Jimbo's best worst jokes

buttercup · Post by **buttercup** » Sat Dec 09, 2006 3:18 pm

Post em here

:wah:

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Sat Dec 09, 2006 3:20 pm

buttercup;480913 wrote: Post em here

:wah:

er i dont have any best jokes :wah: :wah:

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Sat Dec 09, 2006 3:22 pm

*getting a front row seat*

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Sat Dec 09, 2006 3:24 pm

chonsigirl;480928 wrote: *getting a front row seat*

the preasure guys

dubs · Post by **dubs** » Sat Dec 09, 2006 4:43 pm

Let's face it, any of em could fit both categories.......:wah: :wah:

5-1 Jim, go on SPURS!!!!!!

Lulu2 · Post by **Lulu2** » Sat Dec 09, 2006 4:51 pm

(Turning on my recorder, so I don't miss as much as a word......)

READY!:)

:)

:-3

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Sat Dec 09, 2006 4:54 pm

being Irish I am allowed to tell Irish jokes (yes I know you love them don't lie!:wah: ).

So,............. Paddy Englishman,.......... Paddy Scotsman,........ and Paddy Irishman are all going to be shot by firing squad in the war by the British Army. Paddy Englishman is brought out and put up against the wall, just as the sergeant major is about to order the men to shoot he shouts,............ "JERRY AIR RAID", everyone runs for cover, he nips over the wall and gets away. Paddy Scotsman is brought out, he has heard about what has happened, just as the Sergeant is about to give the order he shouts,................ "EARTHQUAKE", everyone scatters again, he legs it over the wall and runs off. Paddy Irishman hears all this and is delighted with himself, "I'll do the same thing, these feckers are eejits", he thinks to himself, he is brought out and put up against a wall, the soliders take aim, the sergeant raises his arm, paddy Irishman roars out........... "FIRE". :wah:

Don't let me catch you telling any Irish jokes now, or things will get..........complicated. :wah:

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Sat Dec 09, 2006 5:53 pm

Pinky;481104 wrote: LMAO!!!:yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl

Got one for ya....

Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman are in the pub talking about names for kids.

Englishman says 'Well, I named my son George, after St. George.'

Scotsman says, 'Being patriotic like I am, I named my son Andrew, after St. Andrew!'

Irishman says' My boy will be chuffed to know he's not the only one named after a holiday! Yeah, young Pancake will be pleased to know he's not alone...'

Yes, Pancake O'Toole, he is the minister for finance now you know. :wah:

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Sat Dec 09, 2006 6:00 pm

Pinky;481109 wrote: Wonder if he's related to my cousin Conal?

If conal is good with money and loves shrove tuesday they might be you know, its a small country!

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Sat Dec 09, 2006 6:05 pm

Pinky;481116 wrote: He IS pretty good with money, but I have no idea about shrove tuesday!

Shrove Tuesday is what we catholics call pancake day! :wah:

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Sat Dec 09, 2006 6:14 pm

Pinky;481123 wrote: I know that much, I'm not completely dippy you know!:rolleyes:

I know I might appear to be a total ditz, but that's the side of me that makes people laugh, as opposed to the knowledgeable side, which makes people ignore me...sad but true.

D'ya reckon Conal may be derived from Connla?

I forgot the ye call it that in England as well, soz, its just that we do have some different names for the same holidays, like st stephens day (boxing day) etc. You talk a lot more sense than some of less fun-loving members here, believe me. I don't know where conal comes from, I suppose it must be derived from the gaelic, names are really interesting when you get into them, "Pinky" for example is French for "Tattooed School teaching type woman" while "Galbally" is peruvian for "man afraid of his own horse", fascinating, no?

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Sat Dec 09, 2006 6:24 pm

Don't be fooled by my avatar, its the guitar that is the star. Honestly, horses scare the sh*t out of me (well trying to ride the bloody things though they are lovely animals. Right, I am doing my usual trick of saying goodnight about 13 posts before I leave, I am now going to make a concerted attempt to get to the bedroom!

