increases contentment.

But you don’t need to be the founding member of your own fab four to be happy. “You can have a small close-knit gang or various friends that factor into different areas of your life but aren’t necessarily part of the same group, says Niven. “What matters most is that you feel open with them and they can be open with you.

2. You Gotta Have Adventures

Quick: Recall your favorite college memory. A hundred bucks says it wasn’t that time you studied really, really hard and got an A minus on your Chem 101 exam. The, um, yum incident with the teacher’s assistant in the lab after class ranks a little higher, no? Thought so. And that’s the point. “If everything you did in life was safe, you’d never have any exhilarating moments or crazy experiences to recall, both of which give you the sense that you’re truly living, explains Brian Luke Seaward, PhD, author of Quiet Mind, Fearless Heart.

Now, we’re not suggesting that you totally hurl caution to the wind, but don’t get hung up on always staying on the straight and narrow. “People assume that doing the right thing leads to happiness, but actually taking risks does, says Seaward. For you, that might entail going off on a three-day weekend with a new guy or just wearing that extraslinky minidress.

3. It’s Time to Toss Excess Stuff

If you can barely scrape together enough change to spring for that $4 latte, you’ll love this: Money (and all the crap that you can buy with it) won’t bring you happiness. In fact, when wealthy Americans were surveyed, they reported being only marginally happier than the general public. “When you have limitless funds, you tend to be hellbent on accumulating more, says New York clinical psychiatrist Janet Taylor. “In the process, you lose the ability to appreciate what you do own and have difficulty feeling fulfilled.

4. A Balance of Busy and Dead Time Is Key

Always zipping around in spaz mode without a second to spare for even a pee break is bound to take a toll on your mood. But so is idling the day away on the couch. “Overextending yourself induces stress, yet it also makes you feel productive, like you’re contributing something, which is very important to happiness, says Niven. “Similarly, inactivity breeds boredom, which inspires feelings of uselessness and discontent, but lulls are vital. Essentially, all go-go-go will wipe you out, as will a solid diet of nada, but a mix of both? Bingo!

5. It’s Crucial to Give in to Temptation

You log overtime at work, hit the gym religiously, stick to a low-fat, no-fun diet, and even remember birthdays. Or maybe you aren’t quite so type A. But you still get to work on time, kiss your boss’s ass when you’d rather kick it, and play nice to your folks. Face it, making it in this world takes some serious discipline, regardless of your personality profile. “The pressure to keep up is so exhausting that it would seem like the payoff for showing such restraint would be great, says Seaward. “But if you don’t stop to savor something pleasurable, you’re going to wind up miserable.

Clearly, you must indulge. Some thoughts: Splurge on a gourmet sandwich one day for lunch instead of brown bagging it. Surf the Web rather than returning that hundredth e-mail. Get the deluxe spa pedicure. “When you feel completely overwhelmed, that’s actually when you need to treat yourself the most, says Seaward.

6. Liking Yourself Is Nonnegotiable

Since you’re human, you have no doubt had one of those “Omigod! I can’t believe I said that moments, followed by a “Stupid, stupid, stupid fist to the forehead. Like, say, the time you introduced your guy to Bob the CEO at the office barbecue, only Bob’s name is actually Bill. Then you spent the rest of the night harping on what an idiot you are. “We tend to beat ourselves up, but it’s necessary to let ourselves off the hook, says Ed Diener, PhD, professor of psychology and leading happiness researcher at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. “Inevitably, you’re going to make mistakes, and yet you still have to like yourself.

The same holds true for those so-called physical imperfections that you let deflate you. You know, the slight crook in your nose that you swear makes you a prime candidate for The Swan. We can all point to 10 things that are wrong with us, but the key to happiness is appreciating yourself despite them, adds Diener.

7. You Must Stop Mentally Browsing

We know you’ve been here: You’re sitting at a restaurant, menu in hand, when the deliberation begins: Chicken or fish? Chicken or fish? After angsting for 20 minutes, you go with the fish... and then sit there until the meal comes, wondering if you should’ve gone with the chicken. Okay, maybe this is a very mild version, but in life, we do this on a larger scale all the time. “We convince ourselves that there must be something better out there, but ‘mental browsing’ is a recipe for dissatisfaction, says Schwartz. “You’re wasting time and energy on doubting a good move just because there was another option, or 10, that you didn’t choose. You’ll never be happy if you live like this.

by Meaghan Bucham

for Cosmopolitan

Hope6 · Post by **Hope6** » Tue Jun 17, 2008 12:21 am

6. Liking Yourself Is Nonnegotiable

i have trouble with all seven to a certain extent but number 6 here is the worse one for me!

