Older Women, Younger Men

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Mon Sep 17, 2007 7:13 am

Older women and younger men: Can it Work?

Story Highlights

Study: 34 percent of all women over 40 in the survey were dating younger men

Hollywood in particular has defied the ageism stereotype

Madonna and Demi Moore have both married significantly younger menBy Jocelyn Voo

(LifeWire) -- Older woman seduces younger man. Sound familiar? It's a scene from the 1967 coming-of-age classic "The Graduate."

But high-profile Hollywood couples like Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins (12 years her junior) -- who met and began dating while filming an on-screen romance in the 1988 movie "Bull Durham" -- have proven that life can indeed imitate art when it comes to matters of the heart.

Theirs, however, is a real-life love story of an older woman and younger man -- something that is not so uncommon nowadays. A 2003 study by AARP revealed that 34 percent of all women over 40 in the survey were dating younger men, and 35 percent preferred it to dating older men.

"Societal attitudes have definitely changed," says Susan Winter, 52, co-author of "Older Women, Younger Men: New Options for Love and Romance" -- and she would know. At age 40, she was dating a 19-year-old. "We had to break it off. Quite frankly, his mother made it so impossible," Winter says of the six-year relationship, which inspired her book. "But (that kind of discrimination) would not be allowable now."

Hollywood in particular has defied the ageism stereotype, with celebrities like Madonna and Demi Moore marrying significantly younger men (a 10- and 15-year age gap, respectively, with director Guy Ritchie and actor Ashton Kutcher), and the public has come to accept it. See photos of some famous May-December couples »

Moreover, says Winter, women have experienced a significant financial and status shift over the past half-century. "When women as a group are able to have their own economic and social standing and have a power base, they are now able to pick the man that they want rather than having to choose the man to support them and give them social status," Winter explains. "Now we have choices."

But these relationships aren't always portrayed in a positive light. Terms like "cougar" (slang for an older woman seeking a younger man) depict the woman as a predator, rather than an empowered, independent and loving person.

NBC aired a reality dating show this summer -- "Age of Love" -- that pitted women in their 20s against women in their 40s in a battle for the heart of tennis star Mark Philippoussis. Meanwhile, online dating sites like GoCougar.com urge older women who seek younger men to "get what you want."

Such pairings can and do work.

Mary Pender, 37, a high school special education teacher in Huntington Beach, California, connected with a truck driver seven years her junior who she met on an online dating site. Though she'd always dated older men before, she "thought it was exciting to date someone younger" -- and, as it turned out, he thought it'd be just as exciting a match.

"He thinks it's cool that I am comfortable in my sexuality," says Pender. "He likes that I am secure in our relationship and I have my own things to do without him."

Indeed, the idea of dating an older woman is titillating for some younger guys. Jeremy Abelson, a self-styled dating impresario who organized the Natural Selection Speed Date event that paired wealthy bachelors with beautiful women this past February in New York City, can see the appeal.

"Any young guy who has seen (the movie) 'American Pie' can basically say he was right there with the Asian guy and the white guy as they were cheering ... for Stifler's mom," says Abelson, 27. "I was basically standing there cheering with them. And I think that's a very common fantasy for young men."

The potential issues between such May-December couples are the same ones that challenge the longevity of any relationship: different long-term priorities and emotional temperament. "He's not thinking about kids and marriage," says Pender of her boyfriend, "and he bugs me when I forget to dye my gray roots."

If you can work through these issues, the adage holds true: Age ain't nothing but a number.

"When I finally found out how much younger he was, I was a little shocked," says Kimberly Schmitz, a 34-year-old communications and public relations director in Tucson, Arizona, of her now-fiancé, Bobby Kern, 25, owner of a feed store and pet food distribution company in the same city. "(But) he is such an amazing man that I decided to let his actions speak more than his statistics. I was right. He is the most mature and sensitive man I have ever dated."

For Kern, the attraction is mutual.

"There was no fear in dating an older woman," he says. "I prefer to date older women, and for some reason I always have, even in high school. It seems that they are easier to get along with -- there is, for the most part, no drama. Older women know what they want, they usually are in a career, are financially secure and not looking for a man to take care of them."

minks · Post by **minks** » Mon Sep 17, 2007 10:05 am

all in favor raise your hands

*minks has hand high in the sky*

JacksDad · Post by **JacksDad** » Mon Sep 17, 2007 10:50 am

The woman I'm dating is ten years my senior.

No complaints here.

YZGI · Post by **YZGI** » Mon Sep 17, 2007 11:47 am

JacksDad;695695 wrote: The woman I'm dating is ten years my senior.

No complaints here.

Tell her not to worry and keep at it, she will graduate high school some day.:wah:

JacksDad · Post by **JacksDad** » Mon Sep 17, 2007 12:35 pm

YZGI;695716 wrote: Tell her not to worry and keep at it, she will graduate high school some day.:wah:

No way!

I'm trying to bring her down to my level!

Ahem. Which would be sophomore.

:D

WonderWendy3 · Post by **WonderWendy3** » Mon Sep 17, 2007 12:43 pm

-- there is, for the most part, no drama. Older women know what they want, they usually are in a career, are financially secure and not looking for a man to take care of them."[/QUOTE]

This is the problem I have, the dumbass young men I was with wanted me to be their freakin' momma!! HELLS NO....I had to tell one of them...."I want a man to take care of me and BE a man, not the other way around".....and still gave him a few more months in my presence....:-5:-5:-5

Older men for me from now on, unless I can find that 23 year old Firefighter that brought me home from a bar that one time that carried me to my bed...and took care of me all night, and I'm not talking sexually....was a COMPLETE Gentleman....but well...they are few and far between.

I really do love men....really I do!:-3

JacksDad · Post by **JacksDad** » Mon Sep 17, 2007 3:08 pm

WonderWendy3;695762 wrote: -- there is, for the most part, no drama. Older women know what they want, they usually are in a career, are financially secure and not looking for a man to take care of them."[/QUOTE]

This is the problem I have, the dumbass young men I was with wanted me to be their freakin' momma!!

Yea. That's pretty lame.

He missed the point of there being no drama. It's the best!

She does her thing, I do mine.

And sometimes we do it together.

Well not "it" it.

At least not yet.

I mean I.................

Shaddup Ed.

:-5

WonderWendy3 · Post by **WonderWendy3** » Mon Sep 17, 2007 4:54 pm

JacksDad;695853 wrote: Yea. That's pretty lame.

He missed the point of there being no drama. It's the best!

She does her thing, I do mine.

And sometimes we do it together.

Well not "it" it.

At least not yet.

I mean I.................

Shaddup Ed.

:-5

Yeah, that is nice, I had that type of relationship with the last guy who was only about 6 weeks older than me, so in men years, he probably was still younger, and I mean that in the nicest of ways....he was/is a wonderful man and I miss him terribly!!:-1

laneybug · Post by **laneybug** » Mon Sep 17, 2007 7:59 pm

I'm in the exact opposite situation. I'm with a much older man.

I don't see any problem either way, as long no one is being taken advantage of. Age is simply a number, years lived in this life. It certainly doesn't define maturity or experience. I've met 20 year olds who had more life experience and maturity than a 40 year old. Age is relative. And I've always been a firm believer in you don't choose who you love. It simply is what it is.

Honestly, I've never understood the big hype about age difference.

AussiePam · Post by **AussiePam** » Mon Sep 17, 2007 11:37 pm

I don't think I've ever asked any man I was with about his age. And never been asked mine. I expect I tend to be drawn to people who are reasonably similar in age, but who can tell exact age (without asking). It could vary ten years either way.

If you're talking about less meaningful encounters.... Men buy the most delectable women they can afford, I guess, and don't bother too much about whether they have intelligent conversation. Women can now also be on the buying end, and may also choose glowing, muscled youth over elegance of mind.

:sneaky:

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Mon Sep 17, 2007 11:56 pm

I've always been drawn to younger men...it's almost a subconscious thing. While I think Laneybug is right on regarding life experience warranting maturity more than age, sometimes May-December romances aren't all they're cracked up to be. When I was 33, I was dating someone who had just turned 18. It wasn't that there was an age difference of 15 years so much as there was a heck of a difference in knowledge and maturity. And conversation lacked. He was still very much a kid and I refused to see it.

Men my age come with too much baggage. They have kids and ex-wives and mortgages and all the stuff I don't have and don't want. That's not an insult to men, just my feeling about it.

I'm amused that still in this day and age, there has to be an article on older women with younger men, when men have been robbing the cradle forever.

:rolleyes:

AussiePam · Post by **AussiePam** » Tue Sep 18, 2007 12:00 am

Very valid point about the baggage, Red!!