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Sun Dec 10, 2006 12:54 am

Diuretic;481242 wrote: I'm still chuckling over Jimbo's "contagious" joke :yh_bigsmi

got a couple of Pm's for that one

most people did not get glad you liked it :wah:

cars · Post by **cars** » Sun Dec 10, 2006 3:25 am

So this young Indian boy asks his Father; Father, how did I get my name?

The Father says, well son, Indian babies are given their names according to the first event that happened after the baby is born. Such as, your sister was born when the Moon was rising, so She was called, Rising Moon.

So, the Father says, why do you ask, Broken Rubber!!! :p

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Sun Dec 10, 2006 3:58 am

cars;481380 wrote: So this young Indian boy asks his Father; Father, how did I get my name?

The Father says, well son, Indian babies are given their names according to the first event that happened after the baby is born. Such as, your sister was born when the Moon was rising, so She was called, Rising Moon.

So, the Father says, why do you ask, Broken Rubber!!! :p

thats funny leaky johny ha ha ha

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Sun Dec 10, 2006 4:17 am

a bit risky this one so if your welsh an eskimo or easily offended tada:D

an eskimo on holiday in wales , breaks down in his car , a welsh farmer looks at the engine and oh no you've blown a seal

eskimo says so what you shag sheep :wah: :wah:

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Sun Dec 10, 2006 4:19 am

Diuretic;481399 wrote: Got it immediately - I'm half Irish after all

how do you feel about irish jokes , i'm half gypsy so you can tell gypsy jokes do you mind if i tell half irish jokes :wah: :wah: :wah:

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Sun Dec 10, 2006 4:39 am

Diuretic;481413 wrote: I only mind little bit...................about 50% :wah:

Nah, my mum tells me all the best Irish jokes anyway!

ok i will only post half irish jokes

did ya hear about the ISH paper shop

it blew away

i think maybe i have mental problems i'm crying with laughter at my own joke thats not even funny any way

if any one has ever seen return of the pink panther i am inspector dryfuss today ha ha :wah: :wah: :wah:

Tater Tazz · Post by **Tater Tazz** » Sun Dec 10, 2006 4:48 am

heres a redneck definition.

mo-dem v. and noun. to have cut of thrashed with a bladed machine.

" i thought about burnin' my front yard and my backyard, but i just modem instead.":wah:

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Sun Dec 10, 2006 4:50 am

Tater Tazz;481421 wrote: heres a redneck definition.

mo-dem v. and noun. to have cut of thrashed with a bladed machine.

" i thought about burnin' my front yard and my backyard, but i just modem instead.":wah:

it took a while but i got it , whats a red neck i take a hillbilly type person without sunblock

Tater Tazz · Post by **Tater Tazz** » Sun Dec 10, 2006 5:03 am

yeah, thats about right.

Tater Tazz · Post by **Tater Tazz** » Sun Dec 10, 2006 5:05 am

heres another.

pic-ture (pik_chur), v. to have pried loose using an apendage or tool.

"right in front of the whole class you picture nose.":wah:

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Sun Dec 10, 2006 5:05 am

Tater Tazz;481429 wrote: yeah, thats about right.

so red neck jokes are not racist then ... i honestly dont know if not i have a cunning plan

Tater Tazz · Post by **Tater Tazz** » Sun Dec 10, 2006 5:07 am

no, jeff foxworthy this is his redneck dictionary. comedian.

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Sun Dec 10, 2006 5:12 am

Tater Tazz;481437 wrote: no, jeff foxworthy this is his redneck dictionary. comedian.

allrighty then:sneaky:

why do rednecks smell

so blind people can hate them as well

uh oh that could be blindist nah i can get away with that they dont do f g in brail ....do they :-3 :-3

Tater Tazz · Post by **Tater Tazz** » Sun Dec 10, 2006 5:15 am

jimbo;481440 wrote: allrighty then:sneaky:

why do rednecks smell

so blind people can hate them as well

uh oh that could be blindist nah i can get away with that they dont do f g in brail ....do they :-3 :-3

thats good!!!!!! going to have to tell that one to friends when i go back to work.:wah:

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Sun Dec 10, 2006 5:18 am

Tater Tazz;481442 wrote: thats good!!!!!! going to have to tell that one to friends when i go back to work.:wah:

why dont they put rednecks on postage stamps

people dont know which side to spit on :wah:

guys if you have had enough of these jokes yet just pm me

buttercup · Post by **buttercup** » Mon Dec 18, 2006 3:25 pm

Was wondering where you were? Anybody got an update on Jimbo & Suzy?

