Gotta Love Kids

[Grumpaz]

1) NUDITY

I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when

a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was

stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout

from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"

2) OPINIONS

On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note

from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child

are not necessarily those of his parents."

3) KETCHUP

A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her

struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer

the phone. "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now.

She's hitting the bottle."

4) MORE NUDITY

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's

locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with

ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in

amazement and then asked, "What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a

little boy before?"

5) POLICE # 1

While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was

interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at

my uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?" "Yes," I answered and continued

writing the report. "My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask

the police. Is that right?" "Yes, that's right," I told her. "Well,

then," she said as she extended her foot toward me, "would you please

tie my shoe?"

6) POLICE # 2

It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the

station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking,

and I saw a little boy staring in at me "Is that a dog you got back

there?" he asked. "It sure is," I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at

me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, "What'd he do?"

7) ELDERLY

While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly

shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds.

She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age,

particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her

staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself

for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and

whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"

8) DRESS-UP

A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw

her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that

suit." "And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a

headache the next morning. "

9) DEATH

While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister

heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt.

Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead

robin.

Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a

small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal

of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate

prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he

thought his father always said: "Glory be unto the Father, and unto the Son,

and into the hole he goes."

10) SCHOOL

A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just

wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write

and they won't let me talk!"

11) BIBLE

A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he

fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the

Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old

leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I

found," the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" With

astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's

Adam's underwear."

[Sheryl]

:wah: :wah: Those were tooo cute!!