Jimbo's best worst jokes

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Wed Dec 20, 2006 2:33 am

How do you know an elephant's "on the rag?"

You wake up and find your mattress gone and a dime on the nightstand :wah:

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Wed Dec 20, 2006 2:34 am

Hamster;491839 wrote: I miss Jimbo!! :-1

ME TOO!!!

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Wed Dec 20, 2006 4:03 am

How can you tell when you've passed an elephant?

You can't get the toilet seat down

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Wed Dec 20, 2006 4:05 am

Why are elephants big, grey and bulky?

Because if they were small, round and white, they'd be an Aspirin

Post by **Betty Boop** » Wed Dec 20, 2006 4:08 am

:wah: :wah: Krammys on a roll!

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Wed Dec 20, 2006 5:44 am

Uncle Kram;491901 wrote: Why are elephants big, grey and bulky?

Because if they were small, round and white, they'd be an Aspirin

*tee hee!*

That's my all time favorite elephant joke, Uncle Kram!

Bring on more Pachyderm Puns!!!

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Wed Dec 20, 2006 7:11 am

SnoozeControl;491959 wrote: :wah:

I'm embarrassed to admit I like bathroom humor

A guy goes to the Doctor who tells him he has a sexually transmitted disease.

The guy says "I must have caught it from a toilet seat"

The Doc asks "What were you doing?...chewing it?"

Imladris · Post by **Imladris** » Wed Dec 20, 2006 7:32 am

Uncle Kram;492010 wrote: A guy goes to the Doctor who tells him he has a sexually transmitted disease.

The guy says "I must have caught it from a toilet seat"

The Doc asks "What were you doing?...chewing it?"

Post by **Betty Boop** » Wed Dec 20, 2006 9:20 am

pompom;492037 wrote: Sounds like he's on a toilet roll :sneaky:

:wah: :wah:

cars · Post by **cars** » Wed Dec 20, 2006 3:10 pm

So. . . . . I'm in a bar, having a few drinks, when I realize I gotta go tinkle.

So I go into one of the restroom stalls, and moments later, the guy in the next stall, says "Hi. How's it going?" So, I go "Uhhh, all right."

A couple of seconds later he says, "What are ya doing tonight?" So, naturally I replied, "Just having a couple of beers, and then I'm going home."

The next thing he says is, "Listen, I'll call you back later. There's an idiot in the next stall, answering everything I say.":p

:rolleyes:

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Wed Dec 20, 2006 4:07 pm

A guy notices that his mate in the pub has been in the Gents for ages so he goes in to see if everythings ok. His mate is in one of the cubicles and tells him there's no toilet paper so can he get some. The guy goes up to the bar and says "My mate has sent me to ask if you can put some toilet paper in the Gents"

The barman says "What's the matter with your mate, hasn't he got a tongue in his head?"

The guy says "Yeah, but he hasn't got a neck like a giraffe"

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Thu Mar 29, 2007 5:33 am

a guy walks into a shop ,the shopkepper says can i help you ?

the guys says i'm a moth

the shopkeeper says i think you need a psychiatrists mate not a butcher shop

the guy says yeah i know

shopkeeper says well why did you come in then ?

the guy saiad well your light was on

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Thu Mar 29, 2007 6:06 am

juno;584466 wrote: This prob goes in the worst category :p :

Q: Two flies are in a teapot. Which one is pregnant?

A: The one up the spout.

must do i found that funny :wah:

what do you cal a scottish cloakroom attendannt

angus McOatup

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Thu Mar 29, 2007 6:11 am

soberano oes into a builders merchant and says can i have a bag of nails ,shopkeeper says how long do you want them ???

soberano says i'd like to keep them if thats ok

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Thu Mar 29, 2007 6:15 am

wize guy goes into a store ands buys a bath , but the next day he takes it back saying it leaks

the guy says sir did you buy a plug ???

wize guy says well no one told me it was electric :wah: :wah:

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Thu Mar 29, 2007 6:33 am

suzy got stopped speeding in the car ,morning says the policeman young lady this is a 30 speed limit you were doing over 50 miles per hour

suzy says i may be blond but i'm not stupid i know your lying coz i only left the house 5 minutes ago

fisher · Post by **fisher** » Thu Mar 29, 2007 6:39 am

jimbo goes into a store to buy some condoms. He ask the shop keeper how much do they cost? She tells him, that will be 2.50 plus tax's. Jimbo say TAX'S, I though they stayed up by themselves.

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Thu Mar 29, 2007 6:42 am

fisher;584487 wrote: jimbo goes into a store to buy some condoms. He ask the shop keeper how much do they cost? She tells him, that will be 2.50 plus tax's. Jimbo say TAX'S, I though they stayed up by themselves.

thats the sprit :wah: :wah:

how do you stop fisher from sleeping on the plane ??

put your oxygen mask and life jacket on :wah:

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Thu Mar 29, 2007 6:44 am

suzy was driving down the road one day and she saw this blond on the path trying to row a boat on the grass ,she stopped the car and started shouting at the blond ,its blonds like you that give blonds every where a bad name ,and if i could swim i'd come over there and kick your ass :rolleyes:

fisher · Post by **fisher** » Thu Mar 29, 2007 6:45 am

jimbo;584488 wrote: thats the sprit :wah: :wah:

how do you stop fisher from sleeping on the plane ??

put your oxygen mask and life jacket on :wah:

lol. Yep that would work :wah:

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Thu Mar 29, 2007 6:47 am

two worms were playing golf one says to the other i really hate this game

the other worm says yeah me too but it sure beats fishing :wah: :wah:

fisher · Post by **fisher** » Thu Mar 29, 2007 6:47 am

Why did jimbo loose his job at the airport?

He got caught throwing bread at the helicopter's.:wah:

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Thu Mar 29, 2007 6:50 am

fisher gets pulled over by the cops after playing golf with his buddies all day ,and the police say sir i think your too drunk to drive fisher says to drunk to drive i cant even putt :wah: :wah:

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Thu Mar 29, 2007 6:55 am

soberano to a flag seller ,do you have any union jacks

flag seller yes sir

soberano ,what colours are they

flag seller ,red white and blue ????

soberano ,ok i'll have a red one :wah: :wah:

fisher · Post by **fisher** » Thu Mar 29, 2007 6:57 am

:wah: :wah:

A guy comes up to me as says "you know that jimbo from fg is full of crap and throws rocks at airplanes" I stuck up for him and said there's no way he can throw that high.

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Thu Mar 29, 2007 7:06 am

fisher and wise guy were walking back from the pub they two irish guys ,one has hold of the others legs and is hanging over the bridge and there is a huge pile of fish at his feet ,

fisher says to wise guy we better try that i've heard of it before its called trout tickeling ,

wise guy says ok there is another bridge up here

they stop at the bridge wise guy hangs on to fishers ankels

wg you got any thing ??

f NO NOT YET

WG you got any thing

f no not yet

WG you got anything ???

f no not ye..t pull me up quick pull me up quick

wg have caught any thing

fisher no there is a freaking train coming :wah: :wah:

fisher · Post by **fisher** » Thu Mar 29, 2007 7:07 am

How is a soyburger like a dildo?

They''re both substitutes for meat.

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Thu Mar 29, 2007 7:15 am

a guy into a morgue and there was a beautifull dead blond the guy asks how did she die ?

the man in charge says she was struck by lightning

the guy says yeah but why is she smiling??

man in charge says she thought she was having her photo taken

:D

YZGI · Post by **YZGI** » Thu Mar 29, 2007 7:17 am

I miss Anna Nicole Smith. She made me feel smart. I don't need to lose any more dumb people. I'll never get into Mensa.

YZGI · Post by **YZGI** » Thu Mar 29, 2007 7:18 am

YZGI;584508 wrote: I miss Anna Nicole Smith. She made me feel smart. I don't need to lose any more dumb people. I'll never get into Mensa.

Eerie. I posted this in the I miss thread.

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Thu Mar 29, 2007 7:20 am

YZGI;584508 wrote: I miss Anna Nicole Smith. She made me feel smart. I don't need to lose any more dumb people. I'll never get into Mensa.

you and me both :wah:

jimbo goes to the doctors and says doctor i think i've broken my leg in several places

doctor ..well dont go to those places then :rolleyes:

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Thu Mar 29, 2007 7:23 am

YZGI;584510 wrote: Eerie. I posted this in the I miss thread.

you win thats cracked me up :yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Thu Mar 29, 2007 7:32 am

i said to god , oh od why did you make suzy so beautifull ???

god said so you would love her

and then i asked god ,oh god why o why did you make her so dumb ???

he said jimbo so she would love you too :rolleyes:

WonderWendy3 · Post by **WonderWendy3** » Thu Mar 29, 2007 7:39 am

jimbo;584521 wrote: i said to god , oh od why did you make suzy so beautifull ???

god said so you would love her

and then i asked god ,oh god why o why did you make her so dumb ???

he said jimbo so she would love you too :rolleyes:

AWWWW....you are on a roll this morning/afternoon what ever time it is....keep 'em coming....:wah:

Sweet Tooth · Post by **Sweet Tooth** » Thu Mar 29, 2007 7:39 am

I think that all of Jimbo's jokes are the worst!!! :wah:

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Thu Mar 29, 2007 7:42 am

Sweet Tooth;584534 wrote: I think that all of Jimbo's jokes are the worst!!! :wah:

you used to be such fun what happened

husband asked sweettooth what she wanted for her birthday she said a dvorce

he said i was hoping not to spend that much :wah: :p

Sweet Tooth · Post by **Sweet Tooth** » Thu Mar 29, 2007 7:45 am

jimbo;584543 wrote: you used to be such fun what happened

husband asked sweettooth what she wanted for her birthday she said a dvorce

he said i was hoping not to spend that much

Thats only funny because today is my birthday! And thats what he would say!!!!! :yh_rotfl

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Thu Mar 29, 2007 7:47 am

Sweet Tooth;584549 wrote: Thats only funny because today is my birthday! And thats what he would say!!!!! :yh_rotfl

liar liar i just checked :p

i can when you are lying sweet tooth

your lips move :wah: :wah:

fisher · Post by **fisher** » Thu Mar 29, 2007 7:48 am

Jimbo was stranded on a desert island for 10 years. One day a beautiful girl swims to shore in a wetsuit.