Imladris · Post by **Imladris** » Tue Dec 19, 2006 4:54 am

buttercup;490526 wrote: Was wondering where you were? Anybody got an update on Jimbo & Suzy?

He's got a lot on at the moment and is taking a break but hopes to be back soon. He'd better be - I miss him:-1

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Tue Dec 19, 2006 5:00 am

cars;481380 wrote: So this young Indian boy asks his Father; Father, how did I get my name?

The Father says, well son, Indian babies are given their names according to the first event that happened after the baby is born. Such as, your sister was born when the Moon was rising, so She was called, Rising Moon.

So, the Father says, why do you ask, Broken Rubber!!! :p

Didn't she also have a brother called Two Dogs *******?

OzBoy · Post by **OzBoy** » Tue Dec 19, 2006 9:29 am

Got this one on hotmail last week.

An Englishman's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear. "Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any knickers?" her husband demanded."Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any."The Englishman immediately reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency, here's $ 50. Go and buy yourself some underwear."Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she is wearing no undies."Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You've no knickers. Why not?"She replies, "I can't afford any on the money you give me."He reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decen cy, here's $20. Go and buy yourself some underwear!"Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it."Sweet mudder of Jesus, Aggie! Where the frig are yer drawers?"She too explains, "You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta affarrd any."The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, "Well, fer the love 'O Jasus 'n the sake of decency, here's a comb. Tidy yerself up a bit.

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Tue Dec 19, 2006 1:48 pm

Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people

in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my

older brother Colin Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's Colin

Chookie · Post by **Chookie** » Tue Dec 19, 2006 2:44 pm

OzBoy;491077 wrote: Got this one on hotmail last week.

An Englishman's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear. "Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any knickers?" her husband demanded."Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any."The Englishman immediately reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency, here's $ 50. Go and buy yourself some underwear."Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she is wearing no undies."Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You've no knickers. Why not?"She replies, "I can't afford any on the money you give me."He reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decen cy, here's $20. Go and buy yourself some underwear!"Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it."Sweet mudder of Jesus, Aggie! Where the frig are yer drawers?"She too explains, "You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta affarrd any."The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, "Well, fer the love 'O Jasus 'n the sake of decency, here's a comb. Tidy yerself up a bit.

I must take exception to this racial slur.

It wisnae "A Scotsman" - it was Jack McConnell an Bridget.

cars · Post by **cars** » Wed Dec 20, 2006 1:54 am

Uncle Kram;491341 wrote: Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people

in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my

older brother Colin Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's Colin
:yh_rotfl

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Wed Dec 20, 2006 2:02 am

Uncle Kram;491341 wrote: Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people

in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my

older brother Colin Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's Colin

:eek:

Its your family I suppose you would know but my money is on dad.

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Wed Dec 20, 2006 2:13 am

A mushroom goes into a bar.

Bartender says "Hey, we don't serve mushrooms in here!"

Mushroom says "Why not? I'm a fun guy!"

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Wed Dec 20, 2006 2:15 am

RedGlitter;491815 wrote: A mushroom goes into a bar.

Bartender says "Hey, we don't serve mushrooms in here!"

Mushroom says "Why not? I'm a fun guy!"

ba bump

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Wed Dec 20, 2006 2:21 am

*hehe*

Okay....

Why do bees have sticky hair?

Because they have honey combs!

Okay okay.....

How can you tell an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

Footprints in the butter! :wah:

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Wed Dec 20, 2006 2:28 am

RedGlitter;491823 wrote: *hehe*

Okay....

Why do bees have sticky hair?

Because they have honey combs!

Okay okay.....

How can you tell an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

Footprints in the butter! :wah:
Why do elephants have yellow feet?

So they can hide upside down in the butter

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Wed Dec 20, 2006 2:30 am

Whats got no eyes and 4 tails?

3 Blind Mice and half a kipper