A question I need help with...
A question I need help with...
OK - As u all know I have been gone for awhile...I came home to a MOUNTAIN of mail and this was a letter I had recieved...
Dear Dawn,
We recently were told that you had remarried. Our understanding is you were not married in the Catholic Church. If this is correct, please phone me right away to set up a meeting on getting your marriage blessed, **NOW GET THIS*** - so YOUR children and yourself can keep receiving the sacaraments....
What the HELL? Ok first of all he says I need my marriage annulled...I was NOT married in the church the 1st time so there is nothing to annul.right? well my new hubby is Lutheran and he said that his sacraments follow under our laws of the church now and HIS first marriage needs annulled also...He has not spoke to his X since she walked out the door.. the lawyers took care of EVERYTHING-- she never looked back and he has never even seen her since. He is suppose to dig up his past - get ahold of her and have all of this for the priest...then he sends it to a Tribunal...PEOPLE who DO NOT know us and they decided our fate? I am sickened by all of this...plus we have to pay 250$ for his and 250$ for mine!! Then he goes on to tell me that I have been sinning because I have been receiving sacraments - confession, communion etc....and have been living in sin since I moved in with my hubby....I am MORTIFIED at this... Well I scheduled a meeting with him at 4 today...can anyone help me with some words of wisdom here.. I plan on telling him that I feel I have not sinned, and that it is My God that will judge me at the end and not my church.. I feel I should be able to receive communion and celebrate the sacraments till the day I die with or with out his permission... My children had attended the Catholic school and actually one still does...but with finaces the way they are I just couldn't keep forking out 400$ a month - for their education....when we have a perfectly good public school here also...Anyway-- let me know some opinions on this if u get time...Thanks!! Plus I don't think my kids should have to pay for our mistakes...
Dear Dawn,
We recently were told that you had remarried. Our understanding is you were not married in the Catholic Church. If this is correct, please phone me right away to set up a meeting on getting your marriage blessed, **NOW GET THIS*** - so YOUR children and yourself can keep receiving the sacaraments....
What the HELL? Ok first of all he says I need my marriage annulled...I was NOT married in the church the 1st time so there is nothing to annul.right? well my new hubby is Lutheran and he said that his sacraments follow under our laws of the church now and HIS first marriage needs annulled also...He has not spoke to his X since she walked out the door.. the lawyers took care of EVERYTHING-- she never looked back and he has never even seen her since. He is suppose to dig up his past - get ahold of her and have all of this for the priest...then he sends it to a Tribunal...PEOPLE who DO NOT know us and they decided our fate? I am sickened by all of this...plus we have to pay 250$ for his and 250$ for mine!! Then he goes on to tell me that I have been sinning because I have been receiving sacraments - confession, communion etc....and have been living in sin since I moved in with my hubby....I am MORTIFIED at this... Well I scheduled a meeting with him at 4 today...can anyone help me with some words of wisdom here.. I plan on telling him that I feel I have not sinned, and that it is My God that will judge me at the end and not my church.. I feel I should be able to receive communion and celebrate the sacraments till the day I die with or with out his permission... My children had attended the Catholic school and actually one still does...but with finaces the way they are I just couldn't keep forking out 400$ a month - for their education....when we have a perfectly good public school here also...Anyway-- let me know some opinions on this if u get time...Thanks!! Plus I don't think my kids should have to pay for our mistakes...
~~The Family~~
Happiness is knowing where you come from...
Who you are...
And why you are here.....
A question I need help with...
maybe this is why i am the only non-catholic italian i know.

A question I need help with...
lady cop wrote: maybe this is why i am the only non-catholic italian i know.
Your not the only one LC.
I left the church years ago, (money grabbing control freaks) my religion is in me so I do things my way.

Your not the only one LC.
I left the church years ago, (money grabbing control freaks) my religion is in me so I do things my way.
A question I need help with...
Mom, are you married in your heart? tell them to go pound sand. and go to church where you are comfortable.
A question I need help with...
lady cop wrote: Mom, are you married in your heart? tell them to go pound sand. and go to church where you are comfortable.
or marry on a mountain top and shout out your joy and be happy with that.
or marry on a mountain top and shout out your joy and be happy with that.
�You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.�
• Mae West
• Mae West
A question I need help with...
I guess I can understand your need for a meeting, but if it were me I
wouldn't even bother, and I wouldn't give the church $500. Who needs
all that stress?
