Are you a victim of Domestic Violence
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kumininexile
- Posts: 170
- Joined: Sun Aug 21, 2005 2:02 am
Are you a victim of Domestic Violence
I was a victim of domestic violence when I was a kid.
Are you a victim of Domestic Violence
magenta flame;694146 wrote: http://www.abc.net.au/melbourne/stories/s1959008.htm
Click on the mp3 audio
We know this is a world wide situation.
have you ever asked the question:
"why didn't you leave years ago?
why do men want control?
what is domestic violence?
why does it happen?"
Hope you can understand the accent
Of course the laws are different but the essence is the same.
i'm begging you to listen to this and take it on board.
Domestic violence can be a very complicated issue for all and is rarely clear-cut.
I have definitely thought about some of the questions you've asked.
1. People who are affected by domestic violence may not feel they don't have a place to go or are afraid to leave because their abuser will follow them, etc. There are many reasons why people stay in abusive situations. Kids, for example, can't leave unless some kind of protective service comes in.
2. "Why do men want control?" First of all.... it is not only men who abuse others in a domestic situation, so just using the term "men" is not fair or accurate. Women can be abusers as well. Women can abuse children and even their husbands. A more accurate question would be, "why do abusers want control?" The answer, in my opinion, is to make up for some sort of inferiority complex, usually because the abuser was once abused themselves. It tends to be a vicious circle.
3. Domestic violence is, in my opinion, any mental, physical or emotional abuse of another in a home situation. Abuse is making some feel afraid, worthless, or physically hurting them.
4. Why does it happen? Look to the answer of question 2.
These are all my opinions, of course. I've been in an abusive situation with an ex-boyfriend, so I do have some personal experience with the issue.
Click on the mp3 audio
We know this is a world wide situation.
have you ever asked the question:
"why didn't you leave years ago?
why do men want control?
what is domestic violence?
why does it happen?"
Hope you can understand the accent
Of course the laws are different but the essence is the same.
i'm begging you to listen to this and take it on board.
Domestic violence can be a very complicated issue for all and is rarely clear-cut.
I have definitely thought about some of the questions you've asked.
1. People who are affected by domestic violence may not feel they don't have a place to go or are afraid to leave because their abuser will follow them, etc. There are many reasons why people stay in abusive situations. Kids, for example, can't leave unless some kind of protective service comes in.
2. "Why do men want control?" First of all.... it is not only men who abuse others in a domestic situation, so just using the term "men" is not fair or accurate. Women can be abusers as well. Women can abuse children and even their husbands. A more accurate question would be, "why do abusers want control?" The answer, in my opinion, is to make up for some sort of inferiority complex, usually because the abuser was once abused themselves. It tends to be a vicious circle.
3. Domestic violence is, in my opinion, any mental, physical or emotional abuse of another in a home situation. Abuse is making some feel afraid, worthless, or physically hurting them.
4. Why does it happen? Look to the answer of question 2.
These are all my opinions, of course. I've been in an abusive situation with an ex-boyfriend, so I do have some personal experience with the issue.
It is better to have your mind opened by wonder
than closed by belief.
than closed by belief.
Are you a victim of Domestic Violence
Sometimes, leaving is the most dangerous time of the entire 'relationship'. I know, with many of my clients, the abuse escalated when leaving occured. In my community, shelters are a God-send, as they're generally safe because their locations are never advertised. Unfortunately, not everyone escapes the violence. I had a very dear lady I worked with for close to a year. She finally made the decision to leave, and we had family services as well as law enforcement involved in order to maintain her safety, as well as to keep where she was going confidential. However, she decided not to follow the advice of the LEO's, and went back on her own to collect her remaining possessions. She never left again, because her abuser shot her. He was one of those who believed "If I can' thave you, no one will...". He actually died in prison a few months after that...
I work with a lot of people who are at the ends of their ropes, but none tug on my heart strings so much as a victim of any kind of abuse. It's staggering how much the rest of their lives are affected
And, working through all those emotions is so very difficult with many of them.
