Is Spanking a Justified Way of Child Discipline

polycarp · Post by **polycarp** » Fri Jul 01, 2005 10:18 am

Children will always be children hence are prone to commit one wrong doing or the other. The question I'm asking is, is spanking an ideal way of training a child. Is there any wrong doing that worth spanking a child? Opinions please!

buttercup · Post by **buttercup** » Fri Jul 01, 2005 10:24 am

my kids are 19, 17, 16 & i have never hit any of them, if your children can make you lose it to the extent you have to hit them, they've won

abbey · Post by **abbey** » Fri Jul 01, 2005 11:01 am

As i dont have any children i guess i'm not really qualified to answer this,

but in my opinion i dont think children should be smacked.

I grew up never being spanked by my parents, they did'nt need to,

just one meaningful look from either one of them was more than enough to set me straight!

I know there's no comparison, but i would'nt even smack my dog.

Accountable · Post by **Accountable** » Fri Jul 01, 2005 12:45 pm

buttercup wrote: my kids are 19, 17, 16 & i have never hit any of them, if your children can make you lose it to the extent you have to hit them, they've won
:yh_hugs :yh_peace

WOO HOO!

I had no idea I was such a prolific winner! And at such a young age too! :-6

And to those who have never made it to the spanking line: :yh_loser

Lon · Post by **Lon** » Fri Jul 01, 2005 1:57 pm

polycarp wrote: Children will always be children hence are prone to commit one wrong doing or the other. The question I'm asking is, is spanking an ideal way of training a child. Is there any wrong doing that worth spanking a child? Opinions please!
A spanking (not beating) and a instantaneous swat sends a quick and clear message to a youngster and does no permanent damage to them physically or emotionally. There are hundreds of thousands of well adjusted seniors that will attest to that.

Lon · Post by **Lon** » Fri Jul 01, 2005 2:00 pm

buttercup wrote: my kids are 19, 17, 16 & i have never hit any of them, if your children can make you lose it to the extent you have to hit them, they've won
You are assuming that a parent is angry when they spank or swat a child.

anastrophe · Post by **anastrophe** » Fri Jul 01, 2005 5:40 pm

i think i received a swat on my bottom once while growing up. i was perhaps six or seven.

there had been torrential rains, and we had driven past a nearby creek, which was roiling with water up to the banks. it was scary, thrilling, fascinating, as i'd played down in the creeks many times, catching water skeeters and tadpoles etc..

When we got home, i nonchalantly put on my raincoat and went out to 'the backyard'. ostensibly. what i really did was go in the backyard and then slip out the side gate, and walk a block and a half to the creek. i never went near it - the creek bisected an adjacent block of houses, near a four-way intersection. i stood on the far side of the intersection just watching the torrents go by.

Suddenly, our VW bus appeared, and there was my dad motioning to me to get in. we drove home silently, and - well, i think he gave me a swat when we got home. or maybe i went and hid behind a desk fearing that he'd swat me. i actually don't remember for sure. that was the only time that physical punishment was ever part of the plan as a child.

my mom slapped me on the face once when i was a teenager and expressed my rebellious teenage feelings towards her with a string of expletives. i certainly deserved that one.

so, my personal ramblings aside, i think that swatting or spanking is certainly a legitimate tool - *if it is a tool of last resort*. the parents i see who swat their child on the butt because they're not walking fast enough, or crying, or fussing - well, i'd like to swat the parent on the butt myself. when it becomes routine, then it's not correction, it's simply abuse.

buttercup · Post by **buttercup** » Sat Jul 02, 2005 4:25 am

Lon wrote: You are assuming that a parent is angry when they spank or swat a child.
oh im not saying that at all, im saying there are other ways to disipline children

why would you smack them? valid question

buttercup · Post by **buttercup** » Sat Jul 02, 2005 4:34 am

Accountable wrote: :yh_hugs :yh_peace

WOO HOO!

I had no idea I was such a prolific winner! And at such a young age too! :-6

And to those who have never made it to the spanking line: :yh_loser

they have won as you (the adult) have been unable to devise a suitable alternative to show the child that there are consequences to bad behaviour, i dont believe in smacking dogs either

its my opinion & im entitled to it as you are yours, i would think the loser icon is inapropriate to this thread, its a pity you feel you have to use it

Accountable · Post by **Accountable** » Sat Jul 02, 2005 5:17 am

I was using the past tense because I was referring to winning (or others losing)as a child. I apologize for my glibness and will take my sick humor to another thread. :yh_worshp

buttercup · Post by **buttercup** » Sat Jul 02, 2005 6:01 am

dont worry about it :rolleyes: was just making you accountable :wah:

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Sat Jul 02, 2005 6:54 am

i raised three sons, and they all received smacks on their butts at some point throughout. and each one of them is a fine, upstanding, honest, non-serial-killer citizen. i don't think their little psyches were warped because i applied my hand to their recalcitrant backsides.

