Scared to move my kids again...help!

Catillac · Post by **Catillac** » Wed Dec 21, 2005 4:22 pm

I am new to the ForumGarden. I have been looking for a place where I can get some advice about moving my kids again.

Just some basics: I am from NYC originally, when I was 16 my parents decided to move to New Mexico, I met my husand there and we have 2 children. We all wanted to get out of New Mexico. We moved from New Mexico to New Jersey 4 years ago, now we are having severe financial difficulties because of the cost of living here. We are used to a certain way of life and we can not have that here because of the cost of living. We recently filed bankruptcy because of how bad things have gotten. We feel our only option is to move, we are looking at moving to Charlotte, NC. Our kids (ages 13 & 15) are against the move and I totally understand. My husband can transfer with his company but because of his lack of seniority we have to move in February...which means we have to disrupt the kids school. They both say they understand why we have to move and don't have a problem with that...they just don't want to move during the school year again. Because of our finances, we can't stay here and have my husband go ahead of us...we can't afford two rents and bills. Personally I don't want to move...I love it here and our friends...any suggestions? :-3

Accountable · Post by **Accountable** » Wed Dec 21, 2005 4:27 pm

Lots of parents here to help you out. Unfortunately I'm not one of 'em.

I just want to welcome you and assure you that as long as you pack lots of love, you can move anywhere. Good luck.

Post by **Betty Boop** » Wed Dec 21, 2005 4:30 pm

What do you mean you are used to a certain way of life???

If you can't afford a particular lifestyle you have to tighten your belts and live within your means.

SOJOURNER · Post by **SOJOURNER** » Wed Dec 21, 2005 10:04 pm

Cadillac: Because of our finances, we can't stay here and have my husband go ahead of us...we can't afford two rents and bills. Personally I don't want to move...I love it here and our friends...any suggestions?

Suggestion: You don't seem to have the luxury of choice here. By your own statement, your wallet is dictating what you must do. I think your children are old enough to understand the reasoning for your forthcoming move. Including them in your plans and asking for their help may bring you all closer together. to FG.

LilacDragon · Post by **LilacDragon** » Wed Dec 21, 2005 10:30 pm

Just move. The kids will get over it much faster then you think.

I lost my house last spring, and moved 2 months before the end of the school year. Since we only moved 20 miles away from my 17 year old daughter's high school, for two months I drove her back and forth to school. I should have done her a favor and insisted that she went to her new school!

Now she is a senior and started the school year with no friends. She is kind of shy, until one gets to know her, so she has made very few friends and none in her grade. Every single day I have to listen to her tell me how much she hates her new school and had a lousy day.

Had I transferred her last year, she would have maybe made a few more friends and had a summer to develope those friendships.

mominiowa · Post by **mominiowa** » Thu Dec 22, 2005 12:03 am

First of all WELCOME......secondly- I remember teaching in a small district in southern Iowa and we had a family move in that the kids had attended 5 schools.I couldn't believe that these children had parents that would do that---well......years later - my x had to transfer -we couldn't find a house in that town so they started in a small town down the road...we finally found a house and then moved them again! ONLY to be divorced 5 years later and I up rooted them yet AGAIN - and here we are.....then the sad thing is they changed schools again when they went from private to public...It is hard on them and I regret ever thinking about why those kids I "JUDGED" had been in so many schools.......kids are very fragile but also very easily adjusted...you need to do whats right for the family and for your finances...becuase a home in a different district or different state is better then no home and no money...Hang tight sweetie - no body likes to uproot the family but if it needs to be done - it has to be done...good luck to you and again WELCOME....hell- come to Iowa--great schools and VERY economical!! LOL You can rent a house here 3-4 bedrooms for 350-400$ a month!

Catillac · Post by **Catillac** » Thu Dec 22, 2005 12:46 pm

Thank you for the welcomes and advice.

It's easy to say live within your means and tighten your belt...but trying to change what you have done for 15 years is hard. At this point I don't think there is enough tightening we can do to stay here. The only reason we have a Christmas tree this year is because my boss and his wife bought us one. I have thought about leaving my kids for a couple months, but I want to teach them that if we stay together we can get through anything. I think the hang up is more me then them...I still resent my parents for moving me away from all our family and friends and I don't want my boys to feel the same way towards me. The BIG difference is my boys will have it better...it will be an upgrade for them (or getting back to normal)...where as when my parents moved me to New Mexico it was a MAJOR downgrade and then they started to physically abuse me. I don't want to sound like a snob or anything...but my kids have had to give up a lot since we moved here. They are great because they don't act like spoiled brats and get pissy because they don't get what they want. But, my older son had to quit playing ice hockey because we can't afford it, he's played since he was 5 and really misses it. My younger son still plays but isn't playing travel hockey. Actually he is about to get kicked off the team because I haven't paid his fees in months. We haven't been on vacation since we moved here. We used to sponser a kid to play hockey every year, now we need the sponsoring. Every year we adopted a family for Christmas and we haven't done that in 3 years...that one really bothers me. My niece and nephew lost their father 12 years ago and the past 2 years I haven't been able to do anything for them. I guess I am trying to justify moving. I just didn't think it was going to be next month!

I look forward to getting to know everyone. I'm sure you'll all be hearing lots from me...both needing and giving advice!! Happy Holidays!!!:yh_party :yh_party

Accountable · Post by **Accountable** » Thu Dec 22, 2005 12:56 pm

skittles2004 wrote: Thats not true!!! My friend left her family so she can move back to pheonix... KIDS DONT GET OVER IT!!! I NEVER HAVE!!!You're still a kid. You haven't had a chance to get over it.

Catillac · Post by **Catillac** » Thu Dec 22, 2005 1:01 pm

Skittles...where in NM are you? I lived in Rio Rancho for 15 years before moving to New Jersey...now moving to North Carolina...I never got over moving from NYC to NM...

orangesox1 · Post by **orangesox1** » Thu Dec 22, 2005 3:02 pm

I was moved from England to Australia when I was 14, my sister was 16. It was really difficult to moved at that age and I had trouble settling into a new school and having to make new friends. I have also moved my kids through 5 different countries, it was difficult for them to leave their friends everytime, but they got over it just as I did. The most difficult time to move kids is during their teenage years but it can be done quite succesfully.

Accountable · Post by **Accountable** » Thu Dec 22, 2005 4:55 pm

skittles2004 wrote: Oh you got lucky... i'd rather live in rio rancho. I live in Farmington... Yeah even the name is hick!If I weren't an adult and relatively responsible, I'd tell you just how cool hicksville can be. :p

Catillac · Post by **Catillac** » Thu Dec 22, 2005 5:11 pm

Skittles...where did u live before Farmington?

nvalleyvee · Post by **nvalleyvee** » Thu Dec 22, 2005 8:30 pm

BTS and I live in Bernalillo. It is affordable for our income. What you have to think about is the best interest of the family if you can't afford to live in NJ-----GET OUT. There are other places in the country where the pay may be less BUT the cost of living is soooo much less. The children will get over it. They will make new friends and you will have the extra money for extra activities. They will forgive you. Just remember you are the boss of the family and decide what is RIGHT for the family. Teens are always going to be upset about something......it is their nature to be rebellious.

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Thu Dec 22, 2005 11:50 pm

skittles2004 wrote: then what about my friend!!! she's 16
Also still a child and not had the chance to get over it, which she certainly will.