I work with a lot of people who are at the ends of their ropes, but none tug on my heart strings so much as a victim of any kind of abuse. It's staggering how much the rest of their lives are affected
And, working through all those emotions is so very difficult with many of them.-
Betty Boop
- Posts: 16982
- Joined: Sun Mar 27, 2005 1:17 pm
- Location: The end of the World
Are you a victim of Domestic Violence
Pinky;695188 wrote: Yes, I was. Thing is, I gave back everything. It's not like I was the cowering idiot in the corner...while he was thumping me, I was thumping him just as good.
It's all stopped now and we've reached a mutual conclusion.
I'm nice to him and he buys me a new car. Bonus.
I'm sure you didn't mean this to come across quite that way Pinky, but it did stop me in my tracks there for a second, I didn't retaliate, does that make me someone who used to be a cowering idiot?? Just an interesting choice of words there.
It's all stopped now and we've reached a mutual conclusion.
I'm nice to him and he buys me a new car. Bonus.
I'm sure you didn't mean this to come across quite that way Pinky, but it did stop me in my tracks there for a second, I didn't retaliate, does that make me someone who used to be a cowering idiot?? Just an interesting choice of words there.
Are you a victim of Domestic Violence
I know too much about it.:-1
Are you a victim of Domestic Violence
My sisters husband was arrested over the weekend for domestic violence. Im very unclear on my role here because she wants me to stay out of it and not judge him. She also says she has some culpability in the matter. Shes going to court this morning to drop the resraining order.
I need to confront him.
I need to confront him.
I AM AWESOME MAN
Are you a victim of Domestic Violence
Nomad;708814 wrote: My sisters husband was arrested over the weekend for domestic violence. Im very unclear on my role here because she wants me to stay out of it and not judge him. She also says she has some culpability in the matter. Shes going to court this morning to drop the resraining order.
I need to confront him.
Sorry to hear this Nomad, would confronting him help or will he just take it out on her again?
Tough choice and I don't envy you, thank goodness though that she has you to back her up. she may not want it this time but next time who knows.
Thinking of you. :-4
I need to confront him.
Sorry to hear this Nomad, would confronting him help or will he just take it out on her again?
Tough choice and I don't envy you, thank goodness though that she has you to back her up. she may not want it this time but next time who knows.
Thinking of you. :-4
Originally Posted by spot
She is one fit bitch innit, that Immy
Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time
She is one fit bitch innit, that Immy
Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time
Are you a victim of Domestic Violence
Nomad;708814 wrote: My sisters husband was arrested over the weekend for domestic violence. Im very unclear on my role here because she wants me to stay out of it and not judge him. She also says she has some culpability in the matter. Shes going to court this morning to drop the resraining order.
I need to confront him.
Sorry to hear about whats happening to your sister. This is a difficult situation you are in, and I am no expert. It may be that you have to leave confronting him right now, but that does not stop you from being there for your sister. Try to talk to her, try to get her to see that NO ONE deserves to be hit. Does she have children? If so, point out the danger that they are in. Keep talking to her, be there when she finally realises that he cannot be allowed to do this to her. Try and keep your cool, by confronting him against your sisters wishes, you could cause arguments between you and your sister, she needs you as a friend not the enemy right now. Good luck Nomad. :-6
I need to confront him.
Sorry to hear about whats happening to your sister. This is a difficult situation you are in, and I am no expert. It may be that you have to leave confronting him right now, but that does not stop you from being there for your sister. Try to talk to her, try to get her to see that NO ONE deserves to be hit. Does she have children? If so, point out the danger that they are in. Keep talking to her, be there when she finally realises that he cannot be allowed to do this to her. Try and keep your cool, by confronting him against your sisters wishes, you could cause arguments between you and your sister, she needs you as a friend not the enemy right now. Good luck Nomad. :-6
Are you a victim of Domestic Violence
Thanks gals. I think I need to just let them work on the marriage. It wasnt an all out assault more like a fierce struggle. I love them both so I hope it works out well. Their kids are great so they dont deserve this. I hope they come to realize that.
I AM AWESOME MAN
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nvalleyvee
- Posts: 5191
- Joined: Thu Apr 21, 2005 8:57 am
Are you a victim of Domestic Violence
Been there, done that, won't ever do it again.
