How possible is it for friends to converge after ugly fights?

flyingspaghetti · Post by **flyingspaghetti** » Thu Aug 03, 2006 5:14 am

A online friend and I haven't kept in touch for about two months because he wasn't sure if this was a phase or not. I finally approached him about it via email on August 1st (two days ago) to find out what the deal is. It was then that I learned after sending each other email notes back and forth that he came into conclusion that I am no longer a person he wants to associate with. Oh, that hurt a lot!

I tried to explain to him that there is such thing that some friends/people do converge their friendship after a while. So, I was spinning my head trying to explain and convince him of this notion, even after saying that is not something he wants.

I did not like all his cussing and namecalling in the last couple of emails, so I became annoyed. Then, out of anger, I used his personal weaknesses and used them as a mechanism of defense and counterattacked them towards him. Needless to say, he was REALLY pissed and said he was going to block me and how he wished he hadn't told me this stuff. I don't think he blocked me because I sent him an email, and it didn't bounce back to me. Does that mean he really didn't block me???

So, anyway, I told him in the email to calm down and how I only used it as a defense mechanism and for him to get over it. I guess I shouldn't have said that email until I waited some days when he was calm, but I wasn't going to let him take punches at me either. I wanted to be vindictive and hurt him since he called me all those names.

My question - has a similar situation happened to you? What side were you on? Did time heal the wounds? How possible is it to have time pass by before talking again? I have heard that some friendships go through really rocky points and later on get to talk. I'd still like to talk calmly about this with him at some point in the future after he's cooled down.

DesignerGal · Post by **DesignerGal** » Thu Aug 03, 2006 5:25 am

I wouldnt use someone's personal weaknesses and flaws to hurt them. THats immature and hurtful. The other person already hates those things about him/her self so its even worse when someone they think is a friend points them out too. You should be ashamed of yourself. Let him go on his merry way before you hurt him anymore. Or just give it time to cool off and then you can apologize and hope that the friendship can be mended later.

And what did you do to him in the first place? People just dont stop being friends for no reason. Is there a "rest of the story"?

flyingspaghetti · Post by **flyingspaghetti** » Thu Aug 03, 2006 5:38 am

DesignerGal wrote: I wouldnt use someone's personal weaknesses and flaws to hurt them. THats immature and hurtful. The other person already hates those things about him/her self so its even worse when someone they think is a friend points them out too. You should be ashamed of yourself. Let him go on his merry way before you hurt him anymore.
Yeah, I realize it was immature, but I couldn't retract it once I hit "send" in that meail. Like I said - I was using it as a mechanism of defense. I didn't appreciate him calling me a "dumb B" or an "F'ing B" either. I wanted him to see how I don't like that. I don't appreciate him using these to me and thinking nothing of it and me not defending myself. So I wanted to give him a dose of his own medicine. He wasn't listening at the moment.

Or just give it time to cool off and then you can apologize and hope that the friendship can be mended later.
This is part of my question - how long before I allow him to cool off where he will listen to me? He said he has blocked my email, but I didn't get a bounced email when I replied back briefly last night.

And what did you do to him in the first place? People just dont stop being friends for no reason. Is there a "rest of the story"?
Yes, there is a "rest of the story," but it's quite long that I didn't want to make my intro post too long.

It's actually not me who wants to stop the friendship. It was his decision, and that's what hurt me because he is a person I considered a close friend. He was there for me many times, but I think I became too dependent and used him as a crutch. I was trying to apologize for that and told him I would back off on that, but he isn't listening at the moment because he is "dead on" on not being interested in recuperating the friendship. :-1 So, I am wantint to see when/how a possibility of a resurected friendship along the way. Like, does time heal all wounds?

DesignerGal · Post by **DesignerGal** » Thu Aug 03, 2006 5:43 am

First of all, dont surround yourself with someone who calls you a dumb bitch. Love yourself more than that. Leave this guy alone and find a new one. He sounds like a loser.

Second, leave this guy alone.

Third, find a new one.

pantsonfire321@aol.com · Thu Aug 03, 2006 6:36 am

I used to have an online friend who i decided i didnt want to hear from again - i got fed with all the lies they kept telling and two faced bitching , so i just stopped reading their mail and cut them dead. There was no name calling or nastyness on my part - but they did and still are showing their nasty side .Sometimes you just have to let things go

i'm not into all that sharing intimate details with people i hardly know so maybe it was easier for me - i do hope you work things out good luck

Bez · Post by **Bez** » Thu Aug 03, 2006 7:12 am

This is where 'online' friendships differ from normal everyday friendships....once you've written something nasty and pressed that 'send' button you're doomed. It's in writing plainly there to see and can be read over and over again....same as if you send someone a letter.

A face to face argument is far more spontaneous...unless the person stomps off with the hump, you can settle the problem there and then...you can see facial expressions, tell if an apology is genuine...all the benefits you haven't got online.

I guess the bottom line is "think before you type.....read before you send".

You won't know if the broken freindship can be mended until you can contact this person.

CheshireCat · Post by **CheshireCat** » Thu Aug 03, 2006 7:32 am

I know it's trite and over used but,

LIFE IS TOO SHORT!!

There are wonderful people to know and beautiful things to see. Don't waste another minute on this "friendship".

Be good to you!:-6

Rapunzel · Post by **Rapunzel** » Thu Aug 03, 2006 8:20 am

I thought you'd like to see this.

It sounds as though your need has been met, your desire fulfilled and their work is done.

It's time to move on.

There are other friends and other online relationships just waiting out there for you to find them. They say "strangers are the friends we've yet to meet"!

Good luck!

CheshireCat · Post by **CheshireCat** » Thu Aug 03, 2006 8:25 am

:-6 That is wonderful! It gave me goose bumps! Neat!:-6

Rapunzel · Post by **Rapunzel** » Thu Aug 03, 2006 12:49 pm

flopstock wrote: You always say things so much better then i do..:-4

:-4 Floppy :-4

Oh, how lovely! I always think the same about you actually!

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Thu Aug 03, 2006 3:27 pm

flyingspaghetti wrote: A online friend and I haven't kept in touch for about two months because he wasn't sure if this was a phase or not. I finally approached him about it via email on August 1st (two days ago) to find out what the deal is. It was then that I learned after sending each other email notes back and forth that he came into conclusion that I am no longer a person he wants to associate with. Oh, that hurt a lot!

I tried to explain to him that there is such thing that some friends/people do converge their friendship after a while. So, I was spinning my head trying to explain and convince him of this notion, even after saying that is not something he wants.

I did not like all his cussing and namecalling in the last couple of emails, so I became annoyed. Then, out of anger, I used his personal weaknesses and used them as a mechanism of defense and counterattacked them towards him. Needless to say, he was REALLY pissed and said he was going to block me and how he wished he hadn't told me this stuff. I don't think he blocked me because I sent him an email, and it didn't bounce back to me. Does that mean he really didn't block me???

So, anyway, I told him in the email to calm down and how I only used it as a defense mechanism and for him to get over it. I guess I shouldn't have said that email until I waited some days when he was calm, but I wasn't going to let him take punches at me either. I wanted to be vindictive and hurt him since he called me all those names.

My question - has a similar situation happened to you? What side were you on? Did time heal the wounds? How possible is it to have time pass by before talking again? I have heard that some friendships go through really rocky points and later on get to talk. I'd still like to talk calmly about this with him at some point in the future after he's cooled down.Adults dont use personal info as ammo to hurt someone when they have a " dissagreement" Intelligent, sane people take some time to explore what the reasons were for the " miscommunication" To humiliate someone even in a transparent way is the lowest of low. Let it go.