pantsonfire321@aol.com · Sat Jul 02, 2005 10:57 am

I have smacked my daughter when she was little but i found sending her to her room much more affective.When she was about 9/10 she would actully say that she would rather be smacked than sent off to her room, i don`t ever remember being smacked myself when i was a child only the warning that was enough .There is a very big difference in giving a child a small tap and a full on beating.I now have a very well adjusted teenager so i couldnt of done that bad a job .

polycarp · Post by **polycarp** » Mon Jul 04, 2005 8:56 am

I guess there is no finality as whether a child should be spanked or not. It all depends on the child as well as the parent. I was spanked as a child and it helped but I am not sure if I'll someday spank my kids, but time will tell.

polycarp · Post by **polycarp** » Tue Jul 05, 2005 5:27 am

Far Rider wrote: Might I suggest a book to you Polycarp?

J. Richard Fugate. 'What the bible says about child training'... he is very conservative. but you'll get that side of it, then check out the other side and see where you feel you should land.

I still say more important that spanking is training ahead what you expect a child should be able to do and at what age. The comes consistancy, then spanking plays a small role.

Thanks Far Rider, I hope I'll find the book. Meanwhile isn't the Bible specific about spanking as it is written "spare the rod and spoil the child" or is it symbolic?

polycarp · Post by **polycarp** » Tue Jul 05, 2005 7:39 am

Far Rider wrote: I would say it is an imperitive. A command, mentioned many times in proverbs as direction on how to control an unruly child, even a foolish child. But I think thats the negative side of it.

The bible states when training of a child should take place... and it reads something like... when you sit in your house, when you lay down, when your working and when your playing... (my loose paraphrase) basicaly, take every opportunity and moment you have to teach your children. I think when you do that you will greatly decrease the probability that you will have an unruly or foolish child, and hence less or no spanking.

Thank you for the explanation. So you are invariably saying that the bible does not forbid spanking but gave ways of raising children that would lead to such desirable outcomes that may not call for spanking at all.

Adam Zapple · Post by **Adam Zapple** » Tue Jul 05, 2005 9:06 am

Spanking is not the end all be all of discipline; it is merely one form of discipline to be used when appropriate. I have spanked all four of my children but don't do it very often. Many children were raised without spankings and turned out great; many others, including yours truly, were raised with spankings and also turned out great.

Spankings can be abusive when they become beatings but so can other forms of discipline. Verbal criticism can be even more damaging than spankings. I have seen many news accounts of children who were found neglected and abused where the abuse did not include physical beatings. For instance, children locked in closets and basements starving and wallowing in their own excrement; yet I dont' propose that hence "timeouts" or "bed without supper" are immoral. All discipline administered in anger or in the extreme are harmful. Disciplines administered with love and the intention to teach, including spankings, are beneficial. My $0.02

mominiowa · Post by **mominiowa** » Tue Jul 05, 2005 1:38 pm

I can not remember ever having a spanking by my parents hand - even though my mother says I recieved plenty..:sneaky: BUT My children have and will continue when they become out of line.. I feel there is nothing wrong with a swat - a swat on the butt is not a beating--it is also not a smack against the head..as I see other parents do, it is also not a way of frighting your child..Unfortunalty my son - who is 5 and ALL boy, says mom instead of time out, or putting my nose on the wall, can u spank me quick so I can go play?? What did he learn from that huh?? NOTHING--Hmmmmmmm from this I feel maybe my swats are less effective--LOL

One day a long time ago----My dad hit me so hard I flew across the kitchen into the cabinets..I learned a lesson that day - I have and never will forget.....Never Ever EVER say F*** off to your father...no matter how silly drunk you are! Hmmmm life at 17 was a little different for me...:yh_doh So I guess I beleive that if you have a temper issue, walk away and find a different avenue on correction..if you know you have control and its important enough there is NOTHING wrong with a swat on the 'OL Rear End! JMO!

Just some info--Hee hee when u have a 12 year old girl and she has smacked her little sister and you say"drop your draws girlfriend, cuz mom is gonna spank" - the worst part of that was -being 12 and her mom seeing her BUTT! LOL :wah:

Jives · Post by **Jives** » Tue Jul 05, 2005 2:40 pm

There are times, especially concerning the safety of a child, that a quick swat to the bottom is necessary.

For example when a yong child runs out in front of a car. That lesson needs to be learned, learned quickly, and impressed forever on a child's mind.

I don't think that spanking should ever be given beyond the age of about 5, though. After that there are much more effective and contructive ways to discipline, such as grounding and the taking of privliges.