The growth of knowledge depends entirely on disagreement..........Karl R. Popper
Are you a victim of Domestic Violence
It has been my experience that the roots of sexual violence lie in 3 different areas. ( To those of you who have suffered, and do not feel you are in one of these catagorys, please dont be offended.) One set of circumstances is that the abused has been sexually abused at a younger age. This leads to feelings of worthlessness or feeling that punishment is deserved. Second id that the abused feels sorry for the abuser. And thirdly, this is the most difficult for me to explore ( but I have witnessed it ) there are sexual connotations wrapped in the abuse. There is excitement shrouded in playing the roles of submissive and dominant. I have no idea where this comes from.
Not all women view themselves as complete and viable human beings. Many consider themselves to be incomplete if they are not coupled with a male, or a partner. They feel so lost without the partner that they will put up with just about anything to keep them. Women who make the decision to no longer tolerate abuse, without being forced, become completely changed personalities who could never see themselves in a victim role again. They are often the ones who can influence and educate others in a positive way. I know women who have gotten out, and women who will not budge. When I lived in Georgia I volunteered my time at a battered womens shelter. Even though the circumstances these women were in led them to actually having to be in hiding, many of them saw this as only a temporary arrangement. They all also had great fear in respect to money. Not having any, or not being able to go out and earn enough on their own. It is difficult to try to enlighten or raise the morale of someone who also is struggling with poverty.
They view the world as a very dark and limited place and they cannott imagine that the opportunity exists for things to be different.
Not all women view themselves as complete and viable human beings. Many consider themselves to be incomplete if they are not coupled with a male, or a partner. They feel so lost without the partner that they will put up with just about anything to keep them. Women who make the decision to no longer tolerate abuse, without being forced, become completely changed personalities who could never see themselves in a victim role again. They are often the ones who can influence and educate others in a positive way. I know women who have gotten out, and women who will not budge. When I lived in Georgia I volunteered my time at a battered womens shelter. Even though the circumstances these women were in led them to actually having to be in hiding, many of them saw this as only a temporary arrangement. They all also had great fear in respect to money. Not having any, or not being able to go out and earn enough on their own. It is difficult to try to enlighten or raise the morale of someone who also is struggling with poverty.
They view the world as a very dark and limited place and they cannott imagine that the opportunity exists for things to be different.
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Are you a victim of Domestic Violence
weeder;709501 wrote: It has been my experience that the roots of sexual violence lie in 3 different areas. ( To those of you who have suffered, and do not feel you are in one of these catagorys, please dont be offended.) One set of circumstances is that the abused has been sexually abused at a younger age. This leads to feelings of worthlessness or feeling that punishment is deserved. Second id that the abused feels sorry for the abuser. And thirdly, this is the most difficult for me to explore ( but I have witnessed it ) there are sexual connotations wrapped in the abuse. There is excitement shrouded in playing the roles of submissive and dominant. I have no idea where this comes from.
Not all women view themselves as complete and viable human beings. Many consider themselves to be incomplete if they are not coupled with a male, or a partner. They feel so lost without the partner that they will put up with just about anything to keep them. Women who make the decision to no longer tolerate abuse, without being forced, become completely changed personalities who could never see themselves in a victim role again. They are often the ones who can influence and educate others in a positive way. I know women who have gotten out, and women who will not budge. When I lived in Georgia I volunteered my time at a battered womens shelter. Even though the circumstances these women were in led them to actually having to be in hiding, many of them saw this as only a temporary arrangement. They all also had great fear in respect to money. Not having any, or not being able to go out and earn enough on their own. It is difficult to try to enlighten or raise the morale of someone who also is struggling with poverty.
They view the world as a very dark and limited place and they cannott imagine that the opportunity exists for things to be different.
