Eleven years ago

Post by **Betty Boop** » Wed Jul 23, 2008 2:25 pm

tomorrow, my son entered the world eight weeks early.

Tonight I have a headache, a bad one, then I realised that eleven years ago today I went to bed with a headache, only I was 32 weeks pregnant with my first child. I wonder if there is some connection, I totally hold my ex husband responsible for my sons early entrance into this world, maybe it is time to let it all go, but I'm not sure I can forgive him....

The previous week the ex hubby fell out with me majorally and dumped me by the side of the road. I sat there waiting thinking he would come back for his 31 weeks pregnant wife, he didn't, I walked part of the way until a friend stopped and dropped me closer to home, I was so scared of him I wouldn't allow them to drop me to the door. He wasn't in anyway, I went to bed, he came in some hours later and the next morning carried on as if nothing had happened. I remember being disbelieving that he could do that and not even apologise.

A week went by and on the Wednesday eve I went to bed early with a headache, woke up the next day with it still...really bad, I could barely function, he went off to work and called me a lazy bitch. The rest of the day is a bit of a haze, I slept most of it.

I woke up and went to wash my face, I looked grey in the mirror and then realised I was going to faint, so I lay down on the bathroom floor so as not to harm the baby. The dog licking my face bought me round, I crawled to the top of the stairs just as he got in from work, he took one look at me called me lazy again and grabbed the dog leads to walk them, I shouted that I wasn't well and I thought I may have passed out at some point, he just laughed and said you'd better call the midwife. He wouldn't pass the phone so I had to crawl down the stairs to get it, I could barely speak to the emergency midwife team.

A midwife arrived within 20 minutes, my blood pressure was through the roof, but still she didn't realise how serious this was. He took me to hospital, on the journey he said something about he always knew I'd be an unhealthy mother, and unable to do anything properly. Five minutes after getting in the maternity wing at the hospital I went into fits, the next three days are a blur, I remember only snippets. I had developed a condition called eclampsia which requires immediate delivery of the baby so they can administer drugs to save the mother. I was under 24 hour watch for two days, apparently I visited my son in SCBU in my hospital bed but I remember none of it.

Maybe if he'd not treated me the way he had, all the above would still have happened, who knows, you often get different explanations for the condition, but the most common one I keep hearing is that it's a result of stress.

mrsK · Post by **mrsK** » Wed Jul 23, 2008 2:30 pm

Hugs to you Betty:-4:-4

theia · Post by **theia** » Wed Jul 23, 2008 2:36 pm

Betty Boop;927535 wrote: tomorrow, my son entered the world eight weeks early.

Tonight I have a headache, a bad one, then I realised that eleven years ago today I went to bed with a headache, only I was 32 weeks pregnant with my first child. I wonder if there is some connection, I totally hold my ex husband responsible for my sons early entrance into this world, maybe it is time to let it all go, but I'm not sure I can forgive him....

The previous week the ex hubby fell out with me majorally and dumped me by the side of the road. I sat there waiting thinking he would come back for his 31 weeks pregnant wife, he didn't, I walked part of the way until a friend stopped and dropped me closer to home, I was so scared of him I wouldn't allow them to drop me to the door. He wasn't in anyway, I went to bed, he came in some hours later and the next morning carried on as if nothing had happened. I remember being disbelieving that he could do that and not even apologise.

A week went by and on the Wednesday eve I went to bed early with a headache, woke up the next day with it still...really bad, I could barely function, he went off to work and called me a lazy bitch. The rest of the day is a bit of a haze, I slept most of it.

I woke up and went to wash my face, I looked grey in the mirror and then realised I was going to faint, so I lay down on the bathroom floor so as not to harm the baby. The dog licking my face bought me round, I crawled to the top of the stairs just as he got in from work, he took one look at me called me lazy again and grabbed the dog leads to walk them, I shouted that I wasn't well and I thought I may have passed out at some point, he just laughed and said you'd better call the midwife. He wouldn't pass the phone so I had to crawl down the stairs to get it, I could barely speak to the emergency midwife team.

A midwife arrived within 20 minutes, my blood pressure was through the roof, but still she didn't realise how serious this was. He took me to hospital, on the journey he said something about he always knew I'd be an unhealthy mother, and unable to do anything properly. Five minutes after getting in the maternity wing at the hospital I went into fits, the next three days are a blur, I remember only snippets. I had developed a condition called eclampsia which requires immediate delivery of the baby so they can administer drugs to save the mother. I was under 24 hour watch for two days, apparently I visited my son in SCBU in my hospital bed but I remember none of it.

Maybe if he'd not treated me the way he had, all the above would still have happened, who knows, you often get different explanations for the condition, but the most common one I keep hearing is that it's a result of stress.

That was a frightening and very distressing time for you, Betty. I'm so glad you shared it with us here because it seemed like it needed to be told. It's been on your mind recently, hasn't it? Maybe there's more to tell? Like your feelings about it then, and now? Or maybe not. But you surely must have felt at your most alone during that time?

Helen · Post by **Helen** » Wed Jul 23, 2008 3:05 pm

OMG !!

I can remember going in to have my three, even what i was wearing and where i was when i started labour and mine were all straight forward no hassle births.

to hear me at the time you wouldnt have thought so though :rolleyes::D

this is bound to bring back all sorts of memories for you, sorry they are all bad ones though, it was a momentous occasion in your life that could have had dire concequences.

no wonder you feel a bit shakey now. (((((((((((( hugs for you :-4 )))))))))))))

Chezzie · Post by **Chezzie** » Wed Jul 23, 2008 3:23 pm

Take this big hug and swallow it like a pill and hopefully your headache will ease along with the heartache you have felt and are indeed still feeling...

Sorry you feeling low, glad you felt able to share it here, keep on sharing if it makes you feel better:-4

Helen · Post by **Helen** » Wed Jul 23, 2008 3:51 pm

PS,

look at what you've just acheived !! with your education and how far you've come in that time. thats something to be very proud of.

how old is your son now ?

pps,

just re read the header on your thread, he's 11 isnt he ??? !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kathy Ellen · Post by **Kathy Ellen** » Wed Jul 23, 2008 5:18 pm

Hugs to you ((((((((((((Betty:-4))))))))))))))

You are indeed a brave, strong woman. Isn't it funny how some mates are so controlling and try to make one feel so incompetant. That's what some people do....isolate and control. If they can't control you then you might leave them...

Stay strong hun...all of my good wishes are with you:-4

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Wed Jul 23, 2008 5:58 pm

:-4 Oh Betty, what a story of your strength during that time, you are so better without him now. And your son, you have your beautiful son. :-4

We love you Betty!

shelbell · Post by **shelbell** » Thu Jul 24, 2008 2:58 am

Talk about mental and verbal abuse! I don't have the same story as you, but he sure seems a lot like my ex-husband. Thank you for sharing your story, it may wake up some women and some me to throw out the a** that is abusing them. I'm so glad you have your son.:-4

AussiePam · Post by **AussiePam** » Thu Jul 24, 2008 3:58 am

Oh my dear Betty!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wish I could sit down with you and just hug you. xxx

Imladris · Post by **Imladris** » Thu Jul 24, 2008 4:14 am

Huge hugs for you and your son, hope he has a lovely birthday.

(and one day the git will get what's due)

betty967 · Post by **betty967** » Thu Jul 24, 2008 4:28 am

a big embrace and kiss for you and son:-4

Trunk Monkey · Post by **Trunk Monkey** » Thu Jul 24, 2008 5:04 am

Oh Betty, I read that and wanted to cry. You are indeed a beautiful strong woman. Sending a big ((((hug)))) for you and your son :-4

CARLA · Post by **CARLA** » Thu Jul 24, 2008 7:06 am

:yh_hugs Betty Boop your a strong caring women who has raised her son well be so very proud of yourself this day that your son was born.

It is past time to let your EX go and for good. He causes you stress even now as you live that experience over again. Don't let him have that hold on you anymore MOVE ON, LET IT GO, and be happy. :-6:-6

sunny104 · Post by **sunny104** » Thu Jul 24, 2008 7:06 am

:yh_hugs

Post by **Betty Boop** » Fri Jul 25, 2008 4:25 am

Thank you all for your hugs and support. Funny how two nights ago this was on my mind then yesterday my Mum ends up in the same big hospital on the same day as I was eleven years ago, both with something life threatening.

Funny how things pan out...

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Fri Jul 25, 2008 5:59 am

Your ex?.......ryhmes with tanker

Post by **Betty Boop** » Fri Jul 25, 2008 6:10 am

Uncle Kram;929660 wrote: Your ex?.......ryhmes with tanker

Yeah, complete and utter. :-6