If you try and say you haven't sinned I don't think you will get very far,
I imagine the priest could talk rings around you on that score.
One of the most beautiful places I ever went was a catholic church,
but the catholic faith and hierarchy leaves much to be desired, at least
for me.
You are a good person, you know you are, let it be at that. Why should
you have to jump through hoops for them at this point in your life? Not
worth it. You need to conserve energy and be happy... I am very sure
your God wants that for you!!
wouldn't even bother, and I wouldn't give the church $500. Who needs
all that stress?
If you try and say you haven't sinned I don't think you will get very far,
I imagine the priest could talk rings around you on that score.
One of the most beautiful places I ever went was a catholic church,
but the catholic faith and hierarchy leaves much to be desired, at least
for me.
You are a good person, you know you are, let it be at that. Why should
you have to jump through hoops for them at this point in your life? Not
worth it. You need to conserve energy and be happy... I am very sure
your God wants that for you!!
A question I need help with...
How terrible to receive such a letter. Personally, I think this should have been handled one on one with you so that you could resolve it immediately and not have to go through the hurt and anger you must be feeling.
I do believe you need to follow whatever rules and guidelines are set in your particular denomination, but since this does not in any way "feel right" to you, perhaps you need to reassess what you believe and maybe worship at another denominations altar.
The Episcopal Church will have the liturgy you are use to and is less restricting on many matters. I personally don't believe in church shopping, but when one has a major difference of opinion on what is right -- then it may be time to rethink where you may want to pray in the future.
God knows your heart, so be confident that you are held in His care, if not the church's.
I do believe you need to follow whatever rules and guidelines are set in your particular denomination, but since this does not in any way "feel right" to you, perhaps you need to reassess what you believe and maybe worship at another denominations altar.
The Episcopal Church will have the liturgy you are use to and is less restricting on many matters. I personally don't believe in church shopping, but when one has a major difference of opinion on what is right -- then it may be time to rethink where you may want to pray in the future.
God knows your heart, so be confident that you are held in His care, if not the church's.
A question I need help with...
Thanks everybody - I just need something witty to say as I believe that "if you believe in a GOD" then you will be saved.. I also believe that this is hell...here on earth...So Soj. you are correct on one thing-- my beliefs have changed..but I do know that I could have never made it this far with cancer and now everything else going wrong if I could not have prayed to someone....I just don't think I should have to stop receiving the sacraments if I feel giving my children a 2 parent family - and a loving home enviroment was the best thing...Now my hubby is upset because I had even asked him to do this...he is upset and dwelling on the past and his X wife...Ohhhhhhh one really does not need added stress........LOL Well I am off to go attend this meeting at 4:00 and I will update u further....
~~The Family~~
Happiness is knowing where you come from...
Who you are...
And why you are here.....
A question I need help with...
As an Irish Catholic I am not surprised at this at all. Our church is involved in a child abuse scandal (which RC church isn't?) at the moment that goes back over 40 years (at least) involves quite possibly hundreds of priests, and involves a cover up at the highest levels in the national church, and what has been the Vatican's response to worried parents? "Don't bring your children to Harry Poter, it will corrupt their young minds". We are of course expected to share the church's pain at the sins of its members, in fact they are so full of pain that they may even have to ask the governemnt to bail them out on compensation money (again) for the numerous victims of abuse they know was occurring but did nothing to stop, which as far as I'm concerned is being an accessory to the fact. In other words we have to pay out for our own children being raped, abused, victimized, destroyed, and at the same time listen to the sanctimonious crap of the senior clergy. All I can say is f*ck off you lying hypocrites and make sure your insurance money covers your mates' kiddly fiddling arses. Men of "God" indeed.
You tell that priest that before he makes any moral judgements on you because you havn't paid him off to get your marraige blessed that he thinks long and hard about what kind of church he is a member of, and what he's going to do about it. I dunno any more, maybe the Protestants were right in the first place to get the hell out of Catholicism. My own Church, frankly, disgusts me, and if I was religious I don't know how I would deal with it, the only thing that comforts me is that I never believed in them in the first place.
You tell that priest that before he makes any moral judgements on you because you havn't paid him off to get your marraige blessed that he thinks long and hard about what kind of church he is a member of, and what he's going to do about it. I dunno any more, maybe the Protestants were right in the first place to get the hell out of Catholicism. My own Church, frankly, disgusts me, and if I was religious I don't know how I would deal with it, the only thing that comforts me is that I never believed in them in the first place.