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Tue Jun 17, 2008 12:52 am

Hope6;891399 wrote: 6. Liking Yourself Is Nonnegotiable

i have trouble with all seven to a certain extent but number 6 here is the worse one for me!

That's a good article, Hope.

Regarding Number 6...the Rabbi Hillel said "If I am not for me who will be?" It's worth working on.

mikeinie · Post by **mikeinie** » Tue Jun 17, 2008 2:11 am

It is all true.

Commercialism & consumerism and the desire for more, more, more is killing us.

Everything is based on instant gratification, more, faster, never hear or take the word ‘No’ as an answer.

Eat as much as you want, drink as much as you want, fck as much as you want, with who you want, when you want and where you want.

We are on the road to nowhere, and our hearts are not happy. It is not just women that are experiencing this, it is society.

Hope6 · Post by **Hope6** » Tue Jun 17, 2008 5:12 am

RedGlitter;891409 wrote: That's a good article, Hope.

Regarding Number 6...the Rabbi Hillel said "If I am not for me who will be?" It's worth working on.

Thanks Red! :-6

yeah i know!

here's a few quotes that i really like, if only i could learn to actually do what they say!

Happiness is: Looking in a mirror and like what you see .

~Author Unknown~

Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it.

~Maya Angelou~

Nobody will think you're somebody if you don't think so yourself.

~African-American proverb~

Feel good about yourself. Nothing compares to an aura of self-contentment and serenity. Start appreciating yourself. Look at the mirror every morning and say to yourself “You are a beautiful creation of God!"

~Roger LeBoithillier~

Hope6 · Post by **Hope6** » Tue Jun 17, 2008 5:16 am

mikeinie;891417 wrote: It is all true.

Commercialism & consumerism and the desire for more, more, more is killing us.

Everything is based on instant gratification, more, faster, never hear or take the word ‘No’ as an answer.

Eat as much as you want, drink as much as you want, fck as much as you want, with who you want, when you want and where you want.

We are on the road to nowhere, and our hearts are not happy. It is not just women that are experiencing this, it is society.

yes i agree we are living in a world of instant gratification. and i'm sure it's not just women who are experiencing the things mentioned in the article, we have become an unhappy society in general!

hoppy · Post by **hoppy** » Tue Jun 17, 2008 5:20 am

Times sure got complicated. Used to be there was only one secret to a woman's true happiness and it was 7 inches, or more.

Hope6 · Post by **Hope6** » Tue Jun 17, 2008 5:28 am

hoppy;891480 wrote: Times sure got complicated. Used to be there was only one secret to a woman's true happiness and it was 7 inches, or more.

OMG!!!

you've got me blushing over here buddy!:sneaky:

Hope6 · Post by **Hope6** » Tue Jun 17, 2008 5:57 am

koochikoo;891502 wrote: I believe a block of chocolate is about 7 inches long, I'm certain that's what is being referred to :rolleyes: I know that's to my happiness anyway! :-6

well i was reading somewhere that they did a study and that chocolate acts on a woman's brain the same way as having sex!

hoppy · Post by **hoppy** » Tue Jun 17, 2008 6:06 am

Interesting. Satisfy a woman with a chocolate bar. I'm having all sorts of mental pictures here now.

Hope6 · Post by **Hope6** » Tue Jun 17, 2008 6:09 am

hoppy;891516 wrote: Interesting. Satisfy a woman with a chocolate bar. I'm having all sorts of mental pictures here now.

Hey! bad, bad Hoppy! :sneaky:

we're supposed to eat the chocolate ya know! :wah:

Hope6 · Post by **Hope6** » Tue Jun 17, 2008 6:16 am

koochikoo;891520 wrote: I've heard of that, too. I'm so glad there's chocolate to do that for me, if the amount of chocolate I eat was replaced with sex...well, I'd never find time to come on here that's for sure :wah:

Now, everyone...back to the topic at hand!

if the amount of chocolate i eat was replaced by sex! i'd never leave the house!

:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl

Hope6 · Post by **Hope6** » Tue Jun 17, 2008 7:06 am

okay from what i can determine from the original post,

i need to love myself despite all my imperfections.:-4

Have a couple of really good friends!:-6

Go out and have some fun and give in to temptation every once and a while!:sneaky:

Understand that money isn't everything and that i need to balance my time!

AND STOP WORRYING!

:-3

i don't know what do y'all think? is it possible?

Mustang · Post by **Mustang** » Tue Jun 17, 2008 7:14 am

Hope6;891575 wrote: okay from what i can determine from the original post,

i need to love myself despite all my imperfections.

Have a couple of really good friends!

Go out and have some fun and give in to temptation every once and a while!:sneaky:

Understand that money isn't everything and that i need to balance my time!

AND STOP WORRYING!

:-3

i don't know what do y'all think? is it possible?

Well put Hope! Now all you have to do is take the first Step. Very possible for you Hope! Life go's on don't let it pass you bye.

Hope6 · Post by **Hope6** » Tue Jun 17, 2008 7:29 am

Mustang;891578 wrote: Well put Hope! Now all you have to do is take the first Step. Very possible for you Hope! Life go's on don't let it pass you bye.

awwwww thank you my friend, :-4

well with all of the wonderful friends i've made here in the garden i think i've been lucky on that one, i know they are always ready to listen to me whenever i need to talk and they laugh with me and cry with me, and isn't that what being a friend is all about?

now if i can just figure out what my first step should be!

:wah:

Hope6 · Post by **Hope6** » Tue Jun 17, 2008 7:30 am

koochikoo;891582 wrote: Yeah, seems like it could be achievable

:wah::wah: a girl after my own heart! :wah: that's perfect!:wah:

Mustang · Post by **Mustang** » Tue Jun 17, 2008 7:37 am

Hope6;891589 wrote: awwwww thank you my friend, :-4

well with all of the wonderful friends i've made here in the garden i think i've been lucky on that one, i know they are always ready to listen to me whenever i need to talk and they laugh with me and cry with me, and isn't that what being a friend is all about?

now if i can just figure out what my first step should be!

:wah:

Listen to what your heart tells you Hope! You are the only one that will know what you want out of life.

Hope6 · Post by **Hope6** » Tue Jun 17, 2008 7:42 am

Mustang;891593 wrote: Listen to what your heart tells you Hope! You are the only one that will know what you want out of life.

good advice my friend, thank you! :-4

Mustang · Post by **Mustang** » Tue Jun 17, 2008 7:44 am

Hope6;891598 wrote: good advice my friend, thank you! :-4

You are so welcome! :guitarist

YZGI · Post by **YZGI** » Tue Jun 17, 2008 8:09 am

The first step to true happiness is to quit putting the effort into attaining it. Its not out there. Everyone wants true happiness and without it they feel they have failed because they can't attain it, so then they become failures. Why can't we just make do the best we can with what we have? Be happy with any improvements we make in our lives and try to be at least content with our lot in life. We are never going to be the prettiest, richest or strongest.

Take a look at some of the celebrities who seemingly have or had it all and ended up in jail or rehab.

Post by **jones jones** » Tue Jun 17, 2008 8:47 am

Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp,

but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you.

Nathaniel Hawthorne

Jj:-4

Hope6 · Post by **Hope6** » Tue Jun 17, 2008 9:01 am

YZGI;891606 wrote: The first step to true happiness is to quit putting the effort into attaining it. Its not out there. Everyone wants true happiness and without it they feel they have failed because they can't attain it, so then they become failures. Why can't we just make do the best we can with what we have? Be happy with any improvements we make in our lives and try to be at least content with our lot in life. We are never going to be the prettiest, richest or strongest.

Take a look at some of the celebrities who seemingly have or had it all and ended up in jail or rehab.

i guess it's just a human failure to always want more, we can't be satified with what we have, and be content. if only we could, the world would be a so much better place!

