My Roommate

thisismyusername · Post by **thisismyusername** » Fri Aug 25, 2006 9:59 pm

I've been rooming with my friend for a year now so I thought we were pretty good friends.

Recently, I've found that she's been dishing dirt to our friends about me. Some of it I can understand and I can work on it, but some of it she's been getting pretty nasty. She's all nice and friendly to my face and I still would like to be friends with her but I don't know if I can just ignore this. My cousin is saying that if I want to keep talking to her, I should just let it pass. She's getting that "close quarters" syndrome, so she just needs some venting.

Now, I'm trying to decide if I should confront her with it? Do girls always b**** like this about each other? The problem is how I know about this, because I looked into her chatline history. So if I confront her, is she going to realize that I was into her account? Even if I just say I heard it from somebody?

CARLA · Post by **CARLA** » Fri Aug 25, 2006 10:52 pm

Yes this is the problem, you truly had no business looking into her chat history that is her private business. So now you either expose yourself for snooping or forget about it. If you were unable to read her chat history you wouldn't know any of this, so leave it until you hear it from her mouth..

[QUOTE]The problem is how I know about this, because I looked into her chatline history. So if I confront her, is she going to realize that I was into her account? Even if I just say I heard it from somebody?[/QUOTE]

thisismyusername · Post by **thisismyusername** » Fri Aug 25, 2006 11:00 pm

yes it was wrong, but wouldn't it be the same whether she was talking with our friends online or in person, what happens if they were talking and i overheard them on the other side of the door? so she wouldn't believe it if i said that somebody came to tell me about what she said?

please don't get me wrong, i don't want to call myself nosey or snooper and i'm not interested in her own business, i just wanted to know what she specifically said about me.

Felinessa · Post by **Felinessa** » Fri Aug 25, 2006 11:01 pm

Hmm, yes, I agree, you had no business snooping there. But now that you know, at least you know that she's perhaps not the person you thought she was. I can understand the "close quarters" syndrome, which is why I always thought it was a bad idea for friends to move in together. I can understand being frustrated and having pet peeves, but I also think that dishing dirt about someone who is not only a roommate, but a friend, to mutual friends is kind of nasty.

I guess it depends on you whether or not you want to continue the friendship. Personally, I wouldn't want to live with that person anymore, since I wouldn't feel at home in the apartment knowing that she is that bothered by perhaps small things we all do. So I'd say give her some space and perhaps look into other living arrangements. Or work on those little things and adjust your schedule so you two aren't around as much.

911 · Post by **911** » Sat Aug 26, 2006 12:39 pm

thisismyusername wrote: yes it was wrong, but wouldn't it be the same whether she was talking with our friends online or in person, what happens if they were talking and i overheard them on the other side of the door? so she wouldn't believe it if i said that somebody came to tell me about what she said?

please don't get me wrong, i don't want to call myself nosey or snooper and i'm not interested in her own business, i just wanted to know what she specifically said about me.

Obviously you are a snooper or you would not have been in her things. What made you suspect her in the first place? What was it that made you go through her things?

Did she say something to you that was a little off or did someone else say something to you?

Why don't you plan on a girls night at home and just sit and talk and see if she brings anything up and see if y'all can work it out. But from experience, I suggest you cut her loose if you want to keep the friendship. It will only go downhill from here. What she said will rattle in your brain until it festers and you blow up. Unless you can forgive and forget.

Good luck

Marie5656 · Post by **Marie5656** » Sat Aug 26, 2006 1:01 pm

I assume you share a computer? Is this why youjust happened to bee looking around? As someone who has had roommate difficulties in the past, problems do not go away or get resolved without being discussed face to face. If there are issues, you and room mate have to sit down and have an adult, non-confrontational chat to work things out.

Trust me, things do NOT get resolved by going behind the other's back.

bigdumbswede · Post by **bigdumbswede** » Sat Aug 26, 2006 1:45 pm

Oh-oh, you've backed yourself into a corner with this one. If you reveal to her that you've been snooping through her e-mails then she's going to get all angry and defensive. I'd almost guess the whole friendship might go down the crapper after that.

Are you committed to making the roommate arrangement work? I know I'd really have some hurt feelings if I knew that my friends were saying hurtful things about me. Do you have to stay roommates for financial reasons? Did you sign a lease together? Or can you change your living arrangements easily??

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Sat Aug 26, 2006 1:52 pm

Hi Roomy! Don't try that line on her, she will know you have snooped into her account. And don't fib about it to her, because she can check your usage on the computer too.

Just talk to her honestly. And frankly, boys gripe as much as girls do................

venus · Post by **venus** » Sat Aug 26, 2006 1:55 pm

sit her down ask her if there is an issue and say its beause yu have a feeling that something is bothering her..