guys i need options

[Carl44]

i spoke to my daughter in the USA last night , she has just come out of a care home sort of thing and has had a horrible time



she got home from school last night to find a note from her mom saying she has p1ssed off to Florida for a few days i know my girl is16 but surely she deserved a bit of notice so she could arrange to stay with a friend and would not be in the house on her own those of you that know of her recent history will know why this is terrorfying for her



any this where i would be ever grateful for some help my girl was to spend Christmas over here but now all of a sudden the mom cant find the passport

and wont answer my emails to get a new one



i need options



i cant get her passport from this side of the pond



she has a British birth certificate so i could possibly get her a British passport



i cant book her flight from England she is a minor it has to be done her end







i cant tell you how upsetting it was to hear my little girl sobbing saying dad please help i just want to spend Christmas with people who love me



we were still awake at 3 am trying to work out what to do wizened people of the forum much more clever than old jimbo what are my options

[Carl44]

does any one know what age people have to be to get their own passports in the states by that i mean without their mom having to do it

[pantsonfire321@aol.com]

Is there anybody that you can liaise with maybe a friend you both trust or social worker, doctor that could maybe help you ...or could you afford to go over to the states your self for a couple of weeks and sort things out .

[Bill Sikes]

If the passport is "lost", then what is the procedure (Google is helpful

for pointers) to get a replacement in the 'States? She's over 16......

It sounds to me as though there's something to be sorted out at a

fundamental level. Hint: I should have thought that she's old enough

to decide for herself where she wants to live.

[Carl44]

mrsK;442128 wrote: Try this site jimbo

http://travel.state.gov/passport/passport_1738.html:-6 :-6




thanks for your help guys



it appears that untill she is 18 there is nothing we can do to get her a passport without her mothers consent



soo unless there is a major change of heart (if she even has one that is)



christmas for my family will be spent on different sides of the pond

[koan]

jimbo;442105 wrote:



she has a British birth certificate so i could possibly get her a British passport



i cant book her flight from England she is a minor it has to be done her end






For the purposes of airlines a minor is "under 12".

Is it impossible to get a permission letter from the mother allowing your daughter to leave the country? There are sample letters on the internet through the airlines. If you can get her to sign it then she is free to travel.

Getting her a UK passport is a good thing one way or the other.

[Carl44]

well guys its out of my hands all i can do i,ve done



i really dont understand why if you cant be bothered with your chid and she was going to spend most of christmas on her own why you would stop that child from having a nice christmas with a loving family



i really dont get it



11 years she took my girl out of my life after i bought her up alone as a single dad till she was 5



11 years no letters no phone calls i did not even know if she was still alive



now this

[Carl44]

SnoozeControl;442181 wrote: How about reporting dear old mom to Protective Child Services, or even tell a teacher at school that she's been abandoned at a fragile time in her life?


ever caring ever loving snoozie



my girl has to finish her schooling till june



i really dont want do anything to make it even harder for her if i course any trouble my girl will be put back in the home, and she was very unhappy there



i must try and think care fully its not easy for a very emotional person like me

[cherandbuster]

Jimbo

I can't offer you any advice other than what is already posted

But I can offer you all the emotional support I have

love you :-6

[Carl44]

SnoozeControl;442198 wrote: I get the feeling that first sentence was typed with your tongue firmly in cheek.



I wish I could help, Jimbo. I think a good source of info might be Chonsi. I hope this all works out and your daughter can come live with you permanently... it sounds like that might be the best thing for everyone (from the little I know of the situation.)




not all snooz i really meant that ??:o

[Betty Boop]

Good Luck Jimbo. I really hope you can sort something out. :-4



We all know Snooze has a heart in there somewhere she just doesn't like to admit it!! :p

[Carl44]

Betty Boop;442275 wrote: Good Luck Jimbo. I really hope you can sort something out.



We all know Snooze has a heart in there somewhere she just doesn't like to admit it!! :p




thanks every one



just sitting here thinking



who knows she might actually think what she is doing



and think of what would be best for **our*** daughter



and play the game a bit

[DesignerGal]

I think you should try everything you know how to gain custody of her. What a butthole to leave her like that. The mother, not you.

If the passport is actually lost, in the US, you need to fill out a form on the website called Form DS-64 (Statement of Lost or Stolen Passport) and fill in as much info in as you can. Once you have done that, you have to mail it in with a NEW passport form, called DS-11 . You can find all the info here:

http://travel.state.gov/passport/lost/us/us_848.html

[Carl44]

DesignerGal;442308 wrote: I think you should try everything you know how to gain custody of her. What a butthole to leave her like that. The mother, not you.



If the passport is actually lost, in the US, you need to fill out a form on the website called Form DS-64 (Statement of Lost or Stolen Passport) and fill in as much info in as you can. Once you have done that, you have to mail it in with a NEW passport form, called DS-11 . You can find all the info here:



http://travel.state.gov/passport/lost/us/us_848.html




i have been a complete mug from day one , i cant seem into

fat ugly stupid thick bald head that some could hurt a child in this way after me bringing my daughter up till she was five and my ex could then have her put her into school and so have the child and most of the time not have to look after .my family told me that one day when it suited her she would take her away but i would not listen i wanted my girl to know her mom little did i realise that she would take her away from me without so much as a passing thought to what it would do to me and chantelle



she has never put any time into my daughter that is why its hard to fathom why she would hate it so much for my girl and me to make up for lost time now



ladies you know how women think why would she do this



i just dont get it

[Bill Sikes]

DesignerGal;442308 wrote: If the passport is actually lost (...)

http://travel.state.gov/passport/lost/us/us_848.html


There's a link off that page "How to apply in person" which says "For All Minors

Ages 14 to 17:

Each minor child shall appear in person.

For security reasons, parental consent may be requested."

Hm. "May be requested".

[Bill Sikes]

jimbo;442317 wrote: i just dont get it confused:


You need to address the issue, and if things are that bad for her, sort it out!

[koan]

It would take two years to get into a courtroom and cost a fortune. By then she will be old enough to go wherever she wants. Unless you go for an emergency order. You might be able to do that if she claims she is being abandoned.

Whether it is a man or woman acting this way over custody issues, the times I've seen it is is just a power struggle. I've known a woman who had her kids taken from her in a divorce by a lying husband who claimed she was beating them. It took her about 3 years to get them back. And the ex-husband didn't even really want the kids, it was just a game.

[YZGI]

Does the mother have parents of her own you could contact. Surely they would be concerned about their granddaughter?

[Bill Sikes]

koan;442330 wrote: It would take two years to get into a courtroom and cost a fortune. By then she will be old enough to go wherever she wants. Unless you go for an emergency order. You might be able to do that if she claims she is being abandoned.

Whether it is a man or woman acting this way over custody issues, the times I've seen it is is just a power struggle. I've known a woman who had her kids taken from her in a divorce by a lying husband who claimed she was beating them. It took her about 3 years to get them back. And the ex-husband didn't even really want the kids, it was just a game.


You've highlighted real problems above. Do you know the situation in the 'States

WRT the child making the decision? In the UK there's no fixed age, AFAIK - at

around 11, 12, 13 the child can make their own mind up about where they will

live (assuming whoever they choose wants 'em!).

[pantsonfire321@aol.com]

jimbo;442317 wrote: i have been a complete mug from day one , i cant seem into

fat ugly stupid thick bald head that some could hurt a child in this way after me bringing my daughter up till she was five and my ex could then have her put her into school and so have the child and most of the time not have to look after .my family told me that one day when it suited her she would take her away but i would not listen i wanted my girl to know her mom little did i realise that she would take her away from me without so much as a passing thought to what it would do to me and chantelle



she has never put any time into my daughter that is why its hard to fathom why she would hate it so much for my girl and me to make up for lost time now



ladies you know how women think why would she do this



i just dont get it


Jim can you go visit . Could it help to see first hand whats really going on . From the sound of it your ex does sounds like a real piece of work but i find it hard to believe she hates her own child . Maybe there are problems between them that you don't know about and sitting down with her might make a difference - could she still be angry at you for the split , has her life moved on , is she jealous that your daughter wants to see her daddy . How would this woman react face to face with you . Would it be possible for you to go over and sort out the details and bring your child back with you. I guess it must be so hard for you being so far away and not being able to pysically do anything to help you daughter - im sorry i can't be more helpful i just think you need to go there and scoop her up and bring her home . Good luck

[DesignerGal]

Dealing with this across the pond is going to be really expensive and a hassle. Have her try and get her own passport while her mom is lollygagging in Florida and try and buy her a plane ticket. See if she can do it without her momma (if thats really what we want to call her here). That one guy got his own passport and went to Iraq during a war from Florida when he was 16 or 17, so see how far you can get.

[SuzyB]

The problem we have are;

1) Chantelle was born in the uk, we think Chantelle is now classed as an American citizen.

2) Jim and Chantelle mother were never married so he has no parental rights.

3) Chantelle is classed as a minor, her passport has not expired so she needs to go with a parent with, proof of birth certificate (we don't have one- even if we did not sure if valid to use as no longer a UK citizen), proof of US citizenship.

4) If we could manage to get a passport, Chantelle would not be allowed to travel without mothers permission- which just isn't going to happen!



I know that Chantelle is finding things very hard being back home with her mother, but i don't really believe that C was expecting anything different going back home, i think that they are very different personalities and clash with each other. I don't think C is in any harm and i know for a fact she could not cope with being taken by the authorities and put in a home, at least living back at home she has her boyfriend of two years and friends around her. I don't understand what C's mum is playing at and i doubt i ever will, but from experience i think if we start doing things to P*** her off, we may not get to talk or see C until she's 18 which is a year away. Although it's going to hurt, if we go along with her and the 'lost passport', Jim and i could fly out Jan and see Chantelle and again in the summer, then it would only be a couple of months and she'd be 18. Then Chantelle can do whatever she chooses, stay here for good, spend 6 months here and 6 there, it'd be up to her.

Just my view

[SuzyB]

Bill Sikes;442325 wrote: You need to address the issue, and if things are that bad for her, sort it out!


Hi Bill, i think thats what is so frustrating, we literally can do nothing having no parental rights, if we could sort it, believe me we would.

[pantsonfire321@aol.com]

SuzyB;442369 wrote: The problem we have are;

1) Chantelle was born in the uk, we think Chantelle is now classed as an American citizen.

2) Jim and Chantelle mother were never married so he has no parental rights.

3) Chantelle is classed as a minor, her passport has not expired so she needs to go with a parent with, proof of birth certificate (we don't have one- even if we did not sure if valid to use as no longer a UK citizen), proof of US citizenship.

4) If we could manage to get a passport, Chantelle would not be allowed to travel without mothers permission- which just isn't going to happen!



I know that Chantelle is finding things very hard being back home with her mother, but i don't really believe that C was expecting anything different going back home, i think that they are very different personalities and clash with each other. I don't think C is in any harm and i know for a fact she could not cope with being taken by the authorities and put in a home, at least living back at home she has her boyfriend of two years and friends around her. I don't understand what C's mum is playing at and i doubt i ever will, but from experience i think if we start doing things to P*** her off, we may not get to talk or see C until she's 18 which is a year away. Although it's going to hurt, if we go along with her and the 'lost passport', Jim and i could fly out Jan and see Chantelle and again in the summer, then it would only be a couple of months and she'd be 18. Then Chantelle can do whatever she chooses, stay here for good, spend 6 months here and 6 there, it'd be up to her.

Just my view




Would she be ok with leaving her boyfriend . It sounds like you have tryed everything and it can't be easy living with all the uncertainty ..i suppose a years not that long at least it gives you time to make plans -- your good people .

[SuzyB]

pantsonfire321@aol.com;442374 wrote: Would she be ok with leaving her boyfriend . It sounds like you have tryed everything and it can't be easy living with all the uncertainty ..i suppose a years not that long at least it gives you time to make plans -- your good people .


