College Essay on Hell

[A Karenina]

HELL!!

The following is supposedly an actual question given on the University of

Washington chemistry mid-term exam. The answer by one student was so

"profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet,

which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs

heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas

cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need

to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which

they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets

to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different

Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that

if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.

Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not

belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls

in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of

the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the

temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has

to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter

Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all

Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in

Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

We accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year

that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you", and take

into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must

be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen

over.

The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows

that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...leaving

only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains

why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"

-

[abbey]

PMSL.. :wah: :wah: :wah:

[Clodhopper]

:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl

Absolutely brilliant! Will be sending this to a few friends.