My mother was one of those dependants. It blew me away. The entire time she was married to my father (20 years) she experienced no abuse whatsoever. They had a very good marriage until the divorce, which was in no way hostile or aggressive. Then she met my step-dad, lived with him for several years, then married him. He was extremely abusive to her, both physically and emotionally. I can remember listening to them, and just cringing inside because I couldn't stand what it did to her inside and out. I didn't understand why she would stay in it, or why she felt she deserved that, after she'd had such a good and loving relationship with my dad. So, after her death, I educated myself. I read, I discussed, I learned about the cycles of domestic violence, because one of the effects it had on me was a resentment toward her for allowing that to happen in our lives. Now, her memory has more respect for me.
Nomad - I hope you'll listen carefully to what MF is saying. It makes me wonder if this was the first time, as is intimated, or just the first time he was arrested You and your family are in my prayers.
Not all women view themselves as complete and viable human beings. Many consider themselves to be incomplete if they are not coupled with a male, or a partner. They feel so lost without the partner that they will put up with just about anything to keep them. Women who make the decision to no longer tolerate abuse, without being forced, become completely changed personalities who could never see themselves in a victim role again. They are often the ones who can influence and educate others in a positive way. I know women who have gotten out, and women who will not budge. When I lived in Georgia I volunteered my time at a battered womens shelter. Even though the circumstances these women were in led them to actually having to be in hiding, many of them saw this as only a temporary arrangement. They all also had great fear in respect to money. Not having any, or not being able to go out and earn enough on their own. It is difficult to try to enlighten or raise the morale of someone who also is struggling with poverty.
They view the world as a very dark and limited place and they cannott imagine that the opportunity exists for things to be different.
My mother was one of those dependants. It blew me away. The entire time she was married to my father (20 years) she experienced no abuse whatsoever. They had a very good marriage until the divorce, which was in no way hostile or aggressive. Then she met my step-dad, lived with him for several years, then married him. He was extremely abusive to her, both physically and emotionally. I can remember listening to them, and just cringing inside because I couldn't stand what it did to her inside and out. I didn't understand why she would stay in it, or why she felt she deserved that, after she'd had such a good and loving relationship with my dad. So, after her death, I educated myself. I read, I discussed, I learned about the cycles of domestic violence, because one of the effects it had on me was a resentment toward her for allowing that to happen in our lives. Now, her memory has more respect for me.
Nomad - I hope you'll listen carefully to what MF is saying. It makes me wonder if this was the first time, as is intimated, or just the first time he was arrested
You and your family are in my prayers.Are you a victim of Domestic Violence
I can say this, with my hand on my heart:
Should my daughters shack up with one of these weak, bullyboy, poor excuses for men who hit their women, I will call on old favours owed to me and have these men taken out of my daughters lives. Of course this will have to be done without my daughters knowledge that I have any involvement, but when I say that this evil person will not walk again without being in severe pain at every step, I say it with conviction.
My middle sister suffered terrible domestic violence and I did get it sorted for her, unfortunatley at he time she was an addict and addicts stick together, so she took him back eventually. At that point I turned my back until she got out herself and went to rehab.
Now she is clean and always recovering, he is still a waste of space and still tries it with her. But she is strong and tells him where to get off. If I am there when he makes contact I get involved and he hides for weeks/months at a time (or until he gets high on crack and she filters into his mind).
Should my daughters shack up with one of these weak, bullyboy, poor excuses for men who hit their women, I will call on old favours owed to me and have these men taken out of my daughters lives. Of course this will have to be done without my daughters knowledge that I have any involvement, but when I say that this evil person will not walk again without being in severe pain at every step, I say it with conviction.
My middle sister suffered terrible domestic violence and I did get it sorted for her, unfortunatley at he time she was an addict and addicts stick together, so she took him back eventually. At that point I turned my back until she got out herself and went to rehab.
Now she is clean and always recovering, he is still a waste of space and still tries it with her. But she is strong and tells him where to get off. If I am there when he makes contact I get involved and he hides for weeks/months at a time (or until he gets high on crack and she filters into his mind).
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Indian Princess
- Posts: 1953
- Joined: Fri Nov 03, 2006 4:55 pm
Are you a victim of Domestic Violence
My ex-husband is a control freak, the closest I figured it out is they know they dont fit into society to well, and cant control others response towards him, but, if he has just one person to control , that he can control it makes him feel safer.