The plan is for him to come over next year and stay for as long as possible too, I just think we need to let C do whatever she wants to do, she may love it over here and not want to go back, she may miss being home (US). Realistically i can't see her living with her mum for longer than necessary, but that may mean she get's a place with Shaun, who knows. Our job is to let her know we'd love her over here with us, but we still love her just as much if she makes other choices. At the end of the day C has had to grow up way before her time, and she has been living in a home for 2 years, so she is very much an adult in her views and opinion's. I just want what is best for C, so whatever her choices are, we'll be supporting them 110%

Your not so bad yourself Pants

[Carl44]

pantsonfire321@aol.com;442348 wrote: Jim can you go visit . Could it help to see first hand whats really going on . From the sound of it your ex does sounds like a real piece of work but i find it hard to believe she hates her own child . Maybe there are problems between them that you don't know about and sitting down with her might make a difference - could she still be angry at you for the split , has her life moved on , is she jealous that your daughter wants to see her daddy . How would this woman react face to face with you . Would it be possible for you to go over and sort out the details and bring your child back with you. I guess it must be so hard for you being so far away and not being able to pysically do anything to help you daughter - im sorry i can't be more helpful i just think you need to go there and scoop her up and bring her home . Good luck


i went there in the summer pants , it was horrible i had not seen the mother for 11 years since she took my daughter my girl was a total stranger to me from the 5 year old , we went for a bite to eat the mom was vile to me and just kept saying horrible things in the end my daughter told her to leave me alone



we had another little girl that died i have just thought maybe even thinking or seeing me brings it back to the mom and the pain makes her angry at me i just don't know



she wanted to break up with me and i have done everything not to fall out with her but she has done everything to make things impossible for us



eg mom waited till i booked into a hotel and had paid for it and the flights then said i was not allowed into the town my daughter lives in , with no car over there i spent every night sat in a hotel room on my own well except for 1 night when mom was meant to pick up my girl and never showed up my girl ended staying in the hotel room with me not ideal



its just a mess all of it

[Bill Sikes]

SuzyB;442372 wrote: Hi Bill, i think thats what is so frustrating, we literally can do nothing having no parental rights, if we could sort it, believe me we would.


I've read your post #28, I see the difficulty, now more details are available. I

tend to agree with you, in that you can only visit, and/or bide your time. How

can you find out what her status is WRT nationality, I wonder? It's the sort

of thing that I'd like yo know, in your position! Not sure on the position WRT

parental responsibility for a child abroad - that's one for a family lawyer.

[Carl44]

Bill Sikes;442443 wrote: I've read your post #28, I see the difficulty, now more details are available. I

tend to agree with you, in that you can only visit, and/or bide your time. How

can you find out what her status is WRT nationality, I wonder? It's the sort

of thing that I'd like yo know, in your position! Not sure on the position WRT

parental responsibility for a child abroad - that's one for a family lawyer.


bill you are a good kind caring man in a headmaster sort of way



thanks for your posts take care friend jimbo:)

[Patsy Warnick]

Jimbo,

This is a frustrating situation when parents use kids as a pawn. Once you have a passport at any age, it's simple to reapply as if it was lost , or needed to be updated etc..

Certainly there has to be other relatives/ friends you can contact for support for both you and your daughter.??

This will all work out in your favor - when parents act out this way - causes distance and resentment with the parent and child. That power the parent thinks they have (pawn)..

Fighting the mom is costly and at this point not 16yrs old - you'll always have her.

Thank you for sharing your frustrating situation and I hope the information given has helped. Please keep us posted..

This is will work out..

Patsy

[Nomad]

Where is she Jimboman ?

[Carl44]

Nomad;445323 wrote: Where is she Jimboman ?




in ct near newhaven



what you got in mind



buddy :sneaky:

[Nomad]

jimbo;445331 wrote: in ct near newhaven



what you got in mind



buddy :sneaky:


nothing sinister, just that we take care of our own and if she needed anything were spread out all over the place here

chonsi isnt too far and cher is closer I think

Im sure shell be fine though

[cherandbuster]

Jimbo

I am in Boston, which is not too far from New Haven

If you need me

I am there :-6

[Carl44]

Nomad;445339 wrote: nothing sinister, just that we take care of our own and if she needed anything were spread out all over the place here

chonsi isnt too far and cher is closer I think

Im sure shell be fine though


thanks nomad you a wonderfull human being (lump in throat):-4