WonderWendy3 · Post by **WonderWendy3** » Tue Sep 18, 2007 4:35 am

My son came home last night singing "ME and Mrs. Jones"...apparently one of his friends Mom (Zack's Mom) is HOTTTTTTT and the guys on the team were singing that song to her!:wah::wah:

My son appreciates an older womans beauty also....he thinks that Sandra Bullock is much hotter than a lot of the younger women stars....

minks · Post by **minks** » Tue Sep 18, 2007 9:00 am

RedGlitter;695981 wrote: I've always been drawn to younger men...it's almost a subconscious thing. While I think Laneybug is right on regarding life experience warranting maturity more than age, sometimes May-December romances aren't all they're cracked up to be. When I was 33, I was dating someone who had just turned 18. It wasn't that there was an age difference of 15 years so much as there was a heck of a difference in knowledge and maturity. And conversation lacked. He was still very much a kid and I refused to see it.

Men my age come with too much baggage. They have kids and ex-wives and mortgages and all the stuff I don't have and don't want. That's not an insult to men, just my feeling about it.

I'm amused that still in this day and age, there has to be an article on older women with younger men, when men have been robbing the cradle forever.

:rolleyes:

and health issues (E.D., high blood pressure (both no fun in the bedroom hehehe)) ahahaha:wah: sorry men.

WonderWendy3 · Post by **WonderWendy3** » Tue Sep 18, 2007 9:06 am

minks;696103 wrote: and health issues (E.D., high blood pressure (both no fun in the bedroom hehehe)) ahahaha:wah: sorry men.

On the other hand, the older guys know what to do, if they are healthy enough to do it of course!!:):wah:

minks · Post by **minks** » Tue Sep 18, 2007 9:09 am

WonderWendy3;696108 wrote: On the other hand, the older guys know what to do, if they are healthy enough to do it of course!!:):wah:

but some days teaching a young dog new tricks is fun too like how to load the dishwasher properly, sort laundry they are not so set in their ways.... ahahahah

JacksDad · Post by **JacksDad** » Tue Sep 18, 2007 9:20 am

minks;696113 wrote: but some days teaching a young dog new tricks is fun too like how to load the dishwasher properly, sort laundry they are not so set in their ways.... ahahahah

Oh yes. And the conversation.......:-2

"You mean Paul McCartney was in a band before Wings??":-3

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Tue Sep 18, 2007 9:35 am

JacksDad;696132 wrote: Oh yes. And the conversation.......:-2

"You mean Paul McCartney was in a band before Wings??":-3

Haha!! The 18 year old, when I asked him about the Challenger blowing up, said "what's the Challenger?"

I have a female friend of 26 who was talking to me about that new band Aerosmith. When I said they'd been out a good 20 years, she thought I was pulling her leg. :wah:

sunny104 · Post by **sunny104** » Tue Sep 18, 2007 9:37 am

age shouldn't be an issue if 2 people have a connection. :-6

WonderWendy3 · Post by **WonderWendy3** » Tue Sep 18, 2007 9:45 am

minks;696113 wrote: but some days teaching a young dog new tricks is fun too like how to load the dishwasher properly, sort laundry they are not so set in their ways.... ahahahah

RIIIIGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHTTTTTTTTTTT.....but I am not a patient person....like them to already know how to match socks by the time I get a hold of them!!:D

minks · Post by **minks** » Tue Sep 18, 2007 9:48 am

bwahh hawww hawww, I want them to keep up with me on the bike path, hiking trail, shopping spree and get excited in the lingere stores

Pheasy · Post by **Pheasy** » Tue Sep 18, 2007 9:58 am

minks;696158 wrote: bwahh hawww hawww, I want them to keep up with me on the bike path, hiking trail, shopping spree and get excited in the lingere stores

:wah:Don't think they ever stop doing that.

YZGI · Post by **YZGI** » Tue Sep 18, 2007 10:00 am

minks;696158 wrote: bwahh hawww hawww, I want them to keep up with me on the bike path, hiking trail, shopping spree and get excited in the lingere stores

You better try and catch a gay dude.

WonderWendy3 · Post by **WonderWendy3** » Tue Sep 18, 2007 10:02 am

YZGI;696179 wrote: You better try and catch a gay dude.

:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl

there would definately be some "teachin' new tricks" to him!:wah:

minks · Post by **minks** » Tue Sep 18, 2007 10:05 am

YZGI;696179 wrote: You better try and catch a gay dude.

ooo someone I can dress up ahahahaha (not)

sunny104 · Post by **sunny104** » Tue Sep 18, 2007 10:19 am

I'd like a gay man as a best freind, I'd have the best of both!

YZGI · Post by **YZGI** » Tue Sep 18, 2007 10:21 am

sunny104;696207 wrote: I'd like a gay man as a best freind, I'd have the best of both!

I'm sure hubby would be happy for you.

sunny104 · Post by **sunny104** » Tue Sep 18, 2007 10:26 am

YZGI;696211 wrote: I'm sure hubby would be happy for you.

:o I probably should've written that differently!