Nuthrday · Post by **Nuthrday** » Tue Jul 05, 2005 5:09 pm

I swore I would not spank my children when I had them. It didn't work for me for much longer than two years! I am patient, I am understanding, I am good at reasoning, I am good at compromise if I feel it's warranted--and a certain amount of compromise is critical when you deal with the baby units. But I'll tell you, when my good kids just pushed and pushed, knowing they were stretching the boundaries of my civilization, they would get a spanking! And I did it when I was pissed; why would you punish a child when you weren't ticked? I don't get that. They learned eventually that they could only go so far in the face of their own developing sense of good and bad, learned that their mom was the lead mare in that herd, learned how to recognize their own imminent rule breaking. God, they're good kids now, just like I wanted them to be--considerate, fair, honest, non-judgmental, and are able to share!!! I know for a fact that there are children who should never be manhandled, but mine tested me hard, and were tough enough to handle it and learned that they had it coming once in awhile..

Nuthrday · Post by **Nuthrday** » Tue Jul 05, 2005 6:39 pm

Far Guy, you said a mouthful....I liked it. I get it... I was a mother in the middle; somewhere between your mom and the new age one who always lets the kids make their own decisions from Day One. Sometimes I thought I was making big mistakes being a hardass, other times I thought I was way too lenient. It's still a modern world without much of the southern upbringing about, which is about as close to what you're talking about as I can determine.

Nuthrday · Post by **Nuthrday** » Tue Jul 05, 2005 7:13 pm

Far, I know, I've had some moments of dismay, but my kids really like me as a friend. Now that they're adults, they have no trouble hanging out with us. Even the son-in-law loves visiting. My whole attitude was, as long as you're too young to make decisions, I'll show you the best way to do it. Then when they got older, I helped them make decisions, socially or emotionally. My whole mission as a parent was to show them how to be secure, independent adults, and I have succeeded! Nothing more to be done here but enjoy them!

Nuthrday · Post by **Nuthrday** » Tue Jul 05, 2005 8:03 pm

That's about the size of it, Far. I was not as straict as you, by the sound of it, but I bet our kids will be good parents!

mominiowa · Post by **mominiowa** » Tue Jul 05, 2005 8:45 pm

Far- that was beautiful.:-6 I wish my mom and dad would have had that- It about made me cry..How I look at my mom now and how she misses her husband..she is so lonley- she is almost reverting back to a "child like" state--we take care of her, make sure she gets to eat out with one of us every week- and make sure her lawn looks just so- Just like dad would have...It makes me want that in my own life...U can't have it all - but buddy your mom must of been proud to have a son like you - to remember "all the importants in life"~ Your wife is a lucky woman...

As I read my post--I guess I was writing in humor just because I thought - everyone was saying "NO WAY _ DON"T SPANK" - but really I asked my daughters how many spankings they have gotten - They laughed at me and said - Not enough...HA HA-- But ask my lil baby boy(ok so he's not a baby-almost 6) - Mr. Hell On Wheels - He'll say probably a dozen Ma...LOL Its just something I beleive in..My kids respect me - but when they do wrong they know it..I use the 'ol nickel on the wall trick-- Don't laugh it works! - My kids even though in time out would play with anything-their clothes, fingers-whatever..so I started having them stand with their nose on the wall holding a nickle to the wall with their nose- and if the nickel fell there minutes would start over (my Grandma told me that one)...How is that for a mean mom...

You can really move me far Rider!!:-6

BloodMoon22 · Post by **BloodMoon22** » Thu Jul 21, 2005 4:51 pm

I'm only 16 but please listen to what i have to say, I honestly don't think spanking should be a justifyed way of child discipline. Firsit of all, the whole point of giving discipline is so that the child learns to know do this or that or act a certain way. It's all about learning a new acceptable behavior. Why would you hit someone for them to learn? And my second point is, I think spanking is just a way to express the anger of parents toward the child. It's pointless and unnessissary. I don't have children of my own, but I baby sit a lot and have a Sunday School Class of my own and I don't think spanking should be an appropriete way for a child to learn to behave in a good manner.

Accountable · Post by **Accountable** » Thu Jul 21, 2005 5:07 pm

BloodMoon22 wrote: I'm only 16 but please listen to what i have to say, I honestly don't think spanking should be a justifyed way of child discipline. Firsit of all, the whole point of giving discipline is so that the child learns to know do this or that or act a certain way. It's all about learning a new acceptable behavior. Why would you hit someone for them to learn? And my second point is, I think spanking is just a way to express the anger of parents toward the child. It's pointless and unnessissary. I don't have children of my own, but I baby sit a lot and have a Sunday School Class of my own and I don't think spanking should be an appropriete way for a child to learn to behave in a good manner.
Oh good! Firsthand present experience. BloodMoon, what would you suggest these parents use instead? What have you seen work, or believe would work?

nvalleyvee · Post by **nvalleyvee** » Thu Jul 21, 2005 5:56 pm

I took more than spankings as a kid. It was either the razor trop or a switch that I picked off a front yard bush. I spanked my daughter one time and one time only. She didn't want to go to bed and kept screaming at the top of her lungs - I told her I was going to give her something to scream about. I never touched her after that - I was horrified at my behaviour.