GRADING PAPERS IN A CATHOLIC SCHOOl

[Grumpaz]

Can you imagine yourself to be

the nun that is sitting at her desk grading these

papers all the while trying to keep a straight face

and maintain her composure!



PAY SPECIAL ATTENTION TO THE WORDING AND SPELLING. IF

YOU KNOW THE BIBLE EVEN A LITTLE, YOU'LL FIND THIS

HILARIOUS! IT COMES FROM A CATHOLIC ELEMENTARY SCHOOL

TEST KIDS WERE ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW

TESTAMENTS. THE FOLLOWING STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE

WERE WRITTEN BY CHILDREN. THEY HAVE NOT BEEN RETOUCHED

OR CORRECTED. INCORRECT SPELLING HAS BEEN LEFT IN.



1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT

TIRED OF CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH

OFF.



2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE.

NOAH'S WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AND

ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.



3.LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT

A BALL OF FIRE DURING THE NIGHT.



4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY

THEY HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.



5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED

ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL LIKE DELILAH.



6.SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE

APOSTLES.



7. MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE

UNLEAVENED BREAD WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY

INGREDIENTS.



8.THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT.

AFTERWARDS,MOSES WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE

TEN COMMANDMENTS.



9.THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO

EAT THE APPLE.



10.THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT

ADULTERY.



11.MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA . THEN

JOSHUA LED THE HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL.



12.THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA

TOLD HIS SON TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.



13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING

THE LIAR. HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE

WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES.



14.SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700

PORCUPINES.



15.WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE

SANG THE MAGNA CARTA.



16.WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE

ARRIVED THEY FOUND JESUS IN THE MANAGER.



17.JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE

CONTRAPTION.



18.ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.



19.JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO

UNTO OTHERS BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO

EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT ALONE.



20.IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND

MANAGED TO GET THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.



21.THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE

12 DECIBELS.



22.THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.



23.ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO

A TAXIMAN.



24.ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED

HOLY ACRIMONY WHICH IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.



25.CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED

MONOTONY.

[dubs]

Immaculate Contraption!!!:yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl

[Galbally]

Priceless, reminds me of my old Catholic school, that was truly funny, thank you, you made me cry with laughter. :wah: :wah: :wah: