My stuff

icebloo · Post by **icebloo** » Tue May 09, 2006 2:15 pm

here I will let you guys read one, then maybe you can tell me if you like it or not...

Disfunctional

Talking right to my face

telling me that I am wrong

when in my heart I know that I am right. I brace

my heart for the worst. The only song

my heart tends to sing is that of pain. Like a race

against the clock, my heart struggles to break free. I long

for the pain to cease. Every trace

of love, that was never there, is still gone. A battle still lingers. Whoever is wrong

in their eyes, is planned to be defeated. Face

to face, eyes interlocked, it has already began. No words can express how long

this battle has been held. There was never any love, there was never any grace.

Good... bad... suckish...?

nihilisticmadman · Post by **nihilisticmadman** » Wed May 17, 2006 11:09 am

Well it's not bad, but I don't get why thr ryhms are done with word in the middle of a sentence... I would more do it with word that end a sentence... make more sense to me and people tend to stop at the end of the setence...

nihilisticmadman · Post by **nihilisticmadman** » Thu May 18, 2006 2:32 am

Pinky wrote: It's called enjambement...it's a poetic device designed to make you read on, and thoroughly. Often the words that lead on to the following line have a layered or sometimes symbolic or metaphorical meaning.

I like the unusual structure - is that to show how the feelings spread and escalate as the tension in the poem builds?

Oh I see, didn't know that, but good to know