Here's my sad story

Mookey1229 · Post by **Mookey1229** » Sun Dec 25, 2005 9:10 pm

Well, I will try to make this as short as I can but here's my story and I'm stickin to it. :-1 My entire life has been dedicated to my family. I have two boys by a previous marriage that lasted 10 years. My ex was an alcoholic and a cheater. When we divorced my oldest son was 10 years old. He has had a chip on his shoulder ever since, even though he knew what his dad was doing. For years he hated his dad. I remarried a wonderful man that had no children and raised my two as his own. My oldest son fought us all the way to alter even though he liked my husband. Yes, I understood his feelings and tried my best to work with him. We even attended counseling sessions.

As the years went on our relationship got a little better, until he married at the age of 32. The woman he married has a Master Degree, is from a very snooty wealthy family and she is paranoid about everything! I tried my best to make freinds with. Nothing worked. Anything I said got turned around and made into something it was not.

My other son married at 25 and has 3 children and I have a wonderful relationship with him and my daughter-in-law. She is an ex drug addict, was always in troulbe in school and ran away alot when she was young. Talk about 2 opposites.

Well, my oldest son became friends with his dad and his 4th wife who also has a very bad drinking habit. (hmmmm) My son is also an alcoholic. He too has two beautiful sons.

Well, my snooty daughter-in-law and her mother (who is also an alcoholic) got together with my ex and his wife and decided to gossip about my other daughter-in-law because a year ago she fell off the wagon and they had major marriage problems going on.

Are ya all keepin up with me here?

Well, my naughty daughter-in-law wrote a to them telling them she did not appreciate them talking about her etc. etc.

Anyway somehow all the problems in the entire world became my fault and my oldest called and reemed me a new one because I was so close to my naughty daughter-in-law and he thinks I am choosing her over him. He decided he no longer wanted to have anything to do with the family just like that! I am devastated over the entire thing. He said I ruined their wedding, I ruined the birth of the babies and so on. I am stunned.

I took christmas presents over to my grandsons and left them on their porch, only to have them returned to me in the middle of the night.

We had alot of problems during the planning of the wedding, because we do not have the kind of money her parents do and he expected us to be able to come up with the money he needed. That started the whole thing 4 years ago. It has never ended. I am beside myself with grief over the loss of my son and my grandsons. They are the only things I look forward to in my life. I quit my job so I could stay home and take care of them. They are 9, 5, 2, 12 months and 10 months old. He has the 2 year old and the 10 month old.

I know no one can solve this for me or make it better, but it sure feels good to write it all down. Its hard to talk to other family members about it because they do not feel the sadness that I do. I have been crying for days. Thanks for lending and ear and for just being here. :-5

mominiowa · Post by **mominiowa** » Sun Dec 25, 2005 9:48 pm

Mookey welcome to the FG..I have a friend that is going through a similar situation.and I would love for her to read your story...It has been a rough road for you and you deserve happiness...you do not deserve to be treated this way by your child....you need to tell them that no matter what the choices they have made you will always be their mother and the kids' grandma...then walk away. you should not have to choose between your daughter in laws -your kids =or your family...Keep your chin up and know that you raised 2 good boys.with what you had--if one is choosing to walk away you can not control or stop that--you just have to adjust..the most important thing you can do though.is tell them both, that you love them and that they are making the choice to alienate your grandsons from you... .but you will always be his mom and you will not stop loving him...It will take some time but I think after awhile every stubborn child realizes they need a mother in their lives...Good Luck to you.....and hang in there....

Mookey1229 · Post by **Mookey1229** » Sun Dec 25, 2005 10:30 pm

That is pretty much what I have done. After all of this happened, I wrote him a letter letting them know that no matter what I will always love him as much as the day he was born. When he was ready to resolve things I would be waiting. He has such a bad temper. You cannot just sit down and talk to either one of them. The last time I did that my daughter-in-law said I wouldn't tell them who told me the gossip then I might as well pick up my coat and walk out the door. Thats just what I did. I am not one to name drop. She tells out right lies! She even said my husband was a pervert and it got back to his work place. When we confronted her, she lied about, but then the next time they came to see us she let it slip and called him a pervert to his face in joking way. My friends cannot believe this has happened to me. I have never had an enemy in my life. I get along with everyone. Thanks for responding and I would love to hear from your friend.

Rapunzel · Post by **Rapunzel** » Mon Dec 26, 2005 7:48 am

mominiowa wrote: Mookey welcome to the FG..I have a friend that is going through a similar situation.and I would love for her to read your story...It has been a rough road for you and you deserve happiness...you do not deserve to be treated this way by your child....you need to tell them that no matter what the choices they have made you will always be their mother and the kids' grandma...then walk away. you should not have to choose between your daughter in laws -your kids =or your family...Keep your chin up and know that you raised 2 good boys.with what you had--if one is choosing to walk away you can not control or stop that--you just have to adjust..the most important thing you can do though.is tell them both, that you love them and that they are making the choice to alienate your grandsons from you... .but you will always be his mom and you will not stop loving him...It will take some time but I think after awhile every stubborn child realizes they need a mother in their lives...Good Luck to you.....and hang in there....

Wow Mom, what good advice, I totally agree with al you say.

Hiya Mookey and welcome to FG. Its so true when people say "You can choose your friends but not your family". My friends are like me and we get along fine, but families are like a packet of all-sorts. My sister did something very mean to me a while ago, then lied to my mum about it. Being the baby she's always been cosseted and so my mother believed her, not me. Result: she hasn't spoken to me in nearly a year! In fact, neither of them have, yet, prior to that, we all talked almost daily on the phone. Last year I fell pregnant, but later lost the baby. Neither of them knew my joy at expecting or of my sadness at the loss. Neither phoned to wish us a happy christmas. Like you, I have huge waves of sadness and depression that wash over me and I struggle to get past them. I have my immediate family to care for and even though I'm saddened that my mother can believe such evil things of me (and that my sister could even say them - and for no reason other than to make mischief) I have decided my life cannot be made miserable by such untruths. I will live my life as best I can and I pray that their consciences are troubling them and that one day they'll realise that my personality is nothing like the lie that was told and perhaps they'll remember the many, many times I have gone out of my way for them. Until then they know my address and phone number and they can call if they want to talk.

Enjoy your other grandchildren and your son and daughter-il-law and make the most of life. Keep the lines of communication open and keep sending gifts for Christmas and birthdays, even if they are returned. I think that at some point your openness and generosity should make them stop and think about how things are different from their initial perception and then they may begin to realise they made a mistake. Otherwise they may turn to you when they need your help.

I know how hard it is when your family reject you for no known reason. Just try to stay rational and keep yourself happy and busy and perhaps one day they'll come back to the fold. Hugs to you.