"We are never so happy, never so unhappy, as we imagine"
Le Rochefoucauld.
"A smack in the face settles all arguments, then you can move on kid."
My dad 1986.
Le Rochefoucauld.
"A smack in the face settles all arguments, then you can move on kid."
My dad 1986.
A question I need help with...
Galbally wrote: As an Irish Catholic I am not surprised at this at all. Our church is involved in a child abuse scandal (which RC church isn't?) at the moment that goes back over 40 years (at least) involves quite possibly hundreds of priests, and involves a cover up at the highest levels in the national church, and what has been the Vatican's response to worried parents? "Don't bring your children to Harry Poter, it will corrupt their young minds". We are of course expected to share the church's pain at the sins of its members, in fact they are so full of pain that they may even have to ask the governemnt to bail them out on compensation money (again) for the numerous victims of abuse they know was occurring but did nothing to stop, which as far as I'm concerned is being an accessory to the fact. In other words we have to pay out for our own children being raped, abused, victimized, destroyed, and at the same time listen to the sanctimonious crap of the senior clergy. All I can say is f*ck off you lying hypocrites and make sure your insurance money covers your mates' kiddly fiddling arses. Men of "God" indeed.
You tell that priest that before he makes any moral judgements on you because you havn't paid him off to get your marraige blessed that he thinks long and hard about what kind of church he is a member of, and what he's going to do about it. I dunno any more, maybe the Protestants were right in the first place to get the hell out of Catholicism. My own Church, frankly, disgusts me, and if I was religious I don't know how I would deal with it, the only thing that comforts me is that I never believed in them in the first place.
WOW
You tell that priest that before he makes any moral judgements on you because you havn't paid him off to get your marraige blessed that he thinks long and hard about what kind of church he is a member of, and what he's going to do about it. I dunno any more, maybe the Protestants were right in the first place to get the hell out of Catholicism. My own Church, frankly, disgusts me, and if I was religious I don't know how I would deal with it, the only thing that comforts me is that I never believed in them in the first place.
WOW
~~The Family~~
Happiness is knowing where you come from...
Who you are...
And why you are here.....
A question I need help with...
Well.....with that being said-- which I do not argue one issue that he stated above.....
I walked in there- told him that before we filled out anymore papers we needed to talk...I then proceeded in telling him how much stress he has put on my marriage and thats the last thing we need right now.. I also told him that I don't think any amount of money will change the fact that I am a Catholic and that I am going to continue to receive the sacraments of my Church...I then started to cry---:-5 I hate when I do that....needless to say that he pretty much told me he was sorry for putting undue stress on me and that instead of sending everything off to the Dioceses he would work on it with in our parish...he also said that when we were ready we could file with the Tribunal and have it annulled....I looked at him and said I will not pay for the priest sins and the faults of our church...He said because I have small children and that I felt he was pushing the younger generation out of the church - he said I could continue receiving communion and the rest of my sacraments...I told him that MY God would never condemn me for participating in a Mass and that he is not the one judging me on my final day.... Then I wiped up my tears and said goodbye! :rolleyes:
I walked in there- told him that before we filled out anymore papers we needed to talk...I then proceeded in telling him how much stress he has put on my marriage and thats the last thing we need right now.. I also told him that I don't think any amount of money will change the fact that I am a Catholic and that I am going to continue to receive the sacraments of my Church...I then started to cry---:-5 I hate when I do that....needless to say that he pretty much told me he was sorry for putting undue stress on me and that instead of sending everything off to the Dioceses he would work on it with in our parish...he also said that when we were ready we could file with the Tribunal and have it annulled....I looked at him and said I will not pay for the priest sins and the faults of our church...He said because I have small children and that I felt he was pushing the younger generation out of the church - he said I could continue receiving communion and the rest of my sacraments...I told him that MY God would never condemn me for participating in a Mass and that he is not the one judging me on my final day.... Then I wiped up my tears and said goodbye! :rolleyes:
~~The Family~~
Happiness is knowing where you come from...
Who you are...
And why you are here.....
A question I need help with...