Jimbo: "Hi! Am I ever happy to see you."

Girl: "Hi! It seems like you've been here a long time. How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?"

Jimbo: "It's been ten years!" With this information the girl unzips a slot on the arm of her wet suit and gives jimbo a cigarette.

Jimbo: "Oh thank you so much!"

Girl: "So tell me how long its been since you had a drink?"

Jimbo: "It's been ten years" The girl unzips a little longer zipper on her wet suit and comes out with a flask of whiskey and gives jimbo a drink.

Jimbo: "Oh... thank you so much. You are like a miracle!"

Girl: [Starting to unzip the front of her wet suit.] "So tell me then, how long has it been since you played around?"

Jimbo: "Oh, my God, don't tell me you've got a set of golf clubs in there too?!"

Sweet Tooth · Post by **Sweet Tooth** » Thu Mar 29, 2007 7:49 am

jimbo;584551 wrote: liar liar i just checked :p

i can when you are lying sweet tooth

your lips move :wah: :wah:

I'm serious I'm 22 today!

YZGI · Post by **YZGI** » Thu Mar 29, 2007 7:50 am

fisher;584553 wrote: Jimbo was stranded on a desert island for 10 years. One day a beautiful girl swims to shore in a wetsuit.

Jimbo: "Hi! Am I ever happy to see you."

Girl: "Hi! It seems like you've been here a long time. How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?"

Jimbo: "It's been ten years!" With this information the girl unzips a slot on the arm of her wet suit and gives jimbo a cigarette.

Jimbo: "Oh thank you so much!"

Girl: "So tell me how long its been since you had a drink?"

Jimbo: "It's been ten years" The girl unzips a little longer zipper on her wet suit and comes out with a flask of whiskey and gives jimbo a drink.

Jimbo: "Oh... thank you so much. You are like a miracle!"

Girl: [Starting to unzip the front of her wet suit.] "So tell me then, how long has it been since you played around?"

Jimbo: "Oh, my God, don't tell me you've got a set of golf clubs in there too?!"

:yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl

WonderWendy3 · Post by **WonderWendy3** » Thu Mar 29, 2007 8:05 am

fisher;584553 wrote: Jimbo was stranded on a desert island for 10 years. One day a beautiful girl swims to shore in a wetsuit.

Jimbo: "Hi! Am I ever happy to see you."

Girl: "Hi! It seems like you've been here a long time. How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?"

Jimbo: "It's been ten years!" With this information the girl unzips a slot on the arm of her wet suit and gives jimbo a cigarette.

Jimbo: "Oh thank you so much!"

Girl: "So tell me how long its been since you had a drink?"

Jimbo: "It's been ten years" The girl unzips a little longer zipper on her wet suit and comes out with a flask of whiskey and gives jimbo a drink.

Jimbo: "Oh... thank you so much. You are like a miracle!"

Girl: [Starting to unzip the front of her wet suit.] "So tell me then, how long has it been since you played around?"

Jimbo: "Oh, my God, don't tell me you've got a set of golf clubs in there too?!"

:yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl

That is Great!! LOVE IT!! Don't let me interupt, keep 'em comin!!"

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Thu Mar 29, 2007 8:07 am

immys husband took the dog to the vet today it had bitten his mother in law ,i said oh no your not having it put down are you ???

he said good lord no i'm getting its teeth sharpened

minks · Post by **minks** » Thu Mar 29, 2007 8:13 am

Jimbo and this hot girl Jenny (sorry suzyb just for fun ok) are on the train heading to Chicago.

They were put into the same sleeping berth.

Jimbo takes one bed and Jenny takes the other.

Jimbo gets cold and asks Jenny is she has an extra blanket to spare, Jenny says "yes Jimbo I do".

Jimbo askes Jenny to pass it to her.

Jenny says "better yet Jimbo let's pretend we are married....."

Jimbo gets a little twitchy and excited and agrees.

"Ok Jimbo how about you get up and get the blanket for yourself"

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Thu Mar 29, 2007 8:15 am

minks;584588 wrote: Jimbo and this hot girl Jenny (sorry suzyb just for fun ok) are on the train heading to Chicago.

They were put into the same sleeping berth.

Jimbo takes one bed and Jenny takes the other.

Jimbo gets cold and asks Jenny is she has an extra blanket to spare, Jenny says "yes Jimbo I do".

Jimbo askes Jenny to pass it to her.

Jenny says "better yet Jimbo let's pretend we are married....."

Jimbo gets a little twitchy and excited and agrees.

"Ok Jimbo how about you get up and get the blanket for yourself"

:p :p

you been talking to suzy aint ya