Hope6 · Post by **Hope6** » Tue Jun 17, 2008 9:02 am

jones jones;891628 wrote: Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp,

but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you.

Nathaniel Hawthorne

Jj:-4

that's beautiful Jj!:-4

and a lesson we all need to learn!

Hope6 · Post by **Hope6** » Tue Jun 17, 2008 1:04 pm

Happiness Is¦

By Barbara Lynn Terry

Happiness is an ice cream cone

with a chocolate coating,

and lots and lots of sprinkles.

Happiness is a child’s laughter.

Happiness is two people holding hands

while walking dreamily in the park.

Happiness is two people in love.

Happiness is the splashing of the waves

while sitting under the stars on the beach.

Happiness is the sounds of a carnival,

with rides, laughter, and games.

Happiness is winning a teddy bear

from the dart game at the fair.

Happiness is a smile

on a cloudy, dreary day.

Happiness is helping someone

from deep in your heart.

Happiness is dining out at a very

special place, on a very special day.

Happiness is saying, “I do.

Happiness is catching the bridal bouquet.

Happiness is a leisurely Sunday drive

down a peaceful country road.

Happiness is all of this

and much, much more.

Happiness is in your mind,

and what you make of it.

along-for-the-ride · Post by **along-for-the-ride** » Tue Jun 17, 2008 2:12 pm

I will never be rich financially. I will never be a great beauty. I will never be famous. I will never achieve a gold medal at the olympics. I don't belong at those posh country clubs. But, you know what? That's okay. My life has had moments of accomplishments and great joy. I have met many interesting people along the way. I have been mesmerized by the simple beauty of nature. I have been loved, and have given love. My only hope is that after I am gone from this earth, there will some folks who will think of me once in awhile, and smile.

My paper cup runneth over.

Post by **jones jones** » Tue Jun 17, 2008 2:14 pm

along-for-the-ride;891913 wrote: i Will Never Be Rich Financially. I Will Never Be A Great Beauty. I Will Never Be Famous. I Will Never Achieve A Gold Medal At The Olympics. I Don't Belong At Those Posh Country Clubs. But, You Know What? That's Okay. My Life Has Had Moments Of Accomplishments And Great Joy. I Have Met Many Interesting People Along The Way. I Have Been Mesmerized By The Simple Beauty Of Nature. I Have Been Loved, And Have Given Love. My Only Hope Is That After I Am Gone From This Earth, There Will Some Folks Who Will Think Of Me Once In Awhile, And Smile.

My Paper Cup Runneth Over.

:-4

Hope6 · Post by **Hope6** » Tue Jun 17, 2008 2:23 pm

along-for-the-ride;891913 wrote: I will never be rich financially. I will never be a great beauty. I will never be famous. I will never achieve a gold medal at the olympics. I don't belong at those posh country clubs. But, you know what? That's okay. My life has had moments of accomplishments and great joy. I have met many interesting people along the way. I have been mesmerized by the simple beauty of nature. I have been loved, and have given love. My only hope is that after I am gone from this earth, there will some folks who will think of me once in awhile, and smile.

My paper cup runneth over.

awwww AFTR that's lovely sweetheart!:-4

Hope6 · Post by **Hope6** » Tue Jun 17, 2008 6:09 pm

QUOTES ON HAPPINESS

Seize the moments of happiness, love and be loved! That is the only reality in the world, all else is folly.

LEO TOLSTOY, War and Peace

We can smile, breathe, walk, and eat our meals in a way that allows us to be in touch with the abundance of happiness that is available. We are very good at preparing to live, but not very good at living. We know how to sacrifice ten years for a diploma and we are willing to work very hard to get a job, a car, a house, and so on. But we have difficulty remembering that we are alive in the present moment, the only moment there is for us to be alive.

THICH NHAT HANH, Peace is Every Step

What we need for our happiness is often close at hand, if we knew but how to seek for it.

NATHANIEL HAWTHORNE, American Note-Books, Aug. 22, 1837

Happiness is one of the most important treasures. It is within your soul. All you have to do, is dig it out and enjoy it.

Learn to laugh. This will make you feel better

Each day do something to make you feel happy, until this becomes a habit.

When you have a positive frame of mind, you broadcast positive thoughts and feelings to the world around you.