I'm sorry girl, I didn't mean to get angry on that post, but I am sickened at the moment with the Catholic church. Well, all I will say is that God does not judge on the outer appearances of ones life, and you don't have to answer for anything, you have done nothing wrong. I know my own mom went through years of feeling bad as a "good" Catholic because she only had a civil marraige, but there were some good priests here who eased her mind about such things and told her to carry on practicing as she saw fit as she hadn't murdered anyone and that it was up to her and her husband about their marraige, its not orthodox I know, but at least not all priests are such sticklers for tradition. I do have to say though, and it truly pains me to say it as I was raised by a strong Catholic family, but when I have my own kids I think I will find it hard to raise them as Catholics the way I was raised. I honestly think the chuch has lost its way and needs to do something to change for the better.
"We are never so happy, never so unhappy, as we imagine"
Le Rochefoucauld.
"A smack in the face settles all arguments, then you can move on kid."
My dad 1986.
Le Rochefoucauld.
"A smack in the face settles all arguments, then you can move on kid."
My dad 1986.
A question I need help with...
This is the reason I don't believe in organized religion. God will be my judge when I die, not some money hungry priest or preacher who sins probably more than I do.
They use religion as a justified way to beg for money.:-5 They are the reason so manypeople are screwed up in the head and feel guilty for not doing anything wrong.


- nvalleyvee
- Posts: 5191
- Joined: Thu Apr 21, 2005 8:57 am
A question I need help with...
I think you should have done what my Grandma did after her husband died. She told the minister that since he had never come around to check on HER during her hard times she would be joining another Methodist church. I'm glad you lambasted this person. Has he been beside your family - visited you in the hospital - been in to bring meals to your family - done ANY KIND of spiritual counseling other than telling you to give him money so you can be married according to HIS religion? Your God is with you no matter what.
The growth of knowledge depends entirely on disagreement..........Karl R. Popper
A question I need help with...
OHHHHHHHH Galbally--- I was not upset--in fact I believe in what you said 100% - Please don't think I took it in a negative way!!:-4
Also-----Far...& everyone else...thanks!! I really appreciate the other way to look at things...I got exactly what I had asked for and it was your opinions!! Wonderful ideas and belief's - that is what makes us such a well rounded group!!!Thanks again.......:-4
Also-----Far...& everyone else...thanks!! I really appreciate the other way to look at things...I got exactly what I had asked for and it was your opinions!! Wonderful ideas and belief's - that is what makes us such a well rounded group!!!Thanks again.......:-4
~~The Family~~
Happiness is knowing where you come from...
Who you are...
And why you are here.....
A question I need help with...
mominiowa wrote: ...this was a letter I had recieved....Mom, it's hard for me, as a practicing, lifelong Catholic who loves the Church, to advise you on the basis of your initial post because it's so short on detail. Who sent the latter? Whence came the figures of $250 and $500.? What is your marital history? These things are none of my business, of course, but it's hard to offer advice without knowing them.
It seems to me your first decision is whether you wish to remain a practicing Catholic. If not, you have all kinds of choices, the most obvious of which would be adopting your husband's church. That would remove the 'disparity of cult' (technical term) which sometimes (certainly not always) causes problems within a marriage. If you wish to remain a practicing Catholic, you have to follow the Church's teachings and practices concerning marriage. You may think that these are unrealistic, and frankly, I agree with you. But they are rules just the same, and they're unlikely to change anytime soon. It sounds like the person who sent the letter was trying to be helpful, but the money involved seems unusual to me - I've never heard of any such thing IN CASES LIKE YOURS. Where there is a DISPUTE regarding an annulment, one sometimes has to hire a canon lawyer who charges like any other lawyer - that does not seem to be the case here. Apart from that, the Church is certainly not getting rich off its members. If takes an enormous amount of money to operate a parish and everyone is expected to contribute as they are able. That is why I find it so unusual that a fee of $250 or $500 was stipulated. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I don't believe you, I'd just like a bit more information if you'd like advice from someone who was in a similar situation and has no complaints about how it was handled. You may find, as some other posters have suggested, that simply going to a different Catholic Church in the area will solve the problem, or at least provide some help.
It seems to me your first decision is whether you wish to remain a practicing Catholic. If not, you have all kinds of choices, the most obvious of which would be adopting your husband's church. That would remove the 'disparity of cult' (technical term) which sometimes (certainly not always) causes problems within a marriage. If you wish to remain a practicing Catholic, you have to follow the Church's teachings and practices concerning marriage. You may think that these are unrealistic, and frankly, I agree with you. But they are rules just the same, and they're unlikely to change anytime soon. It sounds like the person who sent the letter was trying to be helpful, but the money involved seems unusual to me - I've never heard of any such thing IN CASES LIKE YOURS. Where there is a DISPUTE regarding an annulment, one sometimes has to hire a canon lawyer who charges like any other lawyer - that does not seem to be the case here. Apart from that, the Church is certainly not getting rich off its members. If takes an enormous amount of money to operate a parish and everyone is expected to contribute as they are able. That is why I find it so unusual that a fee of $250 or $500 was stipulated. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I don't believe you, I'd just like a bit more information if you'd like advice from someone who was in a similar situation and has no complaints about how it was handled. You may find, as some other posters have suggested, that simply going to a different Catholic Church in the area will solve the problem, or at least provide some help.
- DesignerGal
- Posts: 2554
- Joined: Tue Aug 30, 2005 11:20 am
A question I need help with...
mominiowa wrote: OK - As u all know I have been gone for awhile...I came home to a MOUNTAIN of mail and this was a letter I had recieved...
Dear Dawn,
We recently were told that you had remarried. Our understanding is you were not married in the Catholic Church. If this is correct, please phone me right away to set up a meeting on getting your marriage blessed, **NOW GET THIS*** - so YOUR children and yourself can keep receiving the sacaraments....
What the HELL? Ok first of all he says I need my marriage annulled...I was NOT married in the church the 1st time so there is nothing to annul.right? well my new hubby is Lutheran and he said that his sacraments follow under our laws of the church now and HIS first marriage needs annulled also...He has not spoke to his X since she walked out the door.. the lawyers took care of EVERYTHING-- she never looked back and he has never even seen her since. He is suppose to dig up his past - get ahold of her and have all of this for the priest...then he sends it to a Tribunal...PEOPLE who DO NOT know us and they decided our fate? I am sickened by all of this...plus we have to pay 250$ for his and 250$ for mine!! Then he goes on to tell me that I have been sinning because I have been receiving sacraments - confession, communion etc....and have been living in sin since I moved in with my hubby....I am MORTIFIED at this... Well I scheduled a meeting with him at 4 today...can anyone help me with some words of wisdom here.. I plan on telling him that I feel I have not sinned, and that it is My God that will judge me at the end and not my church.. I feel I should be able to receive communion and celebrate the sacraments till the day I die with or with out his permission... My children had attended the Catholic school and actually one still does...but with finaces the way they are I just couldn't keep forking out 400$ a month - for their education....when we have a perfectly good public school here also...Anyway-- let me know some opinions on this if u get time...Thanks!! Plus I don't think my kids should have to pay for our mistakes...
You should switch to Catholic Lite....Become an Episcopalian today!!!! We have fun, fun, fun!!
Dear Dawn,
We recently were told that you had remarried. Our understanding is you were not married in the Catholic Church. If this is correct, please phone me right away to set up a meeting on getting your marriage blessed, **NOW GET THIS*** - so YOUR children and yourself can keep receiving the sacaraments....
What the HELL? Ok first of all he says I need my marriage annulled...I was NOT married in the church the 1st time so there is nothing to annul.right? well my new hubby is Lutheran and he said that his sacraments follow under our laws of the church now and HIS first marriage needs annulled also...He has not spoke to his X since she walked out the door.. the lawyers took care of EVERYTHING-- she never looked back and he has never even seen her since. He is suppose to dig up his past - get ahold of her and have all of this for the priest...then he sends it to a Tribunal...PEOPLE who DO NOT know us and they decided our fate? I am sickened by all of this...plus we have to pay 250$ for his and 250$ for mine!! Then he goes on to tell me that I have been sinning because I have been receiving sacraments - confession, communion etc....and have been living in sin since I moved in with my hubby....I am MORTIFIED at this... Well I scheduled a meeting with him at 4 today...can anyone help me with some words of wisdom here.. I plan on telling him that I feel I have not sinned, and that it is My God that will judge me at the end and not my church.. I feel I should be able to receive communion and celebrate the sacraments till the day I die with or with out his permission... My children had attended the Catholic school and actually one still does...but with finaces the way they are I just couldn't keep forking out 400$ a month - for their education....when we have a perfectly good public school here also...Anyway-- let me know some opinions on this if u get time...Thanks!! Plus I don't think my kids should have to pay for our mistakes...
You should switch to Catholic Lite....Become an Episcopalian today!!!! We have fun, fun, fun!!
HBIC
A question I need help with...
I go along with Designergal. Sounds like a perfectly good solution to me. O course I'm biased.
Shalom'
Ted:-6
Shalom'
Ted:-6